Welcome to LOLZone.COM!!!

(You may be bummed now, but that will soon change as you enter.....THE ZONE!!!)

Brace yourself, this is the Laugh Out Loud Zone!!! Keep your hands inside the vehicle at all times and please no spitting. First, let me introduce myself---my name is Edwin, you can call me pretty much anything you want(within reason of course). But there is but one request and one request only: When you do decide to call me Ed, please drop the "Mr" because I have almost been sued many, many times because that stinking horse has rights/royalties to being "Mr.Ed". Anyway, this page is basically what the name implies, to Laugh Out Loud!!! That is it's purpose and nothing else...but if you find any other interesting purpose, please don't hesitate to tell me. By the way if you have any suggestions/Comments concerning the page, I'll be more than happy to address them. You people still awake? Geez! you take care of a few business affairs and your audience falls into a trance---well I guess that's positive(they're not bummed anymore, they're sleeping, that is 'till they wake up from a horrifying nightmare of course...serves them right to fall asleep on me!!!) Well, Ladies and Germs(I mean Gentlemen), Enjoy the show! "Hey kid, I said to keep your hands INSIDE the vehicle. Don't make me chop your arm off with a chainsaw, grind it down to bits, dry it under the smoldering sun and feed it to your pet goldfish (Willy)!!!, O.K., now sit down and be a good kid--don't even think about spitting!" Sorry about that folks, enjoy the show!!!



CREATE YOUR OWN SURVIVOR STORY!

TOP TEN PREDICTIONS FOR AMERICAN IDOL SEASON 6 CONTESTANT, ANTONELLA BARBA!

10.) Nude pictures will surface on the eve of each voting night.

9.) Rumors of an affair with Simon Cowell will surface.

8.) Rumors of an affair with Ryan Seacrest will surface.

7.) Rumors of an affair with Paula Abdul, Randy Jackson, and each of the S6 contestants, past contestants, guests, producers, interns, directors, voice coaches, stage hands, band members, backup singers, and everybody remotely connected with the show surfaces.

6.) Hugh Hefner gives her a call and invites her to the Playboy Mansion. She's a good girl though and declines. YEAH, RIGHT!

5.) She becomes really good friends with Clay Aiken and Ruben and it turns into a love triangle---a very obtuse one, but nonetheless.

4.) Sticks and stones will break her bones, but...but...DAMN...Are those real? What were we talking about?

3.) They start putting a 900 number to vote for her. 1-900-Idols-DoubleDs

2.) She shaves all of her hair and sells it on Ebay. Kevin Covais wins the bidding and breaks his piggy jar, thinking he was bidding on Antonio Banderas' hair.

And number one...

1.) SHE'S A MAN, BABY!!!(Blech! MOUTHWASH PRONTO! OMG! WHY! OH NO!)

TOP TEN PREDICTIONS FOR SURVIVOR 5: THAILAND

10.) A gay person will emerge before day 8. If your a true Survivor fan, I'm sure you've looked at the profiles already and tried to figure out who it is this year. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but it's a basic ingredient of the show. The front runners so far is Jed Hildebrand, a dental student from TX. Then again if your thinking lesbian I'd have to fo with Stephanie Dill, a gorgeous firefighter from Fayetteville, Ak!

9.) Someone will undoubtedly cry before the sun set on day 5 is over. One of the 16 castaways always emerges as the cry baby of the bunch.

8.) Someone will flaunt it whether or not they got it or not. Mark Burnett can only hope for nothing more than gratuitous flaunting and exhibitionism. Do I mind? Heck no, I'm a guy! Well, as long as it's not a gay guy parading around like that freak Richard was.

7.) Trust that after the first episode someone is crowned Ms.Prissy! I use the title loosely though as one of the guys have as much of a chance to land the dubious distinction.

6.) Penny Ramsey would emerge as my favorite for Survivor 5 and once the show is over, we'll marry and have lots of children. You say she's engaged? Well, there's a word that comes to mind---Disengage! Ahhh...just had Elizabeth Filarski flashbacks. Watch her show on "The look for less" on SYTLE Channel!

5.) The Chinese girl from NY, Shii Ann Huang, starts doing all the Crouching Castaway, Hidden Dragon Breath---oh wait, that's not limited to her. That applies to all the castaways! Crouching in the bushes would be a common thing. hehehe

4.) Alliances will crumble to bits before day 17 is done. One reason being that the scandalous Mark Burnett will undoubtedly dabble and create so many twists that before week 5 is over everyone finds themselves in unchartered territory and wonder where their allies are.

