|"Sista Mary Clitoris," pictured above*, is RFPL's Hot Momma Superior! She helps show our hunka-hunka burnin' Presleyterian love for sinners just like YOU!
*Yes, gentle pilgrim, there really IS a Sister Mary Clitoris... I took her picture from my vantage point on a Mardi Gras float!
|He died, fat, doped up, bloated, sweaty & grunting, as his great, corpulent bulk was wracked with pain upon "the throne" that we might LIVE! And lo, he endured the torments of racquetball, cranked up on amphetamines and colon-bursting doses of laxatives for the sins of the world! For Elvis so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten daughter to Michael Jackson... and the nations and multitudes verily did plotz, and there was much wailing and gnashing of teeth, that he should do such as this for mankind in our iniquity. And the cities of Tupelo, Memphis & Las Vegas shall be made holy for his name's sake. Amen.|
|The power of Elvis can reach even the vilest of sinners, just like Dick here, and snatch 'em a-rockin' and a-rollin', hip-gyratin' outta controllin' from the jaws of eternal damnation to the rockin' halls o' Glory! Yea and verily, the evil spirit of Lawrence Welk, Yanni of the yawning abyss, Accordion Wielding demons and diverse & sundry soul-less un-holy beasts do flee from his holy presence and quail at his holy name, when it is uttered through the sneered lips of the faithful in their boogie-woogie wroth. And His pelvis did thrust the darkness from the face of the earth. Amen.|
|I Unfrozen ground round meat
II Hamburger buns
IV Ingredients for meatloaf & sauce.
VII Cans of Sauer kraut
IX 'Taters 'n' onions
X Brown 'n' serve hot rolls
XI Six cans of biscuits
XII Peanut Butter
XIII Fresh Fruit
XIV 1 case pepsi
XV 1 case orange drinks
XVI 3 bottles milk & half & half
XVII Fresh squeezed OJ
XVIII Fresh 'nanner puddin'
XIX Fresh Brownies
XX Vanilla & chocolate ice cream
XXI Shredded coconut
XXII Fudge cookies
XXIV El Producto cigars
XXVI Spearmint, Doublemint & Juicy fruit gum
XXX Super anahist nasal spray
XXXI Feenamint laxative gum
|Even A real Dick can feel the POWER of ELVIS!|
|And Lo, the faithful shall keep as a tribute in the iceboxes of the elect, these 31 sacred foods which the King did command be kept at all times in his abode, until he comes again. He handed down the law from on high in the second floor Graceland WC. His wisdom eschewed us our folly and the people did much marvel at the holy righteousness of his epicurean judgement!|