David Ellis' Excellent Homepage

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Happy Year of the Ox!

Teaching
(David Soong Ellis singing the ABCs in Motomachi-Chuukagai)

Teaching
(Culture Day in Omotesando)

Konnichiwa from Yokohama!
More Cool (Cold?) Jokes Coming Soon!

Hello World! I'm an American English teacher from Atlanta, Georgia and Miami, Florida. I've taught English in the Land of the Rising Sun for over twelve years--teaching in Shizuoka-ken, Gunma-ken, Sendai, Fukushima-ken, and Tokyo. I'm presently teaching English and doing proofreading work in Yokohama. This homepage includes my cool (samui?) collection of Japanese jokes, teaching ideas, photos, my CV/resume and links. See the index below. Thanks for dropping by. Arigatou, ne!!


dxosen@yahoo.com

Check out my LINKS, including my brother Tinsley's Homepage and lots of Music & Japan Links. See my PHOTOS. You can read about four reading textbooks I co-wrote with Professor Setsuko Watanabe: WEB-WATCHING THE WORLD, WHO'S WHO ON THE WEB (WEB-WATCHING THE WORLD II), The WONDERFUL WORLD OF FOOD , and A WORLD OF CHANGE ON THE WEB (new). If you want to know what I've been up to lately, check out MY NEW DIARY and my OLD DIARY. . You can read about my hometowns of ATLANTA and MIAMI. Check out my writing classes' (slightly edited) writings on JAPANESE MUSIC , SHINJUKU , JAPANESE ANIMATION (DORAEMON, TOTORO, CHIBI MARUKO-CHAN, SAZAE-SAN, and DRAGON BALL), JAPANESE LEGENDS (HIKARU UTADA etc.), and OUR EXCELLENT SCHOOL. If you want to give me a high-paying job, check out my RESUME/CV. Also, you may want to check out some ESL/EFL ARTICLES I'm working on now.

SIMPLE JAPANESE JOKES
("Dajyare," "Share," & "Oyaji Gyagu")

In the past year, I've become totally fluent in Japanese. Just joking! MADA MADA DAME DESU! (my Japanese still stinks), But I am getting better at fooling people into thinking I've studied hard. My main method of deception, other than learning lots of out-of-date idioms, is to memorize simple Japanese jokes, which are sometimes called "dajyare." I'm not sure I understand all of them, but they're good to throw out at the right moment to impress your Japanese friends. This is a field of Japanese culture most Gaijin never bother to study. I learned most of these jokes from my "senmon gakkou" and high school students. Many thanks to all of my young sensei. Arigatou! or Ari Ga Jyuppiki (there are 10 Ants)! My favorite types of jokes fall into four excellent, non-exclusive categories. If you find any mistakes in my translations, PLEASE contact me, and also feel free to send me more excellent jokes. I hope you enjoy this collection of Japanese joke folklore!!

THE JOKES OF THE MONTH:

RAINY SEASON JOKE:
WHAT DO YOU SAY TO SOMEONE WHO HAS A BIRTHDAY IN THE RAINY SEASON ("Tsuyu")?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TSUYU!

HERE ARE SOME JOKES SENT IN BY READERS FROM ACROSS JAPAN:

THAI ni IkiTAI! (Translation: I want to go to Thailand!)

A farmer runs up to another farmer with a mouse inverted in the palm of his hand. "Look at the big mouse I just caught!" he said.
The other farmer says, "He's not so big; I can see his tail."
"No, no, okii da!", the first farmer replies.
"Chiisai da."
"Okii da!"
"Chiisai da!"
"Okii da!"
Finally, the mouse says, "Chuu, chuu!"
(Chuu=middle-sized; but also, "chuu" is what Japanese mice say instead of "Squeak, squeak.")

NUMBER JOKES:
4649 = yoroshiku
881 = hayai
889 = hayaku
999 = san-kyu (You're welcome.)
su su su su = su-shi
ba ba ba ba ba ba ba = ba-nana

What's the reaction of the manga character upon learning he has cancer? GAN!!!

Instead of saying OYASUMI NASAI (good night), say "OYASU MIRUKU" (cheap milk). This is "mildly amusing."

What do you say when you haven't eaten sushi in a long time?
HISUSHIBURI! (Hisashiburi = It's been a long time!)

Soda Mura no Soncho-san ga
Soda nonde shinda sou da.
Translation: The mayor of Soda village drank soda and died.

A: ONNA NO KO WA ELEVATOR NI HAIRIMASU. UE NI IKU, SHITA NI IKU?
B: SHIRANAI.
A: UE.
B: NANDE?
A: AGARU!! (A GAL; Go Up)

I. SOUND JOKES (puns) are called "Share."

ex. Mushi wa mushi suru. Translation: Ignore the bug(s).
ex. Kono Handglider, dono gurai tobu no? IchijikanHan Gurai Da!
ex. Yakiniku wa yakinikui!
Translation: It is difficult to grill yakiniku.

