Title: TO FACE REALITY
Series: VOY (TOS)
Pairing: Kirk/Vorik (K/S, S/V)
Feedback: gladly accepted ... send to LinkyS@aol.com
Archiving: Kirk Fuh-Q Fest, ASC/ASCEM, BLTS and my own web
Note: Part of the "Kirk Fuhq Fest", http://webspace.webring.com/people/ek/kirk_fuh_q_fest/
Summary: Voyager has just recently gotten lost in the Delta
Quadrant. Vorik is homesick ... looking back to a year ago, when Spock left him,
he decides he must find out what it was about Kirk that made Spock love him so.
This is a sequel to "TO REALIZES ONES FANTASIES", part of the
Spock Fuh-Q Fest Round II - http://www.kardasi.com/fuh-q-fest-2/
(can also be found on my web page - see the URL above)
Warning: This story contains m/m sex ... if this isn't your
thing, or if you're underage, READ NO FURTHER ... this is fair warning!
Disclaimer: Paramount/Viacom owns all things TREK ... I just
borrow their wonderful universe, and all the people in it, and let them have a
little fun. I promise to put them all away when I am done. No copyright
infringement intended, I make no money off of this.
T'Lin - August 2000
TO FACE REALITY
I have tried to meditate ... to clear my mind of the
hopelessness and depression I am feeling. But I see the situation we are in and
can not help myself ... we are lost, so far from home that, baring a miracle,
most of our crew members will not live to see their homes again.
I tell myself that the Captain is resourceful ... that we
*will* find our way home sooner ... but late at night, when I feel vulnerable
and alone, I doubt her abilities.
< there is a pause in the recording, then Vorik
continues in a quiet voice >
Late at night ... when I am lonely ... I think back on the life
I had. The life I shared with Spock ... and all we could have been if it were
not for James T. Kirk. If Spock hadn't left me, when he heard that Kirk was
'alive' in the NEXUS, I would not have taken a starship post ... I would not be
stuck in the Delta Quadrant ... I would not be alone.
Today, as I meditated, I came to the realization that I must
find out more about Kirk, and what he was to Spock. Try to understand why, after
all these years, Spock was still drawn to him ... even from the grave.
Perhaps then I will be able to find the peace I need to go on
with my life ... after all, if I am to survive this long journey, I will need to
find another mate.
Vorik had booked the Holosuite for the next hour ... and in
doing so, also pulled up the historical records of James T. Kirk. He had asked
the computer to examine them and extrapolate the data where his relationship
with Spock came into play. He was not surprised by the sheer volume of such
entries ... after all, they had served together on two 5-year missions, as well
as countless other assignments, several life-or-death situations ... and even
saved Earth on more than one occasion.
When Spock died, Kirk grieved ... then risked everything to
save his katra ... and eventually resurrect his friend. Later, when Kirk died,
Spock was devastated. He spent years searching for his friend ... never truly
believing he was dead. Eventually, he went on with his life, but at the first
word that Kirk was alive ... some 80-years after his *death* on the ENTERPRISE B
... Spock dropped everything to seek out his old lover ... including Vorik. This
is what Vorik needed to understand. What was it about Kirk that drove Spock from
his bed ... and his life?
"Computer ... use historical documents to re-create James T.
"Specify time-frame," intoned the computer.
"Re-create Kirk from Earth date 2264 ... shortly after he
assumed command of USS ENTERPRISE." Vorik thought for a minute, then continued,
"make him fully interactive. As time passes, have him change and age according
to the historical record."
"Program complete ... you may enter."
Vorik entered to find Captain James T. Kirk sitting at a desk,
in what had to be his office aboard the original ENTERPRISE. He was young,
barely 35 at the time, with wavy, sandy-blond hair, piercing hazel eyes, and the
physique of a man who keeps in top condition. Vorik could see why Spock would be
attracted to him on a physical level, but he also knew Spock ... there had to be
more to it than mere physicality.
As he approached the desk, Kirk looked up, asking, "May I help
"Vorik, Sir. I am conducting research into prolonged space
journeys, and the effect they have on the interpersonal relationships of
crewmembers." He had devised this line of questioning in order to examine all
aspects of their relationship, not just the apparent physical one, because it
was the *full relationship* that he needed to understand. "I am especially
interested in the command staff ... to see how prolonged contact, on a daily
basis, influences their life choices."