3.) Day 27 will offer a treat for reality show fans as a nexus opens, and the Survivor 5 castaways collide with the American Idol finalists in a Survivor : American Idol showdown! Kelly Clarkson hits notes that are not for the faint of heart and makes everyone except for Robb Zbacnik, fall out. He's a used to powerful notes since he bartends at Nightclubs. Justin, Nikki, Christina Christian, and Tamyra Grey attacks him though and hogties him. American Idol Finalists 1, Survivors 0. Jeff Probst is furious, but calms down after Ryan Starr winks at him. She's so dreamy. I could care less if she can't sing or not. She is hot!

2.) The phrase "OutWit, OutPlay, OutLast!" will be changed to "OutCry, OutGay, OutCast!"

And number one...

1.) Jeff Probst will get caught sneaking food and personal care products to the castaways. Mark Burnett denies all knowledge of this and immidietely orders an internal investigation. Somehow documents get shred and President Bush calls for a quick resolve as he is quoted saying, "What a mess we have here, eh? Almost Enron and WorldCom-like. I think Survivor is a great show with positive moral values. Life ain't easy and if you fall people would step all over you in a heartbeat. One last thing I want to say is that they should all be Heimlich maneuver certified. Thailand has Pretzels too you know?" ;-)

TOP TEN SURVIVOR COMMANDMENTS FOR SURVIVOR 5 : THAILAND

10.) Runneth not thy mouth lest knoweth will win immunity.

9.) Shutteth thy trap after returning from bountiful rewards.

8.) Offer not ones half-eaten candy or suffer the grapes of wrath!

7.) Trust not what your fellow survivor can do for you, but trust that EVERYBODY IS LYING!(repeat after me) EVERYBODY IS LYING!

6.) Do not lead thy tribe for when they get lost, you will too!

5.) Confusious says, "Sleep and they will sleep, when they wake you should too. When you stay sleeping, they will plot against you and pretty soon you have reputation as lazy SOB. One last thing, can I borrow razor?"

4.) Alliances there are plenty, form them, sometimes you have to reshape them, but it's best to not reveal them.

3.) Never try and figure out the game, that bastard Mark Burnett would have none of it. Everytime you figure out the game, the rug gets pulled from under you. It's best to pretend to figure it out and lie to the camera and appear stupid. Heck, they'll edit it out and make you look like it anyways. For the record, that Jeri sure is a bitch!

2.) Survivor is not a battle it's a war. Sometimes to win the war, you have to lose battles along the way. "Stay under radar you must. Control destiny you will"---Yoda

And number one...

1.) If you see the huge python, RUN!!!!!!!

TOP TEN NICKNAMES FOR SURVIVOR 4:MARQUESAS' SURVIVORS

10.) "Squat girl", Kathy Vavrick-O'Brien

9.) "Pee on my hands, please man", John F. Carroll

8.) "I wanna be Hunter's love slave", Gina Crews

7.) "I'm a pilot, but I crashed and burned", Hunter Ellis

6.) "I wanna be Sarah Jone's love slave", Robert Mariano

5.) "Lazy ass $%^@$%@", Sean Rector

4.) "Velociraptor", Vecepia "Vee" Towery

3.) "I'm Lex's stand-in", Robert DeCani

2.) "We're really father and son", Paschal English and Gabriel Cade

And the number one nickname...

1.) "I'm a bitch who has big hooters, so you can kiss my ass cause I'm gonna pose for Playboy one day.", Sarah Jones (Wow, is Survivor done yet? :-P)

*BONUS*TOP TEN REASONS WHY THEY VOTED SARAH JONES OUT

10.) She was losing weight and her boobs were getting lopsided.

9.) The bug bites on here legs were starting to get ugly. (I can rub some cortizone on it for ya!)

8.) History just had to repeat itself.(This is the "Silas Clause" which states that someone ALWAYS gets screwed after the infamous "Switch"

7.) Rob was playing lazy bum with Sean over at Rotu and wasn't there to caress...errr...hold them...errr...grope her back side...errr...be by her side ;-P

6.) Paschal's verdict was for Gina Crews. He's enjoying what's remaining oh his harem though! If onlt Tammy ended up there as well, he'd be set!

5.) Kathy must have peed on the other 3 to not get voted off.

4.) With 3 other women in the camp, there was only enough room for regular breasts. The supersized ones had to go. Hey Pascal, you want some fries and Coke with that?

3.) She slept too much, but she didn't sleep with anyone. Mark Burnett was dissappointed of the missed opportunity to boost ratings.

