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  • All Tied Up, No Place to Go; The Art of Sensous Bondage
    by M. Christian
    A teacher and lecturer on everything from advanced sex practices to writing great filthy stories, M. Christian will be joining Adult FriendFinder bi-weekly to offer some down to earth advice on all touchy (or feely) issues. M. Christian is the author of at least 200 published short stories in books like Best American Erotica, Best Lesbian Erotica, Best Gay Erotica, Best Bondage Erotica (and hoards of other bests). M. Christian is also the editor of over 20 erotic anthologies including the Best S/M Erotica series. If you want to toss a question into the ring for M. Christian to address, or if you'd like to offer some feedback, email him at his Adult FriendFinder handle: MChristain.

    ---

    The old chestnut goes that while itís easy to catch a man, itís hard to keep him -- well, hopefully, after this brief introduction to the art of sensuous bondage some of you out there will know not only how to keep him, but also -- should he slip loose --how to keep him coming back for more.

    From an outsiderís point of view itís hard to see how bondage gained its popularity. Itís kind of like looking at an artichoke: Many heads have been scratched pondering the first caveman (or cavewoman) who boiled the ugly thing then peeled away the barbed leaves for the tasty insides (let alone scrapping the leaves themselves). Bondage is much the same -- getting pleasure out of being tied up?

    But for those whoíve been on the receiving end of it, the allure of sensuous bondage is obvious: The emotional relief of being freed from all physical actions; the danger of being at the mercy of another person (and a female person at that!); and the physical sensation of being wrapped, held, immobilizedÖ Many people might turn up their noses at S/M, at what they see as ďpain,Ē but not at the idea of being restrained and ministered to. You canít whip me but -- yeah! -- you can sure tie me up!

    Like everything, there is a wrong way, a right way, and room for exploration in bondage. The wrong way is pretty obvious -- your partner is in pain (not the good kind) or suffers some kind of injury because of your bondage.

    One of my favorite S/M maxims is that the true test of a dominant, or top, isnít the pain they can put someone through, or the tricks they know, but how they react when things go wrong -- so with that in mind always approach your bondage with an eye towards Murphyís Law. If you use rope have paramedic shears around (you can usually get them at any hardware store), if you use chain have bolt cutters handy (no kidding!), and if you HAVE to use handcuffs have plenty of keys.

    The human body is a great thing for tying up -- but there are some obvious limitations (like breathing and using your limbs after being restrained). A#1 is the neck -- do not put anything, anything at all, against the throat. Now, the back of the neck is fine, but you always want to avoid putting any kind of pressure against the windpipe for obvious reasons (breathing, right?). The other thing to avoid is putting too much restriction on the joints -- such as the wrists, elbows, ankles and knees. If your partner feels cold or cool at the extremities then thatís a clear sign that the bondage is too tight. Same for tingling or lack of sensation.

    Because there is such a potential for having some serious not-fun with bondage, it is with a sincerely straight face that I always suggest that people supply their first attempts not at their local heavy-duty S/M emporium, but rather at their local grocers.

    THE PLEASURES OF PLASTIC WRAP
    Plastic wrap is a wonderful tool for bondage: Cheap, restrictive (but not dangerously so) -- whole classes have been taught around the bondage wonders of plastic wrap. In brief, all you need is a roll (and they come in colors!), and a willing volunteer. Stand said volunteer, start wrapping (staying away from the face) and continue till done. The trick with plastic wrap is in lowering someone down onto a bed or table -- experience has taught me that the best way to do this is to leave the legs free so your partner can maneuver at least a little bit. After getting onto the table you can then have them lift their legs for the final wrap.

    Whatís also nice about plastic wrap is that while it can be very restrictive it is also very easy to get out of -- it stretches! If your partner feels the sudden need to get out of it, all they have to do is move around a bit -- and bingo, it loosens till they can either slip out of it, tear it off.

