Adoption Considerations

Considering Adoption or hoping to adopt?

Giving away a child
(legal abandonment)
is not like giving away a puppy - it has very serious life-long consequences.
Often, adoption is thought to be a good idea simply because it might be better for a child to have parents who are married, or to have somewhat older better established parents, or else it might simply be more convenient for the child's parents to be finished with college before having to deal with a child. 

It is unusual for people to talk about the "bad" side of adoption, but adoption is not an ideal situation.

Adoption will provide a divorce-like situation for the child, who will be torn between pleasing her/his adopters and her/his original family.

Separation from his/her mother, even at birth, often results in
attachment problems for the child (later adult adoptee) which will affect his/her life greatly.

What Would Jesus Do (WWJD)?
Unplanned Pregnancy? Visit my new website "A Mother's Song" and find Resources for Single Parents
Human Rights and Articles

Known Effects of Separating a Mother and Baby are provided in this presentation .
If Mary Had Really Loved Her Baby - A Christmas Story
Contact Laurie Frisch

Considering Adoption? 

Married vs."unwed" pregnancy, birth and falling in love with your baby

Considering "
Open adoption"? Click here and consider the impact on you, your child, on existing and future siblings and on your whole family:

Open Adoption "Birthmoms" Experience

Open Adoption Birthmothers Legal Rights, Facts and Myths

How Biased Positive Adoption Language Tears Families Apart

Dear Birthmom - Is Adoption Sacrifice for You?

Open Adoption vs. Closed Adoption - Choice, How to Choose

Consider this:  The other adoption websites you've seen are funded by someone who is making a lot of money off them.  Their primary purpose is to make money.  They may offer all kinds of incentives to rope you in.  They word things carefully, to hide the reality. They help like a used car salesman.  They have many people fooled.

U.S. laws prohibit any kind of
coercion, fraud or undue influence

Prescription drugs must be labelled with all possible detrimental effects.  Surrender/adoption should be as well.  There have been
no checks and balances at all on the adoption industry. 

They are constantly looking for new sources of healthy infants (especially healthy white infants) and finding new ways to manipulate people to obtain more of them.  They are telling people in all the "helping" professions to push you in the direction of adoption and they are teaching them new ways to do it.

The adoption industry likes to make people think they are saving them tax money.  Really, the government is spending incredible sums on tax credits for adopters, programs to instruct those in the helping professions how to "help" you, bonuses for getting children adopted (but not for keeping a family together),  subsidies, monies offered to adoptors for a myriad of reasons under "special needs"!, til the age of 18.

This money in adoption does not promote the interests of the child at all.  Often all this money leads to undeniable tragedy.,1282,-3311590,00.html

Every tax-payer in the U.S. is paying for these adopters, including the adoptees who cannot have open access to their sealed records.

Even the people who adopt often say that they were not given the information they should have been given, prior to adopting.

The adoption industry lies, hides information and quotes research out of context.  They manipulate data to present a rosy picture of adoption/surrender.  If potential adopters are unsure about it, the adoption industry may instruct them to act as though they welcome "open adoption" - until after the papers are signed.  Then the adopters are free to do whatever they want to, including never sending you as much as a single picture.

They very often have directors or counselors who have adopted themselves.  Do you think they will try to help you sort out what's best for you and your child?  No!

If they say you have a grace period in which to revoke your consent, be very wary.  Once they slap the label
"birthmother" on you, it will give the impression to every judge and jury that you must be just plain irresponsible, abusive and don't deserve your own child.  (If God the Father of Jesus were referred to as a "birthfather" rather than a Father He would appear to be completely unworthy.)   If the judge has adopted a child herself, that will not prevent her from presiding over your case!

Get legal counsel of your own. 
Don't sign anything in advance.  Always get a copy of anything you sign.  Never accept anything that might be considered "payment". 

Mothers and fathers, if your baby is in danger of being taken or has been taken illegally, contact a lawyer and contact as many other people as you can. 
Hotline:   1-866-41TRUTH.

If you do change your mind, get legal counsel immediately.  (You SHOULD have had and been required by law to have your own legal counsel separate from the agency/lawyers/adopters in the first place and not just the day of, but well in advance of surrender...but unfortunately many of the existing laws do not protect the family.)

They frequently won't listen to a baby's father either, even if he had no chance at all.  How many fathers do you know who brought up a child successfully and lovingly?   I know a LOT of them, including one who brought up his daughter from the time she was born and one who brought up his five kids on his own when his wife suffered mental problems and walked out on them. 

A surrender should never be considered "done" until both mother and father have had ample time to reflect and
both have signed.  Until that time, both should still have complete parental rights, but unfortunately, that's not how it works.

If you don't come forward and show you take an interest in your child,
your parental rights may be terminated for you without your consent. 

To protect your Fatherhood -
sign the Putative Fathers Registry as soon as possible after having sex with a woman who is not your wife - even if you are under 18.

For more information, do a web search yourself for Putative Fathers Registry in your state.

Fathers, y
ou will make an important difference in your child's life, for good or bad.  Make that difference a positive one by being there for your child and not abandoning him/her. You can prevent/contest adoption.  You do have rights.   Get your own legal counsel to determine the best way to handle this.   In addition, there are many parenting resources for fathers. A few are listed on this website Pregnant, Unplanned Pergnancy?  A Mother's Song under Keeping Your Child and Making it Work.

