Dog Humor

Thinking Fast Two men are walking their dogs, a poodle and a german shepard.  They decide they'd like to go into a bar for a drink.  "But we can't bring our dogs into that bar," says the poodle's human.  "Hey no problem," says the german shepard's owner.  "Just watch this."   He pulls on a pair of sunglasses and walks into the bar.  "Hey, no dogs!" yells the bartender.  "But this is a seeing eye dog." says the german shepard's human.  The bartender apologizes and shows them to a table.  So, the poodle owner decides to follow suit, whips out a pair of sunglasses, and walks into the bar.  "Hey, no dogs!" yells the bartender.  "But this is a seeing eye dog," says the poodle's human.  The bartender objects, "Poodles can't be seeing eye dogs!" The Poodle owner gasps, "Poodle?  They told me they were giving me a german shepard!"

Help Wanted A local business man was looking for office help.  They put a sign in the window, stating the following: "HELP WANTED.  Must be able to type, must be good with computers and must be bilingual.  We are and Equal Oppertunity Employer." A short time afterwards, a dog trotted up to the window, saw the sign and went inside.  He looked at the receptionist and wagged his tail, then walked over to the sign, looked at it and whined.  Getting the idea, the receptionist got the office manager.  The office manager looked at the dog and was surprised, to say the least.  However, the dog looked determined, so he led him into the office.  Inside, the dog jumped up on the chair and stared at the manager. The manager said, "I can't hire you.  The sign says you have to be able to type."  The dog jumped down, went to the typewriter and proceeded to type out a perfect letter.  He took out the page and trotted over to the manager and gave it to him, then jumped back on the chair.  The manager was stunned, but then told the dog, "The sign says you have to be good with computers." The dog jumed down again and went to the computer.  The dog then proceeded to demonstrate his expertise with various programs and produced a sample spreadsheet and database and presented them to the manager.  By this time the manager was totally dumbfounded!  He looked at the dog and said, "I realize that you are a very intelligent dog and have some interesting abilities.  However, I still can't give you the job." The dog jumped down and went to a copy of the sign and put his paw on the sentences that told about being an Equal Oppertunity Employer.  The manager said, "Yes, but the sign also says that you have to be bilingual." The dog looked at him straight in the face and said, "Meow."