Here's a joke for the Respect for the Aged holiday (Respect for the Aged Day):
Keirou no Hidaze, Hayaku Keirou!
Translation: It's Respect for the Aged Day, so go home quickly!

ex. Ika wa ikaga? Translation: How about eating sqid/cuttlefish?
ex. Iruka wa iruka? Translation: Is there a dolphin?
ex. Futon ga futtonda. Translation: The futon flew.
ex. Sore wa salada no salada. Translation: This is the salad plate.
ex. Shika o shikatta. Translation: (I) scolded the deer.
ex. Kono ikura wa ikura? Translation: How much is the salmon roe?
ex. Sake ga sakenda. Translation: The salmon was shouting. ex. Hiitaa tsukete, kaze hiitaa. Translation: Having turned on
the heater, I caught a cold. (is this right????)
ex. Hokkaidou wa dekkaidou. Translation: Hokkaido is big.
ex. Ie no tonari ni, hei ga dekita. Hei kakko ii!
Translation: A fence was built next to the house, wow cool!
ex. Taiyou ni sawaritaiyou! Translation: I want to touch the sun.
ex. Share wa yamena share. Translation: Stop telling jokes!
(I think this is old feminine slang.)
ex. Arumikan no ue ni aru mikan. Translation: There's a
mandarin on the aluminum can.
ex. Naiyou wa naiyou! Translation: There is no meaning.
ex. Naizou ga naizo! Translation: There's nothing inside.
(good joke to say when you're hungry.)
ex. Doushi o doshiyou! Translation: What do I do with the verb?
ex. Iiwake Shite Iiwake? Translation: Is the excuse OK?
ex. Gohyakudai no kuruma Tokyo kara, gohyakudai no kuruma Hokkaidou kara, doko de kaeru? Sendai
Note: "Dai" is a counter used for counting cars. Sendai=1,000 cars OR the name of the biggest and best city in Tohoku!
HAPPY NEW YEAR'S JOKE:
OSHOGATSU = OSHO GA TWO (Translation: There are Two Monks)

II. Famous People Jokes

ex. Maikaru Jordan no Joodan wa maa ikeru joodan da.
Translation: Michael Jordan's joke is a so-so good joke.
ex. Kevin Cosnaa, Hikkosunaa! Translation: Kevin Costner, don't move out!
ex. Madonna wa maa donna hito? Translation: What kind of person is Madonna?

III. Jokes Mixing Japanese and English

ex. China ni Icchaina? Translation: Shall we go to China?
ex. Michael Jackson no sukina iro wa nan desu ka? Answer: Ao!
Translation: What is Michael Jackson's favorite color? Blue.
ex. Michael Jackson no sukina miso shiru no gu wa nan desu ka? Answer: Fu!
Translation: What is Michael Jackson's favorite miso soup ingredient? Fu (similar to tofu????)
Note that "Ao!" and "Fu!" sound like the sounds Michael Jackson often makes "Ow!" and "Woo!"
ex. Hebi wa omoi ka, karui ka? Beri Hebi. Translation: Is the snake heavy or light? Very Heavy. Note: Beri=very, Hebi=heavy/snake,
ex. Otousan no kiraina mono wa nan desu ka? Papaya. Translation: What thing does father hate? Papaya
Note: The fruit papaya sounds like "papa iya," which means "I don't like papa."
ex. Sora ga aoi desuky? Translation: Is the sky blue?
(I think "desuky" for "desu ka" is Kansai dialect.)
ex. Bruce Lee sukina nomimono wa nani? Wa-Ta! (water said in Kung fu spirit).
ex. Kono boushi Doitsunda? Oranda. Translation: Whose hat is this? It's mine.
Note: Doitsu=Germany; Oranda=Holland


IV. Jokes with Onomatopeia

These jokes use words that sound like the sound of water splashing in the spirit of the legendary haiku poet Matsu Bashou, who wrote "Furu ikeya, kawazu tobikomu, mizu no oto," which can be translated as "Old pond, a frog jumps in, kaplunk!" One student recommended I remember this haiku with a similar string of English (or katakana eigo): "Full in care, cow was to become, me is note." Kind of funny, ne!
ex. Nippon ga umi ni ochita, Ja-pa-n! Translation: Japan falls in the ocean, splash!
ex. Obaasan ga kawa ni ochita, Bachan! Translation: Grandmother fell in the river, splash!
ex. Otoko no ko ga umi ni ochita, Bocchan! Translation: A boy falls in the ocean, splash!



WARNING!

V. The RESPONSE

After you've told your excellent dajyare, you must be ready for the reaction. For the older jokes, you're likely to get a response of "SAMUI!" (it's cold!) or "OYAJI GYAGU!" (middled aged man's joke/gag). Use these jokes sparingly, since Japanese people usually don't tell a lot of jokes. If you tell a lot of jokes, people will think you are foolish. Ki o tsukete, ne! Have Fun! ABA YO!




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