"Please, have a seat." As Vorik sat, Kirk flashed him one of
his famous smiles ... Vorik's heart fluttered in his side. Kirk was well known
for his considerable charm, and Vorik was already partially under his spell.
"So, tell me, Vorik ... what would you like to know about me and my command
staff?" he said with a smile. He chuckled slightly as he went on, "and if I'm
not being too presumptuous, may I assume that by *command staff*, you are
referring to Commander Spock?"
"To be blunt, yes ... I am curious about your relationship with
him. All aspects of it."
"May I ask why?" Kirk was genuinely curious.
Vorik hesitated a moment, but realized that it didn't really
matter if Kirk knew his motivation for this inquiry. As a hologram program, Kirk
would not be influenced by the knowledge of future events when answering his
questions. "Of course you may," he answered, then stopped to compose himself
before continuing, "I am from your future. To be more precise, nearly 90 years
in your future."
He paused, noting the increased curiosity of his companion.
"Until a year ago, I had been Spock's lover ..." At these words, Kirk raised his
eyebrow, much like Spock would have done. Vorik could see his scepticism at this
revelation, but he did not question. Vorik continued, "we had been together for
nearly five years. I believe we would still be together, today, if it were not
The room was quiet for several moments. Finally, Kirk broke the
silence, saying, "I'm not sure if I understand you ... by your time, I must
surely be long dead ... how can *I* have any influence on your relationship with
"That is a fair question ... although one I am not prepared to
answer at this time." Vorik said with a hint of a smile. Seeing an answering
smile on Kirk's lips, he went on, "Talk to me ... let me get to know you, as he
did ... then, I hope both of our questions will be answered."
For the rest of the hour, Kirk told of his exploits during
their first 5-year mission, and how his friendship with Spock developed during
that time. Apparently, it was about halfway through this mission, when Spock
experienced his first Pon Farr, that their friendship developed into something
more. Kirk had risked everything to save his friend ... not for the first time
... and certainly not the last ... this was a major turning point in their
"Actually," Kirk said, only moments later, "that is not
entirely true. It was at this time that we *acknowledged* our mutual attraction
... and it was at that time that Spock taught me what it meant to be *t'hy'la*
... but we had been *t'hy'la* long before we ever said it out loud."
As his allotted time in the holodeck came to an end, Vorik
instructed the computer to save the program, and continue from this point when
he returned. Although he had barely started his investigation into their
relationship, he already had a good understanding about it. He could sense from
Kirk's words that they had been something unique in this universe .. two people
who were truly *soul-mates*.
Vorik had much to think about, as he lay alone in his bed that
His flesh burned ... he was on fire. He had thrown off the
covers, and stripped out of his damp bed clothes ... the mere touch of the soft
fabric on his sensitized skin caused exquisite agony. He was painfully aroused,
but nothing he did alleviated his condition. He needed the touch of another ...
but there was no one. He was alone, with no hope of quenching the flames that
Suddenly, he gasped ... as icy fingers lightly stroked his
engorged flesh. His eyes flew open to see the blond head go down, and feel the
cool lips enclose his hot shaft. He writhed in pleasure as the cool tongue
played around his cockhead, and teased his ridges.
As the tongue expertly teased the cock, a hand gently massaged
the ball sack, nearly bringing the young Vulcan to climax. The blond, knowing
exactly what it would take to complete his task, applied just a slight bit a
pressure to the balls, while he deep-throated the Vulcan.
Vorik awoke, shaken by the intensity of the dream. It had been
years since he had had a 'wet dream' ... but never once had they been as
exquisite as this one. Of course, it *was* James T. Kirk he dreamed of ... the
one man Spock cared for ... more than any other. The man who was legendary for
his sexual prowess.
Vorik took a sonic shower, replaced the soiled linens, and went
back to bed. He would revisit the holodeck after his duty shift ended, and try
to learn more about James T. Kirk ... the man, not the legend. He would
concentrate on his time on Earth ... while Spock was on Vulcan, with the Masters
at Gol ... and what they had between them that changed their lives
"I really didn't think he would go ... I mean, he had
*threatened* many times, but never actually done it. I thought this was more of
the same," Kirk said, as he settled back at his desk with a fresh cup of
Vorik and Kirk had moved on. They were now in Kirk's office at
Starfleet Headquarters talking about Kirk's promotion to Admiral, and Spock's
resignation from Starfleet. Vorik encouraged him to continue, "do you know what
prompted him to leave this time, when he had not done so before?"