2.) They totally sucked in that immunity challenge and lost. Someone had to go and chat with Bryan Gumbel!

And the number one reason they voted Sarah Jones off...

1.) Three words: Playboy May 2002!!!

Enter here---> to view previous Top Tens!



SURVIVOR UPDATE/COMMENTS/PUNS/AND MORE!

1/10/2002---Ethan Zohn, Survivor:Africa Winner! Yes, folks, it's over. After 39 days of physical and mental endurance, the 27-year-old professional soccer player from Lexington, MA, is the winner of the million dollar prize, earning the title of SURVIVOR AFRICA's Sole Survivor. He joins an elite company of Richard Hatch and Tina Wesson. With all that jazz aside, who out there is glad Lex didn't win? I was tired of him. He's the best player hands down, but he annoyed the hell out of me. Tom irritated me for awhile there, but he was really cool at the end. Kim Johnson, bless her heart. It was poetic justice that she was there for the ride until the end cause they thought they can beat her easily. When she won the last 2 immunity challenges and knocked Tom and Lex out. She single-handedly changed the game. And who would have thought that the 56-year old grandmother would be there till the end. She pulled a "colby" when she picked Ethan. I seriously thought she had it in the bag if she picked Lex. I know all of you will say that the final tribal council was in the studio. I'll be the first to say that I had no idea at all. It was a good twist. Which takes me to what will they think of next? Filming for S4:Marquesas supposedly started on November 12th. The two Tribal Camps the 16 'castaways' are using to survive the elements and each other are located alongside each other in Hakaui and Hakatea Valleys in southwestern Nuku Hiva island in the Marquesas, according to reliable sources. Each valley has a beach and is closed from sea, land and air. They are separated by an 800 foot high volcanic ridge. A third valley, Hakapaa, will also be used for filming, but hasn't been closed yet suggesting it is the site for a Merger Camp. Also, one tribe is said to move later to the other side of the island. Click HERE for map and updates. We have a month to go. Feb 28th at 8pm est. Have fun =)

11/22/2001---Alas, Moto Maji is created! I was wrong last week. The merge did occur. They always just had to wait until next week just to keep us guessing. Much to the dismay of Clarence Balck, the 24-year-old High School Basketball Coach from Detroit, Michigan, his stay with the newly created tribe was short lived. The 2 cherry, bean-eating finally caught up with him. He went out with some dignity though as he and Teresa were the last 2 standing for immunity. In this challenge, each Survivor's wrists were attached to a rope connected to a bucket of water overhead. Their arms had to remain above their heads, very still, because the slightest movement would upset the bucket above and shower the person with water, thus eliminating that person from the game.(cbs.com) When it came down to it, a simple game of rock-paper-scissors decided it with Teresa's paper covering Clarence's rock. At tribal council, old tribal lines had no bearing as Clarence got voted off. Earlier, Brandon didn't waste any time distancing himself from his old pals. With Lindsey voted off and only Kim Powers left, it's easy to see why he would do so. The weasel kept insisting he is glad Lindsey is gone. Hmmm, maybe Lindsey should have tried to vote his ass out.

11/15/2001---All hail the evil Lindsey, the 27 yo, former account executive from Portland, Oregon, is gone. I must admit that I was impressed towards the end. When faced with a chance to save her ass, she comes through with flying colors. But we'll get back to that later. Lex and Tom continue to be screwed by the younger group as they spend time as night guards. If I were them, I'd let the lions eat their youngins....err, the young ones I mean. Remember the chickens won by Boran? Well, Clarence really wants to eat one for dinner. They had an agreement though that if they lay an egg, then they wouldn't eat them. Well, they lay and egg. Guess what? They eat them anyway! Ahhh, the lovely struggle for sustinance in Africa. Smell the nice arid air and the musky smell of the wild! On to the shameless Mt.Dew rewards challenge! Every Survivor has had this shameless plug, but if I were the Tribemembers, I'd be wishing for a cold Dew right about now too. The challenge was Africa 102. A series of questions with True/False/Multiple choice was asked. The last to make it to the bottom of these steps wins sandwiches, cookies and ice cold Mt.Dew. Makes you thirsty just thinking about it, huh? Samuburu wins after Boran misses a question courtesy of none other than Kim Johnson. She's been messing up so much, but seems to elude eviction each time. Meanwhile, the other Kim overeats and is hurting. She does well though as she signals to Kelly that Lindsey has votes against her. The immunity challenge was a range was Bow and Arrow. Using a bow and arrow, each tribe has five targets ranging from thirty to seventy feet away. One member from each tribe will attempt to hit a target and set it on fire. The first tribe to light up all their targets in order, from closest to farthest, wins Immunity. Frank took it on himself to teach everyone in his tribe to shoot arrows. The funny thing is that he missed all of his attempts. Ethan comes through though and Kim Johnson survives being voted out once again. Samburu goes back to tribal council and after two rounds of ties between Lindsey and Tom, Lindsey's clock struck midnight. Was it just me or was Jeff Probst seem agitated when Lindsey was about to leave after one round of votes? He was like, "Where YOU going? SIT DOWN!" Earlier, Lindsey had a chance to vote for Brandon along with Tom, Lex and Kelly. She didn't take it though. I must say I was surprised. She might be human after all and in my books, Jerri from S2 is still the queen "B".Oh and by the way, there was no merge, so Boran is in trouble as their food is only good for at least 3 more days. I'm sure they'll get some food courtest of one Mr.Burnett. Stay tuned. This gets interesting.

