The Curious and Incomplete Tale of Dimitrios and Salome
An unusual story of Time-Space set in Thailand
Dimitrios Ouranoupolos - A mysterious Turko-Greek
Yuri Velasquez -An unemployed satellite photo-analyst
Frank(Sven) - A Norwegian tourist and friend of Yuri
Dimitri Sergeivich Norisenko -The Russian Cultural Attache(not to be confused with Dimitrios)
Dave -C.I.A operative
Khun Paiboon -Young Thai police inspector
Khun Pranchit -Thai scientist & genius
Salome-A Thai Ladyboy and political activist
Yip -Chinese actress,dancer & undercover agent
The story may appear bizarre at first, but persevere, it soon turns sinister !
Copyright Yuri Velasquez & Cafe Brasilia Internaional.
View My Stats
Scene: Bangkok, Thailand. A couple of so-called tourists drink in Mojos Jazz Bar, Avenue 23, Bangkok.
"How long you in ‘The Land of Smiles’ Mr Viking ?"
"Weeks." Said the Norwegian.
"You vonting good Russian chick with blond hair only 5,000 Baht
for the night.
I need to take my Commission you are understanding. I voz Commissioner!"
The other mimes a fake sounding Russian accent.
"No thanks I have a real girlfriend."
"Yes but you cannot beat Russki Chicks 4 Tricks ? I have better than
those 'Slappooskii' in CM2 Disco !" The ham acting continues by a
Russification of the British expression for a tart, ‘slapper’.
The dapper Norwegian adjusted his Armani spectacles, he looked
even more like a university chemistry professor than a businessman
"You vonting anuzer Vodka? Nong nong - Vodka !"
A pretty young Thai approached the Bear and the Viking.
"I shall keep the Vodka bottle sbasibo!"
"Dmitri at the Embassy gives me a good supply of Stoli."
"Dmitri in the Mask ?" Exclaimed the Norwegian traveller.
A large thick brown envelope passed under the table to the
pretend Russian who gave an imperceptible nod. The 'drop' had been made.
"You meeting any Internet forum brothers Sven?"
They both write ribald comments on a Thai sex forum.
A shrug of the shoulders.
"Wassamatta Chelsea not sign you for managing chob or was that
The other now mimed a football manager.
"I don't think that 'moving-fast chelobek' is working for that
rich peasant govn'juk
'A-bum-ovich' - Zaybees !" Swear words in Russian.
"Maybe he is contributing to the match programme?" replied the Viking.
"Prostitoochka! more Vodka?"
Somebody switched channels and BBC News 24 flashed onto the telescreen.
The pretend Russian pointed at the screen, "Look Mr White Whale Killer
there's one for you - Whales of Mass Destruction, ales of mass
intoxication.Chang Beer. Vy not Whale Beer Comrade Baron Sven-tonite ?
The Norwegian is constantly ribbed
about his fellow countrymen killing whales.
How about a formaldahyde and Vodka?" A reference to a local beer.
The customers look with disgust at the two well-oiled tourists,
the Thai staff hide embarrassment behind polite grins.
"I'm not going to Pattaya, and call me by my nickname,
'Frank' - 'Frank La Rue" said Sven ,the Viking Whale Killer.
Yuri the pretend Russian, shifted an Eastern European woman off his knee,
who was covering him with red lipstick, and waved his fist at the
wide-screen in the corner of the jazz pub.
"Look at that another prostitoochka! A bent ex-leader brushing it under
the carpet. The Breeteesh Security Serviles mis-advising Mr £2000
Armani suit and the Whales of Mass Destruction exist from the ales of
mass intoxication from the MI6 & 7/8ths = another six pack short of a can!
Ex-premier Blair grinned inanely at the TV camera.
Mr Whale Killer you want a Singha ?
"Yes pliz!" More customers cast glances of distain.
Yuri the pretend Russian with the cheap tart, adorned with peroxide hair
" Another men's toilet for the £2000 Armani to hang around? 45 minutes
away from Willies of Masturbation?”
More crude references to alleged Weapons of Mass Destruction.
“What's this 'Moby's Dick' all about anyway. I vunder if this will effect
the dear leader's European erection prospects ? Could be sublime?
Meetings in a Sub or a Pub ?
Blair wants to be European President! I miss the Cold War and the
vodka is not cold enough! Nong Nong more Tom Yum Yum pashalista !"
Jonah-ssen the Norwegion trapped in a whale and Tony Baloni the dear leader
trapped in the Loo with his 'friend'. Beckham trapped by the Loos. A
reference to some extra marital activity by a famous footballer.
”You would need an awful lot of Iraqi carpet to brush that under?”
But nobody is to blame and there is a lot of blubber in a Whale and even
more blubber at No.10 Downing Street. That other sexual athlete and
occasional politician Mr Marsh Mellor would only have sex in his Chelsea
shirt ! But the question is – which number ?
A Tory politician, famous for spending time with a hooker
while wearing only a football shirt.
Another beer for the Viking whale killer and the Welsh Rugby players
over on a piss-in-yer beer holiday are flashing dirty looks,"We don't like Whale Killers boyo - Yukky Da!"
Thick-necked and hefty, the Welsh Rugby players join in the
anti-politician banter whilst drinking the establishment dry of beer.
A White whitewash close to Whitehall, a Welsh rarebit and a Norwegian
Harpoonist 'Kamakia' as they say in Greece. Harpoon the Thai Girls,
What an early evening clientele at a Jazz Bar in Soi 23 ?
Throwing empties at the widescreen showing BBC News 24. Tony Baloni
ducked out of number ten in haste to down a gin-fizz in his favourite
pub, 'The Gay Hussar',to celebrate his sweeping the whales-of-mass
destruction under a bloody great carpet with the aid of the insecurity
services. "I'm voting Plaid Cymru next time round boyo!" screamed
a Daffy Taffy Rugger bugger.
“Any sheep around Yeer? A White Sheep Chase,a white whitewash chase
and has Welsh Fly-half heard of the Japanese author Harucki Murakami ?
I doubt it? What they do understand is English idioms, jokes about
Norwegian whale Killing and British Prime Ministers with dodgy agendas.
So there you have half of it, or maybe it all. Yuri the mad pretend
Russian, Sven Jonah-ssen who lives in a whale dreaming of Thai Girl
Friends and a bunch a loud Welsh Rugby supporters squirting beer at the
widescreen TV to shouts of:-
"Tony Baloni is a Katoey - show us your tits!" Poor Mr Blair.
I am the Drunkman. They are the Drunkmen
I am the Walrus
Goo goo gajoob !
This news item has been supported by the 'Friends of the Walrus' society
and the royalties from the Beetles White Album.
Tony Baloni(56) is hoping to be boss of Europe.
If you are now totally confused, I would not be in the least bit surprised.
If you think this is a bizarre way to lead into a story that you may find
even more bizarre.
You are right. Perhaps it is better to stick with your
Alexander the Great
On the top of his head Alexander had two horns that he hid under his hair.
A barber would cut his hair, but he was so ashamed to reveal his secret
that he had the barber killed as soon as he had finished cutting.
Eventually an old Jew was the only barber left in the city. Fearing that he would lose his head because of Alexander's threats.
He was made to swear an oath to keep quiet.
Dimitios ? I don't know any Dimtrios !
Dmitri at the Embassy with the good vodka deal, is bald
short and very much alive.
There was a strange character around at Mojo's when I was
entertaining 'The Norwegian'- strange indeed.
He first wanders over asking if we want a good deal on CD's
and top quality designer stuff. We said not interested in that
stuff we have our own supplier. He then leads of on this long
Biblical tirade about not being my fathers keeper. Then he did
the 'Pulp Fiction' Samuel L Jackson religious bit. The Welsh
Rugby players at the bar looked in our direction with quite a
few grins. This character turned around and just looked at them-
they fell quiet like naughty school boys before head teacher !
From just a look ! Even though he had a couple of days stubble
he had a large scar down the left hand side of his face. He was
definitey of Turkish or Greek extraction or he may have been
something like an Armenian? But for somebody from that part of
the World he had stricking blue piercing eyes. And I ask you who
wears a pin-stripped charcoal woolen suit and a hat in Bangkok ?
Then this character started ranting and raving about the market
and how only he could get counterfit goods now ! It was all coming
to an end he kept repeating. No more fun for you he pointed at the
'Norwegian' No more Smorgasbord Jiggy Jiggy - whatever that is ?
'He' knew all about the 'Norwegian' and his tales of orgies on
icebreakers - and the rendevous with the 'Oscar' class submarine
in the Arctic.
He tilted his olive skinned head at me and said I definitely was
not Russian so why pretend to be one with a bottle of vodka and
a cheap Ruski tart ?
This weirdo smoked Russian 'papirosa' cigarettes you know the ones
-cardboard tube with a lump of tar stuffed in one end.
Shady moustached tramp or what ?
Then he turned and left. I asked one of the waiters who spoke English
did he know him ? Wide-eyed he quickly shook his head, but whispered
in my ear,"I see him have gun in holster under arm when he pay his bill !
Yet there was something strangely familiar about this unsavoury character ?
A couple of nights back I witnessed an 'incident' in the Arab area between Sois 3 and 5. Three arabs
were waving there hands about and getting angry with a man in a grimey suit. They did
not advance on him though as I thought I caught sight of a flash of a blade!
When the men in brown arrived he had slipped away into the shadows as if he were never there. Done
so quickly and subtley the arabs were left turn in circles, exasperated. The police took the usual
Could this have been the same man?
Maybe even this Demitrios ? Whomever he may be?
not Russian so why pretend to be one with a bottle of vodka and
a cheap Ruski tart ?
This weirdo smoked Russian 'paprosa' ciggies you know the ones
-cardboard tube with a lump of tar stuffed in one end.
Shady moustached tramp or what ?
Then he turned and left. I asked one of the waiters who spoke English
did he know him ? Wide-eyed he quickly shook his head, but whispered
in my ear,"I see him have gun in holster under arm when he pay his bill !
Yet there was something strangely familiar about this unsavoury character ?
A couple of nights back I witnessed an 'incident' in the Arab area between Sois 3 and 5. Three arabs
were waving there hands about and getting angry with a man in a grimey suit. They did
not advance on him though as I thought I caught sight of a flash of a blade!
When the men in brown arrived he had slipped away into the shadows as if he were never there. Done
so quickly and subtley the arabs were left turn in circles, exasperated. The police took the usual
Could this have been the same man?
Maybe even this Demitrios ? Whomever he may be?
Murdered Greek/Turkish, 43, found on Chao Phraya Riverside
Published on July 13, 2004
Bangkok - The body of a murdered Greek or Turk was found yesterday on
the bank of the Chao Phraya River, police said. Dimitrios Stefanopoulos 43,
had been shot three times in the back and stabbed twice, they said.
Investigators went to the scene after an employee of the Oriental Hotel
had spotted what looked like a body floating in the river.
Stefanopoulos was found with only his identity card, which said he was a
Turk although Dimitrios Stefanopoulos is a Greek name.
Police believe the murder was premeditated.
Initially claimed as a suicide a police spokeman said,"The attackers
apparently wanted to kill Stefanopoulos, rather than it being a mugging
Police have not ruled out robbery as a motive for the murder, but they
suspect it could have been a revenge murder or a contract killing
disguised as a robbery.
A post mortem has yet to reveal the exact time of death but police
believe it had occurred in the early hours of the same morning when
the body was spotted by the Oriental Hotel worker who was on his
way to a morning shift.
I caught up with the itinerent Norwegian Whaler in a bar 'OOp North' as they say in the nether
regions after passing Watford on the way to Oslo.
His lady had gone shopping so we indulged in blowing the froth of a few amber neck reformers.
Norwegians must be made of study stuff since he drinks that well known rocket fuel called
Chang, I stuck with Singha.
"Seen any Russian Mafia dressed as Father Christmas Frank ?
Frank La Rue (allegedly no relation to Danny) gulped at his Chang, strictly a bottle and no straw man.
"Wrong time of year for Father Christmas ! -How's the vodka supply from Dmitri at the Embassy?"
"Flowing, but he kept on about this Greek hood called Dimitrios - worried that they'd mix up the
names and start giving him grief, he Dmitri the Assistant Cultural Attache!"
"How come he was giving you advice about how to lose a tail?"
"Well he has had some extra training, even in Karaoke singing! He kept pullin my leg about the Royal
Navy having only a couple of ships and wont be able to stop the Norwegian Ice breakers
having clandestine meetings with submarines of a Foreign Power in the Arctic!"
"Well us Norwegians wont get any grief from the pirates of the South China Sea - none of that heave
to we're coming on board for some rum, bum and concertina!"
"No ships or planes it's going to be dangerous on the high seas - better stick to Karaoke?"
"What listening to Boris Mafia in Father Christmas outfits singing Country Road? I tried Karaoke once
but everbody ran away when I tried to sing!"
"More like you were singing that song from Cabaret about tomorrow belonging to me? What's this
nonsense about being followed? Forgotten to pay another BG or Go-go girl ?" Frank finished his
Chang 'beer' and started looking for another.
-Well there I was in the Bamboo Bar on Soi 3 having a swift half of Singha or hundred when the BG
rings up my mobile with,"OOooohhhh lost my money, street elephant eat banana and my purse !
Have no money - I hungleee !"
So oft I legged via the arab quarter past Gullivers up Sukhumvit. Well shortly after passing Ali baba's
eatery I had this vague feeling of being followed ! Paranoid old fart I thought so I kept going. The
impression that I was being tailed would not go away so I did a sharp left into that wide street that leads
up to the Ambassador Hotel.
Just as I got to the steps I turned as quick as I could to see if there was anyone tailing me ? Nobody
paranoid again,too much beer. I crept into the hotel,availed myself of their nice bogs and crept out again. No
problem nobody following so I carried on towards Robinsons and thought that the BG could wait in Soi Cowboy
till I arrived. I stopped to look at the very old cafe near to Manhattan Hotel but thought I just caught
site of a shadow ducking into a bookshop. Nah - just imagining it ? To be on the safe side I went
down the steps at Robinson and lingered by the wine shop to taste a few samples. That 'being-followed' feeling
returned again ! I legged it out of the basement floor and did the escalators a few times. Nice lingery
for a lingerer on the third ?
Didn't feel right. I then doubled back to Nana BTS and bought a ticket. I then rode the BTS three stops forward
and two back trying to copy the 'Frenchman' in the film the 'French Connection' - Luck at last, lost
him or it or whatever ? I got out of BTS Asok toutes de suite.
"Were you been - I hunglee!" said the BG "And who that man with you in dirty suit ???
"What man ?"
A felt a strong arm tap me on the shoulder, I turned not knowing who or what to expect.
An elephant with his Mahoot had just tapped me looking for a Banana. "Oh he bad bad elephant he eat my purse
!" exclaimed the Bar-girl.
"At least he didn't get your mobile?" I said with a wink as I handed the Mahoot 20 baht.
"How much money did you have in it anyway?"
"Loy baht," came the reply. "I hunglee mark mark!"
"So am I there's the "Old Dutch"
"Oooh aloy mark!" One happy bar girl.
"Nobody follow you again?" asked Frank.
"Ah I was going to talk to you about that, don't make it obvious but look slowly over my left shoulder!"
" Who the Norwegian Fjord is that ?"
I wandered around BKK wondering if my 'shadow' would turn up again?
Maybe if I went to a few jazz clubs he would be there I could confront
him? There again confrontation with knives and guns is really not my
style. For someone who would stick out in a crowd in Bangkok this Greek,
Turk whoever he is has the amazing ability to disappear. Why always the
suit? We are not living in the 1930's or 1950's, this character is like
a ghost from times past. Why Bangkok? I would imagine seeing somebody like
this in Izmir,Istanbul or Athens in the colder months of the year but
Thailand is always warm.
Internet 1 Baht a minute, that will do. I walked into the fridge that
is modern air-con. No e-mail from this girl, none from that one, none
from the one who lost her mobile to an elephant. She gave me her lucky
charm, because I made her laugh. Well at least she could have borrowed
her friends mobile like last time and given me a call. How they manage
to sense somebody rapidly approaching their 'uppers' I'll never know.
Thai girls have a radar system that N.A.T.O would envy.
What has Mr Stickman to say for himself this week? Why do people believe
myths and old wives tales about HIV/Aids. Good on you Mr Stick but I
wonder how many deaf ears your weekly will fall upon this time ? 50% of
'punters' going condomless ! I hope your figures are wrong Mr Stick? I
bet none other the punters understand the significance of the word exponential
let alone spell it ? Going out without a raincoat on and you will get more
than wet. None as deaf as he that won't listen. Truth is a bitter pill in
the land of illusions.
The BTS train felt as cold as the Internet shop as the modern train whisked
me to Victory Monument. The Saxophone Pub is tucked off down a small side-street.
A beer some food and great music. See if you can find me here 'Mr later-day
Peter Lorrie' ? Loud, I would not hear my phone or text alert here, better
check. "Yuri- busy with Frankie-girl, meet up in Pattaya for a beer? Frank."
Couple of days in Pattaya? A bus from Ekamai or is there another way? That
hotel in Soi 4 that does the free minibus if you stay in one of their places
in Pattaya. That's it ! An almost private bus. Follow me there if you will
Mr Lorrie in the suit.
I love early evening Pattaya, always has a relaxed buzz about it. A quick
beer with a couple of crazy Brit friends in Soi Diamond and then my
favourite place for Tom Yum Goong.
A casual stroll down Walking Street avoiding the cars and bikes, closed for
traffic only at night. At the end near the beginning of the beach is a
large area with many small bars.
"Hello sar - yoo welkum!" Outstretched arms implored me to join them for a
beer or something. Casually moving to an outside restaurant behind the
bars I watch girls daub make-up on already pretty faces for tonight's hoped
for custom. I had already heard tales of empty bars and poor business. I
got the impression that the authorities wanted to rid Thailand of the
bar-scene to replace it with a more acceptable clientele. I wonder if they
had come across my Byzantine shadow yet? I think I shall report him to the
Volunteer Tourist Police and see how they handle a real player. With relief
I realised I had left him in Bangkok.
"Menu sir" said the waiter with the dark red painted finger-nails. No it's
OK I replied just a bottle of Singha and a large Tom Yum Goong.
"Singha lek or yai?"
"Yai khrupp, mai nahm kheng"
"Mai kheng?" the waiter giggled and trotted off giving orders fluttering
I watched a small ferry boat arrive at the jetty packed with Chinese tourists.
The restaurant provided a wide vista of the sea with the many small craft
of all types. At night the lights of fishing boats could be seen far out on
the horizon. I anticipated a Tom Yum Goong laced with Langoustines rather
that packed with mushrooms and the usual shrimps. With rice it would be a meal
A newspaper rustled behind me and a throat was cleared of phlegm. 'Get out and
walk I thought' I waited for the sputum to splatter the wooden boards and put
me off my meal. None came.
"I'd like a word with you!" came the deep Continental voice behind my left ear.
"I'm sorry I..."
"I'd like a word with you and not back to back!"
A chair scraped and a dark image moved and placed itself opposite me. Folding
the Turkish newspaper. I recognised the language that unlike Greek was written
in Roman script. A paper from Ankara in Thailand? Turkish airlines flew there
regularly with a comfortable Airbus A-340.
I nervously gulped my beer,"bit 'ot here for a suit mate innit?"
"I see you have dropped the pretence of being a Russian?"he replied ignoring
my comment about suits and heat.
"I can't offer you a cigarette I don't smoke."
"I know, anyway I have my own Turkish made especially in Istanbul."
"Hhmmmm you have 'friend', he want dink?" pouted the waiter.
"I'll have a coffee and a brandy, If you don't mind?" came the false smile.
"HHhmm how would you like your brandy Sir?"
"In a glass!" snarled my new companion. The waiter trounced off in a huff.
I noticed the familiar scar down the left side of the face, he still could
do with a shave.
I puckered up courage of sorts,"OK let's get to basics - Why are you following
"You have something valuable of mine and I want it back!" He undid his jacket
to reveal a shoulder holster.
"Now I know why you wear a suit"
"Correct and I don't want to look like a tourist in shorts and a beer belly."
"Yeah but that would be a good way of blending in."
"I can move in and out however I want without being seen, it's sort of an
"So I've noticed." My knees started shaking.
"Don't worry I have just come for some thing that is mine, not to kill you but
I would not hesitate!"
The Tom Yum arrived but I had suddenly lost my appetite, the waiter flounced
off without his usual friendly chat.
"How very fetching, dark red nail paint. Now I will get to the reason I am here.
That gold locket around your neck."
"What gold locket?"
"The one that is hanging on the chain I can see from your half open shirt."
What about it, and how did you know it is there?"
"Nong, you know a girl called Nong?"
"Well the locket got stolen in a fit of drunken madness."
"Whatever Nong is she is not a thief. How do I know it's yours?"
"If you open it up you will see not a picture but an unusual key hinged inside
with these numbers on it, like so - 314666." He wrote them down on a paper napkin.
"The metal by the way is titanium the rest of the locket is solid gold. That locket went from the girl
who stole via farang boyfriends, often thrown about in a fit of rage. Most of the girls did not like
what was inside,no place for a picture. It took me
quite a bit of time and money to track it back to your acquaintance Nong.Whom I
also expect didn't like the inside and passed it on to you."
Terrified I pulled out the locket, with trembling fingers managed to get it open
at the third attempt and there indeed was the odd hinged key, made from a different alloy. I had
opened the locket before but had puzzled at it's odd contents, I had not noticed the engraved
"It's neither her property or yours!" barked the Byzantine suit opposite,he dragged
on a cigarette that smelt more like a cigar.
"I suppose you'll be wanting it back?"
"What is mine is mine, I would take it by force if necessary, you would not
want to be found floating out there by the jetty would you?"
I shook my head and handed it over. The man in the suit gave a deflated sign
of relief, rather like an inflatable that had just been punctured.
"Well who are you?"
"Another sort of friend of Nong's." came the non-committal reply.
Nong what have you got me into?
I thought an elephant eating your mobile was high drama!
"Do you have a name?"
"It is of no consequence." He then thought again."OK you can call me Mr D.... err
Delphi. Mr Delphi."
"Pleased to meet you Mr Delphi." I squeezed my eyes shut in disbelief at the obviously false name.
When I opened them he had gone. In an instance. Like a flash, locket and all.
Like an idiot I looked over the side of the rail into the sea. Nothing, no splash,
of course there would be none.
"Hmm your friend gone?"
"Not my friend, just an acquaintance, an unwanted one. You see him leaving here?
"No sir, one minute he is sitting with you, I get called over to another table,
look up and he is gone, you not hungry?"
I suddenly felt the delayed pangs of hunger and tucked into my Langoustines,
gulping beer between mouthfuls.
"Strange one that one!" pouted the waiter in disgust.
"You're telling me." I fingered the empty space on my chest where the mysterious
locket once hung.
My mobile began to play its silly tune.
"Frank ! Sure I'll meet you for a beer, no I didn't find the Al Jarreau CD I
was looking for. You'll never guess who I have just met.
No, not Al Jarreau but you've sort of got the jazz connection right! I have quite a story to tell you!"
I’d just finished a rather good meal of beef in coconut at the ‘Old Dutch’
When I started to wish that the whale killing Norwegian ‘Frank’ was
around. He is can-noodling up the Khao San Road. I had just nearly got my face slapped by the Thai
manageress in tight jeans for pinching her bum, Italian style! I really wanted to find Nong again
but things in this part of town seemed to be changing.
I looked at my favourite A-Go-go with it’s synthetic Egyptian theme.
Closed again ! What is happening in Thailand ? It used to be ‘anything goes’
but now even some states in America are more risqué ! At some level of power
it seems to have been decided to swim against the flow of cultural history. Weird !
I looked at the hand-written sign on the door in thick felt-tip, ‘Moved to *****
Bar’. Nong had probably returned to Issan. Why am I following this story up?
I just want to know about that locket. I can’t say I walked in but more like furtively
crept into the alternative. Same stuff, pole-dancers in bi-kinis. What a yawn ! I ordered a Singha.
Didn’t know anybody, yawn again. What lousy music, my
washing machine back home is more tuneful. The usual gawking farang, hey man
that is a woman! The muppets have more animation. Beer to lips, leer at the Thai
girl, beer back to the table. Dysfunctional morons!
The Mamasan started to give me knowing and aggressive looks. I don’t know this
one but she knows me ? Where is Nong ?
A wet and erect tongue decided to enter my ear and the teeth began to give my lobe
a good chewing. Nong ! That’s the ‘Western’ slapper trick I taught you ! A smile a
giggle and a hope that all is forgiven.
“Ben who? I’ll give you what’s up ! Who’s Mr Gangster you have been hanging
around with? Yeah and don’t give me the –‘I’ve lost face so I am gonna sulk routine’ !”
“Him bad man!”
“Err….whichever one you want to say !”
“Listen Nong I have just been spooked by ‘Mr Mean and Ugly’ because of that locket
you put around my neck!”
“Oh locket come from my friend Moo, she get from customer called Canadian Johnny!”
Yeah we both know how Moo gets things but I don’t think Canadian Johnny is gonna
get a locket like this from some cheap one bath gold merchant?”
“I suppose that is all you know?”
“OK – Ka ! Now here is pahn baht for some more OK ka?”
“Canadian Johnny get it from Poom.”
“How come you know the history of events?”
“Thai lady poot mark mark!”
“So Poom have the locket you gave me so how did she get it?”
“From ‘slick-Yankee’ him do much business!”
“And how does ‘slick biziness yankee have the locket?”
“Oh he take from Yip coz she like Yabaa”
“OK ka so what’s the next part?”
“Nung pahn baht or I get face cut with knife then cannot work!”
“Who is going to cut your face?”
“Bad man- falang biziness man! Why some call you Yuri and others
“Just names we call in falangland – ‘nicknames’ like the names you
girls have when working. So what about about this Yip?” I rolled out
another crisp one thousand note.
“Now I have trouble get cut face, please speak to Mamasan!”
I beckoned over the stern faced harridan that passed for a Mamasan.
“Please sit down.” I had two one thousand notes seductively in my hand.
“Yip?” I thought I was gonna get a right uppercut.
I tucked a couple of thousand baht in her jacket top pocket.
I added another thousand that I could scarcely afford.
“Bad laydee I tell her, she no work here no more. I want no problem
nasty falang, no problem yabaa. Have police many many!”
“She not here “ I enquired.
“No not here.”
