But I wasn't to be entirely disappointed! It's hard to poke fun at retarded people, child abuse and murder, and since poking fun is what I do I'll have to focus my attention elsewhere. And there's not much that focuses my attention more thoroughly (except perhaps the announcement that Lego^® is bringing out a Fallin & Fallin Office playset) than a box of S&M paraphernalia. I can't help it – it's just the way glob made me. I also blame Vin Diesel, and by the way, please do not view this image if you object to its content.

Now, if we're going to have a storyline about kink, can we at least put Nick in the picture? Can we at least see his slender and ever-so-slightly eager fingers rifling through that box of floggers and collars and cuffs, testing that paddle with a thoughtful thwack on his palm, turning over those teeny weeny clover clamps in his hands as the little crease on his forehead deepens while the quirk of his eyebrow gives him away? Can we at least see that, please? I think that's something I need to experience before I die. I don't think that's asking too much.

But here's something I don't need to experience, at least in fiction: coincidences! That Nick's client happens to be a childhood friend and now happens to work at LSP and happens to be the murderer of Lulu's clients' daughter (oops – no, no, the butler did it!) is freaky enough, but add to that the fact that Hugh used to live in not only the same neighbourhood (I did a spell check) and the same street but the same house where these folks now live. And to top it off, he just happens to give the SuperBunny Who Saw Everything to Nick, who happens to drop it into the crate at LSP (it's grubby and covered in dog slobber but what the heck – good enough for Alvin's mob) at the precise moment when Jenny's sister happens to be standing right next to it and … hear that terrifying sound? That's the sound of the fabric of space–time being rended asunder in protest! It's not that I can't handle coincidences when they kickstart or complicate the plot, but using them to resolve the plot is naughty. And I know coincidences happen in real life (how else to explain the so-called "statistical anomaly" that every time a plane takes off in Argentina, I don't win the lottery?) but this episode has more coincidences holding it together than a conspiracy theorists' convention, and as I said, it's not even as easy to make fun of.

Lulu's best friend is one of the folks coincidentally now living in Hugh's old house which he just so happened to visit the day their daughter decided to run off. Lulu is trying to live down her "judgemental" label by not batting an eyelid at that box of tricks in the closet and batting even less of an eyelid at the description of a little girl being "disciplined" with a paddle that gets Darger all excited but in reality looks like it would shatter the kid's pelvis (can a prop be "miscast"?).

This episode isn't entirely about sexual perversions, although we do have a man in a cage and a dog licking his face. (The dog also gets to ride in the BMW, which I'm sure Nick thinks is perverse.) Kim returns, which is an Excellent Idea, and she's doing extremely wholesome things on the couch with Nick while he's in an unforgiveable state of overdress. Oh, and she just so happens to work in the precinct where Jenny was murdered. Nick is visiting her there in person because he always visits everyone in person because phone calls don't eat up nearly enough community service hours, and also for our sake, since you can't pick lint off your lover's lapel over the phone line and I rather liked the way she did that.

Hugh's function is to give us a chance to learn more about Nick's childhood, including the fact that Nick's superhero of choice was the Flash, a.k.a. Wally West – chemically stimulated and always dashing around everywhere. A prophetic choice of idol for the young Fallin and, since the Flash wears his underpants on the inside (assuming he wears underpants… no, must not go there), a classier choice than Superman. Hugh ratchets up the Nickangst-O-Meter as he unravels Nick's precious Post-its and disorganises assorted executive toys, and later makes him so angry that he gives a Speech! Nick's angst continues with an apology to Burton for missing the party, although he's secretly pleased that with dogs and bunnies causing him so much trouble lately, at least he didn't have to deal with no damn donkeys this week.

This is followed by a wristwatch presentation that's even more painful that the pen presentation last year, when Nick wouldn't let Burton say thanks. This time, Nick doesn't even try to say thanks (was this boy raised right?). The Fallins sigh and wince and tremble and sigh and still won't look each other in the eye, and off they trot for dinner – silly hats not included – for the first of what I hope are many occasions. Could it be that because of that scene, and the invitation that preceeds it, that despite all the things I can't make fun of, I'm left with a good feeling about this one?

Nah. It must be the bunny.

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* Wishes Hugh good luck.

* Apologises to Burton for missing the dinner meeting.

* Arranges for Hugh to keep his dog.

* Allows Hugh's dog to ride in his BMW.

* Thanks Burton for arranging the surprise party.

* Asks Burton out to dinner.

In the time it takes Lulu to get to the Twain's house after Sarah's call to say Jennifer is missing, the body has been found, the police called, the Twains interviewed and the police have departed. The old neighborhood must be a long way from Pittsburgh.

What happened to the $50,000 insurance bond for Beth? Although the dog was released, the money wasn't mentioned again. Did it come out of Hugh's $65,000?

The question on everyone's lips – what happened to Beth? Let's hope Nick sent her off to the family with the farm, to live happily ever after with Bart.

The Twains adopted the girls 18 months ago and Lulu arranged it – but she has only been working at LSP for a year.

Young Michelle Twain is present at the hearing at which her sister's recent murder and sexual abuse, her parents' sexual activities and her father's alleged crimes, are discussed. Now who's being abused?

KEY

Nick Fix Percentage of screentime allocated to Nick.

NWO (Nick Walks Out / Nick Walks Off) The number of times Nick leaves the room without first ending the conversation in a socially acceptable manner.

Indicates hot stuff (generally, Nick engaging in amorous activities or taking off his shirt).