Cat Chuckles

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Welcome to our Feline Follies page.
We hope you will laugh so hard you hack up a hairball.

  Patient: Doctor, Doctor, I think there must be something wrong with me - I keep thinking I'm a Cat!
  Doctor: How long has this been going on?
  Patient: Since I was a Kitten!

  Q: What do you get when you cross an alley cat with a Budgie?
  A: A Peeping Tom!

  Q: What do you call a cat that travels by train?
  A: A com-Mew-ter.

  TOM CAT IN HEAVEN

  One day Tom Cat dies of natural causes and goes to heaven. There he meets the Lord Himself. The Lord says to Tom, "You lived a good life and if there is any way I can make your stay in Heaven more comfortable, please let me know."
  Tom thinks for a moment and says, "Lord, all my life I have lived with a poor family and had to sleep on a hard wood floor."
  The Lord stops the cat and says, "Say no more" and a wonderful fluffy pillow appears.
  A few days later 6 mice are killed in a tragic farming accident and went to Heaven. Again the Lord is there to great them with the same offer. The mice answered, "All our lives we have been chased. We have had to run from cats, dogs, and even women with brooms. We are tired of running. Do you think we could have roller skates so we don't have to run anymore?"
  The Lord says, "Say no more," and fits each mouse with a beautiful pair of roller skates.
  About a week later the Lord stops by to see Tom Cat and finds him snoozing on the pillow. The Lord gently wakes the cat and asks him, "How are things going since you have been here?"
  Tom stretches, yawns, and replies, "It is wonderful here. Better than I could have ever expected. And those Meals On Wheels you have been sending by are the best!!!"

  Q: How is cat food sold?
  A: Usually purrr can!

  Q: What type of cat has eight legs and loves swimming?
  A: An Octo-Puss

  Squeeky: I'm after a cat burglar!!
  Panther: How do you know it was a cat burglar?
  Squeeky: Because all that is missing is the cream and my saucer!

  Q: What do you give a cat that has everything?
  A: A wide berth.

  Q: If a cat is a flabby tabby, then what is a very small cat?
  A: An itty bitty kitty.

  Q: What is the best award a cat can earn?
  A: The Purr-litzer prize.

  Q: How does a cat go down the Speedway?
  A: MEE-OWW-OWW!!!

  Q: What does a cat use to cross the road?
  A: A purrdestrian crossing

  Q: Why is a cat longer at night than in the morning?
  A: Because he's let out at night then taken in again in the morning.

  Feline Physics Lesson

  Law of Cat Acceleration
 A cat will accelerate at a constant rate, until he gets good and ready to stop.

  Law of Bag/Box Occupancy
 All bags and boxes in a given room must contain a cat within the earliest possible nanosecond. (This law is, of course, null if the box is specifically designed to contain a cat in the first place!)

  Law of Cat Composition
 A cat is composed of Matter + Anti-Matter + It Doesn't Matter.

  Law of Dinner Table Attendance
 Cats must always attend meals when anything good is served.

  Law of Cat Disinterest
 A cat's interest level will vary in inverse proportion to the amount of effort a human expends in trying to interest him.

  Law of Electric Blanket Attraction
 Turn on an electric blanket and a cat will jump into bed at the speed of light.

  Law of Cat Elongation
 A cat can make her body long enough to reach just about any counter top that has anything remotely interesting on it.

  Law of Cat Embarrassment
 A cat's irritation rises in direct proportion to her embarrassment times the amount of human laughter.

  Law of Fluid Displacement
 A cat immersed in milk will displace her own volume, minus the amount of milk consumed.

  Law of Furniture Replacement
 A cat's desire to scratch furniture is directly proportional to the cost of the furniture.

  Law of Cat Inertia
 A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless acted upon by some outside force - such as the opening of cat food, or a nearby scurrying mouse.

  Law of Cat Landing
 A cat will always land in the softest place possible; often the mid-section of an unsuspecting, reclining human.

  Law of Milk Consumption
 A cat will drink his weight in milk, squared, just to show you he can.

  Law of Cat Motion
 A cat will move in a straight line, unless there is a really good reason to change direction.

  Law of Cat Magnetism
 All blue blazers and black sweaters attract cat hair in direct proportion to the darkness of the fabric.

  Law of Obedience Resistance
 A cat's resistance varies in proportion to a human's desire for her to do something.

  Law of Cat Obstruction
 A cat must lay on the floor in such a position to obstruct the maximum amount of human foot traffic.

  Law of Random Comfort Seeking  A cat will always seek, and usually take over, the most comfortable spot in any given room.

  Law of Refrigerator Observation
 If a cat watches a refrigerator long enough, someone will come along and take out something good to eat.

  Law of Pill Rejection,br>  Any pill given to a cat has the potential energy to reach escape velocity.

  Law of Rug Configuration
 No rug may remain in its naturally flat state for very long.

  Law of Cat Sleeping
 All cats must sleep with people whenever possible, in a position as uncomfortable for the people involved, and as comfortable as possible for the cat.

  Law of Cat Stretching
 A cat will stretch to a distance proportional to the length of the nap just taken.

  Law of Cat Thermodynamics
 Heat flows from a warmer to a cooler body, except in the case of a cat, in which case all heat flows to the cat.

  First Law of Energy Conservation
 Cats know that energy can neither be created nor destroyed and will, therefore, use as little energy as possible.

  Second Law of Energy Conservation
  Cats also know that energy can only be stored by a lot of napping.

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Assume the attitude! Hook up with the feisty fat cat for a healthy helping of attitude at Garfield's official Web site.

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