"Oh, yeah ... it was me. I postponed our Bonding Ceremony once
again," he said, then after a brief pause continued, "well, it was that, among
other things." Kirk looked decidedly embarrassed, but went on, "accepting
promotion to Admiral was another factor. Both he and McCoy resigned from
Starfleet over it ... partly because of the arguments we had, and partly because
of the arguments with the top brass."
Kirk sipped his coffee, then continued, "of course, I was
pissed at Spock for leaving me ... when he told me that he had accepted a
teaching position at the Vulcan Science Academy, I was hurt. After all,
Starfleet Academy had given him a similar offer, and if he had accepted that,
instead, we could have stayed together."
Kirk fell silent, bitterness and anger painting his features as
he sipped his coffee, and contemplated his life. Vorik could see the hurt there
... and for the first time truly understood how Kirk felt. There was one thing
that puzzled him, however, so he asked, "if you don't mind my asking ... how did
Spock end up at Gol, if he left Earth for the VSA?"
"Again, that was my doing," Kirk said, as he composed himself,
and continued. "As I said, I had been hurt by his choice to leave Earth. To ease
my pain, I 'reverted to type', so to speak." Once again, he hesitated before
going on, as if he were embarrassed. "I started dating again ... I became quite
the 'ladies man' ... virtually sleeping with anyone who would have me. This went
on for quite some time, until one day, Nogura set me up with Lori Chiani ... we
became quite an item ... and before I knew it, we had gotten married." Kirk fell
silent, obviously lost in thought.
To break the silence, Vorik asked, "can I assume that Spock did
not take the news well?"
"No, he didn't." Kirk thought for a moment, then added, "well,
actually, he seemed to take it just fine, *outwardly* ... he called, offered his
congratulations, and wished me all the best." Kirk paused, a sadness came over
him as he continued, "then he proceeded to tell me that he would never see me
again. That he was going to the mountains of Gol, where he would spend the rest
of his life in the study of Kohlinar." There were tears in his eyes as he
continued, "until that moment, I had no idea just how much I loved him ... or
how empty my life was without him." He chuckled, trying to lighten the mood,
"oh, I put on a brave face ... wished him happiness and all that, but inwardly,
I was devastated. My life after that was ... I don't know ... it was like I was
sleepwalking ... going through the motions of living and working ... but not
Vorik was fascinated ... there was such a depth of character to
this man who, for all intents and purposes, had been portrayed
'larger-than-life' by historians for his deeds ... but for all of his heroism,
that portrayal was sadly 'two-dimensional'.
As Vorik watched the man before him, he noticed a change come
over him. The vibrancy and vitality that he had admired so was gone ... Kirk
looked tired, worn out ... suddenly appearing years older, as Vorik
Abruptly, Kirk shook himself, and continued with his tale. Time
passed ... Lori Chiani left him ... he was unhappy in his work, and his life ...
but then everything changed. Vorik noticed the life returning to his eyes as he
told of Earth being in danger, and how the two loves of his life had come back
to him ... the ENTERPRISE ... and Spock! Kirk was suddenly rejuvenated once more
... he had a purpose in life ... a reason for living.
Kirk and Spock were bonded shortly after the V'Ger incident,
and had several happy years together. Their happiness, however, came to an
unexpected end when Spock sacrificed himself to save the ship. Kirk was
devastated by his death ... and could not share his pain with anyone, for they
did not know of their bonding. That is, no one except for McCoy ... but at the
time, he was in no condition to help ease his suffering.
As Kirk sat there, reliving Spock's sacrifice, Vorik was moved
by the emotional display. Reaching out to the grieving man, he could not help
but be attracted to him. Whether it was his vulnerability, or the quiet dignity
he displayed, Vorik did not know ... all he knew was that he was drawn to this
At that moment, he knew why Spock had been drawn to Kirk, even
beyond the grave. Taking the older man into his arms, he rocked him gently,
whispering soothing words as Kirk cried softly for his lost love. "There is no
need to weep," he said. "Tell me of your reunion ... you deserve
Kirk slowly regained his composure, then went on with the tale.
