|Conversation between Heart and Ego-Mind|
|Even the most ordinary life on earth is guided by fear. Fear of what people might think can be as destructive as fear of harm, injury, or death. Most fears are learned, born of experiences and expectations. Fears are thoughts, the playthings of the mind. The mind is the playground of Ego. Ego has a great time there and we’ve identified so much with our mind that humans often think that their mind is WHO they are. Descartes had postulated “I think, therefore I am,” and western civilization has grabbed that concept and run with it.
Thoughts are only ephemeral illusions. You can let them go or keep them. Always, it’s your choice. And only you can find the patience to love, to love yourself, and to love experience. If you experience life on earth fully but don’t hold on to the experience, you can choose to take life on earth seriously. When you frame your experience that way it's yours. When you identify with the experience, suffering and struggle arise. When you identify with nothing, laughter and humor arise as so much loose change. It only requires letting go of beliefs, thoughts, fears and not identify with them. They are an experience and then they can go on their way.
My heart could have this discussion with the ego on almost any topic:"Yeah, just like you to be careful, not over-commit, hold your cards close! Must not get to far out in front! Check out everything very carefully! Analyze, manipulate, analyze some more! I already know what you're just too scared to admit. Nevertheless, go ahead and play your silly cautious game, ego. One of these days you'll be clear."
"OK! OK!" says ego. "I've seen that it works when you do that spirit connection thing, whatever it is. I'll shut up. I just get a little unsure, you know, with all the weird stuff we've done and that last thing with Hermine! We've been through hell in a basket but you've turned it into a sweat lodge and the purification and healing is wonderful. We've landed this hot air balloon in Wuppertal, Germany. Dorothy! Where's Toto? And now you want to go back and face the wicked witch of Vienna?!!!"
"No problem, ego. Just relax! Hey, have you noticed what we've learned during that marriage with Hermine and the great people we met? Take Peter and Rikki for example. They want us to create a web site for their writing, edit for the English version, and share 50-50 in the profits of the web site! Isn't that good enough? Peter wants me to put my dream catchers in his planned hotels around the world! And crazy Ingrid performed perfectly to force us to be homeless and broke in a foreign land so we'd come to Kotthausen where we have phone, fax, computers, internet access, video-sound studio, and a place to stay and good food. Don't you think a world tour with the Metamorphose Dance Theater sounds interesting? Plus! The possibility to choreograph a dance production of the Seventh Fire?! For a world tour? using the same track as Via Vita? Besides, we can learn so much from every experience no matter how ugly it seems. Did you notice that we've learned a lot of computer and internet skills while we were there? And we got to learn the tricks of internet marketing! It was perfect, no matter the seeming imperfections!
"Yeah, yeah! I know all that! It just doesn't seem normal, that's all. You know what I mean?"
"Listen, ego. We've come a long way, you and me, and we've seen and done some really amazing things, right?
"So was any of that normal? I mean does any of that fit inside the tiny frame you wanted to make for our life.? Geez, man! We'd still be teaching the propaganda in the history books to the kids just so we could keep that teaching career going. We would still be married to my first wife, bless her little heart, and M-I-S-E-R-A-B-L-E!! Right?"
"Yeah, right, right, right…..but you understand that that is what everyone else does, don't you? They accept their limits and even hold onto them for dear life, afraid that some thing might happen!"
"Exactly, ego! Something might happen! They might really live life to the peak of experience and know the ecstasy of soaring!. They keep struggling to hold onto their limits instead of flowing effortlessly with the river of life. They flail about against the current, grappling with the rocks along the way, bruising and wounding themselves. They keep themselves weighted down under a load of fears and anxieties and never become the powerful being that's their natural heritage!"
"Right, I remember how it was!. But it seems so hard to let go!"
"Sure, but that's the paradox! What seems to be so hard leads to a life that's free of fear and anxiety and what seems to be easy is the hardest way to do a life journey here on earth."
"But it seemed easier just to let God be responsible for me and I could just pray and hope everything would be alright.”
"So....the God-hypothesis.... It's been an interesting philosophical or theological discussion since the first cave paintings, I suppose. If you can take something, look at its parts and try to figure out how the whole thing works, you must have some kind of hypothesis to work from. The problem with the problem is that it's mind candy for the thought habit."
"Candy? What's wrong with candy? 'Thought habit?' What's wrong with thinking? Seems like there isn't enough of that these days!"
"OK, don't get testy now! Nothing intrinsically wrong with thinking but it must be kept in balance. Ego, you like to use thinking to make categories of existence, every thing has a separate little cubbyhole, and so you eventually only see parts. It's very difficult to grasp the reality of a oneness in All That IS, when every concept, every word, every thing is in a category."
"In biology it's Kingdom, Phylum, Class, Order, Family, Genus, Species with all the Super- and Sub- cubbyholes. In chemistry it's the periodic table. In physics they've come to some kind of truce because of Quantum Theory and Chaos Theory. Still these theories haven't made their way into the pervasive cultural milieu even after 80 years. The question leads to another question, and that leads to several other questions, etc. Nothing is ever fully answered, just examined like a rock or a lung of a frog, and there is never a still point of truth. If you live fully in your heart, if you can let go of the qua, qua, qua of the mind, then all things are possible."
"Qua, qua, qua…..me! Ego? You're saying it's qua-qua-qua to be thinking?! C'mon! That's a bum rap!"