“I have to speak to Yip.”
“She bad lady give problem other girls, have yabaa, have opium! Control
other girls, they like yabaa, like opium. She give for free, then they like then
she sell when they need. Bad lady she, she make lady have need then she supply!
Girl working mark mark just to pay for yabaa, opium!”
“Where do you think she get opium?”
“From funny falang, not seen before. He not like other falang. Big policeman take
him, he take around back bar, pull gun. Him say you not do I say you dead man for
sure. Police frighten mark mark! This important poleesman. Him come back, face
white mark mark.I think he jus learn, no play game heen dead man lair-o lair-o.
Funny falang have suit, old fashion, him no shave, look like gangster from film.
Too much confiden, police have scare mark,mark. Never seen before, Thai man
have face white. I think he think die soon?”
“Did the funny falang have a suit that looked very old?”
“No old like worn out, but old like from long time ago.”
“And Yip?” Another thousand in debt as I palmed the Mamasan.
“Look this her address, her mobile number, I not want trouble, we have nice
lady here, no trouble, pay police mark mark, big policeman have money, he put
money in business. Him jaidee no problem. Him upset funny falang, end up in
klong, floating like dead fish. Everything change in Thailand now. Even poleesman
have frighten’ now. Have family not want to end up like dead fish in klong.
Many falang mai-jaidee now, have gun, kill for yabaa! Not go prison. All kohnThai
have frighten. Very dangerous. Like to kill. Big Mafia like Italian but killing mark
mark. Stupid holiday falang with pack on back think they make quick dollar but end
up in Thai prison. Falang mafia not go prison, have laughing at stupid farang want money for lady.
Stupid student, chooay falang mai-dee. Then fifty year in prison and
bad man him walking free!”
I sat back, took a large gulp of my beer and blew out my cheeks with a silent whistle.
“Listen, you not get involve funny falang, him clayzee, velly danger, you promise me
not get involve!”
Time to meet Yip and follow a crazy trail. Time to walk away and forget. Time to
avoid fifty years in the Bangkok Hilton?
Do I walk away or follow my fascination about a locket that looks ordinary but has a ‘key ‘ to
something? It is better to walk away and forget everything.
Humans are not like that, they have to know whatever the consequencies?
Well some do anyway?
Stupid Thai girl?
Stupid farang who’s curiosity could not be quenched.
Sitting in the Garden Bar on Soi 4 nursing a beer I tapped in the number the Mamasan had given me
for 'Yip',it rang. The address was too vague. It seemed more like a block of flats without a
"No not 'Yip' who want to speak her?"
The same voice comes back on the phone.
"I sometime called 'Yip',is nickname."
"Are you the same 'Yip' who knows an American businessman?"
"I know lot of businessmen, you want Yabaa?"
"You dtham-rooat - policeman?"
"No I would just like to have a chat with you?"
"You have munee?"
"Cannot meet you unless you go where I say"
"You know where minibus go from Lumpini?"
"I can find it."
"Near there is Viet-Nam restaurant. Wait in bar next door."
"How will you know me?"
"Wear bright red shirt."
"I don't have one?"
"Get from stall on road, velly cheap, see you exactly two
hour from now!" She closed the line.
No point in ringing back. I'll get the cheapest red shirt I can find then hail a taxi.
I arrived early, and passed the time looking at the Vietnamese menu. The food looked good but I
wasn't in the mood to eat.
When the two hours was almost up a taxi driver approached.
"You know where she is?"
"Khrupp, please follow sir." I followed the taxi driver a few paces to his waiting cab. An attractive girl
sat in the front. I got in the back of the cab. Once the driver had got in the girl barked a few
words in what sounded like Lao. I couldn't be sure.
"We speak when we arrive." She said no more. We drove to the outskirts of the city and then some
Past a few factories and non-descript appartment blocks we arrived at an even more non-descript Thai
restaurant. We got out of the taxi to her first words in half an hour,"you pay!"
She led me to a deserted chair among other deserted chairs that were tucked under empty tables.
Very tall with long hair she reminded me of some of the Ladyboys I had seen. No adam's apple, a
good chance she wasn't a he.
"OK you have twenty minutes. That will be two thousand baht up front."
"Hold on a minute you said nothing about money?"
"Time is money!" she crossed elegant legs, the bottom of her flower patterned mini skirt rose a little.
"What you want?" I was pierced by almost green eyes,even with the high cheekbones there must be
farang blood somewhere in the family.
"Do you know somebody called Mr Delphi?"
"Not know man this name."
"Do you know anybody with a name anything like that?"
"He claimed a locket off me that was mine till he said it was his."
"Locket?....HHmm You have another thousand baht?"
"Ok - I'll be washing dishes at this rate!"
"Why you wash dishes?"
"Never mind." Western expressions sometimes lead to confusion.
"Do you know someone who claims to be Greek or Turkish and wears clothes your grandfather may
Her beautiful eyes widened. Her character was nothing like the description from the Mamasan.
"Bahng-tee, him have walking stick with ivory-top made into face of ugly man with beard - like 'Naga'
"I hadn't noticed that?"
"Here take your money back. I not want trouble, him too dangerous. He make me deal in Yabaa coz I
need money very quick, not usual bar girl excuse. Everything fine then he disappear. I get taken
to police station. Spend night there. Very frighten, think I spend rest of my life in Bang Kwarn
Prison. Then next morning police release me without charge. Police whisper in my ear, he say I
lucky not to be dead, better go hide for many weeks.I want to go now, I get taxi, tell driver where
to go, OK ?"
"Please you not tell anybody, I only talk to you coz I need money and think you pay me, now it not
The beautiful creature looked very upset. She was nothing how I had expected, nothing like the
Mamasan had described.
An hour later I was back with a beer in Soi 4.
It didn't take long to decide that that was the end of that adventure ! I wouldn't mind meeting 'Yip'
again in different circumstances. Definitely not the average bar-girl.
Now what did that Mr Delphi character say on leaving when we met in Pattaya? Something about
going fishing in the Andaman Sea? Well he can stay there and fall off his boat for all I care. That's
the last I intend to see of him. My fault for being inquisitive and trying to play Mr Detective. Get
back to yer beer and birds boy.
Oktobriana and the Russian Underground !
Well, well just don't ask me about the 39 Steps !
I need the money 50crates, couldn't even afford to buy Frank a beer until 'Mr Adelphi' or whoever he
is stuffed a load of notes my way by means of a down-payment.
Sitting just inside the Mexican restaurant in Patpong waiting for this 'character' to show. I thought it
would be somewhere obscure and discrete? Mexican makes a change. I am rather bemused by
this American afro-american gentleman sitting opposite with his Thai girl. He is being perfectly
polite but she insists spending all her time on her mobile till the food arrives.
The waiter leans forward and gives me a card. Uh ? I look at it and it just says Delphi Enterprises. I
turn the card over and scribbled on the back is "pay for your meal and leave the restaurant"
"Gep satang khrupp!"
Leaving the Mexican I wander past the many stalls selling jeans and CD's.
A voice in my ear says,"Follow me!" I catch the smell of very strong tobacco.
He's still got the suit on and a Trilby hat ! - The sun went down half an hour ago !
"This bar!" Delphi pointed to one of the many bars in Patpong.
Kings Castle 3 ? Kings Castle 3 ! Isn't that the Ladyboy joint ??
"Hey Mr Delphi..no not in there wrong place ! No good, no lady!"
He just turned and half-smiled and said,"Singha beer? - time for business!"
Where's he gone now ? Help !
Five Ladyboys stood around the table desperate for their type of business. Eyes wide with hunger !
I gulped at the Singha for courage.
A rather loud one with a feather boa plonked herself next to me. "Hello sweatie you want to f**k my
Er no thanks I am just here with someone."Look darling I am a model, she opened a bag and
produced pictures in seductive poses. 'Yeah sure' I said. "Will you buy me a drink?"
Delphi where the f**k are you?
Another Ladyboy hovered into capture mode. I could not believe the eyes, most fashion models
couldn't compete. Large 'bush-bay' orbs and hips and legs that Vogue Magazine would have paid
Just to think these were once blokes - of a sort !
Suddenly the Ladyboys parted and took on a tone of complete reverence. Wads of cash were stuffed
into their hands.
"And what you agree with my customers is a bonus!"
Smiles all round.
"You want another beer?" I nodded enthusiatically.
Delphi whispered in my ear."Now we have the performers for our little film session and later I shall set
up the victims!"
"Victims?" I nearly choked on my beer.
The Ladyboy with the feather boa smiled again,"My name is Salome I think you are cute, you want a
freebe tomorrow night?" I just shook my head.
Delphi lent back and laughed,"the first job I had was a fruit-packer now you are being offered
"Yeah very funny, how come you now that very Brit expression Mr Delphi?"
"I travel a lot." came the reply.
I bet you do.
I think it's about time that Dmitri at the Embassy returned a few favours and did some research on
this Mr Delphi.
He leant forward again for discrete words," I have all set up now - enough 'girls' and their target.
Luxury hotel. I have paid the concierge, no questions asked. I also pay for new mirror. Is two-way !
Just for our little discrete film session. These can perform,believe me my friend. They can perform
!" He waved at the Ladyboys who were all smiles and all suddenly quite a bit richer.
I started to become worried. The stakes seemed too high.
The Luxury Hotel
That cannot be named for obvious reasons
Mr Delphi or Dimitrios if some are to believed sat in the front
of the first taxi. Where did he learn such fluent Thai ? He sat
relaxed discussing gawd-knows-what with the driver.
I sat in the back with two Ladyboys the other three followed in
a taxi behind.
"You're cute!" said 'feather boa' again.
Yeah right, I'm straight.
"They're the best!" It cooed.
Get off! Stopping tickling me.
Bloody Hell - How did you learn such good English ?
"University, but I was expelled."
I am not surprised - Ever been in the back of a taxi with two
randy Ladyboys? I hadn't till now.
Ouch ! Will you stop?
-stop fluttering those eyes at me !
Oh no here comes the suggestive tongue around the top-tip routine.
"I'm hot!" she says.
This taxi has air-con say I.
"I could show you things that you would not believe?"
I don't doubt that.
She or it pulled it's mini skirt right up. Standing to salute?
I got pouting lips.What I wouldn't do for a cold beer and some
naked lady dancers at 'Bottoms-Up' in Nana or whatever it called
itself now. But that was not allowed under the 'New Social Order'
'New Stupid Order' more like.
'Mr Delphi' chuckled in the front seat.
Salome I think you better save your homo erectus for the clients
at the hotel. I tried to push off clinging hands.
"They are going to get 'It' tonight!" she said.
There seems to be plenty of it?
"I'm a very energetic person!"
"Latin?" Delphi decided to speak to me for once.
No mate Anglo-Saxon!
"I want you to catch the clients 'in flagrante delicto' or 'In
delicto flagrante' I can never remember which way around that
Nor can these Ladyboys, will you get off!
"I have big dick!- I play with myself everyday!" said the other one.
Bully for you deah - I wanna get out Delphi !
"We're here" said the Greek hood.
By some slight of hand we, that is Delphi,myself and the five ladyboys
were whisked through a sort of side entrance and down some long thin
corridors. The Thais seemed to know Delphi yet neither argued or challenged
him. I saw no money palmed.
The ladyboys went off through one door and I was hustled through another
to a small empty room with a camera on a tripod pointing at a glass window/mirror
. "This is the equipment you will use. make yourself familiar with it. It is not
complicated, it just needs a good eye. Make sure you use the zoom for the
hottest action and really make sure the men in the room are identified with
the Ladyboys. This is most important thing. That the action with the LB's
and then men involved is apparent. If not you get no money!" Delphi's eyes
took on a steely quality.
OK one Hollywood special coming up! You get exactly what you want.
"And you'll then get your much needed money!"
Thoughtfully 'Delphi' had left some sandwiches and mineral water. No drunken
cameraman on Singha.
Through the two-way glass I could see the Ladyboys getting ready. Some in
'bondage gear' two others totally naked. Fantastic bodies yet with a blokes'
dick. Weird. Oh well let 'em roll. Action!
Waiting for half an hour I started to get bored and drowsy. So when's the
action? Then the door to the luxury bedroom opened and two suited gentlemen
entered. One slightly drunk, the other looking like a dog on heat.
Wait a minute I know these two? I've seen them in news reports. Blimey they
are VVIP's The one not looking drunk was in the news. Something about getting
back-handers for a helicopter contract. Nothing proven. A very senior Euro-person
in military procurement. The other one slightly drunk is such a well known figure
on the 'Euro-Gravy Train'I just stood aghast for a few moments.
Down to business, having earlier familiarised myself with the camera equipment the
rest was easy. Maybe ?
Four bottles of Bollinger Champagne. I tried to see if it was '61 but couldn't. It
wasn't cheap muck whatever it was.
In a moment the famous 'Euros' and I mean 'well-known' were naked.
Oops get the equipment going. Can't air-brush out those beer-guts I'm afraid. I checked
the zoom on the beer-guts. Great target no probs.
I had to sit down while some extensive foreplay was enacted. Yawn, sea food and champagne-
how the rich live?
Cameras roll ! They are getting down to it !
Bloody hell ! So that's what they do !
Ouff - I bet that hurt. Zoom in.
These two blokes really are gagging for it.
Wow! He's into her, she's into him.
My boy lollipop!
Two blokes, five Ladyboys. Are there enough orifices ?
Steamy action or what? Zoom again.
Connect the famous face with the action
Bloody hell this is mega-porno.
The famous and powerful are at the feet of the Ladyboys.
Begging, pleading - Why do powerful people want to be dominated and abused?
Ugh - that's disgusting ! Zoom in again.
Blood, cum and everything. This looks like it is getting out of hand.
Male rape,gang rape. Ladyboy rape. Torn flesh. Zoom that camera !
Where do they get the energy? I hope this is not a long reel.
Screaming, shouting,whipping, sucking, f**king, cum here there and everywhere.
Mr Delphi this camera is recording it all. I'm knackered just watching it.
Oh no that's filthy ! Sheeeet. Literally !
Talk about the initiation into a hidden world?
Riding him pulling the bastards hair. I want to throw up!
That's a novel use for an empty champagne bottle, I hope it
doesn't get re-cycled.
Oh the debauchery! I turned away. Looks like the reel is nearly finished. I feel like I have been in the boxing
ring for five hours. They are still at it ! Oh they are having a rest.
Canapes and champagne. Oh for the simple life and a normal girl.Whatever normal is?
In tomorrow's news this scum will be suited and booted. Pontificating on the World's
morals as if butter would not melt in their mouths.
Delphi entered the room. "Got that all?"
Yes, can I go now?
Delphi. Checked the film and started a partial re-run.
"Good you have skill with a camera just as I suspected."
The two VVIP's started up again with the Ladyboys.
"Enough ! Here is your payment. Take a taxi. I will clear up here, I have what I
want and more."
I pocketed a large roll of notes, left and caught a taxi back to my humble hotel.
I sat on my bed thinking about what had just happened and looked at my large wad
of well-used 1000 Baht notes. I ran to the toilet and spent ten minutes throwing up!
I flopped on the bed and slept the sleep of the damned.
A leaflet with pictures of girls in a large open bath was pushed my way.
“Afternoon good price discount for you sir, lovely lady take care you
‘No thanks mate.’ I waived him back to his tuk-tuk on Sukhumwit. Do
I look that desperate? Maybe I do ?
My mobile rang or more accurately played a classic fugue.
‘Allo Frank ‘ow the hell are you?’
‘Good fun with FrankieGirl – I’m jealous! oh tears and thoughts about rings, ah maybe not so jealous.
Don't buy a buffalo or a whole load of rubber trees !'
‘What am I up to? Good question. –
-going to see Dmitri at the Embassy, he’s got some info for me on
that creepy Greeko –
Yes Frank I am being careful
Yeah I know - the LadyBoy should have stuck it in my ear and f**ked
some sense into me. Yeah I will be careful but I need the dosh big time-
Bar-girls? Yeah too much trouble, good fun but the conversation runs
out after a while and then they end up on the mobile to their mates for
hours at a time. You know what I mean Frank?
Have I tried an agency ? –
Couldn’t till old what-is-name gave me some dinero for that little job
I did for him.
Yeah I will be careful-
Anyway do I need to blow the money on an agency?
Yeah I know I have a better chance of somebody I have more in common
with – too eager for what?
are you surprised when it’s ‘slim-pickens’ back in Farangland – nursing a
beer in pub full of farang all hoping to meet a girl that’s never going to
Alright Frank I will give it a try when I have a bit more money – I’ve had
enough of being a butterfly I would like something more long time.
OK mate see you for a beer later’
I hailed a taxi to the ‘Embassy’. We went past the British Embassy on the way.
I wonder how many hopefuls would end up disappointed today when their ‘tilac’
would be told that, “she did not know what school she would be studying at or
town where she would be living and consequently a visa could not be issued – or it would not be
appropriate to issue a visa to a girl who had worked for so long in a bar, what guarantee is there
that she would not enter the sex trade in Britain?” – sorry old chap and all that, better luck next
Somebody should write a song called ‘Tears at the Embassy’ ?
I can almost here the officials’ thoughts coming from the Embassy visa section –
“Don’t you know that sex is not allowed and it is a crime to be lonely – stupid boy
go away and don’t bother us, we didn’t come here to deal with the likes of you!
Another fool about to get fleeced!”
I went to the answerphone at the side entrance. Large wrought-iron gates painted black, elegant trees
in the compound. I pressed the bell.
‘It’s Yuri Velasquez to see Dmitri Norisenko’
“Moment plees” came a very gruff voice.
“It’s enquired what is you have to say?” Grunted gruffy.
“Tell Dmitri that his mother is a whore, he’s a pimp and his Borscht tastes like
a Vulture’s crunch!” I heard a roar of laughter from the speaker.
An electrical buzz and a clunk as the bolt withdrew on the gate.
I walked down a narrow path past a fishpond full of expensive Koi-carp turned a
corner and there was the staff member still chuckling standing by an open door.
I got a heavy slap on the back that nearly sent me flying, “I shall be coming to
London to be watching Chelsea!” He bellowed proudly.
‘Rather you than me mate – usual place?”
“Da! He-he.” He still chuckled.
Dmitri sat behind a large red leather topped desk with five phones, the ‘special’
one coloured red. I wondered where that direct line led to? The size of the desk
matched Dmitri’s girth, his bald head glistened and a double-chin flopped over
a badly fitting shirt. A thick folder lay before him, it looked faded and old, the
once green colour had gone decidedly pale like a face after far too much vodka.
A Samovar grumbled with boiling tea in the corner, a large tropical plant stood
alone in it’s pot by the French-windows. Dmitri leant forward and a large paw
grabbed at my tiny mitt crunched the life out of it and then pumped my arm up
and down. “Glad to see you my old comrade!”
“Glad to see you my old mucker!” I tried to get the circulation back into my hands
by tapping my fingers on my thigh.
‘Yes please – no sugar thanks’ Dmitri waddled over to the Samovar turned the tap
and the dark liquid splashed in the small glass. “Lemon?” I nodded.
Dmitri thumped back into his extra-large chair. “Right let’s get down to business,
I think the roles have reversed. After all the effort to get this information I think
you’ll be owing me. It’s only because that under-employed oaf Kirilensky back
in Moscow has time on his hands he managed to find this folder. This character
has quite a history, and I emphasise the word history.”
Dmitri opened the folder and showed me the first page. It was an outline of the
details of one Dimitrios Makropoulos. Occupations: Fig packer, pimp, runner
for dubious owners of various ‘clubs’ in Athens and Istanbul. Drugs dealer, arms
dealer. Assassin. The list seemed endless.
‘Quite the villain’ I said.
Dmitri shoved a photo across the table, ‘Blimey that’s him ! He looks a little younger
the black and white photo has faded but that’s him alright.
“He was wanted by the KGB for years, always managed to give them the slip, quite a feat. Double-
crossed and double double-crossed just about everything and everybody.
Sold arms to all sides in Greece, Turkey and the Balkans during and at the end of the Second World
War. Worked with the Greek Communists and the Waffen SS.Double-crossed the British and they
lost a valuable agent or two!”
‘End of the Second World War ?” I was confused and shocked.
“Tovarish, look at the year of the date of birth.”
‘1915 ! – What !’ Dmitri pulled open a drawer of his desk. He pulled out a bottle
of Stolichnya and two tumblers.
“I think this calls for your favourite ‘Vodka-Vanil’ – Dmitri gave me a warm and
kindly look as he poured two generous measures into each glass.
‘There must be a logical answer to this? It’s obviously a close relative, a nephew,
a cousin or something. Some families through up some amazing likenesses?
“Drink your vodka!” We both chinked glasses and threw it down in one shot.
Cough Splutter ! “Oops sorry Yuri I forgot to mention I had put some Thai chillies
and garlic in the bottle some months back!” My eyes watered, ’good stuff Dmitri.
a bit like Irish Poteen illegally brewed on the farm?’
“There are none, no relatives that are known. Apparently according to this file he
was pulled out of the Bosphorus near Istanbul in November 1946. Bloated with
the death of drowning. Strangely according to this file a look-a-like has been
periodically turning up here and there around the World wherever there has been
conflict and trouble.” Dmitri flicked through the file with thick fingers. "This one gets around.
Argentina in the 1950's, Brazil during the 1960's, Colombia in the 1970's where he allegedly shot
a key figure working for the C.I.A. Back to Argentina in 1982 and then on to Colombia again. That
must be the drug connection. We nearly caught him in 1986 on what was our own turf, Cuba. As
usual he slipped out of our grasp and disappeared as if by magic.
One positive identifying feature with the character during the Second World War
and his look-a-like is the cane he almost always carries. Quite distinctive, the notes
here say it’s a clever combination of sword stick and gun, but the most unusual feature is the carved
head. Look at it the first time and it looks like a Naga you
will see in the Temples around here. Look again and it is almost lizard-like !
Very thorough the old KGB they have even got an artists’ impression of it.”
Dmitri slid across another paper from the file. Although my reading of Cyrillic script
was passable, as before Dmitri had added an English translation.
‘I think I’ll need another vodka. That is exactly like the stick this Mr Delphi carries!
What a hideous image, the stuff of nightmares, I think it looked like ivory but I
can’t be sure?’
“That’s also what the file more or less says.” Dmitri gave out a long sigh and poured
more vodka. “The file ends in 1994, we became interested in other things then like
making money, the good-bad old days were over.” Dmitri sat thoughtfully, staring
into space with his private thoughts. Dmitri slammed his glass down, I finished mine
with another coughing session.
“OK young Yuri I have to go to a boring meeting with the boss. Stay in touch and stay out of trouble. I
don’t want you leaping the fence asking for diplomatic protection!” He slapped me on the back.
I left via the same way I entered with a tut-tut joke about Chelsea with the footman.
I tried to take my mind off things with an evening stroll down Soi Company, fending
off girls offering a good time in this bar or that. My mind span. How could this man’s
birthday be 1915 ? There had to be a rational explanation, some lost relative look-a-like or something.
Hands closed around my eyes, “Hello gorgeous!” a hot breath shot down my neck.
‘Salome’ what the?’
“Wanna good time?”
‘Yeah but not from you.’
‘Yeah right, yeah and I know you have ‘big-dick’ it’s really not my scene.’
“C’mon cutie I’ll buy you a beer I’m feeling rich.”
‘Get a good tip from the other night?’
“A big tip and a great fun time, did I have those VIP’s begging for more, I’ve
been offered an all expenses paid trip to Brussels.
‘Go for it girl – I’m sure you can show them a thing or three?’
“They were gagging for me!”
‘Yeah I’m sure they were.’
“In here cutie” She or whatever one called a Ladyboy directed me into a small
“I have a friend who would like to meet you!”
‘Oh no not more Ladyboys?’
We made our way back to the back of the dimly lit bar. An elegant figure sat alone
in a corner smoking a cigarette with a pink paper and gold band. The elegance she
radiated made her look strangely out of place. I couldn’t quite make out the face.
The waitress hovered, “My usual cocktail, Yuri here will have ?”
‘A Singha will do fine thanks.’
Salome lit the candle on the table with her lighter. It had gone out protesting
lack of custom.
“Yuri let me introduce you to my friend ‘Yip’ well that’s what she calls herself this
As the candle lit the unmistakable face of ‘Yip’ came out of the shadow. The high
cheek-bones and deep piercing eyes, she could have been a Pharaoh’s wife.
‘I think we have met before’ A feint smile appeared on ‘Yips’ face.
‘Surely this one cannot be a Ladyboy?’
“That’s for me to know and you to find out?” Salome had a knowledge of English
'Yip' Masuimi Max
"Oh look my friend ! Must have talk, excuse me sollee." Salome
the LadyBoy skipped over to a couple of Thai 'girls' at the
end of the bar.
'Probably gone to discuss make-up?' I wanted to make polite
conversation with 'Yip'
"No doubt." She fluttered her long eyelashes.
"Yes" She dragged on her designer cigarette.
'Is that your real name?'
"No, you would find it unpronounceable. I also go by the name
Angel." She showed no emotion from her cool exterior.
'An 'Angel' from the City of Angels?'
"Something like that, is your name really Yuri?" She dropped
her pretence of pidgin English.
'Maybe, I also like to use aliases, I don't want to alert
certain people I am in Thailand.'
'Let's just say I want to try and keep a low profile.'
She took another long drag on her cigarette and began to show
a slight interest.
'You seem out of place with this bar-scene? I don't wish to be
rude but shouldn't you be on TV or work as a fashion model or
"You can put me in the 'or something' category." This proved
to be hard work.
'Or something speaks very good English, much better than last
time we met?'
"I wanted to keep giving the impression that I am a simple bar
girl. I am not as you have correctly supposed. We are all victims
of circumstance. The English helped at University. I done that,
dropped off in a big silver Mercedes for the days' lectures."
'Don't mind me asking again but what is a beautiful creature at
University doing in the bar-scene?' I must have looked perplexed
or just plain stupid.
"I am not at University anymore, I got expelled. I have upset
some important and powerful people." Eager for more knowledge
about the goddess sitting opposite I tried to be friendly by
ordering drinks. 'Noo noo'? The service girl bounced over with
a smile. "Ka?"
'I'll have a Singha, and the lady will have a....'
"Jamesons ice and soda." The look of puzzlement on the service-
girl went when 'Yip' rattled off the instructions in Thai."Ka, ka
A rather large Jamesons arrived along with my Singha. 'Geaow khrupp?'