    GEAR IS HERE
    The next technique after plastic wrap in terms of safety and security is, surprisingly, not rope, but rather the world of techno-fetish specialty gear, meaning official restraints versus clothes line and jump ropes. The reason for this, at least in my eyes, is that while rope is cheaper and more available, the potential for seriously fucking up someone is quite a bit higher. Keep in mind that rope wasnít designed for human comfort -- while most of those nasty wrist, ankle and belt restraints, believe it or not, are.

    The trick for restraint devices is to make sure they fit -- not too tight (and so cut off circulation) and not too loose (defeats the purpose of them, doesnít it?). The other trick is to find some that you and your partners like. Keep in mind that something that looks majorly cool may not be workable at all, so let your common sense lead you rather than your fashion sense. Same goes for what to use with the restraints. Rope might be fairly risky on the body itself but is safer than chain for connecting restraints. And if you have to use chain be sure you can get your partner out of it in a hurry -- use snap clips or have bolt cutters handy. Unless youíve been playing for a while, stay away from locks. As with anything, buy quality -- you canít save on safety. Places like Mr. S leather here in San Francisco, sell the good stuff, but to make things really simple, you only need to click on "Shop" and the folks at Extreme Restraints will help you with a fat and happy catalogue full of great restraints. Do some research, try things out on yourself, be on the lookout for Adult FriendFinder toy reviews ("Where the Toys Are" in the Adult FriendFinder archives does a nice comparison review on leather and rubber wrist restraints).

    Once you've got the gear, where's the best place to secure your little boundling? Yeah, Japanese suspension rope bondage looks hot, with your partner all dangling and splayed, and, yes, that photo you saw of some German who hoisted her slave ten feet in the air is a major turn-on, but youíre new at this: Have your partner lie down on a good bed or a massage table. Standing up or sitting up is risky for bondage, as all it would take is your partner fainting for the bondage to be pulled too tight and become too inextricable, beside the fact that it could pull against an easily damaged part of the body when your partner dead-weights against it.

    RELUCTANTLY ROPE
    Okay, youíve got him or her on the bed -- weíve covered plastic wrap, bondage gear, so I guess itís time to hit the one that actually takes the more practice and has the most risks ... rope. Aside from silk scarves (a big ďno-noĒ as they can slip, bind and do some real damage), rope is one of the most popular form of bondage used. It looks easy, but can be the most risky. My advice is that if rope really does ďspeakĒ to you, then take some classes, buy some books, and take it nice ... and... slow. Keep it simple -- donít use too many knots, and always, always, always have some medical shears handy to cut your partner free. Safety first, hot times second, always.

    One of the best ways to play with rope, and body bondage, is to do something I just finished saying not to: Try practicing with your partner standing up. The reason for this contradiction is that when someone is standing up itís a lot easier to wrap the rope around their body -- but, still, donít tie them to anything. Start with a good length of rope, 20 feet or so, find the middle and place it BEHIND your partnerís neck (never in front!) and then bring the two ends down, make a partial knot somewhere near their navel, and then bring it around their waist. You can also go all the way down and loop it between their legs, then back up and around the waist. From there, loop around the body, the breasts (in women as well as men) and so forth -- always being careful never to put anything around the throat or get too tight anywhere else. This is a very basic way of playing with rope, and if you have any concerns or questions stop and do some research: Take some classes, buy some books, or even buy some of the educational videos that are now available.

    COPS AND ROBBERS
    The most risky form of bondage is something that most players seem to forget wasnít designed for pleasure -- handcuffs. Handcuffs, especially the cheap suckers that are sold in some of your sleazier porno shops, are extraordinarily dangerous. But if you feel the need for the bite of steel, always buy quality: Double-locks. Double-lock handcuffs have a pin on their keys that gets inserted into a special point on the cuffs, locking them so they canít get any tighter. If your cuffs arenít quality double-locks then throw them out and buy some. Itís also worth noting that handcuffs should never be used for suspension or on someone who likes to struggle or pull against bondage -- cuffs can cause some very severe wrist and nerve damage.

