|Table of Contents|
|Click on a book of the bible to be taken directly to that satire:
Writings, (includes Psalms, Proverbs and Lamentations)
Intertestamental Works: Maccabees
Intertestamental Works: Dead Sea Scrolls
The New Testament
|Highlighted Strong Women of the Bible:|
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|Eve wishes Adam was more evolved with less back hair and a bigger brain.
Marion , who is unfortunately married to Noah, is mortified by his hearing voices and his drunkeness.
Zorrah, Lot's wife, successfully enlists the aid of her Gay Community neighbors of Sodom to defend her daughters from Abraham's rapist spies when her wimp-ass husband attempts to surrender the kids, as a sign of deference and "hospitality".
Sarah and Hagar have sex with each other while Abraham is away slaughtering people. Think about that- the Mother of all Jews gong down on the Mother of all Muslims. Oh, my!
Prophetess Miriam, Moses' sister, facilitates the Israelites' safe crossing of the Red Sea using her knowledge of tidal cycles. The gynophobes attribute it to Moses as a miracle.
Zipporah rescues her children from their deranged father, Moses, after his infanticide/suicide attempt, and returns to Midian, where together with Miriam, she fosters social reform that makes the town an enlightened, progressive community based on mutual respect and cooperation.
Deborah, a Judge of Israel, decides to personally lead her troops into battle, but then negotiates peace when she learns that her own treasonous general deliberately provoked the attack that precipitated the war, and she has the guilty party arrested.
Seila, the daughter of an ambitious military commander named Jephthah, who promises her as a sacrifice to god as a bribe for victory in battle, outsmarts her father by feigning cooperation with the transaction in exchange for being permitted to travel for a few months before her death. She receives a handsome stipend from him for her sojourns, and is never heard from again.
Delilah rescues Samson from the Philistines, because she's not about to give up a man with such amusing sexual appetites as bondage and dominance.
Lanai and Imama turn the tables when their father and husband offer them as a diversion to a rapacious, homosexual mob(?), by drugging the father and husband, and casting them out to be raped instead.
Malchel, who is Saul's daughter and David's first wife, is held captive by David and avenges herself by sowing the seeds of discord that eventually bring down his house.
Bathsheba poisons David for his various betrayals and forces him to install her son, Solomon, as king.
Sheba, after testing Solomon's reputed wisdom, declares that his reknown is nothing more than the result of brilliant PR, and that he is "all facade and no substance".
Jezebel is a social reformer touting ethnic and religious tolerance, which is why she runs afoul of the xenophobic prophets Elijah and Elisha.
Queen Hephzibah saves Judah from her husband's suicidal war against the Assyrian empire, by negotiating the world's first insanity plea to garner mercy for her nation on the grounds of the king's mental incompetence, and then manages to save her nation from financial ruin.
The Gentile Women who are forcibly divorced from their Jewish husbands by Ezra, after the Babylonian exile, facing impoverishment, form an outlaw band, steal back their possessions, then kidnap Ezra, and dump him naked in the temple arcade with a reed shoved up his tight ass.
Tabitha Maccabee poisons her wife-beating soldier husband, Judas, and then enjoys the fruits of war-hero widowhood.
Annef and her mother escape the repressive, brainwashing cult of Qumran described in the Dead Sea Scrolls, and Annef's diary of the experience is passed down through successive generations of daughters as a precious family heirloom, until it is deposited in a cave by her descendant, fleeing the conquering Romans, where it remains to this day.
Mary Magdalene is a prude compared to Jesus, who engages in regular three-ways with a prophetess and her gay husband.
Barbara Magdalene, the love of Jesus' life, is appalled at his insane messiah complex, and leaves him to study philosophy in Greece, where she furthers the body of knowledge and ideas that shape western civilization, but is ignored because of her gender. In the end, she finally makes Jesus realize what a despicable fraud he has perpetrated, but he dies of a heart attack before he can retract his bogus teachings, thus setting into motion two millennia of erroneous cultural assumptions.
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