I still think drinking from a bottle disgusting. I tipped out the
ice into the ashtray.
Yip gave me a long hard searching look. "I know what you are going
to ask me? What happened to University and the Mercedes?"
"Don't be shy. I have not spoken about this for a long while, but
you have a sincere and honest face, be careful of the girls here.
They like an easy touch, you'll hear that you are 'Jai-dee' - good
heart, more times than bottles of beer that you drink!"
I blushed at the compliment, luckily it didn't show in the dark bar.
"I come from what you call a 'Hi-so' family. I was happy enough but
bored with the privileges, the family were strict with money so I
didn't go out too often and enjoy myself. I studied History and
economics but would have preferred Fine Art. Do you like Fine Art
'I have an uncle who is a bit of a rogue, he deals in it. Would you
like some Russian Icons?'
"Perhaps one day and under different circumstances." Yip looked very
"Are you a Russian?"
'No, just let me say I am a mix of a cold country and a hot one.Rather
like my emotions, they blow hot and cold. I really want to know about
you, I'm not very interesting?' She gave me another long searching look.
Gulped a large measure of her whiskey down and dragged on a fresh
cigarette that she had just lit.
"I have an illegitimate brother and cousin. Both outcasts from the family.
We were never allowed to discuss them, it was if they never existed.
They both grew up poor with their respective mothers. But I found them,
and I adore them both. My brother is very happy-go-lucky as you say in
the West, one day he came off his motor-bike. I got him into a good
hospital but the bills were very high. I wasn't allowed to have much
money even was supplied. My only option to get money quickly was to work
in the sex-industry. I hated it at first, then I got used to it. Now
sex for me has about as much excitement as brushing my teeth. I am good
at faking it for the customers and telling them how good they are. I was
going to leave the industry when my darling cousin, a girl, was diagnosed
with cancer. More hospital bills so I stayed in the scene. I learned the
companionship of the girls, their team spirit if you want to use a modern
way of speaking." I was in awe of Yip's English.
These girls come from poor backgrounds, they go back to the village with
their new mobile and gold chain around their necks. They have a new status,
they have money when it is not gambled away or used to pay for the Yabaa to
keep them going. They are part of a family, the bar or go-go family. You
see the smiles but you never see the tears. One girl gets a lovely gold
chain from a customer and the others say how lucky she is but secretly are
jealous. You don't see the envy behind those smiles. A smile can cover many
'The country where my uncle comes from they all go around looking grumpy, they
say if you smile you should mean it. It then becomes something genuine. Then
the vodka bottle comes out and so does the emotions. Laughs and smiles, dancing
on tables when an hour earlier there was a melancholic discussing of life and
the meaning of the Universe.'
"I thought alcohol was a depressant?"
'Not for them, please continue with your story.'
"Lying in both senses of the word is an industry in Thailand. I hope one day
we will stop it. I have seen girls lose a genuine love and a lot more because
of this addiction. Often just to save face. When lying becomes the ultimate
habit who can be true to themselves. There is a lot wrong with this country in
my mind. You 'Westerners' just enjoy the illusion, the smiles, the mai bpen rai-
it doesn't matter. Everything here is for show yet much goes on behind the scenes
hidden from the public and tourist eye. Have you been with many bar girls Yuri?"
'Errr....one or two.'
"Or ten? Have you ever noticed anything unusual?"
'The amount of soft cuddly toys in some of the rooms I have been to. It's as if
there is a part that has been denied in youth or never grown up. Some rooms look
like a child's nursery. I found that very sad for a girl of thirty?'
"That is the way of things here, you will also see educated girls of twenty-three
who have not even been to a bar let alone work there cuddling a soft toy furry
animal. I stayed with a bar girl friend for a while, there is not only soft furry toys. Ever slept with
cockroaches Yuri ? A cheap room, all the money goes back to the family. I used to lie awake at
night listening to her cry herself to sleep."
'Ooooh Yuck ! You'll be telling me next you fried them and ate them. I 've seen them for sale on the
streets, Yum Yum.' I felt green.'Any more about your life? How did you get involved with this
"I'm coming to that. The hospital bills for my cousin rose and rose. One day a very
important man invited some of the girls to come to his party. A lot of money was
offered. I had to go, I needed the money. Have you ever ridden a naked man like a
horse and then pissed on him Yuri?"
'Errrr....no I can't say I have. The bar girls I know are quite conventional in the
bedroom. Boring old me I suppose?'
"There was a very very important man at the party who wanted me big-time. Now Yuri even a girl
who works as a hooker in her spare time comes across a man that is
totally detestable. I refused and refused his approaches. In the end he pulled a
gun on me and told me he had killed for much less. I thought that was my end.
Then he had second thoughts and said he would destroy me. The next thing I knew my
family knew about my nocturnal occupation, I was disgraced and literally kicked
out. I no longer existed. Then I found I was barred from the University. A total
outcast! I still needed money so I worked full time. The hospital bills rolled in."
"I'm coming to HIM!"
"One evening this man with swarthy skin and what I thought was an Arab look, it turned out to be
Turkish, strolled into the bar. Like myself he drank whisky, Scots though not Irish like myself, may
I have another?"
I nodded and another very large Jamesons arrived as if by magic.
"He carried that odd walking stick of his and wore a very old-fashioned suit. He stood out amongst the
pot bellied farangs in singlets and shorts. He only had eyes for me and ignored the other girls.
'Not surprising' I got a frown, Yip obviously considered her beauty incidental.
He offered me money lots of it, how could I refuse? He didn't want to sleep with me
just do a few 'jobs' for him. At first this was selling Yabaa at a cut down price
to the other girls. Somebody tipped off the police and I spent that night in jail.
No sooner was I in jail I was out again. All because of 'Dimitrios'. He has SOME
influence with the police. He wanted me to go with that 'destesable' VVIP and I
mean detestable. But I was now 'owned' by Dimitrios. Not do as he said and I would
be back in jail for life. I thought of my beloved brother and cousin and agreed.
Oh Yuri the debauchery!"
Yip burst into tears, I did not know what to do. Put my arm around her or what. Then she suddenly
composed her self, gulped down a large measure of whiskey and said,"Do you mind if I stop
'Sure, I I I am sorry' Yip looked far into the distance, pain in her eyes.
After a long silence Yip brightened up. She seemed glad that she had got 'something' out of her
system. She nodded in the direction of Salome.
Salome whispered something to her friends and nodded in my direction. They all burst into laughter.
"I think you are in there tonight Yuri?"
Salome - The LadyBoy
Yip looked at her watch, frowned and said,"Have fun with Salome?
I have to go to an appointment." She gave me a half smile,stood
up and glided out of the bar. A vision of loveliness, I bit my
tongue with a what if?
Salome bounced over all smiles, "I don't need to work for a while
thanks to Dimitrios! Coming back to my place? A customer gave me
some Champagne, want to share it ?"
I like Champagne although I wouldn't know a Dom Perignon from a
Bollinger '61. I reluctantly agreed, Salome smiled again tapped
me on the knee with approval and said,"let's go I'll hail a taxi."
What on earth was I letting myself in for? Going back to a Ladyboy's
apartment, that's definitely a no-no if you don't know the person,
some claimed to have been robbed on such a visit.Over the last few days
I had sort of got to know SaLoMe, maybe I might learn something about
another side of Thailand. Salome's English is not as good as Yip's but
it wasn't bad.
The taxi took us to a non-discript part of Bangkok not too far from the
airport, poorly lit the lights in porches of the four-storey flats
the only illumination.
"Home!" SaLoMe said bubbling. I couldn't look the taxi driver
in the face but I noted a wry smile. I paid the fare.
"I have air-con," she said proudly as she let us into the second floor
apartment. I wondered what we would talk about?
I was greeted by a painting of a naked man set above what looked like
a Moroccan sofa. The flat was tastefully furnished, a woman's touch,
definitely not a male bachelor pad. One wall was covered with book
shelves, the book choice eclectic. As usual I perused the collection
to see what interests she had. It became obvious that 'University' was
not a bar-girl story but a reality. The unofficial biography of Rudolph
Nureyev. I wonder how many of his fans knew he was a sexual athlete with
other men before this book was published. Salome's crashed around in the
kitchen cursing in Thai. "Cashew Nuts ?" -I said fine. I looked at the other
books. Egyptology, Fine art, Astrology and Tarot card reading. A few occult
books I had not seen before, and a lot of Thai books I couldn't read. I
noticed a few homo-erotic books that looked very naughty. They were stacked
next to books on ancient classic eroticism. Some Greek, some Roman. What
surprised me was the Revolutionary Marxist literature. The were a number
of books on Che Guevara, Marx's Das Capital and oddly leaning against them
a book on Carmen Miranda and one on Marlon Brando, I tried to scan and
see if there was one on James Dean but there wasn't.
There were a few rather nice red-brown Greek pots, strangely the customary
image of the Buddha was absent.
"You like my things ? I have a little shop in Chatuchack at weekends, I sell
arty- things. I am quite popular amongst the students, I try not to sell Thai
things, some of my customers send me interesting things." Salome arrived from
the kitchen, two glasses in one hand and the Champagne in a cooler tucked under
her arm. I noticed it was sparking wine rather than Champagne, the label said
'Asti Spumante' I made no comment, I liked it anyway. She put the wine and the
glasses on a glass table held up by two Egyptian cats. SaLoMe noticed that I
was studying the cats. She made a cat growl. 'Cat People?' I said.
"Hey you like one of my favourite films? I have the music by Bowie!" That film
was released in 1982, she would have been about two years old at the time, I
wonder how she picked up on that one? This was no ordinary Thai to say the
least, her flat reminded me of a girlfriend's in St Petersburg. Thailand never
failed to surprise me, one thinks you know about the place then you walk into
a flat like this!
Salome had watched me observe the books, she started the conversation,"I was
arrested once, not for being a Ladyboy but for my political activities."
'You a Marxist?'
"Maybe." She wasn't going to let on.
'What do you think of the present political administration in Thailand?'
"Creep!" I didn't pursue that topic any further.
We sat for a few moments in silence, I felt relaxed, I liked the Bohemian
surroundings. "Refill?" she said as she filled my glass again.
"I want to try on my latest, may I show you?"
"Yeah sure." I wondered what 'her latest' would be? I had visions of Miss
Whiplash - a dominatrix. Salome disappeared into her bedroom.
The CD played and filled the room with Wagner's Tristan & Isolde, the speakers
strategically placed for the best sound. I had visions of Anastasia back in
Salome drifted back into the room, I was stunned. She looked like a Greek
Goddess. Her hair had been pulled back and locks fell down the nape of her
neck. A single shoulder strap held the white dress up with a gold clasp.
The image was of Ancient Greece, like a Carytid statue I had seen in the
"What do you think ?"
'Er how about - Wow!' She looked pleased and started to do a graceful dance
back and forth. "More wine? I have plenty." I nodded. She filled my glass
again and continued her dance in front of the glass table.
"Do you want me to do the dance of the 'Seven Veils' later? I am very good
at it! My customers love it."
'Not this week, maybe next time.' I felt a little woozy with the Asti.
"I'd love to have you!"
'I expect you would but I told you I'm not into that sort of thing.
She ignored me and carried on dancing, suddenly she twirled and her dress
opened to expose the fact she was naked underneath. She twirled again to
reveal herself in a state of profound and eager arousal. I blushed not
knowing what to say. I tried to stay calm by pretending nothing had happened.
She filled my glass yet again and sank her wine with one gulp.
"You like the things in my flat?"
'Not very 'Thai' ?'
"There are Thais who like such things but you will never meet them except
Salome tapped her gold clasp and her classic garb fell to the floor, her
body matched the period of the dress. A cross between Greek goddess and god.
Well toned and not an inch of fat anywhere. The hips were feminine, the breasts
firm, every inch the vision of a woman except for the resemblance to the Greek
god of fertility. She had no tail like the statue but an erect endowment that
most men would envy. I blushed again, confused and embarrassed. She knelt
before me pouring wine into the glasses. "Please play with me ? I get so lonely
and I have very strong urges. I will not disappoint you!"
'Salome, you are good company and definitely not boring but I am not into these
sort of things!'
"I could be 'into' you!" My brain screamed Help!
She did another dance then arched her back and stood on her toes to give me
the full benefit of her well endowed physicality. I began to feel inadequate.
I hadn't really noticed her attributes as there were a few others present during
the filming session. I spent most of the time with my head turned away, I found it
revolting. Action camera, close up, then turn away. I thought I had earned my money?
She drew in her breath to enhance her physique,"You could come to my Ladyboy gym with me?"
"We do all our exercises naked ! I could relieve you while you worked the apparatus?
It's very healthy, to cum when you are exercising!"
I rolled my eyes and rested them on a brick-red Grecian pot with homo-erotic images painted in black
on it. No doubt a gift from Dimitrios.
Salome swiftly fell on the Arabic sofa next to me, "I know a lot about Mata Hari!
Can I be your Mata Hari?" He skin felt soft and downy like a woman's. She downed
another glass of 'Asti'and tried to kiss and fondle me.
She looked hurt, I had forgot the hormone intake led to rapid mood swings. I had
visions of the kitchen knife plunging home on a poor defenceless Yuri.
I put my arm around her.
"Does this mean we are no longer friends ?"
'No, just lets keep this friendship platonic, there's another Greek for you.
I envied her strident erection. Middle age and my body I believed was winding down
with libido. Would I have tried her if I was younger ?
Salome looked disappointed and hurt. I started to sweat even thought there was air-con.
'Salome, you are great company I like your interests, you are different and exciting.'
She didn't believe me,"Dtoh lair-oh!"
'Salome how many people do I know that have so many interests I can relate to?'
"Probably lots." There were few, if only I could find a girl like Salome and not a
Ladyboy? She sensed my thoughts, a single tear ran down her cheek. I hadn't a clue what to do so I
just sat there, the music started again. Debussy's Prelude L'Apres Midi D'une Faune.
She nuzzled closer,"I am always looking for my Prince to come and take me away on a magic carpet
to his palace like 1001 Arabian Nights. I am so lonely, the only time
I found love was when I was fifteen."
'What was his name?'
"His name, he was a she and two years older, my first love. She left me for a rich
fat farang twice her age who took her back to America. He killed her one night in
a drunken rage. Don't know why. That was the end of my love. Then I decided I wanted to become a
woman. I felt much better about my self, but I am still very lonely.
Make love to me please!" My head started spinning again, she acted and thought like a woman and
not someone in a 'Twilight Zone' in-between. I tried to change the subject.
'What do you now about Dimitrios? "That devil! He forgets I am educated an understand the
significance of THAT walking stick!"
"You would not understand or believe me, I can only say that there are things of this World that are
better not discussed, because in reality they are NOT of this World!"
"You're telling me ! One night, late. We were sitting in a dark bar discussing clients,
there were candles on the table. I swear for a moment I saw scales on his face like a lizard, then his
eyes took on a reptilian appearance. Just for a moment. I froze with fear. He leant forward and
said -'easy to live, easy to die don't forget that!' I was too frightened to answer. I felt that I was in
the presence of something inexplicable.
You would call it a 'devil'." A shudder ran through me and I am sure the hair on the
back of my neck stood up!
Salome started crying, a slow whimper. Frank can't you ring me on your mobile and
banish this drama? The phone stayed silent. I stared into space at nothing in particular for what
seemed ages. I glanced at my watch. Ten minutes had passed.
The crying stopped. Salome was sound asleep. Mascara had run down her face in smudges.
I eased myself away from her and put her head under a pillow. I then went to the
bedroom. Found a blanket, came back and covered her.
I let myself out of the flat as quietly as I could. Thankfully the lock was quiet and
didn't make that clunk sound when shut.
I ran silently down the few flights of steps sending the cockroaches heading for cover.
I didn't know where I was. I walked down a long street for about thirty minutes. My mind in a turmoil.
The contradictions of sexuality had confused me completely. I decided that I had spent too many
hours in libraries and needed to get out more. Naive to the World at my age? Pathetic !
I felt like a beer for some reason even after many glasses of Asti Spumante. These days Bangkok
officially closed at 2am. I saw some lights in the distance and made for them.
A bar open at 3.30 am ? I saw a local policeman having a drink at one of the tables.
He gave me a smile and a wave. The owner came up to me and waved me to a seat, I preferred the
'A Singha for me, in a glass, no ice, and whatever Mr Policeman over there would like as well. The
policeman waved his new bottle in pleased salute.
4am and two friendly ladies of about 30 years old joined me at the bar. Well this is
Thailand. Back to normality. I would never be lonely in Bangkok. I would leave the
loneliness for Salome. I suddenly felt concerned about her. We are all human beings,
I vowed to stop being so judgmental.
From behind the bar came the game 'Jenga' - piling wooden bricks on top of each other.
No doubt I would get beaten roundly by the Thai, girls? 'You want a drink?'
"Ka, Ka." Came the reply. 'Whatever these ladies are having?'
I spent the next forty minutes in total relaxation. Forgetting all that had happened
that evening. 'Another drink ladies?' - "Ka, ka!"
The owner joined us in amused companionship.'Drink for you?' - "Khrupp!"
My eyes wandered to a strange dragon/lizard carving on a shelf at the back of the bar.
It was accompanied by a bottle of 'Cutty Sark'. Ever interested in Objects D'art I asked the owner
what it was?
"Oh that? That 'Naga' - old legend say they live in Kingdom underground and control
human race! Just a story though. I like story, same you?"
I thought I heard the theme tune of 'The Twilight Zone Playing' - I suddenly felt tired.
I think it's time to go back to my hotel.
"Oooohh sorry sir no have! No problem I take you back hotel. Finish game with lady
first. You Kohn Jai dee. No rush." The owner/barman smiled a smile of knowing.
I like Thai people.
I've just had a call on my mobile guess what ?
Was it Frank telling me what a great time he is having ?
Well that's what I thought ?
As much as I can remember the conversation sort of went like this. I was sitting having a beer and a
Phad Thai at the time.
Phone clears down.
The phantom caller strikes again ? You know we have all had them in Bangkok.
Back to the Phad Thai and beer.
"It's me Salome. I want to apologise for the other night."
Nah don't worry about it, mai bpen rai and all that! By the way how did YOU get my number?
"Yip gave it to me, after you insisted she had your number the other night.
Good old 'Yip' - strewth.
"Yuri, I have something to tell you!"
Uh-oh ?? I've heard this line before?
"Yuri, I need you !"
Yeah right I get the message, you're in trouble with the authorities. Don't worry Dimitrios has given me a
cartload of Baht to act as your minder and help you keep your head down. (That didn't come out right? I hope
she didn't understand the innuendo?)
"No Yuri not that I mean I really need you!"
I nearly choked on my Phad Thai.
What a washed up old fart like me?
I rolled my ears to the heavens and thought 'What next?'
"Yuri I can get sex where I want when I want and however much I want, and I get paid for it - most times
anyway. - I want a friend, a companion. Sex isn't everything believe it or not?"
Has Dimitrios put you up to this?
"No, anyway you are supposed to be looking after 'Yip' as well." (Thinks...I would definitely like to take care of
that one!) I felt like Denis Waterman from the British TV series 'Minder' - Dimitrios is nothing like George
I tried to veer the conversation away from the topic.
Salome what happens when a Ladyboy gets old and not wanted anymore?
That will get her thinking?
"I don't grow old. I'm like Peter Pan - I'm sort of....immortal!"
Well most farangs have 'ATM' printed on their foreheads I've got 'Bring your problems here - free consultation'
- Fortunes told, palms read and problems solved! - I'll have to open a tent at a fairground, wear a pointy
hat and a cloak with stars and planets on it. Change my name to Merlin. 'Enquire within about
everything' Probably an easier way of making money than what I am doing now.
"Yuri, I DO need you !"
'Why me? I'm no big deal at anything !
"You listen to me, you appreciate my interests, I either get laughed at or ignored when I tell people what I do
in my spare time."
'Well there aren't a lot of people in this country from what I've seen who like the same things as you? Apart
from the sex that is.
I heard crying at the other end. Here we go again, Uncle Yuri the Good Samaritan.
"I am going now Yuri - take care ?"
There was a finality about the comment that disturbed me. Here come the slashed wrists. A TG did that 'call
for help' to a mate of mine.
A pretty girl looked down at me, "more beer Sir?"
Yes another Singha.
The beer arrived, I said to the girl. 'Sit down next to me for a bit, I want to hold your hand for a while.'
The girl smiled the sweetest smile and did as she was told.
This is after all, Thailand.
I stood in front of the building works that was once Clinton Plaza.
F**k you Mr Developer ! I'd lost count how many happy 'Happy Hours'
I had spent in the Dollshouse that was once there. I think it was
my favourite 'Dollshouse' better that Pattaya or Soi Cowboy purely
for the cheap drinks and fun afternoon sessions. The Isaan girls
who I had shared a fake Tequila with for just a few Baht. Nice and
cool while the outside World sweated. I had often wondered what snidey
comment made in 'Farangland' about Thailand would be reduced to zero if
the man from 'Farangland' with the comment had been sitting next to me?
Their loss my gain. Now 'DollsHouse' Clinton Plaza was gone.
A beer and a few Tequilas and,"Yuri what is this shirt 'Ballet
Stars love Stravinsky' ?" You read English ??
- Just another T-shirt I said to the dancing girl who had been around
long enough to read as well as speak the language. Little did she know my
passion for Russian dance and composers. Why explain ?
That is my little corner of culture. No matter I liked the 'friendly'
Dollshouse, my refuge to a hot afternoon of traffic and pollution.
I walked past what was 'The Living Room' - Graham mate what are you doing
now? I still owe you that beer.
Things change in Bangkok, things change everywhere but do they really stay
the same? I think I will have to argue THAT point with the French.
I began my heavy stroll back to the hotel and the 'Cheap-charlies' claiming
they were not cheap-charlies for asking for a glass for their supermarket
bought beer. Ever quick to defend the Thais, I wondered would they ever
Oh here we go again! No I don't want a suit, I have a rack of them already.
No I don't want to be dragged into your shop. Do you not understand the word
no? I wandered down Soi 7. I seem to wander everywhere? Eden Club or bar or whatever?
Hello girls- smiles all around. How's the sok-a-prok today ? Mai tip na ?
Great place great girls, C'mon Marc give me a smile? Yeah Marc we beat you
at Borodino ! Bistro ! Nice place, nice bloke, I love the French, sorry America
I don't like Coca-Cola and 'Burgers. I'm a garlic and red wine man.
Marc don't wave the finger at me I like to pinch a girl's bum ! I'll get you
some wine next time. Camambert and I'll wash the carpet ! Nice bloke, why do
satisfied customers complain? C'mon Marc lets do it together, shrug our shoulders
and F**k the World! No I'm not buying a football club, and yes the French are
producing the best footballers. Bloody Merovingian? Yeah I have Bees on my coat of
arms and Melissas on my Greek. I'll watch out in Messonghi - You're No. 1 Marc !
Bangkok FR ? - I'm just a rambling rose.
It's funny how the road moves about after a lot of Singhas and I still not have
arrived at the 'CatHouse' for Happy Hour? Hey I'm there already! Tequila and
Singha Khrupp. It's early evening, I watch the Ladyboys wiggle their backsides
as the walk up the stone stairs. Hi girls do you want me to hold your hairdryer?
"From what I've heard, it's the only big thing you're gonna hold!"
I'll smudge your lipstick!
"And I'll smudge your cock you chicken!"
Love you !
"You couldn't you're too scared"
Why do people get addicted to Thailand? That's why!
The senior policeman had dark skin, but now it was white.
"We had an arrangement, an understanding, no?
Then why did you not do what I asked ?
Cannot what ?
Do you want to die? Have family no?
Then you do what I say!
"Khun Dimitrios you ask too much?"
I pay you good money then you get cold feet !
A Makarov automatic rested against the head of the police chief.
'I ask nothing except co-operation!"
'Would you like to see your family again?"
'Then do as I say!'
The frightened policeman did as he was bade, he had never met a 'Farang'
like this before. He made the Russian 'biznessmeni' seem like 'pussycats'.
'Boris will do as he is told and pretend to be a tourist fisherman?'
A figure swept past me and occupied the next stool.
"Liitle-boy Yuri having a good time?"
'Dimitrios! I'm just enjoying 'Happy Hour'
Enjoy,that is a thing you must do !
Want to come back to my apartment?
"Not really.' Oh heck!
The magnetic eyes and the force of personality made me hesitant.
'I thought you were in Phuket?'
"I was but the resistance has now been resolved."
Don't wanna know!
"Do you like antiques?"
Are we talking about the suit again?
"Yuri I'll get a cab."
I sat there wondering what flea-ridden dump I was being taken to?
'I'm looking after your two girls ! I said with a whimper.
"Good!" He slapped me hard on the back and leant on that strange
stick of his. The half reptile half dragon had eyes that seemed
alive and piercing. 'It' saw right through me. Ugh too much booze.
"Boozah the ancient Egyptian word for beer."
'I suppose you had a beer concession with the Pharaoh?'
Dimitrios did not react to my joke, he neither smiled or grimaced,
he just stared right through me as if I was glass. My stomach rumbled
like a coming storm in the Arizona desert.
'Dimitrios what is that 'thing' on the top of your stick?'
He whispered in my ear, or growled more like above the sound of
the music. "I am Mr Delphi in public please ! Oh this ? It is
similar to the African Chitauri."
"You will never understand!"
I shrugged my shoulders.
"I'll pay the bill!"
The staff at Cathouse looked wary.
Dimitios Ouranoupolos had somehow made them uneasy and the smiles
were forced. We left the Cathouse, or more accurately I stumbled
out. The girls on the balcony called out, "rahwang Yuri mind steps,
mau mark mark lair-o!"
The normally jolly mamasan leant against the bar, hands clasped as
if in prayer, her elbows resting. "Devil! mai dee!"
The two girls behind the bar nodded in agreement,"mai dee jing jing,
like phee !"
We left the Nana Entertainment complex I dodged past bar girls and food
stalls like a rugby scrum-half. 'That entrance is dangerous Mr Delphi,
a dangerous bottle neck in the event of a fire?'
"Don't worry Yuri that will soon go the way of Clinton Plaza!"
I didn't doubt his forecast, he never seemed to be wrong about anything.
Dimitrios ignored the taxis, a door of a battered Toyota swung open and
he bundled me inside. The car roared of leaving a trail of smoking pollution.
