Series: TOS; Kirk/Surak; NC-17; Feedback to Daydreamer
"Spock, what is your relationship to this human, this James Kirk?" Kirk kept his head bent to his task as he listened to the response -- curious to hear Spock's reply.
"Captain Kirk is my commanding officer."
"Nothing more, Spock?"
Spock hesitated, then, "a most excellent captain."
Kirk nodded bitterly. His stomach twisted at the knowledge that the man he considered his closest friend was ashamed to admit the relationship to other Vulcans. He acknowledged Spock's loyalty to him and to the Enterprise, was grateful for it, and hated that he wanted more -- more than Spock could give.
"That is ... convenient," Surak said cryptically, nodded briefly to Spock, and walked away.
Spock looked quizzically at Surak's back, then looked back at Kirk.
"Jim," Spock said quietly.
"What?" Kirk asked tersely, not looking up from the branch he was whittling into a spear.
"After my initial display of emotion at seeing him, I did not wish ..." Spock broke off as Lincoln approached.
Kirk looked up and smiled, in spite of the anger that simmered within. James Kirk understood, rationally, that Abraham Lincoln was not standing in front of him on this barren planet. But, looking at the tall, gaunt image of a human who had died centuries ago on his home planet made him feel like a boy again. Once, when he still believed in heroes, still believed in the basic goodness of mankind, he had idolized this man.
"Sir?" he asked politely.
"I wonder, Captain, if you would be so kind as to talk with me a while? I find my curiosity about the history of the United States of America after my death is insatiable."
"I would be honored, Mr. President."
Spock walked quietly away, unconscious of the almost wistful glance that Kirk threw after him.
Kirk looked back at the craggy face of the president, and flushed at the look of understanding he saw in the kind eyes.
"May I ask you a question?" Kirk asked abruptly.
"Did you have any friends while you were President?" "Mary. I know that many in my time did not understand our relationship. But she was my friend, my lover, and she knew me well." He smiled sadly, "A commander has few friends, and few of them know him in all his parts, the good and the bad. But even one friend, if it is the right one, is enough -- you know that. You have a friend on your ship, do you not?" Lincoln asked.
"Yes. But he refuses to accept what our friendship could become."
"Patience," Lincoln said softly."
Kirk smiled and laughed softly. But the laughter ceased abruptly when Surak came into view. Laughter seemed too, well, human, in the presence of Surak.
He had heard the name, Surak, and he admired what he knew of Vulcan's "father." But he had no emotional connection to him, not like he did to Lincoln.
"Captain, I must speak with you," Surak stated calmly, with a nod of greeting proffered to Lincoln.
"And I must continue making spears," Lincoln replied and returned to the other side of the clearing.
"May we be private?" Surak asked.
Surprised, Kirk agreed and followed the Vulcan down the path.
Surak stopped and turned to Kirk. He grasped the human's shoulders and gently but firmly pulled him into his arms. Stunned at the unexpected move, Kirk made no effort to resist the embrace. Surak kissed Kirk softly on the lips.
Kirk pulled back.
"Surak, I do not understand ...," he said uncertainly.
"Do you not, Captain? You understand desire, I'm sure," the Vulcan asked softly, "I want you. You want Spock, but he does not want you."
"You are mistaken. I value Spock's friendship, but I have never considered him in that way," Kirk said tensely, looking away, "I am attracted sexually to women ... only women. I have never ... not with a man."
"A virgin - how delightful," Surak purred.
Kirk flushed, but stubbornly insisted, "I do not wish to have sex with you."
Surak smiled, "Pretend I am Spock." And he reached out and stroked Kirk's hair gently. His hand moved to the back of Kirk's head and drew him closer.
And the human yielded to temptation, and to curiosity.
Surak kissed him, gently at first, but as the kiss deepened he tightened his arms about his. As the iron strength of the Vulcan's arms enclosed him, Kirk felt a frisson of fear. He made a half-hearted attempt break free. Surak pulled Kirk even more tightly into his arms and crushed his lips against his own. His tongue entered and probed.
Kirk instinctively struggled - then suddenly relaxed into the arms that held him so closely.
It had been so long since he had felt the touch of a caressing hand, so very long since he had felt able to give himself up to pure physical sensation. Always in command, always the one to decide, there was a joy, a heated intensity, and an incredible sense of freedom in ceding control to Surak. Surak nuzzled Kirk's neck, and an electrical current ran down his spine. He closed his eyes and gave himself up to passion. Surak's mouth left his and wandered down, then Kirk felt a sharp tugging at his right nipple. At the same time his penis was gripped firmly. The breath caught in his throat, and he felt faint, almost dizzy. Suddenly, he tensed as he felt a finger pushing at the entrance to his rectum then, with an effort, relaxed his sphincter enough to allow the finger in. The one finger soon became two and he was gasping, and trying not to moan out loud. Suddenly the fingers were removed and he felt himself turned and shoved up against a rough boulder. A quick action of Surak's spread Kirk's legs apart, and an iron hand bent him forward until his face was pressed against the cool stone. Kirk bit into the cloth on his sleeve in order to stifle his groans. His erect penis rubbed against the gritty stone, and the combination of pain and pleasure spiraled upward. Then he felt stretched to the breaking point as Surak thrust roughly into him, pulled out almost entirely, and thrust again. Surak's rhythm increased rapidly until finally he collapsed with a shout onto Kirk's back. A second later Kirk too exploded in ecstasy, and collapsed against the boulder.
Surak and Kirk put themselves back in order and walked back to the camp. Kirk avoided Spock's eyes and so did not see the anger and pain in them. But he was guiltily aware that he had committed an act that Spock would find hard to understand, and harder to forgive. And with the guilt was a growing anger at Spock, for Spock should have been the first.
And then, battle. Lincoln and Surak both dead. One, a life-long hero of his, the other a man he had sex with an hour before. Tired, depressed, and lonely again, Kirk no longer cared what Spock thought. Tomorrow he would worry and try to rebuild. Tomorrow.
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