Master Vincent’s Dissertation on D/s
Let me preface this by saying that I don’t condone cruelty or violence against women. D/s is something very different and anyone that has the resources would know the difference between the two. It doesn’t take a whole lot of intelligence to be brutal, misinformed perceptions are common. There’re lots of resources out there that contain abundant information. I hope that if one were to venture into the lifestyle that he/she would take the time to read and ask questions. Some people who live the lifestyle believe that dominance gives them license to do as they so please without taking into consideration the feelings of one that has given so precious a gift. With some this is so, thank God not with all..
Within any relationship there is always Respect. It’s the most important key. Of course that goes hand and hand with Trust and the bond that keeps it altogether is Honesty. For what kind of relationship would one have if we didn’t have those three components? I don’t think you will ever find two Dominants that think the same way; everyone adapts the lifestyle to suit their own beliefs. Here we share something in common. In the vanilla world we are called “Kinky”; and each person’s kink is varied. What the vanilla world fails to see is that there’s a key word here… “Consensual“. What we do is always consensual, it’s not one taking advantage of another, nor is it about abuse. We’re just a little kinky. I don’t hide what I am. So I’ll always stand up for what I believe in. I’ll always have respect for the submissive that gives me her precious gift. I‘ll cherish it with the knowledge that she gives me the utmost trust that one human being could give another. And in return she knows that she’ll always feel safe and secure. I consider myself to be a very caring person in life. These are five simple rules and beliefs that I’d like to share with you.
1. Everything in life happens for a reason. Therefore this was not a chance meeting.
2. Always learn from your mistakes.
3. Treat others with the same amount of respect that you would like in return. (Yes be honest)
4. Always be Chivalrous.
5. Be Romantic and intimate (it’s as important in D/s). Be careful of the “L” word however.
I’m a firm believer that Romance and D/s can go hand in hand. It’s my way of showing my submissive how much I appreciate her and how much she pleases me. Not everyone thinks this way, and some may think that it is wrong…each to their own opinion. I’m very attentive when in a relationship; I know within myself that I could never go back to any sort of vanilla relationship. Once you have been touched by the lifestyle of D/s, you can try but you’ll always come back. Women are weaker physically compared to men; this does not mean that they are weak of mind. I believe that women are stronger in mind than man. How many men do you know that would go through nine months of pregnancy? and then through the pain of giving birth. Not many. Women also think different then men… Women think with their entire being, where men think with only their brain, this is where we men have to understand where their emotions are coming from.
What Dominant doesn't like control, but to what extent do they take it? You’ll find that each Dominant finds what is comfortable for him/Her, and it’s something that’s communicated with the other. But don’t feel that the Dominant needs to make every decision, such as to tell another person how to dress etc. A good submissive will ask when she is in doubt as to her own thinking. She is able to stand on her own when her Dominant is not close by. If a decision is made that she doesn’t like, then have the strength to ask to speak freely, and express her concerns. But the final decision will ultimately rest with the Dominant.
Man is the foundation between man and woman. He would be the strength that she needs when she wants to feel comfort… safe and secure in his arms. She would be the tenderness to comfort Him when He doesn't know He needs it. To be there when he needs her, loving and caring and devoted to him. Above all else he cherishes his submissive, in the knowledge that the gift she gives Him is the greatest of all. He can be demanding and can take full advantage of the power given to Him, but knows how to share the pleasure that comes from that precious gift. He is in control of Himself first, so that He may control others. As a stern and demanding Dominant, He can cause his submissive to cry real tears. As the lover, He will kiss those tears away, without ever stepping out of character. Be patient, taking time to learn her limits, and knowing that as her trust of you grows, so will you together. To win his submissive’s mind, body, and soul, he knows he must first win her trust. He will show His submissive love, kindness, and warmth. He must also show her that his guidance and tutoring is knowledgeable and deserving of her attention, that this is a Man that she can learn from, and trust his direction.
Submission is a gift; it’s not something that you can take and or be taken for granted. True submission is not handed out of haste or pure physical pleasure. For those who have a deep understanding of what the lifestyle is about will know that submission goes much deeper then that. It’s the gate way to ones soul. D/s is not merely based on sex; it’s a lifestyle for those of us who have a deep understanding Know that once you’ve been in a true meaningful D/s relationship you’ll never settle for anything less.
Three Basic needs…
Trust ……For this is the basic foundation to which a relationship can be built upon.
Loyalty… Someone who has a deep understanding, and can pledge themselves heart body and soul to another person.