"Meet my friend Anna Dimitrevna." A blond girl who had got the colour out
of the bottle drove like a demon. She chuckled. "Dobri veychir Yuri, kak
'Ne plokha, not bad.' I felt sick from to much drink.
The car took a strange round about route to the outskirts of the city, we came
to an area I had never been to before, a mix of old and new housing and apartments.
The car pulled into an open area with flats above.
"I am staying with my old friend Anna Dimitrevna for a while." said Dimitrios.
"You can be tracked at a hotel.
Up a flight of stairs and the door of the flat was quickly opened by Anna.
"You like my flat?"
I was aghast, it was like a museum. I could have stepped back one hundred years
into a fashionable part of Paris. Heavy dark furniture, dark red drapes, if it
wasn't for the air-con it would have suffocated. "Come to the back plees, is
better." Anna brushed past, her hour-glass figure apparent in a thin primrose
We entered a conservatory area with cane chairs and huge potted plants everywhere.
The weird thing that all the furniture although very old in style looked new. I
knew of no shops selling anything like it. They must have a business over here
producing repro turn of 19th Century stuff.
"Please take a seat." Ordered Anna. Demitrios has already cosyied himself in a
large antique repro-chair. It looked original. He toyed with that evil-looking
stick of his."Tea?"
'Yessplease, with a slice of lemon.'
"Anna, stakan chaiyu - limon."
The tea arrived in a glass with an antigue silver holder. A slice of lemon sailed
in the steaming liquid. Waiting for it to cool I noticed an interesting piece on
a stand next to a potted plant, aspidistra? Demitrios just nodded. I stood up
and walked over to an ancient contraption. An old record player! The huge horn
looked like a large foxglove. Pure Art Nouveau.
'Does it work?'
'Will I have to wind it up?'
"Already wound." I looked at the little compartment containing needles, they shone
with pristine newness. So crude I was sure a tip of a ballpoint would work just as
well. A neavy black vinyl record already lay on the velvet turntable."Press that
lever on the right." I did so and a low rumble began but became and almost inaudible
whirl."Just lift up that round diaphragm and place the needle on the edge." I did as
I was told. I was worried I'd have shaky hands after all that drink.
I expected a crackle and a tinny sound with the occasional click as the needle passed
over a crack. Nothing like it. Pure sound just like a modern hi-fi. The record began
with the strains of the Swan by Sain-Saens. I walked back to my cane chair and flopped
into it. 'The Swan' finished and the ballet Coppelia began. Anna looked at me, I was
ballet dancer!" Then she smiled, Dimitrios smiled that sickly smile of his and I caught
sight of an old picture on the wall. It looked like Anna in ballet dress of the early
1900's. Must have a resemblance to her great grandmother. 'Babooshka?' She shook her head.
I felt dizzy, Anna looked blurred, Dimitrios looked blurred the plants looked
blurred. I was in Bangkok wasn't I? I pinched myself but it made no difference. I
felt as if I was on a film set and they were making a 'period' film. I thought I saw
Frank's smiling face? I was hallucinating.
Everything span around and I passed out.
I awoke in my hotel. I thought I was at the Russian dancers' place?
Weird? How on earth did I get back here. My head felt heavy. I must
have slept for hours. I needed a walk to clear my head so I decided
to go to Silom and browse the stalls.
I showered, changed and drank all the bottled water from the mini-bar.
Then I headed off to Silom Road.
I looked at the stall with its myriad CD's. My jazz collection is
OK but I wanted some classical. Stravinsky, Prokofiev, Khachaturian,
I could frighten the locals with Orff's Carmina Burana turned up
loud, "Ooooohhh farang Ba!"
I looked at the hopeful seller,'No police raid today?'
"Khrupp, mai dtahm ru-at, no police, have many CD."
But no classical I thought to myself,"oohh no sir not have classic!"
Thais are definitely psychic or telepathic or just plain good
readers of people.
A sultry voice whispered in my ear,"I have some classical!"
'Yeah-ow that tickles!' Salome's fingers digged playfully under my
ribs. 'Where did you come from? I'm supposed to be looking after
you remember?' Big time minder I was proving.
"OK Rodnee, we'll put the stuff in the van?"
'Where did you learn that? That's from an English TV series!'
"Only Fools and Horses - I watch British comedy on TV - the wonders
of satellite! Don't forget I wanted to be an actress?"
'And a very good impersonation to, you'll be calling me 'Dell-boy'
next. Whoops do you mind if we duck in here I've just seen a few
people I know and I don't want to lose face by being seen with a
Ladyboy! I dragged Salome into the Mexican Restaurant on Silom.
"They won't know I'm a ladyboy from this distance"
'Yes they will ! Think of how many girls with fashion model looks
would hang around with a washed up old fart like me ? Rule No.1 -
If she looks the most gorgeous creature around good chance she
is a ladyboy. Will you duck or turn and look away from the door
they are coming this way!'
"Gorgeous? Oh anything for you darling!" Three men approached
laughing and joking with one another, oh no them!" I beckoned
over the waiter, with an extremely camp manner he asked for our
order. I leant back in such a way and scratched my head at the
menu so as his body would be between me and the approaching farangs.
Oh no they're coming in ! "What would you and the lady like Sir?"
I got a knowing look and a wink of approval. 'Er, er I'll have a
beer and Salome?' - "A coffee darling." She blew me a kiss and
raised an eyebrow. Oh eck help! Ever felt you wanted the floor
to open up and you could jump in? The three men stood by the door
hovering. "Your order sir?" The waiter became effeminately
impatient. 'Just some nachos, sour cream, jalopenas' The waiter
scribbled something on his pad and flounced off. The three farangs
turned about deciding to eat somewhere else. Phew a close one !
"Who were they?"
'Well put it this way there are a couple of farangs on the Internet
who want to pay for your services.'
"Don't you dare! They couldn't afford me anyway, tell them 20,000 baht
minimum for short time. A girl has to look after her future?"
'I told them 10,000 baht, Ow ! that hurt, you're strong!'
"Serves you right!" I got a peck on the cheek from Salome when the waiter
arrived with the drinks. He looked me up and down, rolled his eyes and
hurried off in disgust. "I think you're in there Yuri?"
'I couldn't fancy a bloke in a million years!'
"What about a ladyboy?" Salome fluttered her eyelashes.
'Depends how intelligent they are and if I enjoy their company, I wouldn't
do anything anyway - too shy. Anyway where's Yip? - Ow stop that you bit
"The love of your life has disappeared just like Dimitrios, you'll have
an up-hill struggle to catch her. Then you'll fall helplessly in love
and it will end in disaster like most Thai-farang relationships. You'll
think like a farang and she will think like a Thai and you will mis-
understand each others intentions and then just drift apart. A love
'shelf-life' of 18 months ! You'd be better off having physical fun
with me and not getting involved? You silly old romantic!"
'Perhaps you're right'
"Hey Yuri cheer up I am sure Yip likes you, we are not in the West,
age has a different meaning."
I thought about the question and then went for it!
'Salome, do Ladyboys fall in love?' Had I said something bad?
"Ladyboys aren't allowed to fall in love!" Salome suddenly looked
very sad and lonely. A silence followed as we tucked into Nachos
and drinks. I lost my appetite. 'Let's go, -waiter?' I paid the bill
and we left.
I felt uneasy as I walked down Silom with Salome. I didn't know whether
we were getting looks because she looked stunning or that they realised
she is a Ladyboy. I decided this would be my last job as a minder. I was
lousy at it anyway. I couldn't knock the skin off a rice pudding.
"One day Yuri I will teach you about sex, I know how a man's body works!
I was a man once don't forget?" I looked at the creature walking next to
me and decided nature had the last laugh. Somebody up there has a sense
of humour? An odd one but a sense of humour nevertheless. How on earth
did a boring red-blooded conventional bloke get a Ladyboy as a sort of mate?
You never know what is around the corner?
The Thai man looked muscular, perhaps a Thai boxer, he wore a black waist-
coat, black trousers and a very white shirt. This was all topped with an
over large black bow tie. His black hair was slicked back, he had used some
sort of modern brilliantine. His face shone with health. He stood before us
blocking our way.
My immediate thought was the heavies had come for Salome, it would not have
been unusual. A vague smile crossed the individual's face.
"Please follow me Mr Yuri and 'Salome'-" It wasn't a request but an order in
a very polite way. I shrugged my shoulders, Salome had turned white. She
whispered the word 'Thai-Mafia' in my ear. My stomach turned over.
We followed the man dressed like a referee in a boxing match down a few narrow
streets that I did not recognise. "In here!" Came the order. We went through
a nondescript door. It looked like a 'very' private club. Up some stairs with
red lights giving it a seedy glow. A girl in Thai silk stood by a door with a
curtain. She gave a 'wai' and ushered us in. The place seemed private, subdued
and Thai girls in traditional silk, glided about the place serving the customers.
There appeared to be no show. None of the raunchiness I had gown to accept. This
was a gentlemen's club a la London. This was not a house of fun but a place of
business! Not one person glanced or even showed the slightest interest in Salome.
We were led to a large figure seated at a table. All the tables had small red lamps.
The hand of a bear slapped me hard on my back. "Yuri, so this is Salome?" If I
had ten of err?'Her' during the 'Cold War' we would have won!"
'Dmitri you 'Falstaffian' rogue! What do I owe you the pleasure?' Salome held my
arm in total fear. "How now master Broom? how speed you sir?" Dmitri is a devotee
of Shakespeare. "A quart of Sack Sir John? Good liquor methinks?" It appeared that
Salome had also read Shakespeare? Her fear had turned to theatre. Salome if only?
"I frighten you English?" Dmitri bellowed a laugh.
"And so this is the lovely Salome, hhmmm if I had a few like you we would not have
lost the Spy war ! All those people in sensitive jobs I could have compromised ?"
'The vodka is making you repeat yourself Dmitri?'
He let out another laugh. 'Funny sort of club you have here? Why all the cloak
and dagger stuff. I thought that was all finished now?'
"Little Yuri, it has never finished and will never finish. 'The Great Game' will
always be played. Different countries, different people.
"Now to the reason I bought you both here?" A vanilla vodka arrived for Salome and
a Singha for me, brought by a petite Thai girl who looked like a China doll.
'You seem to know about Salome already?'
"I know that you were at her flat till the early hours. Yuri you are a friend,
I am worried that you are out of your depth with this 'Dimitrios' character. So
are your 'friends' Salome and Yip. By the way Salome nice job you did on those
Euro-politicians, it's all over the papers in Brussels.
'How do you know all this Dmitri?' He had a sip of his own vodka and ordered
another. "It's my job to, counter this and counter-counter that, I don't want
to see any of you ending up in the gutter? Yuri a minder? It's ridiculous!"
'I needed the money.'
Dmitri pulled a small folder out from underneath the table. He took out what
looked like old identity papers. He pushed them towards me, there clipped to
the top of some old papers was the inevitable picture of 'Dimitrios'.
"Him again?" Salome looked angry.
The name on the papers was Dimitrios Ouranoupolos, but the papers themselves
were from the Nazi era. An Eagle with the Swastika headed the papers. Underneath
the eagle was the word 'Ahnenerbe'.
'What's Ahnenerbe?' I said out loud.
"Do you remember the film 'Indiana Jones and the Lost Ark' ?" Salome suddenly
spoke up. 'One of my favourites, but what has that got to do with Dimitrios and
this 'Ahnenerbe' ?'
"Do you remember the Nazis chasing after the treasures and Indiana trying to get
'Of course I've seen the film enough times!'
"Well those Nazis were the 'Ahnenerbe' charged by Hitler to root-out as much
mystical artefacts as possible. Like the Spear of Destiny."
'The what ?'
"I'll tell you another time."
"Bravo Salome, you know your stuff as we thought!" Dmitri chuckled in self
'Excuse me for asking but what has this got to do with 'Dimitrios' ?'
"Look at the dates on the papers Yuri, early 1930's!"
'Come on Dmitri we agreed that that was some look-a-like relative of Dimitrios?'
Salome looked fearful. Dimitri shrugged his shoulders.
'I'll give you it's a good likeness but this would make him well past 100 or so?'
I looked at the picture again. So much like 'Dimitrios'. I tried to read the
German but it was too advanced for me. I did however make out the words in English
'Ark of the Covenant' and Heilige Lance with (Spear of Destiny) in brackets.
So the film 'Raiders of the Lost Ark' wasn't purely fiction?
Well one thing is for sure, I'm certainly no Indian Jones! I looked at Dmitri who
chuckled, pickled again? I looked at Salome, she had a far away look in her eyes.
Salome another Indiana Jones? 'Indy' a LadyBoy? Different to say the least.
I lifted my glass to Dmitri and Salome. 'Here's to Indiana Salome and her new
adventures! Ouch!' I had just been given a swift kick on the shins.
Dmitri had taught me that the 'drops' would often
be left in a tree or a brick in a wall.
What had I got myself into ? I'm a clerk, a nobody,
a sex tourist to Bangkok who couldn't find a girl
anywhere else. Now I am caught up in intrigue !
Dmitri said I must look for a yellow chalk line
or a drawing pin to indicate location. I had bought
an umbrella with a hooked handle. He said this was
important to hook-out something ? What? I hadn't a
I sat down on one bench in Lumpini. I saw nothing
except some farang who did not realise that T'ai Chi
was a morning exercise. Then I strolled around like an
empty fool. I sat down in a corner on a plastic chair
somebody had left behind, feeling slightly but probably
I looked at the wall, the part of a coffee shop.
Nothing, I got up and walked towards another
Then I saw it, a yellow chalk mark and a drawing-pin.
On a lonely tree. I walked towards the tree and thence
to the wall. Looking up I saw a hollow, a brick should
have been there. I lifted the umbrella up to the recess
and dug about with the handle. Nothing, I dug again and
a cigarette packet fell to the floor. French Gauloises
Bleu, they bulged with something inside. I looked around
checked that I was not being observed and picked up the
packet. A 35mm film container had been stuffed inside.
I pocketed the find and strolled about the park like the
eccentric tourist I had become.
I had instructions to wear a red rose. Plenty of poor
Thais selling them.
The rainy season in Thailand had left everything dripping
wet. I stuffed my hand in my coat pocket and found the
two cotton handkerchiefs I had bought earlier.
I wandered over to the appointed bench and sighed a relief
that it had not been occupied. One handkerchief removed the
drops of rain. I sat down and my nostrils absorbed the sent
of the flowers that the rain had enhanced.
She will never turn up, I said to myself.
I watched loving couples holding hands as they walked, shy to
show a public display of affection, they appeared and blissfully
content in themselves. How I wished I could swap lifestyles with
them? The rain made every flower,every blade of grass sing with scent.
I leant forward and sniffed the stupid red rose I had to wear.
I became aware of a purposeful figure striding along the path
overtaking the tourists. She wore a 'trench-coat' - classical
camel-cream colour. A fashionable black 'Kangol' beret was stuck on
the side of her head. In a business like fashion. Dark glasses
helped the disguise.
A sudden movement and she was next to me.The shock of recognition
sank in like a stone through water.
This was not the same 'Yip' I had met before. Same designer
cigarette, but now a distain for anything that moved.
I made a joke about spy ladies wearing nothing but Chanel No.5
under a trench coat. She flashed the raincoat open for a second.
I saw a black triangle of naked hair.
"You want a cliché, I will act a cliché." I sat transfixed.
"I doubt whether you could get an erection without Viagra?"
'I am just an old man caught in a web, stop playing the tease!'
'Yip' looked at me as if I was no better than the fleas on a dog.
"You have the package?" I nodded like the toy dog in the back of
"Remember Moscow rules? Now it's Beijing rules! Remember the
'Iron Curtain' now it's the Bamboo Curtain!"
She extracted another designer cigarette from its gaudy packet
with perfect white teeth.
'There are 39 steps to heaven, but I cannot afford you?'
She smiled, nodded and said,"One day you will!"
I handed over the plastic canister that should have held a
35mm film. She shoved it into her pocket, didn't even look.
Then she leant over, kissed me on the cheek and whispered in
my ear,"I f_ck better than Salome! f_ck her and I will kill
you!" She pulled my hand to her coat pocket. The awkward hard
shape of an automatic pistol was evident.
Why should I mean something to her? Plenty of young 'handsum'
fish in the sea. Is she Thai or Chinese? Or both?
As quickly as she arrived she was gone. I looked around to see
if I could catch sight of the disappearing target. There was
none. She had vanished into thin air, the genie had escaped the
bottle. I sat shaking, wishing I was in Bangkok for beer, bars
and girls. My association with Dimitrios, Yip and Salome had
sucked me into somebody's game of intrigue. Where was Dimitrios?
Causing more mayhem by selling arms to separatist rebels in the
south of the country, drugs and gun running in the north?
What was in that 35mm film canister that is so important? Are
'they' so thin on the ground with operatives that I get involved?
Do I know too much already and some act of compassion is saving
me a bullet in the back?
I sat shaking with a thousand questions spinning around my head.
This is the first time I have ever felt alone in Thailand.
Soi 4, Sukhumwit, the girls at the bar had just bought
fried insects from a street vendor, snack time. They
poked at assorted white bags with glee. Out came some
stick looking thing with a load of legs. The insects
looked just as if they had been fried in oil, no garlic,
no herbs, no olive oil? Quelle horreur!
I sat at the bar bemused as a Thai girl clutched her
large cockroach between thumb and forefinger, then
she bit of the head with gusto like some ogre devouring
a dwarf. I was a bit like a chocolate icecream bar.
The crunchy outer crustaceous, the chocolate, the soft
gooey stuff inside the icecream. Yum Yum ! Who am I to
judge what people eat? The girls looked slimmer and
healthier than I'll ever be?
Enough of that, I slid off the bar stool, paid my bill
and sloped off along Soi 4 hoping to get some fun and
relaxation at Annie's.
The door of a red and blue meter-taxi swung open in my path
blocking the way.
"Yuri-get in!" Came the order. I did so and joined the not
so jolly looking Dmitri in the back of the Toyota.
"We are going to meet somebody!"
'OK - fine?' The taxi sped off.
"Yuri you should understand that you are caught up in this
'game' because of your association with Dimitrios. Your
dallying with bar girls has made you the contact with him
that 'certain' people have been waiting for. Somehow you
have gained his confidence. He just seems to elude just
about everybody and coincidence has placed him connected
with you. It is very important we get some 'Humint' on
I told Dmitri about the journeyman gold necklace and the
odd shaped key made of titanium inside.
"It could be something and nothing. You know the Thai
passion for gold ornaments."
We sped down Sukhumwit. Dmitri ordered the driver in Thai.
The driver nodded obediently with a "Khrupp". We did a
right turn into small road, it looked like someone's drive.
Then he backed onto the main road then forward down Sukhumwit
in the opposite direction towards Asok.
"Yuri you have your mobile?" I nodded.
"Then switch it off, take out the battery,then try to switch it
on a couple of times." I did I was told but confused.
"Har nahtee - five minutes!" Came the order and the driver just
nodded.. He seemed to know Dmitri or had already received some
money up front.The taxi-meter had been switched off. We dodged
traffic and sped past Phrom Phrong.
"So what was that with the phone?" I enquired.
"Satellites, they can track what they want when 'they' want.
You have electronic tagging of offenders in the UK tracked by
satellite?" I did another nodding donkey impersonation.
"Well it's easy to track your phone, I don't want our movements
'Yeah but I only have a One2Call top-up chip in my phone! I could
"You registered your card with them I suppose?" More head nodding.
"You have had phone calls from friends and acquaintances, you
have rung your hotel a few times?"
'Yes, I did register the card,it makes reactivation easier when
the expiry date runs out when I'm out of Thailand for a while. I
have spoken to Frank and Salome and a few others.' He grunted the
word 'bar-girls' under his breath.
"That's good enough to be tracked!" The car did another 180 degree
turn on Sukhumwit.
"How's your German friend Frank n furter?" Dmitri had relaxed a bit.
'He's Norwegian and he'd having a good time, which is what I should
be doing right now!'
"I know he's a Norwegian, and that he is having a good time, it is
my work to know things!"
'So I gather mate.'
'Dmitri just who are we going to see? Why is it so important?'
"We are going to meet a 'Noon-day Devil'. One of the Knights of Malta!"
'Who, what? Knight of who?'
"You'll find out, let's just say he's a 'Company Man'?"
'Oh right we are going to have a chat to the C.I.A. - c'mon don't
tell me, he owns a little bookshop and one of the book cases on the
wall spins around as a secret door? I've seen the film!'
"You are not far wrong, anyway it was the Mossad and I think you'll
find it was a book not a film?"
We arrived at the **** bar. It looked like it had been trading on past
glories. It was the sort of place that most farang would avoid.
Grumpy expats complaining about Thailand and its people. They were
in effect creating a home from home. Why be here, why bother ? If
you don't like Thailand move on to Singapore and chat about its
economic success, if that is what you want. Live in a clinical super-
market and be a sanitised boring old fart?
The superior, in their minds, farang sat around the bar. A picture of
lost or never to be obtained opportunities that would not have been there
in the first place.
"Hey bud? You lookin' for somebody?" Came a shout. I glanced up.
There were three of them, arrogant with supposed knowledge about Thailand.
They had been there seen it all but in the end had not really learnt
anything except their own egos and self importance. There were Confederate
flags on the wall but they looked dusty and dying. I muttered to Dmitri that
it looked like a down and out 'Sloppy Joe's in Key West? He just grunted.
"Hey budd I said are you looking for someone?" The face was of a wizzened old
'Custer', same moustache,same hair but he looked hollow, the spirit was dying,
he wanted to fight a new battle but nobody would have him. Perhaps he was a
Viet-Nam 'Vet' but in reality did nothing more than work in the canteen,
regaling anybody who listen about his 'military' exploits. He looked big
enough not to argue with?
One of the 'Tres Americanos' hissed a song to his 'buddy' - "Watch out, watch
out the Boris are about! Hey what's a f_cking Brit doing hanging around with
"Maybe they are lovers?" Observed a big gruff nobody, whose only friend appeared
to be his beer. Hoots of guffaw and laughter all around.
"I'm looking for 'Dave' who runs the Chinese Garden BDSM club." Dmitri growled
his contempt for them.
"Hey guys he wants to meet 'Pervy' Dave ?" Custer spoke up again.
They all laughed and slapped each other on the back. This was the first major
event in their lives for the last three months. "I'll guess old Mr Boris will
just have to wait?" More shrieks of laughter and chinking of glasses.
"When does he come here?" Dmitri gave them a look that would have turned most
"Usually in about a half hour from now but he never talks to Commie bastards!"
The others hooted in applause, 'Custer' was becoming 'centre-piece' for a while.
"Nod him in my direction and say,"Red Mercury!" Dmitri pulled me to an isolated
table. "Those loud mouthed punks will insure he comes over, let us have a quiet
drink in the meantime?"
"Nod him in our direction and say Red Mercury!" They copied Dmitri, parrots in
unison. Then they went back to their beers, their only real companions and started
to laugh amongst themselves.
'Dmitri just exactly who are we waiting for?' Dmitri ordered a couple of beers.
"This was almost a self service place at one time, the owner was more keen on
playing around with musical instruments than making sure the custom paid their bills.
Then the Thai partner got nasty about it and he employed a few local girls. Just
about works now but it does attract some interesting individuals apart from those
'losers' over there." Dmitri lit up a papirosa, tar stuck in a cardboad tube. He had avoided my question.
After a while this fit looking character strode in with purpose. One of the
bar-flies called to him and nodded in our direction. They burst out laughing
again and the lone entrant looked stern and thoughtful. He walked over nodded at
Dmitri and ignored me. "Beer?" The chap said "OK" and nothing else. Then grumpily
added,"I hear you are looking for me?"
"Are you 'Dave' who owns the 'Chinese Garden' ?"
"Might be, who wants to know?"
"Just call me Dmitri from the Consul."
"Oh I'm being feted by the poor underprivileged Russkies now? Whatdyawant?"
"I am looking for information on a Greek or a Turkish man."
"And you think I'll know? I don't come cheap! Your colleague a Journo?"
"No just a helper, I know that you use your BDSM club as a cover for C.I.A operations and you know most of
what goes on around here?"
"Just a rumour my friend, they pulled the Greek out of the river a short while back.
Still in the morgue if you wanna see him?"
There seemed to be some kind of stand-off between the two. Rather like a couple of boxers before the bell
rang. 'Dave' looked hard like he had been through a few
military campaigns. I was glad I was not meeting him on my own. Dmitri purposely
slid the latest photo he had of Dimitrios across the table towards 'Dave'. The eyes
widened, he snarled back at Dmitri,"Sorry pal I have not seen this man before, I can't help you."
"The last name we had on him was Dimitrios Ouranoupolos, or at least that is the one he is using now?" 'Dave'
shook his head. "Nah never seen him!"
"He has stolen an important item from us, a 'classified' item, he is likely to sell it
to the highest bidder! He could cause you no end of problems?"
"Why me, I just run a club. Anyways we are the 'Lords of the Universe' now. You Russkies are just bit players
living like pigs in sh_t! The guys in the US know about everything, if he's a problem he'll get taken out!
We OWN this planet now! Don't you forget it?"
"Oh yes I'd forgotten about Coca-Cola rotting teeth and giving employment to dentists and McDonalds raising
"Interview over boys!" Dave looked fierce. Dimitri shrugged his shoulders, put the picture away and said
casually, "I thought we could be of mutual help?"
"With Russkies! Bullsh_t, we don't need you!" He turned his back on us.
Dmitri tugged on my sleeve and we left without a goodbye or even a grumpy glance.
He hailed a taxi and we got in quickly, this driver smiled and Dmitri ordered the
destination. "He's lying!"
'How do you know Dmitri?'
"Dimitrios was spotted coming out of the BDSM club, looks like you missed out on
'The Chinese Garden'?"
'No thanks, I thought spies were interrogated with electrodes attached to their
genitals, I didn't think people did it for pleasure ?'
Dmitri dropped me off near my hotel, I went for a beer and watched the
insect eating ritual again. A BDSM club as a C.I.A cover ? Wonders will
never cease. The owner worried me, he looked fit and if he had fought a
few battles and won. Not the sort of company I would choose, too grumpy
Feeling hungry I sauntered back to my hotel and ordered Gai Phat Met Mamuang
and some Khao Pat in the restaurant, I washed it down with some coffee.