Previous Survivor Updates/Comments/Puns/Spoilers



Stupid stuff you can do when your bored!!!

1.)You all know your ABC's right?(If you don't, well just pretend you do---what am I saying? If you don't know it then you don't even have a clue what's going on. I mean I can call you names and stuff...you don't even have a clue! You @#$%, $@N of a &!+CH (See, he has no idea whats going on) But seriously though, you know the drill. You clump "A.B.C.D.E.F.G.", then you clump "H.I.J.K.", after that you move to "L.M.N.O.P.", throw in your "Q.R.S.", then the "T.U.V.","W.X." and then finish with "Y" and "Z". O.K.? Anybody can do that but can you do it just as fast BACKWARDS? Give it a try. Come on, it sound so stupid,and it is--but your bored anyway, might as well try it!!! Alright let's do it at the same time. Ready? O.K., here it goes:

Z...Y...X...W...V...U...T (ABCDEFG)

S...R...Q...P (HIJK)

O...N...M...L...K (LMNOP)

J...I...H (QRS)

G...F...E (TUV)

D...C (WX)

B...and...A (Y and Z)

Now you know your Z Y X....go scare your teachers and make them sick!!!!---Good kid!!!

2.)Have you ever notice words that have numbers in them? Words like today(2-day), wonderful(1-derful), forgive(4-give), etc... So what? Well, you can actually have fun with these words---no lie! How? Well, it's actually quite simple! All you have to do is start talking to someone, and everytime you run across words with numbers in them, you add one(1) to the number within the word! Here's a story to show you what I mean:

Twice upon a time, there was a guy named Fiverest, Fiverest Gumshoe. He's a short guy...oh about 6'5". Twoday, while walking home, he bumped inthree a girl named Twoda Park. He said,"Fivegive me, I wasn't paying attention." She said," That's 1K, It's my fault three...I was looking at that 4000GT parked by the 8-12." "what's your name?" Fiverest asked. "Twoda, Twoda Park," she replies. They went and nine at a local diner. Fiverest had a medium-rare elevenderloin and Twoda had a threena sandwich, but both of them drank 8-up. They talked five hours until the clock struck thirteen. Then Twoda said that she has three go! Fiverest wants three know why, but she ran off without saying goodbye. Fiverest was twodering why, and he can't figure it out. Two minute they were happy eating elevenderloin and threena sandwiches, and then the next minute she was running off towards 45th street. All that was left was two glass slipper---size 8 2/3. He searched everywhere, from Threeson,AZ three Noxville, Elevenessee. It's sad. He never saw her again. He somehow felt cheated, tripple-crossed, untwoted. So what happened three him? I don't know...be creative...I'm three tired...I think I'm going home now...bye :)

3.)You ever sit in class just wondering what the heck the instructors saying? Do ya? Really? Your not just yanking my chain are ya? Okay...I beleive you!*L* So, you know what I'm talking about, right? Well, what do I care!*LOL* Okay...let's say that one day you just can't take it anymore...you with me? What can you do? Plenty!!! Here's what I mean:

Everytime the instructor asks you a question, ask her to repeat it again...then say,"Huh? Excuse me? Come again? I can't hear you...do what?...who?...you talking to me?...me?....noooo, really?...to me?...what was that again?" This will definetely give your buddies a pretty good entertainment. Although make sure you just do it enough to irritate the instructor and not for her to give you detention!*L* Ummmm...let's see...hmmm...Oh! You can also start passing notes out to people and sign it with someone elses name. Things like,"Hi Carrie...your cute...can I sit beside you in the cafeteria?...Love, Marcus." She'll start looking at him funny and then he'll start looking at her funny! And before you know it, they'll be making goo-goo eyes at each other!!! Try them out! You'll see...what can possibly happen...well, except maybe get D-hall and get your assed kicked by a big bad dude named Marcus!*smiles*