"OK, I enjoy the occasional pat on the back. I blush and scrape my feet across the ground in front of me and say, 'Aw shucks, ma'am. It warn't nuthin,' jes' a li'l sumthin' Ah bin doin' an' thinkin' 'bout. Nuthin' much reely.' And that's the strangest truth. Learners are always learning, they can't help themselves. It's an addiction. The mind is a seductive …….. "
Now wait a minute! Those are fightin' words! You're saying Ego-mind is an addiction? Seductive………!"
"Right, Ego can never get enough. And since it's so busy gathering more and more knowledge, there's no space for the wisdom of nothingness and being. Everyone from New Age to the sports fans and sky divers are looking for the new experience--mind candy! No problem with that except that it's never enough and there's never an opening to surf on the innernet. Remember the cartoon I had you draw to illustrate the meaning of "enlightened" and the proposition that we aren't?"
"Well, we're already enlightened and don't know it because we've accepted so much programming to the contrary. It simply requires letting go of sacred cow belief systems and experience freely--that's called soaring! In the cartoon I showed the Buddha on an ox going off into the world looking for the Buddha! Looking here and there for what he is already!.... Silly, right? That's echoes my double dream catcher, Aspiration, which reminds us that we are that to which we have always aspired. We've simply forgotten our true nature under a pile of shhhhh.... Piled Higher and Deeper .....PhD."
"Alright! You're getting under my skin calling me shhhh………. !"
"OK. I don't mean to be hard on you, but it really is true. We just have to let go of the … erhhh…..unnecessary load of stuff.…to be our Natural Self. And that's what some folks have been calling enlightenment! It's not mantras and mystical incantations, or doctrines or dogmas. It's about releasing all of that! I couldn't figure what those swirling lights were that Mishanagqus saw around my head when we met at Halibut Point until I saw a photo of a statue of Buddha. Those tight spirals all over the head aren't hairs in a tight hairdo--they're swirling, spiraling lights! Spirals! When you've let go of the load of ….garbage…. you've taken on and play freely (I call it soaring!) in a loving identification with all beings (the Native American way) you allow yourself to accept your Original Face. It really is the most simple thing possible! There IS no path to enlightenment because you're already there! You're a Buddha and don't know it! You can soar! You've just forgotten how!
"So how did we get there? ….. here, I mean."
"We did nothing! The door to enlightenment (or whatever you want to call it) is always open, always has been open and it's really so simple that the first reaction is to laugh at the surprise. And then to laugh at the silliness of being one of the seekers looking here and there, trying this discipline and then that practice when it's so stunningly simple and obvious. You only need to let go of all the knowledge, experience the knowing, and not be attached to the experiences. Enjoy the experience but don't hold on to it. If there is pain, experience it! Learn what is to be learned from it but don't hold on to it. It doesn't belong to you unless you insist. Love lavishly, extravagantly, without calculation or design. Everyone, every being, is a Buddha awaiting SELF-discovery. You ARE enlightened and haven't allowed yourSELF to discover it yet!"
"Just let go and experience the experience? "
"Yup. That's all we did. And weaving the dream catchers eventually led to the ultimate dream catcher of "enlightenment," ASPIRATION. It's a double spiral that's attached at the base but not at the top. At the base of our being we're one with all things. We forget this, we're programmed to forget this through our earth journey. Throughout our lifetime we're often told that we aren't good enough, that somehow we fall short of the mark. We're often encouraged to wish to be more than we are, more than we were from birth. Many people agonize over their inability to reach beyond their grasp. They aspire to divinity, but they're frustrated that they're "only human." This separation into categories is the illusion of the ego-mind. Behind the illusions of ego, at the base of our True Nature we are connected to All That Is. We are One with all things. The face, the breath, the song of Great Spirit is in all things and we ARE that to which we aspire. Your face is the face of Great Spirit. Look around you at the many other faces of Great Spirit. Your Breath is a celebration of Creation.... and You are the Song!"
"Yeah, cool. But not very many people get there. It's normal to wish to be something more, to be somewhere beautiful and fun. I mean, I kinda like the way things are..... but I worry sometimes, you know."
"Sure, it's been a beautiful, fun journey. Didn't always seem that way when you were in control, Ego, but you've been learning….actually unlearning….. a lot. It's good to have you around for a lot of stuff, but it wasn't good when you were in control."
"Hey, c'mon! I was doing the best I could. It isn't like I'd been taught this in school or at home… or anyplace for that matter."
"Right, we usually don't allow it into our lives. Every moment must be filled with thinking or bungee jumping or learning all about the crystals or astrology or something to occupy the Ego-mind. When we left Minneapolis to travel and sell the dream catchers, you and I spent most of our time alone. No one to talk to for weeks at a time. In German-speaking Europe, unable to understand spoken German we were alone in a crowd. You relaxed a bit and came inside and found a beauty and comfort unknown to a busy world."
"Yeah, it was kind of like being on vacation without a travel itinerary to keep me busy. Just kick back and watch the experience happen! When do we do this enlightenment thing?
Who said you aren't enlightened already? Are you willing to accept that program? Enlightenment is a natural way of Being. If you let go of all the preconceptions, turn off the calculating mind, and allow yourself to soar into the cosmos by connecting unconditionally to all that is--you're there! No trumpet fanfare or angels singing!........., only the sound of your own laughter that it was so silly to not accept this possibility earlier! It only requires NON-requirements. Be authentically, outrageously yourself! Wow! More is less. Dance!"
All rights reserved. Copyright 2001, Allen Aslan Heart
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