Collecting my key the sweet little girl in reception said, "Ooohh Khun Yuri,
have message left for you!" She handed me an envelope, it had 'Yuri Velasquez'
written in large letters across the middle. It could wait till I got back to
Back in my room I switched on the air-con, to cool the heat. Pulled a bottle of
gratis water from the mini-bar and flicked the TV from CNN to BBC World 24, my
prefered choice, bad news from Israel, bad news from Iraq and bad news from Russia.
I changed it to Discovery, I'll watch some whales.
I ripped open the letter with my thumb, inside the note was headed 'Urgent' !
"Yuri please come to my apartment again, I must talk to you!"
Oh he we go again?
"Give the note to the taxi-driver I have written the address and directions in
Thai. Please come NOW !"
"I must speak to you it's very important!
I sat on the bed and wondered what to do, I showered to try and clear my head.
Then sat on my bed with the bath-towel wrapped around my middle.
Oh well? I changed left the hotel and hailed a taxi.
I remembered the flats as before, same non-descript area.The airport nearby.
Thai Jumbo-jets heaving themselves into the sky in the distance.
I knocked, "let yourself in, the door is already open." I cautiously entered
to the smell of burning incense. The lights had been dimmed. Salome sat on a
oversized silver lame cushion. Her dress was pure Arabic, she was like a
princess from '1000 Arabian Nights'. A thin veil covered her face, a sequined
waistcoat didn't cover much of her large breasts, arab-style pantaloons with
embroidered anklets were see-through, she was in a high state of arousal again!
"Yuri, come here and sit next to me!"
There was something intoxicating about the incense. What were Yip's last words?
"Have Salome and I will kill you!"
I timidly sat next to the libidinous Salome.
"What birth sign are you?" She fluttered long eyelashes.
'Er Capricorn I thnk, the 'old goat'. Why?'
"I have studied Astrology and I like to know the inner
workings of someone who I am passionate for! For instance
I am a Pisces but I have Mars in Scorpio rising which makes
me so so horny! Neptune is afflicted, that makes my sexuality
a little unusual."
'Horny? So I can see. Unusual? Imaginative and different parhaps?'
"I would like you to have a fun time just like your friend Frank the Norwegian, I knew him slightly once, I
helped his girlfriend once when she was going through a bad time. I worked for the same agency for a
short while, Frank is a very sexy man!"
'Really how do you know that?'
"Never mind,I want you to pretend that I am Scherherazade and that you are
the Grand Calif. I have to tell you a story, if it doesn't interest
you or you don't believe it you can go home early. If it does you
have to grant me a wish tonight. Just like the genie out of the bottle."
'More like dick out of the pantaloons, oh 'eck can I go home now?'
"You are my friend, don't be nasty to me. Here take a smoke of this."
She handed me a pipe with a tube attached to a glass bottle half-filled
with water the Arabian 'Hooka'. I sucked in whatever mixture was there.
Coughed and then my head span. 'That's strong, whatever is in it?'
"My special mixture for lovers! Can I begin my story?"
'Yes when I have finished coughing.' I spluttered again.
"This is a story told to me by an old monk who is a special friend."
'I waited for her to say -Now are you sitting comfortably, then I shall
begin- She didn't, Salome sucked on the pipe suggestively and blew
the smoke into the air with equal suggestion. I felt strangely relaxed
"We are in an old temple not too far from here, a critical event is happening.
Inside two monks sat crossed legged observing the 'special one'. Another monk who at certain times could see
the future. It coincided with phases of the moon but the monk did not observe this. He felt a quickening
of his pulse and his senses, everything seemed speeded up and at these times he sat in front
of the image waiting for a revelation.
It did not happen often but so far each prediction had proved totally correct.
Predictions about some of the monks and the direction of Siam, soon to be renamed Thailand. Changes of
direction at the highest level, sudden but not necessarily bad.
The two other monks chanted mantras turning the pages of the sacred books as they did so in the remote
'Wat',the Thai name for a temple. The special monk became as if in a trance, almost a possession, he
hyperventilated as the the chanting monks grew louder.
Another monk joined them ready to record any detail. Beads of sweat appeared on the monks face with the
intensity of concentration. The four all sat in saffron habits.
With a deep intake of breath the 'special' monk moaned and the others fell silent.
In a hoarse voice he began to mouth words in Thai and not the monks' language of Pari.
'We shall soon be threatened by invasion but only on the outskirts of our borders. We will endure. A kind of
peace will follow but then some thirty or so years later our finest educated sons will be cut down in
public. In the meantime before the invasion threat our beloved flag of Siam with the sacred white
elephant will be changed to a tri-colour. This will tell a group that practices arts that should not even be
spoken of that we have sold our birthright to an all-powerful clique of the most dangerous men in the
World.Membership of this Arcane Club will mean that we have to do as we are told !
A great leader will be born to us. He will tell these occultists no! We are Siam proud
and independent! They will cut him down like rice in the field. It will look like accident.
Another great and wonderful leader follows.
Three sacred white elephants are born in the north. The white elephant as the national flag should never have
been removed, there is no longer protection. I see only terror, invasion from foreign powers, the toppling
of all in power and a battle over some secret jewels that can change the course of a war. Thailand will be
no more! It's only saviour is the white elephant! Chang see khao! Chang see khao!" I now only see the
future as a cloud.
The monk slumped forward his head spinning. "Lock these words away for ever," deemed the head of the
temple. "None shall hear or see this revelation!"
The seer monk's head span.
My head did the same, I saw Salome's face drifting amongst the smoke,"Did you like my story?"
"Now you must grant me my wish?"
'Anything you say!' I didn't know where I was, what was in that Hooka?
The lighted candles spun like a catherine wheel. The wheel spun and spun and the music blared.
Techno-pop, thump tuneless thump. The spinning light machine carried the many points of light across the
dancing throng, spinning candles,spinning points of light. The young Thais moved in the discoteque
believing they were jiving to the cutting edge of modern sound. With one hand they despised the West
with the other they wanted to copy and emulate it.
Three characters sat at a table with a bottle of whisky and glasses full of ice, they had already drained one
bottle. Two of them Thais, they looked preoccupied, oblivious of the Phuket Discoteque and it's music,
their faces pale.
The lights caught the face of the man sitting with them, cold hard purposeful. A cigarette in the corner of his
mouth. Even in the Phuket discoteque the unmistakeable lines of the man could be seen for an instant
before the twirling lights moved on.
Yip sat at the bar of the Phuket Disco in the best disguise she could muster.
The wig made her head itch, the sunglasses gave her the appearance of cool
chic but didn't help her observation of Dimitrios and his cronies. She
dropped them on the end of her nose to catch sight of the extremely tall
black woman at the other end of the bar. The Somali was staking things out
for Dimitrios, watching his back, looking for who approached. Yip guessed
that there would be a Makarov automatic in her handbag.
Dimitrios and the two others were joined by a third looking nervous.
"You like my 'Telstar' discotheque, some of the Russian finance wanted it called
'Sputnik'. I said that would be OK for Moscow but not Bangkok." He ran his hand
across the dark blue velvet bench seat addressing the new arrival. Khun Surin
the owner of the disco wanted the new arrival to be at ease and have no suspicions.
On the table stood two whisky bottles one bottle was nearly drained, they were
accompanied by glasses in various states of nearly empty."On a poor policeman's
salary I am just grateful for the whisky, eh boss?" The third sensed conspiracy
but did not move. The owner smiled. More whisky flowed and they eyed the pretty
Thai girls gyrating on the dance floor. "Which one would you like Khun Nakon they
are all available at a price, I am sure a policeman working with Dimitrios can
afford a little fun. How's the wife?"
"Complaining I work long hours as usual."The third known as 'Nakon'tried to keep calm.
Looking for drugs in your discotheque. Of course I know there are no such thing.
Eh boss?" The owner's companion smiled, leered at the girls and put the glass to
The right hand of Dimitrios was covered with the fine film of a disposable
morticians' glove. He would leave no fingerprints. He passed the Smith &
Wesson under the table to the plain clothes policemen sitting next to the
owner and gave him a nod.
The gun was passed back to Dimitrios. An argument suddenly erupted with shouting
and the pointing of fingers at Khun Nakon in plain clothes. The Disco owner,and
Dimitrios were in heated argument with Khun 'Nakon'. The owner's colleague another
plain clothes policeman sat quiet.
Both Yip and the Somali woman became edgy with tension.
Something was about to happen.
"I told you ! I told you not to betray me, you got greedy and I still do not
know the location of the scientist Pranchit ! You will pay for this Nakon, nobody
double crosses Dimitrios, not even someone with your standing!" With that
Dimitrios gave the signal to the quiet one who then set about Nakon with gusto,
hitting him hard to the floor. The disco customers scattered in shouts of alarm.
Dimitrios levelled the Smith & Wesson and shot Nakon three times just to be sure.
Screams echoed around the place and the music stopped. Someone switched the lights on. Dimitrios had
disappeared, the owners colleague looked down at his hand in
horror. Somehow Dimtrios had placed the Smith & Wesson his hand, the fourth shot
that hit the ceiling! Dimitrios the conjuror had insured there would be forensic
evidence that he had pulled the trigger. Dimitrios had 'done' two plain clothed
policeman at one go. Surin the owner loooked serious but calm. He shrugged his
shoulders and said to his former colleague, "Thailand, people argue and a gun
Yip surveyed the scene and left unnoticed in an instant. The Somali woman had
disappeared like Dimitrios.
In moments police in uniform were on the scene and a hard faced lieutenant told
everyone to stay where they were, they would be ID checking and drug tests for
all ! He growled at the owner, "You'll be shutdown!"
More police arrived, then some more, the owner and his 'plain-clothes' colleague
were already hand-cuffed. The customers were lined up against the walls and preliminary searches taken.
Khun Paiboon entered the disco in a hurry, he was followed by two of his own police
officers. Young, cleancut and determined he wore the navy blue suit he always wore.
One of the new generation, university educated, top of his year in most courses he
took, he caused a ripple of fear and annoyance from the 'old guard'.
He flashed his police ID at the Lieutenant who had taken charge of the situation in
his own heavy handed style. The police lieutenant's eyes widened when he saw the ID.
"Yes sir my men are at your service!"
Khun Nakon lay without protest in a growing pool of blood. Khun Paiboon saw the
Smith & Wesson lying on the floor where the owner's colleague had left it. He took
a cheap ballpoint from his inside pocket and hooked it up. Then dropped it into the
clear plastic bag that his 'own' policeman held open.
"I want everybody fingerprinted, if the farang do not have a passport on them make
sure it's got from their hotel. Guard the disco and process the customers here in
the normal way. Forensics are on their way! I'll interview the owner and his police
'colleague' back at the station with 'my' men."
With that Khun Paiboon was gone as soon as he had arrived.
I lay on my bed shivering with the air-con, to lazy or preoccupied with my thoughts
to switch it off. What happened last night ? Did I have a physical session with
Salome? Who says there is no such thing as coincidence? How much does Salome know about Frank and his
The phone by the bed startled me from my thoughts. "Khun Yuri, have lady come leave a letter."
Again? Another note from Salome, I rushed to reception almost leaving my key in the room behind me.
'Thanks Khrupp' - "Ka."
I ripped open the letter back in my room, just a few words. "Please be careful Yuri,
the trail is leading towards you! Tell 'them' nothing!"
Blow it ! That's done it! Lying here worrying myself into a frenzy and now this?
I'm going for a walk and a beer. My usual solution to stress.
I turned into a narrow street after about 20 minutes of walk and sweat. Two policemen blocked my path. One
put a heavy hand on my shoulder. Khun Paiboon appeared as if from nowhere. "Khun Yuri Velasquez?" -
"Your passport please!" I dug around in my pocket, I had taken up the habit of carrying it ever since the club I
was in suddenly got raided by police. On that occasion I was lucky, I had it on me, no trip to the police
station and a fine.
I proudly produced the red document.
"You normally travel on a Swiss passport Mr Velasquez?"
'That IS my passport!' Khun Paiboon frowned.
"We can do this the easy way and have a quiet chat in the coffee shop over there or we can go back to the
"I'll think of something."
We sat down and he ordered the coffee. The staff looked nervous and fearful. The two uniformed policemen
sat at a different table in the corner.
"Odd name for a Swiss with an English accent?"
'I've worked there for quite a while'
'Satellite photo analyst'
'A Scientific agency in Geneva.'
I gave him the company name.
"I'm sure, hmmm,? What do you know about something called an 'Electro-magnetic Pulse Focuser' or a 'Pulse
'Like I said I analysed photgraphs, I'm not Mr Joe Technical.'
"Do you have a flying licence?"
'I can't even fly a kite!'
"You'd know a Mig-21 when you saw one?"
'I read aviation magazines.'
"Not having much luck are we Mr Velasquez? Let's try something new? Do you know of a bar girl called Yip?"
'I know lots of bar girls'
"Without doubt, how about a Katoey called Salome?" I shook my head.
"Not getting any further are we?" I shrugged the shrug of the guilty.
"Do you use an English passport?"
'You have my passport in your hand' I could see his mind turning things over at each
of my replies.
"Do you know a Greek or Turkish man going by the name of Dimitrios?"
'I only know Greeks in Athens'
"Listen here is some advice, if you meet any of the people I mentioned inform me
immediately." He pushed a card across the table. I didn't look at it.
"The name is Inspector Paiboon, don't forget that. Whatever your into you are in it
way over your head! There are grave and profound International implications. It would be very easy for you to
end up in a Thai prison for a very long time. Just think about the word co-operation?"
I think the expression on my face was giving the game away with every question?
"Mr Velasquez did you ever drive a taxi in Berlin?" He looked for my response.
"Remember the things I have said, make sure you stay around for a while I'll want to speak to you again!"
With that he left with his two police chums.
I sat there staring into space. A kind Thai lady who seemed like the owner and
everything else, came and sat with me. "I have a bottle of Farang Brandy I give you
free drink." She said with a smile and gave my arm a gentle squeeze.
'Yip' had an uneventful flight. The Chinese taxi driver dropped
her at the end of a street that looked just like any other street
in that part of Beijing. Rows of Stalinist or to be more correct
Maoist era drab blocks of flats sat like white dominoes one after
the other. She turned down another dusty street to her target, the
cheap board on the wall outside said in Mandarin and English
'The New China Import-Export Company'. Now she wore a classic
Chinese red silk dress with a high collar. A golden dragon pattern
was woven into the silk. The dress had the expected slit up the
side. She cut a stunning figure in black high heeled shoes. She
pressed the button of the rather ancient intercom, a voice said
"Yes'. She replied, "Agent Zhang 1030777."
She pushed a glass panelled door that cried out for a coat of paint.
The green had flaked. Her high heels screeched on the bare
concrete stairs as she hauled herself up with the help of a crude
iron banister rail.
Each floor had a Chinese soldier sitting at a desk with just a phone.
It gave the impression of security on the cheap. The floor she wanted
had large doors and a grim looking woman in uniform. She nodded
without expression. She opened the first door. 'Yip' was then greeted
by an attractive girl in uniform who bowed and smiled. She then
proceeded to open the next three doors for 'Yip' with some sort of
electronic entry card. Her escort led her down a long bare corridor that
smelt of floor polish. She was shown a large room and invited to sit in a
large chair opposite a large desk. "Tea?" Yip smiled acceptance. She
waited nervously and took in the many maps on the walls. The largest
had Taiwan as it's main focus. Large red arrows pointed from mainland
China towards the island that was known as Formosa.
It was a plan of attack.
A short man, a youngish man, strode purposely in, he wore his green
Chinese uniform with immaculate pride.
"Agent Zhang, my pretty spy in the midst of utmost danger?" Colonel
Ping had a file and a cardboard box under his arm.
"Still missing your time at the State Circus, what's it like to be a Thai
"Well I miss my friends at the circus, and being a bar-girl is to say the
least, interesting. The gwelo seem very vulnerable. Sad men who can't
find a girl in their own country or divorcees grasping at straws."
Colonel Ping sat down and flicked through his folder, he lay the box to
sit on its own.
"I see from your report you have made some interesting contacts,
Salome our radical child is a useful tool. Yuri the lovesick fool has a
good contact in the Russian Embassy. Dimitrios? Ah Dimitrios
Ouranoupolos. The Greek that masquerades as a Turk. An unusual
customer that one. We have no trace of him, no history yet he appears
wherever there is mischief to be made."
"Yuri says that the Russian file on him stretches back till the 1930's!"
"He was willing to give you that information?" Ping raised an eyebrow.
"He will tell me anything I want, in the bedroom. I still have the scratch
marks on my back and the teeth marks on my shoulder. Luckily I don't
have to work in the bar as cover any longer. He says that his body
responds to me like no other. He claims if the chemistry is right there is
no need for Viagra."
"Agent Zhang please be careful! The first rule is not to get involved with
"Don't worry Colonel, he has a mental age of a teenager, he will do anything
I say. He has sworn secrecy about our relationship."
"Make sure that relationship is strictly business! He sounds like he can
also be manipulated in the wrong hands. Manipulated by someone like
"Now to the real business." Colonel Ping opened the lonely box on the table
and took out a glass object with something metallic inside. It’s home no
longer the 35mm film canister.
"You used Yuri as the go between, a little risky I think, still we have one
part of it. A super-conductor I wonder what artificial weightless-vacuum they
used? Our scientists believe it is part of the focusing mechanism. Strange
from a land of cronyism, laziness and unoriginality they produce this scientist
'Pranchit' who discovers and develops one of the most important finds to
effect modern warfare. Have you seen it in action?"
"I don't believe it has been tested yet?" 'Yip' or Zhang as she is known in
China run her hands through jet black hair that went most of the length of
"If this contraption works it destroys all data links in the directed area.
Effectively the modern battlefield is blinded! Uncle Sam will be in for a
major surprise. All his hi-tech toys rendered useless! Does the Thai
Government realise what they have got?"
"You would think so but they think Pranchit as just an eccentric who should be
spending more time in 'tea-rooms' and massage parlours rather than all his time
with ‘crazy’ experiments."
"That is to our advantage, have any of your contacts understood the significance?
What about our radical friend Salome?"
"The Ladyboy?" With this Colonel Ping lost his stern - serious expression and
laughed for the first time.
"You are telling me that Salome is a Ladyboy?" He looked at her picture in the
file and shook his head. "She is so good looking!"
"She also has a crush on Yuri, they have common interests." Agent Zhang
frowned in disgust.
"What a lovely couple they make!" Ping laughed again and lit a cigarette, he
offered one to Zhang but she declined preferring her own designer brand.
"Now we can relax and take some more tea." Colonel Ping pressed a button,
spoke into an office intercom that looked like it had come from a 1960's
memorabilia sale and leant back.
"I am not happy about this American that Yuri and his 'chum' from the Russian
Embassy went to see. This 'Dave' who runs the BDSM club called the 'Chinese
Garden'. Bondage and Sadomasochism as a C.I.A front. A most novel idea,
I think we crossed swords with him during Viet-Nam. He was a twenty-year old rookie then. Watch him he is a
tough-nut and very ruthless. Bad tempered to boot !
An apologist for American hegemony. I think Salome could be useful here. A nice clash of ideologies. In the
Red Corner we have Salome and in the Blue Corner 'Grumpy Dave' -seconds out." Colonel Ping laughed
again at his own joke. Zhang soon to take on the persona of 'Yip' again forced a smile. The tea arrived
with the young assistant in uniform, Zhang guessed that she was Ping's mistress.
Zhang looked at the map with the arrows leading to Taiwan. "You have a timescale?"
"A timescale is a bad strategy. Things change on a daily basis. We must have many
military exercises so everybody cries 'Wolf'. When our exercises are got used to
we will then act and turn an exercise into a surprise attack. First we must have
a diversion to 'occupy' the Americans attention. I give you the outline out of
necessity. It is likely to be nothing like this. It is important to compartmentalise
the real plans. I am even in trouble for telling you this much! It doesn’t take much
for my neck to be on the block!”
"Is the car here yet to take me back?"
"One moment." The Colonel pressed a button. "Five minutes. Remember to cultivate
Yuri and that nympho Salome. But beware Dimitrios, he is a tricky one. There is
something supernatural about him!"
The black car arrived and Zhang bade her farewell. She stepped back into the World
where she is 'Yip'.
Colonel Ping watched her car speed off down the dusty road. Through a grime
encrusted window. He raised his voice.
"You can come out now!"
The sound of deliberate footsteps came from another room. The man entered
Ping’s room still clutching his distinctive walking stick. He stopped by the chair in front of Colonel Ping's desk.
Ping turned away from the window and faced the new entrant.
"I think we may encounter some problems, what do you think Dimitrios?"
Encounter in a Bangkok Backstreet
Joy is a sharp bar girl. She works in a Go-go and
any bar that will let her push Yabaa. She became
involved with Dimitrios a while back. Then things took
off for her. She had a nice supply of Opium from Demitrios
and a rather nice market from the girls who need it. By
any measure ‘Joy' is the toughest 'cookie' amongst many
girls that have been toughened by the 'business'. The
Mamasans are respectful and a little wary of 'Joy'. Thais
like to gamble and in this 'Joy' is no different. Usually
cards. Sometimes 'Joy' wins sometimes she loses. When 'Joy'
loses she cannot stop, then she loses some more. What the
heck. 'Joy' has Dimitrios to support her. This has given her
a confidence that frightens other bar girls and most Mamasans.
'Joy' likes to be THE 'dancer' or ‘THE’ bar girl to the eager
farang but behind the scenes she loves to be the 'fixer' the
'boss' the one who has and deals with the money that the girls
crave for. She lends and then demands high interest from her
usury. This appeals to Dimitrios, a fellow spirit in the
manipulation of human misery. Make no mistake 'Joy' is very
clever. She has profited well but loses her profits in her
addiction to gambling.
'Joy' despises farang. She thinks that most are losers trying
to live a life of supposed James Bond amongst compliant and
willing innocent girls from the Isaan who will massage the ego
of men who cannot find women in their own country. 'Joy'
laughs at the 'lovesick' farang who pay a lot of money for their
'girl' to leave the bar, only to go back working their when their
dearests’ plane leaves the airport.
'Joy' knows that most girls have Thai boyfriends that knock
them about and need their money to pay for the motorbike. The
'farang' mistakenly think the their 'tilac' has only eyes
for them. 'Joy' approves of the girls having one, two, three
or more sponsors sending them money from 'Farangland'. More
money for drugs, more money for 'Joy'. Silly farang, don't
they know that in the end they are no better than the dog's
fleas ? Tell that to a farang and maybe he will brake a bottle
and threaten you? The truth is a million miles from reality but
they don't want to hear it? My 'Tilac' with another man? Never !
I pay 30,000 Baht a month, she is a good girl ?
The bar girls support their families, the aggressive boyfriend
and much else. The farang usually think they are in Disneyland
with a Disneyland relationship and 'they' will change the World
for the poor bar-girl, especially when they get her back to
'Farangland'. This is a million miles from the truth but it serves
Joy's confidence is taking a shock, Dimitrios is not best pleased.
Around the back of a well known bar and Go-go area 'Joy' walked
into the six foot tall Somali. Dimtrios hovers in the shadows.
‘Joy’ had never been held up two feet in the air before. At least
the wall took some of her weight. Being held up in the air by the
throat is not a pleasant experience, the Black Somali rather
enjoys it. 'Joy' usually has no fear for anything, hence her
confidence leads a swathe past Mamasan and temperamental bar girl.
Her confidence evaporated like ether on a hot day. The eyes move
left and right not knowing what to expect.
Dimitrios closed in. A sickly smile crossed his face.
"Joy! I give you money power and influence. What do YOU do?
Blow it all on gambling debts! You are no better than the others !
What is it? 50,000 Baht, 100,000 Baht? Then you will be coming to
Dimitrios, - 'have no money!' Then how would you feel if you have
no life ? I could snuff you out in a second. And I would enjoy it !
Feeling good now 'Joy' ? I don't think so?"
The tall Somali woman gripped 'Joy' like a vice and lifted her higher.
The fear in Joy grew, a once tough girl had met her match.
Dimitrios began to un-sheath his walking stick. The silver of pure
steel began to glint even in poor light. The edge of the sword touched
Joy’s face and a fine crimson line appeared immediately from the blood.
"This mark will soon go, but I could make it permanent!" Dimitrios
enjoyed this. "Remember you work for Dimitrios, you do what Dimitrios
says, gamble Dimitrios's money away and I will throw your life away!
It is that simple. I am not some farang to play with! I am Dimitrios !”
The fear inside 'Joy' caused her to wet herself. Dimitrios observed
this with pleasure. His 'carrot and stick' tactics proved successful.
The Somali tightened her grip even more, lifting the rag doll even higher.
"You understand?" Dimitrios growled.
"I-I-I,understand." Whimpered Joy, she shivered in fear on a hot evening.
"Good then you will do as you are told!" Dimitrios nodded at the Somali
who dropped her grip on 'Joy'. Joy fell to the floor in a heap, the
confidence had been drained. The Somali kicked her hard enough to hurt
but not hard enough to do damage. The sickly smile returned to the face
of Dimitrios. He shouted at her, "You are filth! A low life whore!"
Then he spat at the shaking girl in the foetal position.
Dimitrios sighed and turned to the Somali who had also been enjoying the
session, "All this low-life business is so time consuming! Amusing but time consuming."
They both strode away in a purposeful manner leaving the once tough
bar girl digging her fingernails into the wall trying to pathetically
haul herself up from the ultimate indignity of completely losing face.
Her jeans had a large wet stain of the incontinent. Blood ran from her
nose, tears from her eyes.
Dimitrios had disciplined another member of staff !
Action politique direct de Salome
My mobile played its silly tune.
"Yuri, guess who?"
'Stunning'sow praphet song' with a hard-on?'
"Only for you honey!"
Oh bloody hell he we go again?
'What do you want' She sounded chirpy.
"Meet me at Nana BTS we are going to have some fun!
Wind-up a few political creeps! Anyway Dimitrios says
you have to keep an eye on me!"
'Does Dimitrios know about this?'
"No and don't tell him or I'll feed your tiny willy to the
"Half an hour and don't be late, you are always late !"
'That's the Latino in me!'
I finished my Phad Thai and coffee and made my way past
eager stalls to the station. "No mate, I don't want another
bloody suit I've got ten already !'
By the ticket machines at Nana BTS stood this stunning
looking creature wearing her combat suit and carrying two
plastic supermarket bags. A couple of smartly dressed Thai
men ran slap-bang into each other, jaws dragging on the floor
they both only had eyes for Salome. She giggled in enjoyment.
