I AM ZORAK!


ZORAK

ZORAK!!!!

Citizens since September 7, 1996. Web Counter Courtesy of Webcounter


I AM THE LONE LOCUST (really a MANTIS) OF THE APOCALYPSE!!!!


ZORAK
GOT A PROBLEM? I'm listening...

Space Ghost: The kids at school don't like me.
Brak: My girlfriend says I smell...
Space Ghost: The teachers say I'm lazy.
Brak: Sometimes I want to yell!

"Zorak!"
"Can you help me?"

Zorak: Sure kid....Just tell old Zorak. Now what's your problem?
Space Ghost: This mask is really itchy!
Brak: My underwear's too tight!
Space Ghost: No one understands me!
Zorak: Yeah....Right....
Brak: Now it's time for....

ZORAK'S HELPFUL HINTS!

Zorak's Helpful Hints



Space Ghost: Hey Zorak...Here's a caller, with a question!
I said Zorak! Here's a CALLER WITH A QUESTION!
Brak: Zorak's not here.
Space Ghost: What do you mean not here?
Brak: He told me that it was his day off.
Space Ghost: Oh, oh his day off...well that's just...What!?!!? Zorak is my prisoner! Prisoners don't get days off!
Brak: Oh well I don't know about that!
Space Ghost: Did Zorak tell you where he was going on his day off?
Brak: Bowling...
Space Ghost: Bowling? Zorak doesn't know how to bowl.
Brak: He doesn't? Well how do you like that?
Space Ghost: I just happen to have a caller here with a question is all.
Caller #1 (Guy): Zorak? Are you there?
Space Ghost: Brak, you be Zorak.
Brak: What?
Space Ghost: We don't want to disappoint our caller. Disguise your voice...pretend you're Zorak.
Brak: Hi, I'm Zorak! I'm a green bug.
Caller #1 (Guy): Brak is that you?
Brak: Yeah, how ya doing?
Caller #1 (Guy): I'm good, where's Zorak?
Brak: It's his day off.
Space Ghost: Why don't you ask me your question?
Caller #1 (Guy): No, I'll wait for Zorak.
Space Ghost: Fine, alrighty.
*LOTS OF TIME PASSES*
Caller #1 (Guy): Is Zorak there yet?
Space Ghost: I spent the night in a motel that had Magic Fingers.
*LOTS OF TIME PASSES*
Space Ghost: See, there's a machine that's hooked up to the bed. When you put a quarter into the machine, the bed shakes you around like crazy. Magic....Fingers. You still there, son?
Brak: I saw it last night...she turned her head around...it...it gave me bad dreams. I think he hung up.
Zorak: Hey, I'm back!
Brak: Hey buddy! Hey buddy! Heeeeeeey BUDDY! What do ya know?
Space Ghost: How was bowling?
Zorak: I rolled a 37, my personal best
Space Ghost: What else did you do on your "day off?"
Zorak: Oh let's see....I had lunch with my lawyer....I renewed my driver's licence...uh....what else...
Space Ghost: You forgot about a little something called "Zorak's Helpful Hints."
Zorak: Oops. That was today was it? Well go figure.
Hey, whattya doing? Aaaaaaaaaa!

Zorak getting blasted Space Ghost

Brak: When do I get MY day off?!?!?!
Space Ghost: When monkeys fly out of my....ear.
Brak: When does the monkey come out of your ear? I don't have all day, you know!

Zorak: Next caller!....
Okay.
Caller #2 (Girl): Zorak?
Zorak: Yes?
Caller #2 (Girl): I got a problem.
Zorak: I'm listenin'!
Caller #2 (Girl): My big brother always teases me. How can I get him to stop?
Zorak: You can't. No way. It's impossible. Big brothers tease little sisters. Big sisters tease little brothers. It's been that way since time began. You wanna try and change something that's worked for ten trillion years?
Caller #2 (Girl): No, I guess not.
Zorak: Then deal with it!
Next caller!

