This is a tribute to my best friend and companion, a gentle and loving scottish deerhound named Kaylah. She was laid to rest April 14, 2000 after a valiant struggle with cancer.
For those of you who did not read about my struggle with Wilson's disease, should know that it was not an easy time for me. I felt removed from society. I tended to lock myself away in my room. A good friend and neighbor Roseanne got me involved with an animal rescue group. B.A.R.C. (Benevolent Animal Rescue Committee). Animals do not judge you by appearance and love you unconditionally. My hands shook so badly I could only stroke them with my feet. I would board abused and abandoned dogs, teach them social graces, such as house breaking and simple commands and then find them good homes.
Kaylah came to me when I lived in the mountain community of Lytle Creek, California. She was found by a forest ranger wandering on a mountain road. Her chin had been scraped as were her ankles and fore legs. I imagine she had fallen from the back of a pick-up and had scraped them in the fall. The ranger called me and asked that she be picked up. She was a pup of about 9 months at the time. I had originally named her Heather.
An ad was placed in the paper for her owner. After two weeks there was still no one to claim her. Heather stayed with me about two months. In this time she proved to be a remarkably intelligent and loyal companion.
She was adopted out to a young married couple. I was sad to see her go. One of the conditions for adoption from this animal rescue group is that, if for any reason you cannot keep the pet it must be returned to the organization. Heather returned to me as "Kaylah" (her adopted name). The woman was devestated at having to give her up, but her husband had become abusive and they were divorcing. She had to move in with her mother in a pet free apartment. I told her I would hang on to Kaylah for six months in case her situation improved and she could take her back... I never heard from her again.
It wasn't long after I got her back that it became evident she had been abused by the husband. Kaylah ran and hid whenever a voice was raised and cowered from men. Most dogs would have turned vicious, Kaylah became shy and submissive. I rebuilt her trust and she stayed with me, sleeping at my side on the bed. That was ten years ago.
For the following decade she has been my best friend and comfort. My crying towel and my assurance that no matter how bad things got, I always had someone who's only purpose on earth was sharing love and affection.
She was a gentle soul, tender and vunerable. She read my every thought. I would simply think of her and amazingly, she would thump her tail (her version of a wag when she would lay down). I needn't even be in the same room. She would literally sense it, sight unseen.
Kaylah remained young and vital until about 18 months ago when I noticed her nose was drying up on the right side. Eventally her muzzle started to swell. The vet diagnosed it as cancer. It was too advanced to treat. I was instructed to watch her and when it became unbearable, she would have to be put down.
Kaylah and I spent her last week together. I took her with me to Pocatello where I teach art. I stay with a friend Tuesday through Thursday to avoid the expense of an eighty mile a day commute. Kaylah loved car rides. She had a great time. We went to the Portneuf River and sat on the bank together, as I stroked her long silvery fur. I talked to her, telling her how much I loved her and how we both had to be strong. She could no longer breathe through her nose. She had always communicated with me through nudges and long looks, now she added snorts to her vocabulary. As the evening approached I called her back into the car and we traveled to my children's pastel class. She waited dutifully for two hours before we drove to my fiancee's house for the weekend.
Kaylah spent an uneasy night. She kept waking because she could not breathe well lying down. Holly came in from work the next day and said, "Honey, it is time, she is suffering". My mind was screaming, "No, I can't do it. She loves me. How can I kill her?". Then I gazed into her big bright chestnut eyes and realized Holly was right. To keep her with me would be cruel and selfish. She had earned her rest.
It brushed her coat until it glistened, she loved to be brushed. All the time telling her what a pretty girl she was and how much her daddy loved her. Then at the appointed hour, I clipped on her leash and said, "Does Kaylah want to go Bye-Bye?". Her tail wagged and she headed for the car. My heart was in my throat as we approached the vet's office. I lead her inside and into the room. I was bawling like a four year old, she snorted and nudged me with her nose as if to say, "I love you". I may never forgive myself, but I could not be there for her last breath. I needed to remember her as the vital and loving pup she once was. I unfastened her collar hugged and kissed her once more and choked out through my tears and tight throat what I always did when I would leave her, "Now you be a good girl, daddy loves you".
Rest well my pretty girl.
The Rainbow Bridge
Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.
When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet
goes to Rainbow Bridge.
There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and
play together.
There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and
comfortable.
All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor; those
who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember
them in our dreams of days and times gone by.
The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss
someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.
They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and
looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent; His eager body quivers.
Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs
carrying him faster and faster.
You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you
cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses
rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once
more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never
absent from your heart.