'How's 'Che' Guevara today? Do you know my uncle knew him?'
"Yeah sure Yuri, lets go! I've got the tickets already."
The whole carriage seemed to be staring at Salome ! She
enjoyed every minute of it. I kept thinking, what if they
know she's a Ladyboy? What if I see somebody I know? Then
I understood the expression 'loss of face'. Mine was
disappearing at a rapid rate of knots!
'Been shopping for lunch? Where're we going?'
"No and Siam Square, you'll soon see what's in here." She
held on to the plastic bags as if they contained something
There seemed to be some event going on at Siam Square, I
could see people milling around from the BTS exit.
'What we going to see? Another singer or something?'
"Singer? Singer? Singer of bullsh_t more like! A senior
politician is about to canvas for the next election.
Salome dragged me past curious Thais to a corner that was
still in good view of the arriving politico. I looked at
her bags and frowned the expression of the 'I'm not sure
about this'. "Get ready Yuri!"
'Ready? Ready for what? She winked at me. "Just watch!"
A smiling politician in a dark suit and obviously dyed hair
leapt with enthusiasm from his new Mercedes. His wife in her
latest suit of Thai clothes followed with smiling abandon.
"Salome leant across and whispered, "I bet his wife doesn't
know he gave it to me up the ass !"
Police pushed the crowds back, a microphone appeared from
someone and from my basic Thai I heard how well his 'party'
is doing for the country. 'I creased-up when I heard the
Thai version of, "You've never had it so good." And, "Any
change now would prove a disaster for all!" Different country
different culture, same lies!
I got pushed back when Salome dipped into one of her bags and
shouted, "Pervert, crony, tell your wife who you are arse f_cking
tonight!" With this she lobbed two very well aimed rotten eggs at
the politician and his wife. The eggs hit their target, his wife,
She had also thrown an ink-bomb for good measure. This ruined the
wife's new suit. She burst into tears, in quick succession another
two eggs found their target on the politician's face and suit.
"Screaming, puppet of the 'New Order' and 'Brotherhood Crony' you
scum!" In Thai and English, another one of her well aimed missiles
hit a Japanese cameraman and splattered the reporter standing next
All this happened in such rapid succession that most, even the
police, stood stunned and disbelieving. Two rocks followed that
bounced off the Mercedes, one hitting a senior policeman full
in the face, blood poured from a broken nose.
I didn't know what to do, Salome was possessed by something I
hadn't seen before? No we are for it ! I had visions of spending
the rest of my life in a Thai prison.
The police immediately charged in our direction. "Run for it!"
Ordered Salome. At the same time two young Thai men ran towards
the pursuing police and appeared to fall in front of them in supposed
accident. This caused the police to trip and roll on the ground, it
looked like a Rugby scrum. The young Thai men got to their feet and
were all sorry and bowing. The police fiercely pushed them aside
and another battered them for good measure with a truncheon.
"Friends, student friends, they have given us vital seconds! Yuri how
come you can run so fast?" We scampered down a side street the police
were gaining. 'I don't have bouncing tits and what other option do I
have?' I became like puffing-billy even though I didn't smoke.
"This way!" she screamed.
We went through a small market area. I sent one stall flying much to
the horror of the poor old lady. I stuffed a thousand Baht note in her
hand with a 'sorry, sorry!'
"Yuri, no time for charity, damn you. Hurry up!"
I followed her through a small Thai restaurant, she pushed past the
customers elbowed the staff out of the way and into the kitchen. The
chef stood there picking his nose and the on the realisation of what
was happening picked up a meat clever and brandished it with an, "Oi,
Oi,Oi." In reality not intending to use it.
Out through the back door and down another small street. "Damn!
The police were not far behind. My progress was halted by a
horizontal walking stick with an evil head at the end.
"Falling down on the job again Yuri?"
Police approached, there was commotion in the restaurant.
The road was quite packed with traders and stall holders as well as
the browsing public.
"Dear, dear Yuri. It looks like I will have to create a diversion.
Make sure you to get scarce for a while in the cheapest hotel that
asks no questions or ID cards. Now you two scram !"
Dimitrios, nodded to his ever attendant Black Somali who looked down
on me like a Panther about to pounce!
She pulled a bundle of twenty baht notes from a pocket and proceeded to
let them fall in the breeze to the ground. Dimitrios held up a few one
thousand baht notes, he barked loud in Thai," The game is to pick up the
thousand baht notes in amongst the twenty baht notes!"
Thais came from here, there everywhere, I turned and looked at the melee.
I thought, ‘some came by motorbike and some by motorcar. There were so
many there.’ A mass of humanity were gleefully picking up the twenty baht
notes oblivious of the police trying to get past. The police ignored Dimitrios
and the Black Somali.
"Come you idiot!" Salome pulled me onto some wooden packing cases and
then onto a low roof. "Stop to breathe and we are in Jail!"
We made our way along a narrow ledge, a few rats went scurrying for cover,
I nearly fell into the piles of rubbish on the ground but somehow kept my
balance. Salome showed remarkable balance and forged ahead.
We jumped down onto another narrow street. At the corner was a Tuk-tuk
with a half asleep driver with his feet up. We ran towards him, "make
sure you have a thousand baht Yuri!" The driver was rudely awakened by
Salome and she snatched my thousand baht and gave it to him with an
avalanche of Thai. "Lair-o lair-o." The driver snapped to attention and
in a moment we were hurtling down the road. Salome kept looking left and
right at the narrow alleys. Suddenly there was a police car in front and
one behind. "I knew this!" Was all she would say, that was followed by a
second avalanche of Thai in the drivers ear. He just nodded and looked a
bit scared. "Make sure you have another thousand baht at the ready Yuri!"
How the Tuk-tuk righted itself again I shall never know but we did the
swiftest left turn down the narrowest of alleys. The Tuk-tuk knocked
cardboard boxes and any other rubbish out of the way. The police cars
screeched to a halt, slamming doors announced pursuing police at the run.
Out of the end of the alley and this time a sharp right. I held on for
life. Another session of Thai in the drivers ear and the second baht note
was in his top pocket.
I think I left the Tuk-tuk horizontally as in one motion we left the Tuk-tuk
and piled into the back seat of a standing taxi. "Get your head down Yuri!"
She demanded. I got a swift slap when I said, 'This is not the time for sex!'
Further instructions and inducements to the driver and we were off in the
opposite direction. We didn't head for a remote part of the city, a farang
would stand out. We got out and I paid over the odds again and she dragged me
by the hand through yet another scruffy market. It looked like somewhere
near Yarowat Road. "In here!" It was a small bar. "Order two drinks, mine's
a coffee." I ordered a beer and a coffee. "We wait and watch." After ten
minutes police sirens could be heard but we saw no cars.
"Good, I know a place. They don't know me as I have not taken any of my
V.I.P customers anonymously there yet!"
We went through an opening past an iron gate. I small cheap pension.
Salome negotiated with the owner and we had a room that was about the price
of a few Cokes. No air-con but a large fan turned lazily. It wobbled with
wear. "Clean, cheap but no hot water, we'll be OK for a while here. 'They'
will be watching my flat again.
'They? You mean the police?'
"Not only the police."
I lay on the bed watching the fan. A Gecko scurried about in one corner and
a couple of cockroaches the other. It made me think of the police chase.
Salome came into the room after showering. A large towel was tucked around
her. She looked like a very sexy woman with a worried look on her face.
Salome kept on her towel and got between the sheets. I lay on the top of
the bed. I had kicked of my shoes and socks and thrown my sweaty shirt over
a chair. If I was a smoker I would have lit up. 'Salome what have you got
me into?' I let out a long sigh. There was silence for a while.
"Yuri, I have got something important to tell you!"
I lay there fearful of declarations of love and affection.
"Yuri, do you want to know from where and why my
political actions originate?"
'Well considering we have nearly ended up in a cell instead
of this flea-pit it may help? Hit me with ‘em. Ow! Not literally'
Salome had not lost her ‘male’ strength.
"Remember the job you did for Dimitrios where we were part
of a photo session to compromise those Euro politicians?"
'How could I forget? It was a bit yuck! Not my scene, by the
way you’ve got great rhythm when you screw. Ow, that hurt!'
"It was not the first time I have been involved with the
politicians. A short while ago my 'services' were in demand.
So much so I was invited to some ‘rituals’. I suppose you have
seen that diabolical lizard head on Dimitrios's walking stick?"
'One can hardly miss it?'
"Well it represents the 'Brotherhood' he is involved with."
'Brotherhood? Oh no, not 'Conspiracy Theories' again? At the
risk of an awful pun, considering the work you do I prefer the
'Cock-up' theories. Ordered Chaos, that's what the World is
"You are entitled to your opinion but I shall tell you what I
have experienced and from that if you believe me you can make
your own mind up? A deal?"
'A deal, I'm all ears.’
"I was invited to a sort of orgy at a very exclusive and private
venue. So private that I was taken there blind-folded in a car. I
hadn't a clue where I was. It was about an hours drive outside
Bangkok. I went by Mercedes and by the sound of the other cars
arriving on the gravel in the car park there were quite a few
Mercedes that evening. Inside this large house, perhaps you
would call it a mansion, there was a large entrance hall. There
were Thai girls there, the most beautiful I have ever seen and
a number of the best looking Ladyboys. We were escorted to a
room. The door had a dragon and a serpent engraved on it. I went
there with two other Ladyboys. Obviously this was the 'taste' of
the people involved. We were immediately asked to strip and shower.
Importantly we had to keep our high-heels on and nothing else.
We were then given masks to wear and led to another room with
subdued lighting, red lamps. Inside were red velvet and green
sofas and stools. Strips of green velvet hung from the ceiling
to represent jungle vegetation. There was a centre stage rather
like a dance floor in a disco. The sound of chanting began and
it got louder, I don’t know whether it was a live performance or a
tape,the speakers were concealed.. It wasn't like you hear in a temple.
It was weird and melodic but unpleasant. I can't explain. Then five
men entered through a side door. They had the most unusual costumes
on. They were dressed as reptiles their faces hidden by the headpiece.
All the sexual and erogenous zones were exposed. The costume was cut
away to expose the genitals. We were given some kind of aphrodisiac
drink earlier and I felt an almost uncontrollable desire to have
sex. We then indulged in rampant sex with these dressed up
individuals. They had me and I had them in as many ways imaginable.
We didn't stop, it was reckless. Total debauchery. I was sore for
days afterwards. I went for an Aids test about two weeks later
and luckily I passed considering the amount of unprotected sex I
had been exposed to. Two of the men in lizard costume took a particular
liking to me and I was invited to hotels and private condos for
more of the same but with only one at a time. It was a regular thing.
They were Europeans and obviously very powerful men in their own field.
I decided I would find about as much as I could about these peculiar
practices. When I had one of these men on their own and begging for
more sex I would a little at a time coax what information I could
out of him to build up a picture. I discovered that there is a very
secret group of men who control much of what you see behind the
scenes. Especially politicians as these apparently are the easiest
to manipulate. Dimitrios is an important part of a major 'Brotherhood'.
It is called the 'Brotherhood of the Serpent' ! Hence the horrible
image on his walking stick."
A shiver ran up my spine, the type of shiver you get when you know
you are hearing something unpleasant but true.
'Reminds me of the 'Nagas' guarding the temples here. What's this
got to do with Bangkok anyway?'
"The Brotherhood of the Serpent stretches back to ancient times,
there is some connection with the 'Nagas'."
Where had I heard that before? Got it ! The legend told to me by
the owner of the bar with the 'Naga' engraving.
'Why do they meet in Thailand?'
"I gathered that they meet all around the World but at this moment
for some arcane reason Thailand is the focus. There is something
about the 'spiritual culture' they don't like. A bit like Tibet."
'Shangri-La, the mythical hidden retreat, no Salome don't tell
me you have had sessions with these men in the Shangri-La Hotel?'
'Coincidences, we'll have a chat about that one day, that's if
we survive, we now have serious players on our tail?'
"I have always had this vague feeling that my flat has been
watched ever since my contact with the serpent weirdos. Followed
in the street but I never saw anybody. Just the hairs on the
back of my neck standing up for no apparent reason.”
Terror and terrorism I mused.
"Yuri,it is amazing what you can find out for sexual favours?
Apparently 'Terrorism' is used for precisely that reason. To terrorise
people into things they would not normally except. I learnt in one sexual
session by denying a climax that it is more important to use it in
'first world' countries like the 'West' than Thailand but I could not
discover why. 'They' have super-super computers that can monitor the
Internet and just about everything. I thought of Dmitri in the taxi
insisting I switched off my mobile phone. I leant across to the table
and shut mine down and then I took out the battery. Salome had already
done the same to hers.
"Apparently there are wars amongst the 'Brotherhoods' they get very
jealous of each others power and influence. Things are not so controlled
and cut-n-dry as the Conspiracy Theorists believe?"
'Ah-ha a cock-up !'
"Yuri it isn't."
'Have you had the op ?'
"Not yet." She snuggled closer but there was nothing sexual.
'Listen you have your 'Conspiracy Theories' I have my 'cock-up' theory,
We now have our 'Cocked-up Conspiracy Theory' ?' She giggled and I
grabbed her between the legs. It was soft for once. She snuggled
closer. Bad move that.
'Salome, most Conspiracy Theories tend to rely on fuzzy logic but have
an uncanny knack of asking the right questions. Without them many of
the motives and actions of World leaders would remain secret.'
"I don't like secrets!" Salome paused for a while.
"Yuri, do you sleep with 'Yip'?"
I thought I'd be honest for once.
'Yes I do." There was another long silence. "And so do I ! Are you a
dirty spy like she is?"
'Guilt by association my dear?'
"Yip? You bastard, you use Ladyboys for sexual fun and when they get all
used up they are thrown on the human scrap-heap!"
'I haven't used any Ladyboys for anything other than in your case,
interesting conversation, anyway I thought you said you are immortal?'
"I am!" With that I received a painful kick and a powerful punch to the
head. 'Salome, haven't we enough problems?' She didn't answer. She rolled
away from me to the corner of the bed. Ladyboys! They are just like women?
I fell asleep, exhausted.
I awoke in the early hours to the sound of bitter tears. Salome was crying
herself to sleep. I lay for a while listening to the tears in the darkness
while the air from the fan brushed my face. I felt guilty, it sounded
painful and pathetic yet at the same time haunting. For the first time I
wanted to cuddle Salome, nurture her, but I wasn't sure how she would react.
A powerful vision of Yip's face suddenly came to mind as if she was trying
to communicate, trying to warn me of something. I thought of my one session
with her, taken to heaven and back repeatedly until I nearly passed out
with exhaustion. The only disconcerting thing was her insistence on keeping
a loaded revolver by the bedside. Our only communication was sex, if only
she would open up like Salome, or even be as much fun to talk to?
Life gets confusing, life gets dangerous.
I awoke hungry and thirsty, I looked at my watch. Ten-thirty.
Salome snored like a trooper, she’d exhausted herself with tears.
I called reception. No they didn’t have food or drink, my basic
Thai woke Salome. She grabbed the phone from my hand and
spoke rapidly. “A man can deliver drinks with a pizza, good but
not expensive. ‘I’ll have a mushroom pizza and coffee, thanks.’
More rapid Thai. “That’s done, ooh Yuri, men mark! Take a
shower!” I went to the basic bathroom, I couldn’t shave I hadn’t
anything with me. “I’m going to join you!”
‘No you are not!”
The cold water started at a dirty colour then cleared, I hate cold
showers. I soaped up with the crude soap provided. There was a
sudden movement behind me. ‘Salome!’ She giggled and grabbed
her arms around me and pulled me to her naked body. I felt disgust
and shame, my body began to react to hers. The phone rang. Saved
by the bell! Salome rushed for it, I dried myself as quickly as I could.
“Make yourself decent Yuri the man has arrived with the Pizzas. Pity
I prefer you indecent, I promise you one day I’ll eat you and not the
Oh heck, my pulse still raced, I still felt shame at my body’s reaction.
Motorcycle man arrived with the food and drinks, the polystyrene coffee
cups were cleverly kept in a cardboard holder to stop spillage even
though they had plastic tops. I paid him, gave him a small tip and he
left with a knowing smile and a wink. How can they tell that Salome is
a Ladyboy? I am sure any ‘westerner’ would be fooled?
We sat on the end of the bed munching greasy Pizzas. ‘ When I get
frightened my mind goes very lateral.’ I proclaimed amongst gulps of
stringy pizza. “Uh? What are you on about Yuri?”
‘Well the 'nasties' who are chasing us think linear, they have a target they
must follow and catch. ‘A’ follows ‘B’ and so on. So you can work out
what their next move will be, they are straight thinkers. We have to get
‘Surreal’ like the ‘Dadaists’ – you’ve heard of that art movement haven’t
“Of course I have, I’m part of a co-operative of students who own an objects
d’art stall in ChatuChak. I have also studied art remember?”
‘Well I have decided to form my own secret society, it is to be called the
‘Secret Bangkok Bohemian Surrealist Society’ and I as our founder member
appoint you as secretary!’
“How does this help keep the hunters of our backs? You sound like you have
been drinking too much Mekong, what’s this ‘Bohemian’ stuff?”
‘A bit before your time my dear. Now if we think laterally and not in straight lines we can out-fox the police
and your ‘them’, because we will have a strategy they can’t figure out!’
“So what is this strategy they can’t figure out Yuri?”
‘Dunno I haven’t figured it out yet, if I don’t know what I am going to do
next how can they know either?’
“Remind me to figure out that logic over a glass of wine on a quiet evening
at home. If I ever get back there?”
The phone went again in the room, Salome picked up the antique, which
was followed by the inevitable string of,”Ka, ka, -ka, ka!”
She looked worried. While you have been indulging in philosophy and
creating your own secret society the men in brown have visited asking
questions. Luckily the owner down stairs can’t stand them and sent them
away saying he hadn’t a clue what they were on about. We’ve got about
five minutes to get out. They’ll be back within half an hour to search the
place. The owner wants to clean the room now so it doesn’t look like he
has had guests. He has a back exit though.”
‘More climbing over walls and boxes?’
“I’m afraid so, hey Yuri you can practice your ‘lateral thinking’?”
Five minutes later we were once again doing just that, the rats were
running for cover, much like us really. I thought I saw another police
car flash down a road heading for the place we had just stayed in.
We clambered over somebody’s shed and back yard and down another
narrow street heading off to an unknown destination.
"I'm going back to my apartment, there are some things I need."
I was surprised by Salome's insistence,'forgot your make-up bag
or going back to get arrested?'
"Right first time, anyway I know a way to get there unseen."
Salome saw a couple of motorcycle taxi drivers lolling about by
their bikes. She rushed over to them at chatted,"It's OK Yuri,
c'mon Mr Snailspeed."
Minutes later we were hairing-off dodging traffic, doing short
cuts through narrow alleys, along parts of Bangkok I never
dreamed existed. Salome in the lead bike, occasionally looking
back at me with a smile. Oh how I wished she was a girl. There
must be a girl like this somewhere on the planet, then we could
settle down and have kids and....a large pot hole shook me into
We went off the road and into what appeared to be somebody's
farm or unused land. Down a narrow foot path hitting fronds of
tropical vegetation. My driver just acted cool like this was
his daily route. 'OK khrupp?' - "OK nah!" Well at least he is
sure of our direction. The bikes suddenly stopped by a clearing,
we had arrived at a location elevated from Salome's apartment
but it gave us a clear view of the approaching roads.
A police car sat at one end of her street, another trying to
conceal itself, further up and partially in a driveway.
"As we thought we have company already, no problem they don't
know my jungle entrance, I just hope they haven't trashed my
apartment like last time?"
'A regular occurrence?'
"No only when I get political but it's not the police who
bother me, it's the others!"
'Your friends from the 'Reptile House?'
"No another lot, rivals, a much bigger organisation, just as
sinister, we'll have to wait here till it gets completely dark."
She sat cross-legged, an early Moon rose like a sneaky orange
on the horizon. There was something angry about it, a signpost
to an turbulent future.
'I suppose you know your way in the dark?'
"Yeah no problem, it's not the first time I have done my local
jungle trek in the dark. The Moon looks aggressive, where's your
'Moon in June' Yip lover boy?"
'I don't know but I reckon there's no man in her Moon tonight?'
"Except when you're around, she a good f_ck?"
'No comment, are you?'
"Try me and find out?"
'There's never been a Man on the Moon and I'm not talking about
"Oh Yuri you are Mr Conspiracy Man now?"
'Look, flags,American or otherwise don't flap in a non-atmosphere.
I'm a quite good photographer, the light is wrong, one light
source yet there are converging angles with the shadows of the
Moon shots, there is no blast crater, even the most benign rocket
will throw up dust.So will your vacuum cleaner! Nothing there on
the Luna photographs, no luna-dust on the 'Lem-lander's feet' -
as clean as a Thai girl in a farang bedroom after she has showered.
I doubt whether they would have survived the Van Allen radiation
"So they never went to the Moon?"
'No, not ever, they haven't been back since because the never
went there in the first place!'
"What was your work in Switzerland?"
'Oh just some boring research stuff, the real interesting things I
did was with an old guy who kept his 'invention' in a Swiss Bank!'
"What was that?"
'An anti-gravity machine!'
"Yuri you are a techie! Monogamous and the missionary position only?"
'I like to be loyal in a relationship!'
"Yuri you are getting boring, what other boring 'techie' stuff did
you do in Switzerland?"
'Electro-magnetic Fluid Dynamics.'
"Yuri, lets talk boring another day, time to get back to the flat."
We went through tropical vegetation that kept whacking me in the face,
how she saw in the dark I'll never know? Over a low wall and into a
small courtyard. Up a rusty fire-escape and then into a corridor that
led to her flat. "Now we shall find out?" Salome turned the key in the
lock. The apartment was in darkness. She switched on a small table lamp.
Less obvious light, I flopped on her sofa. Salome rummaged through some
books and then found a bag on a table."Success! Nobody has been here !
I'm just going to pack a few things then we'll go to my retreat up
country, very jungle but private."
The main light came on as if by itself, Salome dropped her things in
shock. I blinked in the brightness. We both looked at the slim figure
standing there in a dark blue suit.
'Khun Paiboon! How did you get in here?'
"Easily Mr Velasquez, will you both sit down? Salome edged near me, my
sudden standing to shocked attention was replaced by a wide-mouthed
dropping of two friends onto the Moroccan sofa.
"Do you want me to hand you over to the 'goon-squad' waiting in cars
outside?" We both sat there like naughty children.
"Kuhn Porntipsong, what are you up to? The best grades at University
and now you spend you time in whoredom with who knows what, you were
the rising star and now you are some pseudo-revolutionary Ladyboy
prostitute? What a waste !"
"I-I-I have problems with my hormones!" Salome was shaking with fear.
"Khun Yuri Velasquez, my pen-pushing friend from a Swiss scientific
institute, - allegedly!"
'I have just come to visit a friend!'
"Yes, and help Ms Revolution here to throw eggs and bricks at our
"They're all corrupt!" Salome became defiant.
"You might have some sympathy on that score from me, but I will deny
it in public. I am not here for a discussion on politics however
pleasant we might find that? There are some heavy police characters
outside ready to drag you both off to a nice secure jail in Bangkok
where no doubt you will both spend a long time? Khun Porntipsong,
how would you like to be 'gang-raped' in prison without being paid?
Many times, as rough as possible, then discarded like some piece of
worn out meat?"
Salome shook her head in shock realisation.
"Good, so we know where we stand? There is another way we can do this!"
Khun Paiboon the sharp 'new generation' detective knew exactly that he
had us where he wanted.
"You can know work for me and I'll give you a few days to think about it."
'Forty-Eight hours to come up with the solution just like the American
movies? Being an informer is not my style!'
"I think I'll want you to do more than just inform me as to the
whereabouts of a certain 'Dimitrios Ouranoupolos?"
'Mr Delphi....er er you asked me about him before in the coffee shop?'
"Masquerading as Mr Delphi now is he? He seems to have taken you two
into his confidence for some unknown reason, anyway your contact with
him is very useful as he seems such an elusive individual. He performs
his disappearing act like a ghost most times. Do you know anything
about this tall black woman he keeps company with?"
'No, only that they speak Italian together and since I don't have that
language I have a clue what they are on about?' I lied.
"Do you have anywhere else you can stay?"
"I have a small place in Pitsanulok." Volunteered Salome.
"Where the motorcycle riders dropped you off." Salome and I looked at
each other in astonishment. "I'll begin again, where the motorcycle
riders dropped you two off you will find a minibus. The driver is one
of my men, he knows what you look like. Direct him to your place in
Pitsanulok and stay there a few days. There you can decide if you
want to help me or end up in prison? Also you will avoid the three
American mercenaries waiting outside.”
‘What?’ Paiboon saw the shock written in my face.
“Do you know of the American who runs a BDSM club called the
‘A friend of mine went to speak to him a few days ago, I went along
as well. Didn’t like him, the BDSM club seems a front for other
“You may well be right Mr Velasquez. The three goons outside are
connected with him. Hired muscle to rough you two up and frighten
you off. Frighten you off from what, I haven’t found out yet.”
“Small comfort that.” Salome looked pensive.
“You two ready to go?” We both reluctantly nodded.
"One last question Mr Velasquez? Have you seen Yip lately?"
'No, she seems to have disappeared like Dimitrios.' I admitted I
knew her. "You see Mr Velasquez we know all about you, your
company in Geneva is just a postal address. No doubt a typical
tax evasion scheme?"
'As I said I do a little scientific work.'
We both slept as the mini-van took us to Pitsanulok, heads rolling
this way and that. Salome awoke first and directed the driver to
'her' place, a typical Thai wooden house in the middle of what to
me seemed like jungle.
"You have phone number Khun Paiboon?" I nodded the affirmative.
"OK, this another number, ring this if you cannot get Khun Paiboon."
With that the mini-van driver roared off into the night. The place
was pitch black, I looked up. I had never seen so many stars.
A hand guided me to a door, a lock turned and a light switch clicked,
the bare bright bulb dazzled me. "Simple, clean but my real home." I
noticed a shelf with more books. Both very tired we ate a simple rice
meal she prepared and then went to bed to sleep soundly in separate
beds. We didn't do much the next day, I went for a long walk and came
back to browse Salome's book collection. We did not speak once about
Inspector Paiboon, I think we had already made up our minds about the
next move. 'I think I could get used to the countryside part of
Thailand? I've only known Bangkok and beaches, earlier I nearly walked
slap bang into an elephant!'