When a father loses his child to adoption:

More articles and high school and college speech and debate topics:  Debate and Persuasive Speech Topics - High School and College

Why "Dear Birthmother" Letters and Adoption Solicitation Must Be Outlawed

Photolistings of Children for Adoption - a search, reunion and support site for Easter House mothers, fathers, adopters "and our darling children".

Baby Broker Watch website "reveals the facts about Seymour Kurtz and his baby brokering ("adoption") agencies"

It's embarrassing when US citizens plead with the United Nations and other countries for help. But, according to these accounts of cases in Kansas published in  Pravda, a Russian newspaper, fraudulent practices are being ignored by the courts in the US and there is no where else to turn.

It's sad to see that religious organizations are involved in this.

US Adoption Fraud
"I didn't ask to be adopted.  I don't deserve to be penalized for it."

one of my biggest complaints:  No one seems to listen to or do anything about adult adoptees' concerns at all.  Are they not human beings?  If you cut them, do they not bleed?   (No, their natural mothers were never promised anonymity.  Perhaps the real concern is that some of their fathers are in politics or religious ministry and can't afford a scandal?  What a lame excuse for denying access to records for those adoptees who want to know their heritage and get on with their lives!!!!  Moms, sign the declaration at Mothers for Open Records Everywhere.)

Isn't it
the best interest of adoptees that was supposed to matter??????? Obviously that is a lie.

Teen adoptees' Bill of Rights:

"A new national survey conducted by FindLaw found eighty-four percent of Americans believe adopted children should be allowed to view their adoption records upon becoming adults."
For more information, read this: or

Some insights on

SUPPORT/FORUM/ACTIVISM for people separated by adoption in USA with links to groups in Canada, UK, Australia.
(Note: OriginsUSA is NOT limited to surrenders in the 60's and 70's):

A website devoted to the truth and the preservation of true families:

A phenomenal group of mothers who provide information and will try to help you keep your child:

To view another mother's story and adoption separation artwork:

To find more uncensored stories of adoptees or mothers who lost children to adoption,  use the webring navigator at the bottom of this page or try a web search using the following words combined:  

adoptees open records

Adoption Search Support Groups - searching for (or reunited with)  natural mothers, "birthmothers", "birth fathers", "birth parents" and adoptees Iowa (Des Moines, Cedar Rapids, Coralville, Iowa City IA)
Everyone knows if you are at a gathering and there is a baby who has had all other needs met, but is still squalling, all you need to do is give her to her mother and the baby will feel secure and calm down.  A baby does know his/her mother and does need his/her mother. 

The sacred bond between mother and child is hidden and trivialized when the mother is called a "caregiver" or "birthmother" and those who foster or adopt a child are called "parents" rather than guardians.  Even experts in psychology have been brow-beaten to get them to "be considerate" and call the "mother-child" entity the "caregiver-child" entity.  How silly is that? 

Many parents designate guardians for their children in their wills.  It is not a cruel thing to be a guardian and to continue to acknowledge a child's family - it is a respectful and honest thing to do.  Changing a birth certificate and pretending the child's family never existed makes it difficult to work through the very real issues of loss and perceived abandonment.

One great irony (and insult) is this:

Experiments on maternal deprivation in non-human animals are seen as horribly inhumane to both mother and baby, yet the separation of human mothers and infants is seen as NO BIG DEAL.  Obviously
mothers and their babies are not only considered sub-human, they are considered lower than animals when the child is desired by a "deserving" (moneyed, married,  infertile or "culturally superior") individual. 

The sick human "experiments" continue and no data are even being collected to assess the emotional results!

However, one only need to ask adoptees, natural mothers and other members of the natural family about the effects on them.  Those persons considering surrender deserve to know about the many adoptees and natural mothers/grandmothers/fathers/siblings who have been horribly affected. 

A mother should be discouraged from taking such a risk with her child and with her own well-being. 

It is incredibly cruel to separate a living mother and child.  It is also cruel to separate fathers, grandparents and other relatives.

Adoption Issues, "Birthmother" Views

Some Adoption Blogs:

Mama Against Adoption

Adoption Issues Blog

"Birthmother" Issues

No Moving On - Open Adoption Issues and Stories
Unmarried motherhood and fatherhood and adoption is handled very differently in the US than it is in many other countries.

Here's a
Comparison Between North America and Australia by Evelyn Robinson

Birthmother's Day Celebrations

Birthmother's Day

Pregnancy Resulting From Rape, Consequences, What to Think About

Infertility, Adoption is Big Business, Adoption is Love

Adoption, Teen Pregnancy, Unwed Mother Myths

Finding Babies for Adoption

Birthmother Story, Insights, Experiences, Realities of Adoption

Birthmothers after Adoption - Remembering Our Sisters

Speech and Debate Topics for High School and College

Prejudice Against Women, Unwed Mothers

Adoption Ethics - Is Adoption Ethical? - Oxymoron

Harvesting Babies, for use in Adoption

Eminent Doman, Family, Adoption

Infant Adoption Awareness Training - Official Website

Celebrating Adoption, Birthmother's Day Celebration, Adoption Party

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