By Roxana Reyes Davis
When I was ten years old I used to dream about this charming prince. We were going to love each other, dance around the floor, and I was going to marry him, all dressed in white!
Nowadays I hear the sad expression: "If anything goes wrong I'll get a divorce"
from many girls before getting married. Marriage is the beginning of a new life where two people decide together to establish a family because they love each other, and because together they are better people, or so it should be.
When I was 16, I thought I knew my first husband enough to marry him. Some months later I discovered I knew almost nothing about him, and he didn't know me at all. I came from a protestant background, he came from a catholic home. I was a dreamer, he wanted status. Having 2 children didn't bring us together, because we were not together to begin with. Yes, sadly we ended up divorced.
Years later I became a professional. With my parents' support I finished my studies, and was able to move on my own with my children. I thought I was wiser, and looked for a possible boyfriend and future husband inside church. I met a young guy. He was passionate about God, perhaps too passionate... and had a strong character. I am sort of a peacemaker. I thought if he was Christian and I was Christian having a life together must work, right? Wrong! Two Christians can be as wrong for each other as people from different religions, or more at times. There are couples from different religions that love each other, and somehow worked out their differences; I respect their decision of getting together in spite of religion, but on the long run situations can emerge...
Back to my second mistake: my second husband showed his character way before we got married, but I didn't want to see it. Some advice: open your mind to what you're really seeing in the other person. What you see is what you get, nothing more, and nothing less. Church didn't solve my problems. And God wasn't the one to blame for what happened. I lived in fear, my children too. Cultural differences arose; he came from a poor neighborhood and resented me for being born middle class. He was raised by an aunt, a very unaffectionate woman; I came from a loving, caring home. I looked for counseling, and the conclusion was I had to get out, and I did.
I realized I was better by myself. I thought I was never going to marry again; dating was okay but no marriage. I dated a few men. I matured in many ways. I realized my self-esteem was weak, past experiences, and broken marriages left prints in my soul. I searched for God, or I should say, He looked for me. For even though I never stopped going church, there's a difference between having an intimate relationship with the Lord and being at church!
Ten years passed by when I met the man that made me change my mind. We met over the Internet. Yes, we are a couple of the twenty-first century! We learned many things from each other, and over all we were honest, even to confess delicate things from our past lives. We both had protestant backgrounds, yet we do have differences. We can talk to each other, listen, and respect each other's opinions. We like to laugh, and we both had the strongest desire to make our relationship a long-lasting one. We felt we were just right for each other. We shared our poetry, and stories, we still do. Life surprised us with difficult trials, health fragilities that we just didn't expect. But God also surprised us with the blessing of having a child. I'm just starting all over again, some might say, but not really, this is a new beginning, a very special one. My husband isn't perfect, even though he loves to joke around saying he's never wrong! I am not perfect either, we just accept each other, the way we are, trying to help each other the best we can.
Did I find Mr. Right? Maybe Mr. Always Right! But that isn't important anymore. I gained more than what I lost. I am at peace with God, and with my family, and we can laugh, cry or be glad knowing we can always trust our lives in God's arms.
A last comment of insight: you cannot have a healthy relationship if you still need emotional healing, and God is always able, to heal our hearts, and guide us. Just be sensitive to God's voice, He'll show you what is truly RIGHT for you!