"Oh that's Joey, his Mahoot is probably playing cards. An old friendly
elephant, he is almost a pet. Do you know they have very sensitive skins
and feet?" Salome was making a Phad Thai, I rather enjoyed her cooking.
'I don't know much about wildlife, just science.'
"You can learn a lot by watching animals? You will also learn something
tonight when I do my thing?" 'Oh Salome not more sexual advances?'
"No silly, you'll see."
After dinner Salome filled a large terracotta bowl with water and placed
candles in a circle around us. 'What on earth are you doing?' I asked.
Salome just smiled. She fetched a book from the shelf and sat cross-
legged in front of the bowl. "Now watch!"
Salome opened the book before her and began to recite some Shakespeare.
"Do you know the Scottish Play?"
'The one were we are not supposed to call it by name, Mc....'
"Sssscccchhh!" She put her finger to her mouth.
Salome began to chant rather than recite.
"Thrice the brinded cat hath mew'd.
Thrice and once, the hedge-pig whin'd.
Harpier cries:-'tis time! 'tis time!
Round about the caldron go;
In the poison'd entrails throw.-
Toad, that under cold stone,
Days and nights has thirty-one;
Swelter'd venom sleeping got,
Boil thou first i' the charmed pot!
Double, double toil and trouble;
Fire burn, and caldron bubble.
Fillet of a fenny snake,
In the caldron boil and bake;
Eye of newt, and toe of frog,
Wool of bat, and tongue of dog,
Adder's fork, and blind-worm's sting,
Lizard's leg, and owlet's wing,-
For a charm of powerful trouble,
Like a hell-broth boil and bubble.
Double, double toil and trouble;
Fire burn, and caldron bubble.
Scale of dragon; tooth of wolf;
Witches' mummy; maw and gulf
Of the ravin'd salt-sea shark;
Root of hemlock digg'd I the dark;
Liver of blaspheming Jew;
Gall of goat, and slips of yew
Sliver'd in the moon's eclipse;
Nose of Turk, and Tartar's lips;
Finger of birth-strangled babe
Ditch-deliver'd by a drab,-
Make the gruel thick and slab:
Add thereto a tiger's chaudron,
For the ingrediants of our caldron.
Double, double toil and trouble;
Fire burn, and caldron bubble.
Cool it with a baboon's blood,
Then the charm is firm and good."
brinded - having obscure dark streaks or flecks on gray
gulf - the throat
drab - prostitute
chaudron - entrails
I fingered the Orthodox Crucifix under my shirt. Everything
became still and quiet. This seemed a funny way to make a
decision about helping Inspector Paiboon. Looking to see
future possibilities? Salome I hope you know what you are
doing? A flash of light in the distance, the candles started
to flicker. A breeze got up outside, then came the rumble of
thunder. I am sure the hairs on the back of my neck were
standing up. I shivered in the heat. Salome sat motionless
staring at the water in the bowl. Her hands swiftly went to
her face in shock. "No,no,no,no!" She fell back tears streaming
down her cheeks. 'What is it Salome ? What is it?' I pulled her
toward me, I asked again. She shook her head not wanting to
speak. She mumbled the word 'Hecate' or something similar.
I asked what is 'Hekatay'? she just shook her head again and
wouldn't answer. Salome pushed me away and went back to her
same position. Spine erect she started the 'toil and trouble'
Salome drew in a deep breath and started to hyperventilate, I
moved around the other side of the bowl to see her face. Her
eyes closed she then opened her mouth and the voice that came
out was not Salome's. It was deep and powerful.
"Who dares to awaken the Pharaoh's Warrior Inteb?"
I held my Orthodox Crucifix tighter with one hand and crossed
myself with the other. What on earth are you doing Salome?
She drew in another large intake of breath, "By the Temple of
Thebes and the new Pharaoh Akenaten, is this more heresy?"
'C'mon Salome snap out of that and stop mucking about?'
"You!" Salome arm raised and her finger pointed at me, her
eyes opened but had a strange glass like quality, they shone
like lamps."You! must be careful, you are now living in
times like that of this heretic Pharaoh! Chaos has come to
rule. The old will be broken down, a new order is about to
be built. If you value your freedom flee! Aid the good man.
You shall fight many battles. Take care of this vessel I
inhabit to speak to you. Great men are becoming less, small
men are increasing. There will be much slavery soon under
the banner of freedom! Be brave like this old Warrior Inteb!
Beware Apollyon!" I had a sudden flash in my minds eye of
dancing with a beautiful girl in a long white dress in an
ornate hall with many mirrors with gold frames. I caught
sight of myself in a mirror. I wore an 19th Century Russian
army uniform, dark green with large epaulettes! I looked at
Salome her eyes closed again and she fell over in a
'Salome, Salome what happened." I gently shook her and she
came to. "Oh that was very strange? I must have been dreaming?
I was in a dry dusty country with large stone buildings, it
looked very much like Egypt. 'Do you remember what you saw
in the bowl of water?'
"A little but it was terrible, I saw people being beheaded by guillotine
like in the French Revolution, but it was modern times Yuri, modern times!
I saw many people being herded into camps just
like the Second World War. I saw us, it was terrible!"
'Us what? Who, what where....what happened?' She just shook
her head and refused to say anymore about it. "Lets go to
bed, I'll get two large Mehkong Whisky." I needed the Mehkong
just as much as she did even though I can't stand the stuff.
"Lay beside me in bed tonight?" I agreed after she had had
such a traumatic experience. We finished off the bottle of
Mehkong and I went out like a light looking at Salome who
had at last got a smile on her face.
I was awoken at three in the morning by a rhythmic vibration
of the bed. I switched on the small bedside lamp. There was
Salome sitting on her heels, masturbating with her enormous
member while looking at me at the same time. She had one hand
behind her resting on the bed the other gripping her erection.
The light surprised her, she put both hands to her head and
bowed it in shame,"sorry,sorry, I'm so sorry! I was so tense
with that magic session, I had to relieve myself and look at
someone I like!" She started to cry.
I put my arm around her and said,'Don't be upset, it's OK.'
"Will you finish me off?" I did so and semen splattered my
chest. "Can I do you now?"
I nodded an,'OK.' She gave me the best 'fellatio' I have ever
had and crowned it off with my 'excitement' between her magnificent
breasts. I had never had such an orgasm. She eagerly licked up
my ejaculation where she could reach. We then both fell asleep
and slept the slumber of the damned.
I looked at the luminous dial on my watch, it said 3:45am.
What an unusual dream? It reminded me of that flash in my
mind's eye during Salome's magic scrying session. She moved
next to me, an arm came over and held me about the waist.
She moaned as if having a bad dream and rolled on her back
exposing herself. Her rigid erection had returned even in sleep.
I had crossed the line with her, I couldn't guess how she
would react to any rejection. Reluctantly I would have to go
along with her version of sexuality. I looked at her again
and wished she were 'Yip'
I have the ability to recall vivid dreams, well for a short
while afterwards anyway. I had awoken wide awake with a jolt.
In the dream I was again in the 19th Century ballroom. Mirrors
and gold ormolu dominated. An orchestra played something that
sounded like Mozart, they then moved to a Minuet by Boccherini.
I danced with the most beautiful of girls, large dark eyes,
high cheek bones and hair that fell in large dark locks. In
the dream I had the impression her name was 'Anastasia', she
laughed easily. Joking with me that I would become the Russian
'Josef Radetzky' the Austrian military leader. It was a wonderful
atmosphere with much dancing and laughter. Then the orchestra
stopped. A senior military figure got up on the podium where the
orchestra played and shouted at the top of his voice."I have an
announcement to make !" Please pay the utmost attention. An event
has taken place, contrary to any rhyme or reason. Contrary
to humanity. Napoleon's army has crossed into Mother Russia !"
The ballroom changed from laughter to stunned silence. It was
Dreams are often one's unconscious trying to convey a message. I
couldn't work out that one.
Yip walked around Lumpini Park, she wondered why 'Yuri' had to
do things as from a cheap spy novel. No chalk line or drawing
pin, this time she looked for a transfer of a Chinese Dragon
with the name of the Pop group 'Chen' written underneath. She
found it at similar place like the last time, plastered on a
notice hanging on a tree trunk. She looked up and saw the natural
recess in the bark. She looked left and right. She had in her
hand an umbrella, the type Thai ladies use to keep off the sun
rather than the rain. She could just reach with the handle and
unhooked the package which fell to the floor. It was an unopened
packet of 'Camels'. What if a sharp eyed Thai had spotted it as
a free smoke ? Silly Yuri!
Back in her cheap flat Yip realised that the unopened packet had
a slit in the top. She opened the 'Camels'. Inside a note, not
written in code but plain English. Dmitri informs you that the
'Noon-day Devil' wishes a rendezvous at the Somboon restaurant
near Nares Road at 3pm tomorrow.'
A nice public open place with families eating. She thought for a
moment, she did not relish contact with the 'pervert' who owned
the Chinese Garden BDSM club. Yip took a book down from a shelf
and picked up three coins. She threw them. two heads and a tail
='young yin'. She threw again. ='young yang'.The third throw
produced 'young yin' again. The first part became K'an, water,
a pit, danger. She threw again, two tails one head ='young yang'.
This was repeated twice more. The second part of the hexagram =
Ch'ien - heaven, the creative,male,active. Yip opened the book
that called itself 'I CHING'. She found the hexagram that the
throws of her coins produced. 'Sung' = Conflict. She then read
the 'judgement' "Sung intimates how, though there is sincerity
in one's contention,he will meet with opposition and obstruction;
but if he cherish an apprehensive caution, there will be good
fortune,while,if he must prosecute the contention to the (bitter)
end,there will be evil. It will be advantageous to see the great
man;it will not be advantageous to cross the great stream."
Yip closed the book and prepared herself for the next days'
meeting with 'Dave' the owner of Chinese Garden.
Yip sat in Somboon nursing a coffee and some Phad Thai Goong.
She was annoyed by the beefy Americans on a table nearby, loud
with crew-cuts they looked military or ex-military. Why so noisy?
One couldn't hear the children charging about above their din.
A middle-aged man joined her, his face looked like it had been
to hell and back. Which it probably had. He looked at her and
said,"Yip?" She nodded almost imperceptibly.
"Let me apologise for my loud buddies, they are sort of my
'bodyguard' just in case you get some funny ideas. 'Ex-military'
they can handle themselves so don't try anything?"
"As if I would Mr Dave?" 'Dave' glanced at her sideways with an
old-fashioned look. He hadn't shaved that morning. "I'm on steroids.
It sometimes makes my face tender so I don't shave. Bother you?"
"Not in the slightest Mr Dave." He weighed up the gorgeous creature
sitting opposite him.
"I'll be brief."
"Please do." She looked calm and cool but inside a storm raged.
"I know you have got hold of the 'Russian Red Mercury' that will
make a 'Nuke' the size of a coke can!" She shrugged.
"Well go back and tell your bosses that if they try something with
Taiwan, Uncle Sam will feel obliged to step in!"
"And do what precisely?"
"Do what? Do what ! Feel the size of the most advanced and greatest
military machine there has been, that's what!"
"And start World War Three in the process?"
"Nah, impossible, you don't realise just how much 'we' control?
Money and military!"
"You fancy a fight with 1.4 Billion people?" "Cannon fodder!" Dave growled at her like a wounded bear.
"What's this other gizmo that that crazy Thai scientist 'Pranchit'
reckons he has come up with? That little 'fag' friend of yours
seems to know something about it?"
"Yuri is just an acquaintance. We slept together once."
"Oh-ho! Did you now? Well for your information I happen to know
he is stuffing some bad-ass Ladyboy every-which-way and not so
loose!" Yip bit her lip and flushed.
"Yeah that got you, your little loverboy is bi-byes!"
"I haven't come here to discuss who or what I sleep with!"
"Ok, ok just take it from me that 'Uncle Sam' is gonna burn anybody
who steals a march on his technology. We ARE the new 'Rome'. We
run this planet and don't let your masters forget. I'll find out
about this new 'gizmo' and I'll make sure that you'll never get to
use 'Red Mercury'!"
"Why am I here?"
"To get an official warning from forces that you cannot even contemplate!
My contacts go right to the top! Get it! Tell that to your conniving
"I thank you for your polite advice Mr Dave?"
'Dave' looked her up and down. "You wanna work in my club? You could
then service real men and not your little fag-end? You wouldn't even
have to f_ck most times?"
"Just stick nails into peoples' private parts and shock those same
places with electrodes. I didn't do the torture course!" Yip dragged
on the designer cigarette she had just lit up.
"You'd just love it!" Dave laughed at his own joke and nodded at his
personal goon squad.
They all left in an instant paying their bill downstairs. Yip looked
into the vacant space before her and bit her lip. Her eyes became
watery at the thought of words she had just heard. To cap it all her
'little friend' as Dave had put it was doing everything with Salome.
She sat and cursed her fate. Why had she fallen for a wondering
Bohemian. She was warned on countless occasions never get involved
with someone in her line of work. Yip didn't see the tall black woman
tucking into a crab-curry in the far corner of the restaurant. But
she had been watching Yip all the time. The Somali reassuredly felt
for the Makarov automatic under her fashionable jacket. Then
continued to enjoy Somboon's seafood.
khun Paiboon leant forward and pressed the button on the old
office intercom,"show the Colonel in please."
A tiny girl in uniform opened the door and led Colonel *****
into the room. Paiboon rose from behind his desk and thrust
out a hand of welcome. "What do I owe the pleasure Colonel?"
He offered the Colonel the chair opposite.
"A few things have turned up Inspector and I need an informal
and private chat." The tiny policewoman left the room instantly,
silently pulling the door shut. "How's the wife Inspector?"
"Complaining I'm always at work." Paiboon settled himself
behind his desk. "How is your dear wife Colonel?"
"Complaining I am at home too often!"
"We seem to have opposite situations but I am sure you haven't
come here to talk about domestic niceties."
"Correct Inspector, I've come to talk about senior politicians
breathing down my neck. Apparently our illustrious benefactors
the Americans are doing their own neck breathing on the
politicians and my own military men."
"Trying to get you to buy their latest military item no doubt?"
"Quite the reverse, the are interested in our eccentric
Professor Pranchit." The Colonel raised his eyebrows. "Ever
since the Chinese came sniffing around."
"There are a few others sniffing around as you put it. Bangkok
is beginning to resemble Lisbon during the Second World War. A
few letters of transit and we shall soon have a full deck of
cards named intrigue!" Paiboon nervously straitened his dark
green tie. "So they have begun to take our dotty Professor
The Colonel leant forward then leant back again looked at some
mysterious place on the ceiling and began."As you know I am
responsible for a wide area of security. The General may be in
charge but I am the one who is responsible, the one who runs
the show. A lot of politicians and quite a few military laughed
at Pranchit's wild ideas. What we did not know was that a Russian
had given for reasons we cannot determine the science and the
formula for 'Red Mercury'."
"Sounds like the name of a race-horse or the latest Sci-fi film?"
Paiboon pretended he knew nothing.
"I wish it were! It seems he has developed it with his own
inventions into an 'Electro-magnetic Pulse Weapon'.In other words
a 'Flash Gordon'ray-gun! Based on 'Cold Fusion' technology."
The Colonel looked intent and fearful.
"We must watch out for Ming the Merciless!"
"My joke about Flash Gordon please continue Colonel."
"Apparently according to my contacts inside Prachit's laboratory
there has been an unusual side-effect to the experiments. The
sudden creation of so much electro-magnetic energy produced a
time warp. A local portal in time and space, strange things
started happening, odd images, nightmare creatures. One of the
assistants went mad. First he disappeared then re-appeared a
babbling wreck. Talking about time travel and alien beings, he's
in hospital at the moment under guard and sedated. All these
events we are keeping from the Americans. They have a number of
'operatives' in various forms of cover in Thailand."
"But I thought all this comic book stuff has been laughed at in
certain circles. Tolerated because of the wealthy benefactors
interest?" Paiboon again pretended ignorance.
"Yes, he has support at some very high levels, we all thought
just let the nutty professor and his friends have their fun.
Nobody believed he was on to something major. We checked his
private life. Unmarried, no visits to massage parlours. We
suspect some Katoey interest, that's it. He lives for his
Paiboon tapped a pencil on his desk."How did the Americans get
"A P3 reconnaissance aircraft was on manoeuvres with our permission
"Of course, we are not China." Paiboon seemed cool the General was
"On one of the experiments the P3 aircraft detected a huge magnetic
anomaly, massive. They were running some tests of their submarine
detection equipment, that boom that protrudes like a 'dick' from
the tail of the aircraft. "Over land? I thought the laboratory
and test zone was near Phitsanulok?" Paiboon was incredulous.
"It is but they set up a second test area just south of Surat
Thani. With a view to, well I will not talk about that." Paiboon
"Well that's it, my orders are to stay vigilant and not let this
fall into anybody's hands. That means anybody, friend or foe!"
Paiboon bade the Colonel farewell with a 'give my regards to the
wife'? He was not going to see his wife or his Mia Noi. The
inspector knew he would be off to his tea lounge or Cleopatra's
for some massage with all the extras. In the past that would have
only been a problem for the wife and the Mia Noi. Now it would
become a security risk. Human frailty is always a security risk.
Inspector Paiboon's 'special' phone rang. He picked it up, his body
arched with the tension. "Yes sir, I am on to it. I know not to
trust the official channels. Yes, I am aware the Nation State is
under the gravest threat. You put that well sir, we are walking a
tightrope that wobbles with every move of our opponents. Thank you
sir." Paiboon put down the phone and thought for a moment. He
pressed the office intercom again,"Deng bring me some tea please, I
need some liquid revival."
I walked around Bangkok aimlessly in a terrible mood. The argument
I had had with Salome was bitter and vicious. I don't like arguing
with friends. I went back after I had stormed out but she had gone.
I caught an air-con bus back to Bangkok. This particular bus's idea
of aircon was an open window. Oh for the buses of Turkey where they
pour cheap Eau de Cologne over your hands.
My phone rang, it was Frank.
'No I'm not enjoying myself, sorry Frank I didn't mean it to sound
Salome, has disappeared. She came on too strong and I said a few
nasty hurtful things to her.
No Frank they weren't Crocodile tears.
You're right Frank being involved with a Ladyboy has risks when deep
down you only really love the ladies. She is great company Frank.
Such a dilemma eh?
Keep in touch Frank, my regards to the lovely Frankie-girl.'
I closed the call. I didn't tell Frank about our arrangement with
Inspector Paiboon. Maybe it will all blow over and he has more
important things on his mind?
My phone rang again, what now?
'Alloh?' I always get theatrical when I am in a mood, this time I
mimicked a Russian housewife.
"Yuri, Khun Paiboon, I'd like a word in my office?" I thought 'Word'
you can buy that from MBK 500 Baht. Private facetious thoughts to a
'How do I get there?'
"You know the petrol station where Soi 4 joins Sukhumwit?"
'I think every farang knows it?'
"Good, then buy a Thai newspaper, one with large headlines, fold it
once and put it under your right arm. My driver has your description
and there aren't a lot of farang who read Thai papers."
We agreed a time and I went for a beer and a date with destiny.
I stood just inside near the small '7-11'. I watched the motorcycle
taxi drivers drag on cigarettes and joke with one another. The usual
array of Thai bar-girls strolled by hoping to meet that 'special'
sponsor no doubt. My recently purchased Thai newspaper tucked under
my right arm. Customers paid for their petrol and returned to their
cars. One thick-set Thai walked towards me."Khun Yuri please come to
my car." I followed him to a beaten-up Toyota with a 'funky' wide
exhaust pipe. We growled are way through the Bangkok traffic at a
decent rate of knots. A few illegal manoeuvres were met by turned
police backs. They knew the car.
A tough looking security man raised a barrier outside a non-descript
block of flats and nodded recognition of the driver. We parked in a
courtyard full of mass-produced tin on wheels, some double parked.
One slot was empty, reserved for its master, we drove in and parked.
The driver said something into a microphone on a flat aluminium panel
outside a set of double glass doors. Bullet-proof doors by the look
of them. He then pulled a plastic card from his pocket against a reader
by the doors. An electronic buzz heralded our entrance. Through another
set of doors and a man in brown sat at a desk with a large walkie-talkie.
He read the same paper I had just bought. Up some stone steps to a
corridor. We entered through a varnished brown door. A pretty little
Thai girl in uniform and smiles showed me to another and left me to
walk in alone. "We meet again!" Inspector Paiboon thrust out a hand
and I shook the firm grip. I looked at the young man from the 'New
Generation' and one word crossed my thoughts, 'sharp'. Thin, a dark
blue suit without a crease. I wonder if he was part of some sort of
'special' police group?
'Salome has disappeared, I'm sorry I.....?' The first words I blurted
out were the person who had taken up residence in my subconscious.
"Please sit down Yuri, I know all about that. You forget we have been
watching her house. You could hear the argument half-way down the street!
My guess is that you wish she was born a woman and the fact that she
wasn't and you have found a 'soul-mate' is causing you great conflict?"
'There's no point with being anything other but truthful with you
Inspector as you have me pretty much summed-up?' I lied.
“How’s your friend Frank?”
‘The Norwegian is fine.’
“The only outfits he has to worry about is Greenpeace and dowries which
is rather less than you I’m afraid.”
I must have looked nervous.
"So I count on you coming over to the side of the good-guys?"
'I don't usually use American expressions but yes, you can count me on
the side of the 'good-guys'. The Thai good-guys which for personal
reasons I am always happy to help. I am fond of your people.'
"OK let's get down to business. I have been approached by the British,
no doubt at the behest of their American 'Cousins'. They want to
interview you at the Embassy."
'I don't need a visa and I have never worked in a bar!' I thought I
detected a feint smile beginning on Khun Paiboon's face.
"You live in the UK and they tell me they could make things very
uncomfortable for you if you don't co-operate. Don't doubt it!"
I pulled a funny face.
"Now this Dimitrios character, there is nothing on him on any computer
anywhere. It's as if he has walked out of a different dimension. Then
goes back there again when we try and find him! One of my brightest
men found a reference to a Dimitrios Ouranoupolos aiding Nazis in
Argentina in 1946, seems to have also known the Croatian Ante Pavlevic
who became Juan Peron's security adviser" My eyes widened.
"Has he ever mentioned to you an item called a 'Nuclear Suitcase Bomb'?
You know what I am talking about don't you ?"
'Yes, I have a basic knowledge of science. So called because they look
like a suitcase. A number went missing from the former Soviet Union
according to the late General Alex Lebed. Mysteriously killed in a
helicopter crash. Funny that? Important people should keep away from
Paiboon gave me a long look, piercing the very depths of my soul.
'The only thing I will say is that my friend who works for Boeing says
that Boeing 737's that catch fire standing at the airport gate because
a heater has ignited fuel vapour in the centre fuel tank is absolute
Another very long in depth look from Paiboon. "Anything more about
'He saved my 'financial bacon', redundancy money doesn't last even when
its Swiss Francs.'
"I am not paying you I am saving you from prison, and your friend the
Sow Praphet song!"
"Sow praphet song, lady of the second type. Apparently they prefer that
name to katoey or ladyboy? By the way I hope we can track her down. She
is in grave danger. We believe she 'serviced' away the scientist Pranchit's
more stressful moments. She could well be hiding with his protection?"
There are a number of 'agencies' who would like some time interrogating
her, and it wont be about her sexual activities. More like the after
'pillow talk'. Did she ever mention knowing any Chinese or Russians?"
'The bar-girl Yip seemed close, she looks more Chinese than Thai. Dmitri
at the Embassy would have told me if she had had contact with Russians.'
"How come you are a friend of a Cultural Attaché?'
'Long story, I was doing the student back-packers thing through Europe,
cultural visits. I was a bit of a loner then. I went to see the Russian
Ballet dance in the Coliseum in Verona, a working one unlike Rome. Open
air concerts are fine until the thunder and lighting decide to make an
uninvited appearance. Half way through Don Quixote, a cloudburst and a
run for cover. I met Dmitri with a couple of lady-friends under an arch
sheltering from the downpour. We started to chat and the rest is as they
say 'history'. That's when I met Anastasia. I looked sad. Paiboon changed
"I see you met 'Dave' from the BDSM Club? I didn't think you were into that
sort of thing?"
'I'm not Dmitri dragged me along to a meeting, I didn't like him, there
was something dangerous and 'connected' about him. Not a person I would want
to cross in a hurry. His club seems a cover for something else?' Paiboon
gave me yet another long dark look. "The Americans are breathing down my
neck!" He wouldn't elaborate.
'Khun Paiboon what is it exactly that you want me to do?'
"I want you to carry on being a typical farang sex-tourist. Keep friendly
with this Dimitrios character. Stay as far away from 'Dave' the owner of
the 'Chinese Garden' and any of his 'colleagues'. Continue your intimacy
with Yip and with luck you may hear some pillow-talk? Try and stay on good
terms with Salome and report to me immediately anybody unusual who contacts
'That's if I can find her?'
"She'll come back to you in her own time, count on it. Here is a private
phone number of mine." Paiboon pushed a card across the table with just
a phone number on it, nothing else. "Ring this number anytime day or night,
I will need a code word to identify yourself, think of one?"
'How about 'Does your chewing-gum lose its flavour on the bedpost over night'?
"What? Where did you get that from? Just a single word will do?"
'It's an old song, before your time. I'm a bit of a lone wolf. How about
"Wolfman is fine Yuri. And remember please be discrete with Dmitri, I know
he's your friend but he is also in the International 'Game' as well!"
We shook hands.
"How does it feel to be in the service of Thailand?"
'Honoured! I hope I do a better job than the Volunteer Tourist Police?'
"Oh those!" Paiboon rolled his eyes to the heavens. "More trouble than...?
never mind that's somebody else's problem."
We left on good terms and the driver took me back to Soi 4. I had a quick
'Happy Hour' beer in the 'Cathouse' with an attentive Thai girl and a
Mamasan who insisted on pulling my leg in more ways than one. The farangs
there started to get noisy with all the cheap beer so I returned to my
I picked up my key from reception suddenly feeling exhausted. Entering my
room I dropped my key, my jaw dropped as well in shock. "Hello Yuri!"
'Dimitrios! How did....??'
There lounging in the armchair was Dimitrios, still in that old-fashioned
suit and hat, reading the Bangkok Post. "I borrowed one of the keys from
the room maids, she didn't notice. Too keen looking at the money I had
just given her when I asked which is your room?"