The Unfamous Senile Babbler

Hey, how are you people doing today! Good?Great! People are awfully mean these days. One day I was eating breakfast and they said it was time for dinner--I just laughed it off and said,"yeah right, the sun's not even all the way down yet." I don't know if it's just me or what. Yesterday, I had to go to the doctors office and get a checkup...damn guy didn't even tell me how many cavities I have(come to think of it he didn't even check my teeth). I need to buy new shoes soon, my old pair is in the pantry doing the dishes and baking apple pies. I also need new socks...my old pair needs to retire collect social security checks and watch TV all day. Folks, did you know that I'm Batman? Come Kato...High Oh, Silver away!!!WE INTERUPT THIS POOR MANS SHOW TO ANNOUNCE THAT DUE TO PUBLIC DEMANDS, THIS SEGMENT WILL BE TERMINATED DUE TO ITS DISTURBING CONTENTS. THANKS FOR UNDERSTANDING!!!



Call and Response

(Ways to respond to someone, in unusual situations!)

  1. (One person to another)C:"Are you awake?" R:"No, I was mearly dreaming of gals on the beach-Fool!"
  2. (A cop was going the opposite way from you, turns around and pulls you over) C:"You're going awfully fast!...Didn't you see me coming from the other side" R:"No, Officer...obviously, I would have slowed down if I had!!!"
  3. (Your doctor tells you your not dying afterall because you were never sick in the first place) C: We're happy to say that your gonna live ..it was all a mix up,isn't that funny?" R:"Ha..Ha..Oh, that is isn't it. Well(I have a good news too, my memorial plans won't go to waste....If I ain't dying...you sure are...come ere you B@$+@RD...lets see how you like your radiation you @#$@%^#^$^^"
  4. (At a massage parlor that serves breakfast) C:"How would you like your 'eggs' today, Sir?" R:"Slightly powdered would be fine, thanks!"
  5. (At school one day, your teacher turns to you) C:"...What is the answer to question 28?" R:"That's for me to know, and for you to find out...I worked hard on my hom(work you know, your not gonna get the answer out of me that easily!"
  6. (In the smoking section of an airplane while having an unlit cigarette placed in your mouth) C:"...Sir, this is the Non-smoking section. You need to put that away!" R:"I'm not smoking! Miss,I'm also wearing shoes...you see...but I'm not walking,am I?"



THE VALU VALUE OF EDYOUCATION EDUCATION !/?

  1. The more you study, the more you learn!
  2. The more you learn, the more you forget!
  3. The more you forget, the less you learn!
  4. The less you learn, the dumber you get!
  5. The dumber you get, the worst off you are than when you started!
  6. SO WHY STUDY?



The Definition Please...

(Words/Phrases that should have different meanings)

  1. Wide Reciever-- a sumo wrestler playing Jerry Rice's position.
  2. Syntax-- tax for being naughty.
  3. Constellations-- continuously saying the same thing(s) over and over.
  4. Oxymoron-- a pimple faced jerk.
  5. Hardship-- an aquatic vessel made out of steel, and not foam.
  6. Justice-- nothin' but frozen water.
  7. Migration-- headaches caused from moting from one place to another.
  8. Study-- hunky.
  9. Density-- a past state; back then.
  10. Capable-- a person who, if necessary, can be turned into a superhero.
  11. Liquify-- an act of melting away a solid matter by continuously licking it.
  12. Influencial-- it's your fault that everyone else is sick as a dog.
  13. Cybersquatter-- your mama so poor, she had to draw a house online and sleep with the teletubbies online. Sad sad sad. =(

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We would like to say to the families and victims of this tragic act that they are in our prayers and our hearts. We should be strong and continue living our lives no matter how hard it may be. If we stand together as brothers and sisters, we will get through this. Some 225 years ago, Thomas Payne said,"These are the times that try men's souls." And trully, these are the times that do. We will never forget the ones that are lost. To the true Heroes, the rescuers, the volunteers, all that have prayed non-stop, all that have given support, the passengers on flight 93 that are thought to have struggled with the terrorist and gave their own lives, we are forever indebted. We Thank you and salute you. To the ones that committed these crimes, you will pay for this. Justice will be served. Please observe a moment of silence for the victims and their loved ones****************************************GOD BLESS AMERICA

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