He told of Sarak's plea to find his son's lost Katra, McCoy's madness, and the
mixed feelings he had over their search and rescue mission ... for although they
had found Spock, quite alive, Kirk's own son, David, had been killed by the
Klingon's ... and they had lost the ENTERPRISE.
Of course, there were also mixed emotions over his reunion with
Spock after the 're-fusion' ... Spock had no memory of their life together as
anything other than Captain and First Officer. He had vowed to himself to 'make'
Spock remember. And as he told Vorik of the euphoria he felt when Spock's memory
of their life together returned, Vorik once again saw the spark in his eyes that
was his lust for life.
Vorik knew that there was much more to their life together, but
he had all the answers he needed. He could see exactly what it was that Spock
saw in this man that made them such a perfect couple. They were 'soul-mates' ...
where one was light, the other was dark ... the perfect combination of logic and
intuition. Neither one was whole without the other. Seeing this first hand made
Spock's leaving less painful. Their time together had been a mere 'fling' in
comparison. He told Kirk as much ... and that answered his question of how,
years after his death, he could possibly have an influence on Spock's
As Vorik thanked him for sharing his story, Kirk asked, "isn't
there something else you'd like?"
Vorik was puzzled. He thought for a moment, then said, "I do
not require anything else ... you have answered my questions admirably."
"Maybe the spoken ones.," Kirk said, as he came over to Vorik.
Taking him by the hands, he pulled him to his feet and embraced him. Tenderly,
he ran his hands up over Vorik's arms to his shoulders, as he pulled the young
Vulcan into a gentle kiss.
He kept the kiss light and tender ... he didn't want to rush or
force anything. Suddenly, Vorik opened Kirk's mouth with his tongue ...
exploring the cool opening as he pressed their bodies closely together.
He was on fire ... and as his erection pressed against Kirk's
hard flesh, he knew what they both needed.
"Come," Kirk said, as he took Vorik by the hand once more and
led him into the bedroom. They quickly undressed and lay down on the large bed.
"Let me show you how I made him feel," he went on, as he explored Vorik's body
with his hands and mouth.
Vorik was lost in the sensations he was feeling. He suddenly
knew where Spock had learned some of his lovemaking techniques ... and was hard
pressed to keep himself from losing all control.
As Kirk used his hands and tongue to explore his body, Vorik
did the same. He had never been with a human before and was fascinated by the
coolness of the skin. This was not the Kirk of his dream the night before, but
he was still in remarkable shape ... and far more experienced than Vorik's
imagination could ever dream up.
The tension was building in his groin. By this time, they had
explored every inch of each other, with the exception of each others erections.
It was time ... Kirk's hard shaft was in Vorik's face, and vice-versa. Although
there was no meld involved, they acted as one ... as if their minds were in
Tentatively, Vorik ran his fingers along the length of the
shaft in front of him. The flesh jumped and stiffened ... he could see the
reddish head throbbing to the pulse-beat of his companion. He could feel his own
cock responding to the same light stimulation from Kirk.
The light touch was excruciating ... he needed more ... he
needed to feel the frisson of sliding into a tight opening ... of penetrating
his lover completely ... of release.
He knew Kirk must be feeling the same. As he firmly grabbed the
base of Kirk's cock, he thrust his hips forward, pushing himself deep into the
waiting mouth. Kirk did the same ... thrusting ever deeper into each other,
their climax was imminent. In seconds, the spasm overtook them, as they shared
their mutual release.
As Vorik's time in the holodeck came to an end, he thanked Kirk
for his help. After a moment of awkwardness and uncertainty, he said, "I know
that I will still miss him ... but, thanks to you, I can now understand why I
could not replace *you* in his life."
"Vorik, don't lose hope. It is the one thing you must always
hold on to." He came up to Vorik then, and took him by the shoulders, saying,
"find someone to be with. Whether it's for a little while, or forever ... it
doesn't matter. Just find someone to share your life with." He hugged the young
Vulcan, then released him, saying, "and as far as Spock is concerned, remember
... you *may* find a way home sooner than you think. Your Captain is resourceful
... she wouldn't be a Starfleet Captain if she weren't ... and if there's a way,
she will find it. When she does, Spock will be there ... don't let him brood ...
don't let him push you away. Make him live life to its fullest ... and if he
won't listen to you, tell him *I* said so!"
"Thank you, Jim ... for everything." As he stepped back, he
took one final look at James T. Kirk, and knew that his life would never be the
"Computer ... end program."
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