I didn't see the Makarov automatic pistol pointed in my direction. It was
conveniently hidden by the paper.
Dimitrios looked through me with reptilian eyes. He seemed to know everything yet would
not indicate rebuke. There was a movement behind me I felt the air from the nostrils of a tall
black creature on the back of my neck.
“Qandala will not eat you Yuri.” The tall black Somali made an almost imperceptible nod
at Dimitrios and left the room to keep watch at the hotel entrance. “It would seem that our
American chums have not followed you.” Dimitrios slid his Makarov automatic back from
where it came, folded the newspaper and sipped on some water.
“I have taken the liberty of using your mini-bar.”
‘No matter you are financing my stay here anyway.’ Dimitrios still looked through me as
if I hadn’t a secret in the World. He gestured that I sit also. I flopped into the other chair
like a guilty schoolboy before the headmaster. Dimitrios pulled something from his
jacket pocket and let it hang from his forefinger.
He held up the locket with the unusual titanium key inside, retrieved from me in Pattaya.
I wondered how many bar-girls and Ladyboys had worn it in it’s short history of travel.
“I think it resembles you in a way Yuri. A key to open a lock that is caught in a chain of
‘I just wander about on holiday and trouble comes to find me.’
“There is trouble after you but it comes in the form of American agents and
the British Embassy who are probably at the beck and call of their ‘cousins’
across the water. You see Yuri unfortunately there is no way out now, you
know too much, you are tarnished by acquaintance with me Yip and Salome.
The fools seem to think you are the passport to a number of questions for
which they have no answers.”
‘Like that locket and professor Pranchit? Salome has disappeared, I think she
may have been ‘dealt with’ already ?’
“I shall show you the secret of the locket soon, I will need your knowledge
of the Russian language to ensure that I understand my little surprise. Are
‘Just passable, I wish I knew what has happened to Salome, these undercover
spooks give me the shivers!’
“Don’t worry about Salome, she is doing another little job for me, she is
valuable in acquiring information.”
‘From the bedroom no doubt. Dimitrios you must be the first one to operate
a spy-ring of Ladyboys?’ The sickly smile of Dimitrios returned.
“You obviously have not heard of the Chevalier d’Eon during the time of
Louis XIV ? “ I shrugged.
“The Russian Court knew him as ‘the slight beauty, Mlle de Beaumont’ he
had a few men after him believing he was a woman. He caused quite a few
problems for the English. So you see Yuri Ladyboy spies are not that new?
He even fooled me for a time. I wonder what antics he got up to when he
became a member of Dashwood’s Hellfire Club and it’s orgies?”
I rolled the last few words around my mind –“he even fooled me for a time!”
I remembered both Dmitri and Khun Paiboon confused by information about
Dimitrios before during and after the Second World War. WHAT on earth
sat opposite me ?
Dimitrios spun the locket by its chain around his finger and replaced it in his
jacket pocket. He looked at me for a moment as if in prognostication.
“Yuri you live in the UK? One day soon it will be a ‘police-state’ just
like the Communist Czechoslovakia and East Germany.” Mr Delphi had
made a prediction. “You will need my help again when there is no hiding
place at home!”
He rose, smiled that sickly smile yet again and with a,”we’ll meet soon.”
Professor Pranchit, listened to the voice from the other end of the phone, “the
US Navy P3 reconnaissance is three minutes from the waypoint.” Pranchit smiled
approval and replaced the receiver. His contact in Thai Air Traffic Control had given
him the information needed. He fine tuned the co-ordinates and watched the seconds
tick away then flicked a switch.
The crew of the four-turboprop P3 which is based on the Lockheed Electra airliner
enjoyed this non-eventful mission. There was no magnetic anomalies today, after all
who heard of equipment designed to find submarines being used on ground targets.
The mission leader stuck his head into the cockpit, “Major datalink upload now Captain.” He went back to his
Link19 consul and monitored the operation. In the
next moment all the data went blank. All the other equipment went blank too,”Jeez
what the?” He raced back to the cockpit leaving behind confused operators.
“Captain we have……..?” He didn’t finish his sentence the Captain was struggling with an aircraft that had lost
all electrical power and had a high-rate vibration.
“Hold on guys we are going in!”
At three thousand feet everything came back on line again and the Captain struggled
to tame his bucking bronco. At one thousand feet some of the crew were saying prayers. At five hundred feet
everything was under control.
“What in heaven’s name was that Captain?” said the Mission leader.
“I ain’t gotta clue, but whatever it is I don’t want to meet that again!”
Professor Pranchit’s crazy gizmo had just blinded some sophisticated equipment. It
would revolutionise the battlefield. The modern ears and eyes of warfare and spying had just been made
ineffective. Carrier pigeons could come out of retirement.
Professor Pranchit was ready to release the excitement and stresses of the day’s experiment. He was dressed
in a Roman toga. Both he and Salome had consumed large amounts of red wine. It was their own private
bacchanalian orgy. Salome had taken Viagra.
The sweaty lump of ugly flesh in a toga lying on the bed opposite
disgusted her. Pranchit looked at her admiringly. She was dressed as a ‘Spartan’ with a masked metal helmet
and long feathered plume down her back. She wore metal shin
guards and a gold metal blouse designed in a way to reveal her breasts. Her Viagra
induced erection held up the ancient skirt of the battle dress like someone peering
through a curtain.
“Now Salome now!” Screamed Pranchit.
They chased each other ‘Tom & Jerry’ style around the bed. Salome was finally allowed to catch Pranchit and
when she did she tore of his toga in mock rape.
“Now I tell you, now!” The professor screamed in Thai.
Salome shafted Pranchit from the front and doggy style. All the time he begged for
more. At a crucial point in the sexual proceedings Naomi hissed,”tell me more professor and I will take you to
heaven! Does it work?”
“Wonderfully, I have sauced the American data link systems and much else beside!”
“What else my angel?” Salome thrust harder with her dribbling love arrow.
“I can time jump ! I can make ineffective any data link systems, I can neutralise electronic systems even if
shielded against EMP! – more, more please more !”
“How much will you sell it for ?”
“Millions, many millions but I must have you as well!” Salome felt sick.
“Who else wants it beside the Chinese?”
“I don’t know but they will kill us all either to get it or stop it forever!”
Salome thrust and masturbated him at the same time. He smelt foul, and
“Anything else my angel, anything else?” Salome was close to orgasm and
could not hold back any longer.
“During the localised time-dimension jump an alien creature appeared near
my machine for a moment!”
“What was it like?” Salome bit her lip as she held on to her orgasm.
“It was awful, it spoke to me in Thai. It was a lizard but stood on two legs.
Like a ‘Naga’ but terrible. I was scared my love scared!”
Salome groaned as she released and flowed, Pranchit screamed with pleasure
and at the nightmare that had happened during the testing of his ‘crazy’ machine.
Pranchit fell asleep almost immediately. Salome without her stupid costume
strode in the garden outside. She took a long drag on her cigarette, looked at the
carpet of stars above and screamed, “Nooooo!” at the black silver pock-marked
BKK to Pattaya
I thought I'd try to escape Dimitrios's web of intrigue for a few days by returning to Pattaya. I was fairly sure
'he' had 'business ' elsewhere?
"Hey Ronaldo !" The bar girls spot Yuri's perpetual Brasilian football shirt. They all read and say Ronaldo and
not 'Lonaldo'. Men ? mai men - not sweaty I have a collection of Brasilian shirts even a No.10 =
Edson Arantes do Nascimento.
"Yon welkum, where you come from Hansum man ?
Bahia? Where Bahia ?
Mai bpen rai!"
Favourite place by the pier. The best Tom Yum Goong served by the boys with limp wrists and painted finger
nails. Gays want other men and reject the female form even with a dick.
No sign of the 'evil-one in the linen suit' phew maybe I can relax? Even inspector Paiboon has told me to chill-
out for a few days. I hear a couple of Americans talk about the election results. I wonder if they will be
looking forward to the draft? Next stop an adventure in Africa ! Dimitrios told me that this would happen
weeks ago. How does he seem to know the future ??
I reflect on how Frank and my experiences differ. I am a walking advert for stress and the only thing he has to
worry about is a dowry. I think he is having the better Thai experience. Family stuff etc.
A warning to all, don't do a Yuri and fall in love with bar and A go-go girls! I heard an internet phone call from
a TG with her English boyfriend earlier in an internet shop. Couldn't help but overhear. Every cliche in the
book. Another one bites the dust ! The next punter learns the hard way.
Smart casual for the evening and my mate who owns an A go-go wants me to teach Samba dance and
costume to the girls - he'll have to wait when I have the time.
For the sexy bits you'll have to wait I'm off to the Go-go and some questions in Jenny Star bar about Salome !
Smart-casual for the evening and my mate who owns a
Couple of A go-go’s wants me to teach some Samba and
get some costumes to create a ‘Carnaval’. That could be
paeng, bpen kohn paeng! That sort of deal doesn’t come
cheap or easy.
He really has some nice girls and manages to find the ones
with a good attitude. My favourite ‘charismatic’ classy
number has not returned so I am free to roam. When she’s
around the other girls run a line across their throats with a
finger if I try to go with them. “Cannot do!” I wonder how she
would react if I finally pluck-up courage to go with a post-op
Ladyboy? Street-fight no doubt or maybe just mai bpen rai?
Possessive attention can be flattering but can also batter the
Hands-up who’s tried Viagra (Kamagra) ‘gel’ ? It has made me
quite popular with a couple of girls!
I took my usual stroll down Walking Street. I had a beer in
‘Electric Blue’ after falling about laughing at the sign the poor
girl outside was holding up. It read,” 50 GARGEOUS GIRLS
AND A FEW UGRLY ONES!” My laughter hit home and a few
nights later had been corrected. Back on the ‘street’ I was
confronted by our very good friends the ‘Goon Squad’ Otherwise
known as the Volunteer Tourist Police. The ‘Fashion’ police are
out early tonight. There is much work to be done. The tourists
need to be pulled to one side and reminded of appropriate dress.
Calf-length shorts and singlets everywhere. The ‘Fashion Police’
will urge more church attendance.
The march together all six of them. Black berets, black uniform
with all the trendy sexy attachments on their belts.
Cool Military, daddy-o !
I couldn’t resist it ! Each goon got the Benny Hill/Captain Scuttle
Don’t smile lads or your make-up will crack ! ‘Coz you’re cracking
me up !
After my Benny Hill and Chaplinesque antics fuelled by Singha I
thought I’d try and observe the other side of life. A beer in the
‘Jenny Star Bar’.
The first customer I notice is the girl opposite, the genuine article.
A Barbara Bach look-a-like. She wears a black low-cut evening dress
and looks total class. On Walking Street? The Jenny Star Bar has a mix
of Ladyboys and in this case the real deal. The best looking girl on the
“I can do everything for you!” A hot breath whispered in my ear. I turned
to see an absolute stunner ! I mean triple ‘A’ !
“What’s your name?”
‘Bond – James Bond!’ Walter Mitty is having a night out in Pattaya.
Now I am getting worried. I am getting on better with this ‘Lady’ than
my A-go go dancers !
“I am a Lady.” She whispers.
With that she parts her legs to reveal a lack of underwear. This ‘Lady’ was
born a man. Whose having a laugh on whom? Nature on these ladies or
these ladies on nature ? After flashing her pussy at me she pulls in between
her legs. Soft and rather hot! Obviously one doctor knows how to sculpture
magic with a knife and thread, cleverly formed it is a perfect copy.
‘Oh knickerless one,
With you, I could
Have so much fun,
Should I ?
We continued our lively and animated chatter. Being able to speak good
English makes a lot of difference. ‘You went with a farang ‘Volunteer
Policeman?’ I was shocked and pulled her leg verbally and literally about
being a traitor to someone’s cause?
‘He licked your pussy for an hour !’
Now I know what the farang Volunteer Tourist Police are here for?
Keeping them licked !
The knickerless beauty told me she had met a very strange farang.
‘More than the volunteer tourist police?’
It was when she worked in the Alcazar Show. “He was recruiting the
girls, to help him, money mark!” I nodded understanding.
She fished in her hand-bag and pulled out a business card. In the centre
was the Caduceus with blue wings, two serpents entwined about the staff,
the symbol of Thoth, Hermes and learning. Above the device written in
large letters the name, DIMITRIOS OURANOUPOLOS ! At the bottom of
the card just an e-mail address. Mt_Athos2012@yahoo.co.nz
New Zealand ? Why New Zealand? I would have expected Greece !
Do you know a Lady called Salome?’
The ‘knickerless-one’ shook her head.
‘Go on you can tell me, she was at the Alcazar show
with you wasn’t she? She made love to men, women
and Ladyboys!’ The beauty bit her lip, looked as if she
was going to say something. She automatically put her
hand on her crotch and closed her eyes in divine memory.
“I have big dick!” Another lady breathed in my ear and
broke the spell. I couldn’t work out her claims since the
shear trousers she wore left little to the imagination and
revealed exquisite legs. She pulled my hand up between
her legs. Her natural appendage had been somehow drawn
back toward the anal area. Painful methinks, contortion
‘That’s more than I’ve got blue-eyes?’ I quipped.
‘Do YOU know Salome?’ I asked our new companion.
“Oh yes she in big troubl……..ouch!”
The knickerless-one had given her a swift kick to the shins
They were closing ranks behind Salome in a veil of silence.
What trouble had my crazy friend got herself into since I
last saw her?
I thought I’d try some more Salome investigation in Linda’s
Bar a bit further up.
I sat next to a ‘Lady’ called ‘Sammy’ who was allegedly wearing
something that was losing a battle trying to cover up great tits.
‘You wan dink?’ I mimicked a bar-girl and she nodded.
I drank my Singha from a glass, she drank hers from the bottle
through a straw ! Allegedly a quick way to get pissed ? A lady
flower seller approached. The volunteer coppers must have retired
for the evening or bar-fined a few ladyboys? I bought a large bunch
for ‘Sammy’ and her eyes sparkled with delight.
‘Do know a ‘Lady’ called ‘Salome’ ?’ I asked the inevitable question.
‘Sammy’ shut her eyes and put her forefinger to her lips. She thought
for a moment and the took a business card from her purse and thrust
it towards me.
“Khun mai dee!” Is all she would say.
After having a laugh and giggle with ‘Sammy’ I went to my friend’s
A go-go. I entered with smiles, hand-shakes and cuddles. I felt at home.
Eye contact with ‘Miss Lovely-Legs’ and I paid the bar fine.
1 am and the lights came on, closed ! My friend the mamasan shook
her head and said,”No good, close too early, customer not come next
year!” She shook her head in dismay again.
I took ‘Miss Lovely-Legs’ for a drink first.
1:15 am and quite a few bars were still open. Lights dimmed, no music.
I sat at a bar with my regular, the atmosphere was eerie. Many people still
milled about. Disappointed and confused at the entertainment closure. It
was if there had been a power cut. Told what time to finish – ON YOUR
HOLIDAY ! The cast has been set.
A new breed of tourist is required.
No more sex, beers and rock-n-roll. You naughty people!
I know many who now go to Cambodia and the Phillipines.
More practice with Viagra gel. Blimey O’Reilly, this stuff works well !
It made me think of the ‘fours’ ascribed to Japanese sex-tourists?
Four inches, Four minutes, Four thousand baht !
Four is also the number in Japan linked to death. An unpopular number
in Japan !
I sat with a coffee watching the world go by at a small bar near
Soi Diamond. A pretty girl walked past with a short man in his
sixties. A red singlet, shorts thin white balding hair and varicose
veins. No, I am not talking about the girl ! She lifted her sweet
eyes towards me with a smile of recognition. One of my mate’s
A go-go girls ! With that short old man ? I couldn’t believe it
then I remembered ‘Money No.1’ she had a family to worry
about. Lucky man she is very sensitive in the bedroom.
Five years I had been visiting Thailand spending my hard earned
Swiss Francs, was I losing interest or just worrying about surviving
on my meagre company pay off? Necessity had brought me contact
with ‘Dimitrios’ – whoever or whatever he is ? Still the few fistfuls
of Baht he had paid me had been useful and needed. I reflected how
things had changed even over the last three years. 1am closing, do
I really need someone to tell me when to go home when I am on
holiday even though I have extended it to months? It is a big wide
World out there. Thailand is not the only country to have fun in even
though the place gets under your skin?
I bet Frank is having a ‘whale’ of a time in Singapore. If it is possible
to enjoy oneself there in such a sterile environment? The expats ‘ I
don’t like the Thai locals Paradise’ ? Just to think that Orwell wrote
‘Burmese Days’ in the early 1930’s and Jack Reynolds wrote ‘A
Woman of Bangkok’ in 1956. It seems the French are right about the
more things changing the more they stay the same. Orwell’s and
Reynold’s characters would easily fit into today’s Thailand.
1 am closing, must be the only thing that has changed? Politicians !
I wondered which are worse, Politicians, Lawyers or Estate Agents ?
I decided it was a draw ?
Salome ? Where had she disappeared to? There are a few Arab restaurants
around the corner. I wonder if one of them has a magic lamp or a Djinn in
a bottle. A quick rub of the lamp or let the Djinn out of the bottle and it’s
“Your wish is my command?” - Ok Mr Genie where’s Salome and the
money I need? Oh yes and can you make a few people disappear for good?
My mobile played its silly tune. What now ?
‘Oh Khun Paiboon what do I owe the pleasure of your call?’
I must have sounded cynical?
‘The British Embassy want to talk to me tomorrow afternoon at 2pm’
What a drag !
‘Yes, yes I’ll be there I understand it’s important, somebody has come from
London to talk to me.’
‘Where am I? I’m still in Pattaya. Oh I see, I shall come to Bangkok first thing
in the morning. You haven’t a spare car so I will have to catch a bus or taxi.
Don’t worry Khun Paiboon I’ll be there – bye’
I switched off the old Nokia. What on earth do they want? I only live in the UK
I am not beholden to them ? Strange, oh well it’s the early bus for me tomorrow,
can’t afford a taxi. ‘Noo noo another coffee please’ I went back to watching the
World go by. British Embassy how absurd, I don’t need a visa for a bar-girl.
Early the next morning I saw my favourite scrap-yard flash by from the bus.
Two Dc-3’s or are they C-47’s? Still stood outside watching the traffic speed by.
Probably related to the red one stuck in the roof of the shopping centre as part of
a museum, why was it so expensive to visit?
I decided to get the late bus back and not stay in Bangkok, there were too many
people I did not want a chance encounter with. From the bus station at Ekamai
I took the BTS and the new Metro to Si Lom station, my favourite Vietnamese
restaurant was not too far away by Lumpini. It would be full of office girls at
lunchtime and after the British Embassy would be a stroll across the park to
As usual I went to the wrong entrance and ended up in the room with the visa
hopefuls. Hopeless would be a better word, maybe they should change the name
to ‘Clueless Road’ ? I watched the nervous bar-girls in tight jeans and their best
designer copy tops stand or sit nervously as their worried ‘tilac’ awaited their fate.
I knew they are bar-girls, the Embassy knows they are bar-girls but their ‘tilac’
only has eyes for them and butter would not melt in their sweetheart’s mouth.
Come on you miserable pen-pushers let them go to the UK you let everybody
else in ? A sad scene, one white-faced farang had his arm around his tearful
girlfriend. Application refused. For some petty superficial reason no doubt.
You will have to marry her mate it’s the only way, but she won’t like the cold
grey country whose streets she thinks are paved with gold. She will get a shock
when she finds her rich farang hubby earns just enough to get by in an expensive
country and he cannot afford to buy her a restaurant or a 4 x 4 jeep. All those
dreams of sending lots of farang money back to mama and papa will go up in
smoke. Still if you don’t try you will never know, life is your best teacher.
All those warnings of don’t take the girl out of Thailand are of no use. Neither
of them will listen. Why should they, they are in love. I watched another tearful
demonstration in front of the counter. I suppose if you see this every day it is
inevitable that you become cynical. Now where’s a pen-pusher I can ask as it’s
I leant forward at the counter and mentioned the name I had to visit. A bored
hand lifted the phone and spoke to some extension number or other.
The eyes widened, she looked at me as if I was the most dangerous thing on the
planet and with a, ”wait here someone will be down to fetch you!” I stood around v like a ham sandwich at a Jewish wedding.
A young boyish official with a 1950’s haircut and almost a suit to match suddenly
appeared and gushed in a plumby accent would I ‘care’ to follow him. I thought of
a few smart answers but just nodded.
Up the stairs along a corridor and into some sort of waiting room with worn leather
chairs. Her Majesty’s servants had spent the budget already. The necessary green
leafed tropical plant stood in the corner. Where’s my cup of coffee I thought.
The foppish official opened a door and pocked his head around, “Mr Carrington-Jones will see you now sir.”
Well at least I am a ‘sir’ and not a ‘hey you’ or a ‘Velasquez’.
I was greeted by a limp wrist in a dark blue suit. The proffered hand was like picking
up a piece of wet-Cod. A loud pink and mauve candy stripped shirt was topped off
with a mauve silk tie with a gold tie-stud that contained what looked like a diamond.
A matching silk handkerchief peered over the top of his suit top pocket. He had another silk handkerchief
stuffed into one of his shirt cuffs. The huge cuff-links
were of some polished rock or other. Carrington-Jones’s aftershave was overpowering.
He flounced behind an overly large polished desk. There was a certain distain as he
looked at me along a long thin nose with steel blue cold eyes. He placed some gold
half-moon reading glasses on his beak and flicked through a folder.
“Mr Velasquez, or may I call you Yuri?”
‘Yuri is fine.”
“Mr name is Hereward Carrington-Jones and I represent Her Majesty’s Government.”
‘Have I done anything wrong?’
“No, no not at all but I must remind you that you have a Swiss passport not an EU one and you remain to
reside at all times at Her Majesty’s pleasure.” That was a veiled threat if I ever heard one.
“We are concerned about some of your associations here and in Switzerland, they
are of a nature that may concern National Security.” I can see the Americans poking you with a stick even now
“You worked as a research assistant for a Swiss Space & Scientific Company is that
correct?” I nodded, his blue eyes matched his blue-rinse hair.
“Were you engaged on any work involving particle acceleration and the effects of
‘I analysed photographs usually.’
‘Yes, usually.’ He frowned on his forehead with as many lines as a railway terminus.
‘Hmmmm, and you work there no longer?”
‘I got made redundant, took the payoff and came here to soak up the culture.’
“Getting a soak in a massage parlour no doubt?” He smiled at his own joke.
“In Switzerland did you know a Richard Thompson?”
‘That arrogant ……!!! Yes I met him a couple of times he owes me money. He has done a runner with it ?”
“Done a runner I don’t understand?”
‘Skipped the country, I thought he came out this way so I thought I’d try and track the
bugger..sorry …track him down.’
“We believe he may be in New Zealand?” New Zealand again that’s strange, echoes of Dimitrios? I scratched
my head nervously.
“Mr Velasquez, oh sorry I mean Yuri we believe that Thompson is a danger to
National Security and must be caught up with as soon as possible.”
‘He’s a danger to my pocket, you can tell him that if you catch him?”
“This is a very serious matter Yuri, would you like a coffee?”
I thought he’d never ask.
‘Black no sugar thank you.’
Hereward Carrrington-Jones then abruptly changed tack.
“How long have you been calling yourself Yuri Velasquez, Yuri?”
‘For as long as I can remember’ The coffee arrived brought by a
pretty Thai employee, I smiled at her and she returned a guarded smile.
“Does the name Romanov mean anything to you Yuri?”
‘A brand of vodka?’
“I AM being serious, how about the name Anna Anderson?”
‘Wasn’t she the woman in Canada claiming to be the Czar’s daughter
“Yes but it was the Grand Duchess Tatiana who got out, flown east down the
Trans-Siberian railway line to Vladivostok by a Captain Poole of the RAF and
thence by Royal Navy Cruiser to Canada.”
‘Here hey what ? I never knew that ! What has that got to do with me? I became
“Connections, Yuri connections. Did you know that the only records of one
Dimitrios Ouranoupolos are in the 1930’s,40’s and 50’s and that he was connected
to the alleged Nazi escape to Argentina and some believe to a base in the Antartic.
Which New Zealand is close, if it can be called that to Antartic?’
New Zealand again. Weird.
‘Well I wouldn’t have thought there was much between the two. The Falklands are
also ‘close’ for the want of a better word?’ I gave him a knowing look.
“At last we understand one another Yuri.” He smiled a sickly smile back at me.
‘How do you know about my er acquaintance with Dimitrios?’
“We know a lot of things about you Yuri and NO I am not being prodded by our
American cousins to interview you. We know you helped Dimitrios compromise
some European politicians.” He chuckled to himself with the pleasure of some
knowledge to which I was unaware, probably some old score catching up.
“We know you keep the company of a transsexual allegedly called ‘Salome’ that
you sleep with a Chinese spy who this year is calling herself ‘Yip’. Don’t get into
an argument with her as she is a martial arts expert. We also believe you are really
working for a private company trying to get it’s hands on the secrets of the Thai
scientist called Pranchit and are not really the poor sex tourist you make out. We
also know that you came within a hair’s breath of being shot by some of the nastier
side of our American cousins.” My jaw had already hit the deck.
“Please be careful Yuri, you have been sent on a mission impossible by a company
that thinks you are expendable and you have landed yourself into a web of intrigue.
You ARE out of your depth. You were led into a trap by Thompson who also ran off
with quite a bit of your money! This particular Thompson was not here to improve
the silk industry like his illustrious namesake!”
I stared into the air, looked at the wall behind Carrington-Jones as if it had all the
answers to my questions. I suddenly felt very small, very vulnerable.
“If you value your life Yuri stay in touch with Inspector Paiboon, he IS one of the
good guys. Because there are plenty of bad ones out there and you could quite soon be that expendable
company employee found in a gutter or falling from a tall
apartment block in an apparent suicide.”
I think Carrington-Jones knew how hard he had hit home, by the blood that was
rapidly draining from my face.
“Go back to Pattaya for a while Yuri and wait until Paiboon contacts you again.
You are in this now right up to your fragile neck. Now I must go, I wish you
As I began to leave the room in a state of profound shock I saw Carrington-Jones
laser like blue eyes boring into me.
“Good-bye and good luck Yuri or should I call you Mr Romanov?”
Then I looked a whiter shade of pale.
To be continued.............
Searchengine Optimization and Freesubmission
Hosting by WebRing.