    From the heavy to the sublime, thereís a lesser-known bondage that requires nothing at all -- no ropes, shackles, chain or even plastic wrap. Called "mental bondage" all is requires is the Mistress to say something along the lines of "Donít move, and I mean it." With a well-trained, and enthusiastic bondage, the right verbal command should be able to freeze your partner into all kinds of delightful positions. Especially if you give him or her a difficult or tiring posture, or make the bound state challenging in some way. Itís more than worth it to play a sexual/sadistic game of "freeze." Only those seriously addicted to the sensation of being restrained will find mental bondage less than satisfying.

    Okay, youíve got your partner at your tender mercies, all tied up with no place to go -- so what do you do? Itís funny, but this is often the conundrum many Mistresses face. You can try all kinds of things: Ministering to their sexual needs while they are "helpless," or having them minister to yours -- with you in the "driver's seat." Or before that, take your partner on a luxurious guided meditation -- a blindfold and a good racy story, a little teasing and playing hard to get, these things can go a long way. If the bondage was enough of a workout on it's own, try simply giving your partner a soothing massage.

    There's one thing first-timers need to look out for: bondage can surface unexpected emotions. With this in mind, whenever youíre trying out something new be sure to give both you and your partner a way to maintain communication. And remember to give the person youíve tied (wrapped, bolted, chained, or otherwise restrained) the power to slow down or stop whateverís going on. Your partner might be physically helpless, but a scene is a partnership, a binding of people, not bodies. It's also a carefully crafted illusion. Craft well, and you'll forget the illusion amidst all the fun. Be flexible if it doesn't happen according to plan; you'll enjoy it even more when it does. Now go out there and tie someone up -- and have fun! <
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    Bend Over, Boys!
    by Tristan Taormino
    Tristan Taormino is the author of several sensationally sexy and informative books including Down and Dirty Sex Secrets, Pucker Up: A Hands-on Guide to Ecstatic Sex, The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women. From college campuses to sex toy boutiques she tours the country touting the wonders of anal sex and the overall goodness of sex in all its frisky forms.

    You can visit Tristan at her official website, www.PuckerUp.com.

    ---

    Attention all straight men! This is a call to arms. I know the secret to a better sex life. I'm willing to share it with you. There is something you need to learn how to do. Something that can transform your life. You must try it at least once; I am sure you won't be disappointed. You've got something to pick up from your gay brothers. And it's not just those fashion and decorating tips you marvel about on Will and Grace. Something your wives and girlfriends can be taught by their lesbian sisters. No, it's not a crash course in expert muff diving. There is a craze sweeping the nation, and you oughta know about it. It's ass fuckingówith you on the receiving end.

    For many of you, your first foray into the land of anal penetration took place in a sterile white room, on a paper-covered table. Your proctologist squeezed a lump of KY onto his latex-clad hand and shoved his finger up your ass. It wasn't erotic, it didn't feel particularly good, and you aren't even attracted to the guy. (OK, maybe you are, but that's another article.) All this happened five minutes after words like "prostate cancer" and "rectal exam" were uttered. Some turn-on. Now you know what we feel like at the gynecologist. Put this experience out of your mind -- it was a medical exam. I'm talking about mind-blowing sex.

    Check out the best-selling porn titles, articles in magazines from Details to Redbook, the sales figures of this columnist's book on the subject. It's as undeniable and obvious as tense sphincter muscles -- anal sex has become one of the hot sex acts of the new millennium. And this time, it's not just for butt pirates. While they are getting their share of the booty, gay men have not cornered the anal market. It's a falsehood that all gay men have anal sex, and it's equally mythic that gay men have more anal sex than straight people or lesbians. In fact, that oh-so-traditional pairing of man plus woman may just surpass the man-on-man statistics in this particular, um, area. Butt-banging breeders may even throw their own pride parade. What will be the colors of the Anal Pride flag?

    Every single day that I worked at the woman-owned sex-toy store Toys in Babeland, at least one heterosexual couple bought a dildo and harness for her to fuck him. Remember My First Pony, a sweet toy for little girls? Well, for these adventurous women and their partners, I recommended what I called "My first strap-on" -- for the ride of his (and her) life. It's a slim silicone dildo named Mistress, which I consider to be the best for virgin voyagers, and a simple functional harness. And, of course, I recommended lots and lots of lube.