Intelligent Communication…. Someone who can communicate their feelings, wants, and desires openly and honestly.
Now about her… She must have a passion for life and is adventurous and outgoing and has a good sense of humor. Someone who comes across as a nice girl but underneath is something totally different, someone who believes in romance, both giving and receiving. She has the ability to know and understand what pleases the other person. She’s someone who can fascinate with little surprises, Someone who is charming, whom loves animals, is compassionate and loves the outdoors and exploring places and life together. Someone, who is independent and who has a life outside the home, but knows her place when she returns. She’s a lady out of the home and a vixen within it. She must know what pleases him and how to express it openly. Takes the time and effort to understand his needs and wants, be it both physical and mental, as she will get the same in return. She knows what is like to ache for his touch, love, and companionship, and he aches for hers as well.
When this is all said and done, she will one day wear his collar to remind her to whom she belongs to and to give her comfort in knowing that he is there for her. There’s someone for everyone in this world even in a D/s relationship.
These are views and thoughts on relationships. It’s not easy to say what defines a relationship; each relationship is different because it’s a world shared between two people and this is so true when it comes to any D/s relationship. Sometimes we join with another person and form a whole new reality. There is a bond between some people that time nor distance can't erase. Some refer to this as your soul mate. It’s a bond born out of a special kinship which cannot be expressed even in words, but only those two that share this special bond can feel it, and they do with their whole being. If you were an outsider and you were in the same room as them you’d be able to see and feel it for yourself, it’s wondrous thing to experience. I‘ve felt it only once myself. It was an incredible feeling.
A relationship with another person is a place where you don't feel alone. It’s a place where you can be a special part of yourself. Where when something goes wrong another person cares as much as you to make things right again. Everything you share in a relationship is shared between the two and is not diminished for either, Sharing feelings is what we are about; it’s natural and wholesome as being born. To love is to care about the feelings of another person as you do about your own. When you share something you love, you often find a new reason for loving what you have shared. Each person is different in his or her own way, as is each relationship. Some people want to set down a set of rules to define it more, or to cement in their own mind how the relationship should be. There are no rules, only truths that must be uncovered and faced together. To be accepted for what you are means you can never be lonely for yourself again. Sometimes the meaning of a relationship is only understood when it’s over. Then one has to sit back and reevaluate what went wrong, for if you don't learn from your mistakes, and then you’re doomed to repeat them over and over again. Life teaches us hard lessons sometimes, but the wise ones know when it’s "OK" to try again. It's worth the effort.
You have the right to be trusted and until you give people reason to believe that you are not worthy of their trust. Trust is a living feeling, It grows with a relationship, It’ fragile, very easily broken and often irreparable. Sometimes it takes years for people to trust one another. And some people trust at first glance. If you trust too soon, then maybe you’re afraid of being rejected. If you trust everyone you’re a fool. If you trust too superficially, you may easily be betrayed. If you trust too late, then you might never know what love is. To trust another is not to throw all cautions to the winds. You must still always look out for yourself. To trust another person not only means that you believe he/she will not hurt you intentionally, but that you feel he/she will take your interests as his/her own and so will avoid situations where he/she could hurt you unintentionally. To trust each other is to be vulnerable. To trust and love together is magical.
You have the right to your own personal space. You have the right to ask for it, because the person who invades our space is the very person we most expect to understand our need for it usually. Everybody needs to be alone sometime. There’s nothing wrong with it and it helps us to clear our mind and get our feet back down to earth. For women it’s time to gather their thoughts and feelings and to listen to their inner voice. To get in touch with their feelings A time to rest and relax and refresh themselves. In a relationship one needs that personal space to gather his or her thoughts. It could be referred to as “space”, and if it’s not allowed, the relationship is doomed. This is a very hard lesson to learn.
You have the right to be respected as long as you respect others. Respect cannot exist unless it’s mutual. If you don't respect yourself it’s impossible to respect another person. You have the right to betaken seriously. You in fact must insist on being taken seriously. You have the right to be able to speak your mind and to be listened to. Your ideas are as equally important to you, and in any relationship including D/s, should be that much more important to the other party. You have the right to be wrong and to make good a mistake. You have the right to have your apologies accepted, your thanks appreciated and your love and submission cherished in the spirit it was given. You have the right to be happy, for life is too short not to be. Relationships are work, and it takes two to make them work, so be kind and loving to each other. Even in a D/s relationship these simple rules apply. We just do this with so much more intensity.