Caller #3 (Kid): Zorak?
Zorak: Yes it is I!
Caller #3 (Kid): There's this girl at school that I sorta like.
Zorak: Ah hah.
Caller #3 (Kid): But she ignores me all the time.
Zorak: Mmmm hmmmm
Caller #3 (Kid): How do I get her to notice me?
Zorak: Try wearing your underwear on the OUTSIDE of your trousers.

*Space Ghost gasps*

*Brak gasps*

Zorak: See if she notices that!
Caller #3 (Kid): Hey! Great idea! Thanks!
Zorak: Madonna did it.
Space Ghost: We'll be back next week for more of
ZORAK'S HELPFUL HINTS!
Zorak: Ba-bye!



MAiL BAG DAY
MAiL BAG DAY
Hey everybody, it's MAiL BAG DAY
MAIL BAG DAY
Dear Zorak
My girlfriend and I used to get along just fine until we started giving each other love names. She called me her sticky little insect (which I liked) but when I called her my big basket of onion rings she hit me with a rake! Why?
Zorak: Brak!
Brak: What do I know? I'm stupid....
Zorak: Exactly!

The word for today is PANCREAS

Zorak: Pancake.
Space Ghost: Not pancake...pancreas.
Zorak: Pancake-creas.
Space Ghost: No.... pancreas, PANCREAS, PANCREAS!!!!.
Zorak: Waffle, WAFFLE, WAFFLE!!!!
Space Ghost: Ehhhhhhhhh..................
Zorak: Man! I like to get me a big ol' stack of PANCREASES...with syrup!
Space Ghost: And that's the word for today...................



Zorak! Space Ghost: Let's play a game
Zorak: Okay.
Space Ghost: Say Rubber baby buggy bumpers three times fast
Zorak: Rubber baby buggy bumpers three times fast
Space Ghost: Hmmmmmm
Zorak: My turn. Say Space Ghost is an idiot!
Space Ghost: Space Ghost is an idiot...hey....I don't like this game anymore
Zorak: Your game.

ROSES ARE RED
ROSES ARE BLUE
IT'S TIME FOR POET'S CORNER....
YAHOO!
Poet's Corner

Once upon a midnight clammy
I was playing poker with Gandorf and Sammy
Gandorf had just dealt me jacksons and fives
When I hear a tapping at my window on high.
I climbed to the attic so dreary and black
And who should I see there tapping but Brak!
Brak: I had a bad dream, I can't get back to sleep!
It had a big fat bird in it and it gave me the creeps....
The bird kept saying nevermore, nevermore, nevermore,
Hey nevermore, nevermore, nevermore, nevermore
Zorak: Alright! Alright already! Alright!
I let Brak in the window and we went downstairs
Gandorf and Sammy were asleep in their chairs.
We turned on the TV and watched Coast to Coast.
The show that has a meatball for a host!
Brak: Ha ha ha ha ha, you said meatball!



Zorak's Pick Up Lines
1. If I said you had a beautiful exoskeleton, would you hold it against me?
2. Do you like walks in the rain?
3. Do you like Elizabeth Barrett Browning sonnets in the Portuguese?
Alright alright! Get a move on! Get back over to BRAK!!!!

Zorak drinking coffee
That's disgusting! Zorak spit copier toner all over the place! Ewwww! Look! Another page! Get the boss man on the horn! Why does BRAK!!!!! get ANOTHER page? Everybody loves Brak!

Got MORE problems? I'm STILL listening.
Another page of joy? Zorak?.

How do you do it?


I think it's time to visit

ZORAK!!! Can You Help Me?!!

Listen up you lost souls!!
Prepare your self for visions of the future
With:
Zorak Horror Scopes

Ooooooooooooo.
Tell me about my future!


Season's Greetings Brak

....SEASONS GREETINGS!....

Are you in the mood for the
Twelve Days of Christmas?
Or would you prefer some
New Years Resolutions!

Brak's New Years Resolutions

Do you have a question for Zorak?
Then send all your inquiries HERE!
If you've got comments on the page itself drop a line

Here are the names of some people, that wrote me letters!

Clublink Cartoons database
Clublink Cartoon Database

Cartoon Express
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Citizens have crashed here since March 7, 1998.

Citizens since September 7, 1996. Web Counter Courtesy of Webcounter

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