    [Follow this purple penis eater to strap-ons. Click "Shop" then Extreme Restraints.]


    The growing popularity of boys bending over was equally apparent on the West Coast at the sex store Good Vibrations. Jackie Strano, a salesperson for five years, and her partner, erotic writer Shar Rednour, were also inspired by the trend. The sexy duo teamed up with lesbian porn company Fatale Video to create Bend Over Boyfriend, the first and only sex instruction video all about women giving men anal pleasure. It stars author-sexologist Dr. Carol Queen (who has a doctorate in human sexuality education) and her partner, Dr. Robert Morgan, a sex educator and chiropractor. After a detailed anatomy lesson and hands-on demonstration by this real-life couple, two other couples try out their expert tips and techniques.

    Bend Over Boyfriend was the maiden porno voyage of Strano and Rednour's production company, S.I.R. Productions (stands for Sex, Indulgence, and Rock 'n' Roll). The response to the video was unequivocally orgasmic. Bend Over Boyfriend was released in April 1998, and has sold over 12,000 copies with its distribution limited to only eight or nine retailers, compared to the hundreds of distributors and retailers that mainstream companies sell their products through. It was on the Good Vibrations best-seller list for 12 consecutive months and named the best-selling video of all time, until Bend Over Boyfriend 2 knocked it off the list, with thousands of copies sold since August 1999, and counting.

    Bend Over Boyfriend 2, subtitled "More Rockin', Less Talkin'," leaves the educational details behind and focuses on five hot sex scenes of girls strappin' it on and stickin' it in. Dr. Queen reappears to show one daring couple the ropes, and her presence, in true porn fashion, leads to a raucous three-way. The video's got dirty talk, cross-dressing, role playing, s/m, shoe licking, real couples who love anal sex, a butt plug with a horse tail on the end of it, and lots of other sex toys. In fact, one toy, called Bobby Sue, should be credited as a star of the movie -- it makes appearances in multiple scenes and works its ass off. Designed and manufactured by Vixen Creations, Bobby Sue is perfect for the job: a silicone dildo with a hollowed-out base. This little hole in one makes room for a vibrating egg, which in turn makes the dildo vibrate in his ass and against her clitoris. I just love sex-toy technology.

    Since anal pleasure is still taboo in American culture, anyone who admits to being a backdoor betty is on the front lines of sexual liberation. As women, since we are already positioned as the receptive, penetrated partner, we need only reorient ourselves to focus on the other orifice. Men, on the other hand, are the penetrator, the active partner, the pencil to her sharpener. Straight men are coming out of their own closet (who knew they had such a fabulous one?), proudly saying (like they do in the video), "I want to get fucked in the ass!" and "I love getting fucked in the ass!"

    These guys have gotten over their shame and fear and embraced all the ass has to offer: those nerve endings, that sensitive tissue, and the pleasures of prostate gland stimulation. A few inches inside the rectum and toward his navel, the "male G-spot" and a world of ecstasy await. Even Bob Berkowitz, former host of the CNBC show Real Personal and current host of an Internet radio show called Love Bytes on E-Yada, has joined the bandwagon. During his interview of me in January, he admitted to all his listeners that he had experiencedóand enjoyedóprostate stimulation. And this, my friends, is the stuff of revolutions.

    Fear not: Women can get in on the revolutionary sexual equation too. In this new reorientation, straight girls can wield dicks (dicks -- they're not just for dykes anymore!) and see how the other half fucks. As they try out the role of active penetrator, hetero girls can slip their tongues, fingers, and cocks inside their male lovers' bodies, learning how to give and get pleasure in a (w)hole new way.

    So does this mean men are finally getting in touch with their "feminine" side? Yes and no. Yes, they can be the receptive partner, be on the other end of a hard cock for a change, and maybe get to know what it's like to give it up. But guys, you can take it up the ass and still be a man. So what are you waiting for? Straight men of the world, unite . . . and bend over.


    Strap-on kits at "Shop"(menu bar)/Extreme Restraints.
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