It goes something like this. Gretchen's therapy is costing so much that Burton has to fire three people to avoid bankruptcy. Sharon Barry is a very good lawyer but dresses frumpy so she's got to go. Ed Wise is an excellent lawyer but he did that thing at the Christmas party last year so he's got to go. Mark Harris – I don't know about him. He's probably just a bad lawyer.

I'm sure they run HR training sessions on how to eliminate unwanted staff without completely crushing the hopes and feelings of the unfortunate employee, but Nick isn't into such niceties. Once he finally gets that he's the one who has to do the deed, he takes 12 seconds to dispose of Sharon, and Burton thinks that's okay. Then there's a bit of Fallin bonding and then… well, I'm a sensible girl, I truly am, but the look on Nick's face as he takes in his name on the glass – that look does something to me. Seems to be doing something to him, too, and Burton doesn't stick around to witness it.

We all watch this show for different reasons. Some watch for the cute kiddies-in-peril. Some watch for the imminent Nick/Lulu fest. (I made that up. I don't know if they're going to fest or not.) Some watch for the Gretchens. You know why I watch so I won't spell it out, except to say that I don't watch for some guy I don't know, never met and will never see again talking to some other guys I don't know, never met and will never see again. Wasting my time. Eating up the Nick Fix. The Angel of Death is what this episode got wrong.

No, I do not want to watch this when I could be watching Nick at the party across town doing the hokey pokey.

But before he joins the circle to put his arms and legs in and out, he's standing before Judge Damsen presenting his case with both hands in his pockets! She takes her revenge and soon Nick's shaking his various appendages all about faster than he can say, Oh god please not more balloons last time we had balloons I'd just witnessed a double homicide what's this a freakin' clown twisting them into teddy bears or something I'd rather be at an NA meeting doing hi I'm Nick now this bloody sticker on my lapel doing it for me godawful party no hot girls nutty lady on the mic wish I had some of what she's on c'mon Josh you can do it getting no credit for this damn thing dammit Masterson why is my life controlled by middle-aged women and who the hell is that kid with the fifty-dollar haircut looks cute acts cute hard-to-adopt my ass. A-ha. He likes Adam Sandler movies.

Nick finally puts his whole self in and imparts some wisdom to Josh, perhaps the most important advice the lad will ever receive – that it's always best to leave a party before it's finished. Before the police raid it.

In addition to suffering these glorious indignities, Nick has his hands full trying to control his boys. Jake won't come out of his office until he's finished whiting-out the incorrect details on his 5000 invalid Fallin & Straka business cards. Waste not, want not. James gets a girlfriend, sort of, who screams like Malcolm's mother. A leave of absence is not an option because he has to leave the firm even though Nick is not asking him to, because his name is too similar to Jake's for them to ever work together on a TV show (I still get them confused and I'm a reasonably attentive viewer). Nick gets frustrated because he just defended him to his father so he glares at him a lot, which is a thing of beauty to behold, and then fires him in just under 2.5 seconds. Time is money.

James hooks up with the appalling Reginald Harris, surely the last person on the planet he or anyone else on the planet would ever associate with. Reginald tries to schmooze Nick, the unschmoozable; Lulu gets a baby story that goes nowhere and Laurie asks Alvin out, which also goes nowhere; and then finally everyone finishes their grand game of musical chairs and moves on to their next lives – looking a lot like their previous lives (give or take a felony charge). The only one who's stayed in the same job (give or take a name change) since that fateful day when Nick turned up with his thirty-nine-minute hours, is Alvin – and he's been sleeping on it and is about to be suspended from it. It's all rather like a soap opera of who's been shagging who until the only permutations left are unnatural and illegal.

This episode has the dubious honour of being the first one not to fade out on a Fallin. That just about sums it up. I may never recover from not seeing Nick do the hokey pokey.

Back to episode list

* Takes Josh's case even though he won't get the hours credited.

* Gives Josh sound fashion advice.

* Introduces Josh to some prospective parents.

* Suggests taking Josh for ice-cream.

* Asks Judge Damsen if Josh can go to the next adoption party.

Nick's comment about the hockey season places this episode in September. Jenna last attended school "a couple of months ago", which would be July, or summer vacation. Even if she's underestimating the time since she attended, it's hardly cause for concern since she'd only have missed a few weeks at the end of the semester anyway.

James tells the judge he was in the meeting at F&F for "20 seconds at most". In fact he was in the room for 50 seconds.

When Alvin gives James his LSP job back, James says he'll be in "tomorrow", which is Saturday! (The final day of the episode is Friday, when Alvin and Laurie's date was set for.)

One of the staff members to be fired is Mark Harris. The lawyer James seeks help from is Reginald Harris. If these two are related, perhaps that would explain why Mark is on Burton's hit list.

Sharon Barry's coffee cup inexplicably disappears halfway through her firing scene.

KEY

Nick Fix Percentage of screentime allocated to Nick.

NWO (Nick Walks Out / Nick Walks Off) The number of times Nick leaves the room without first ending the conversation in a socially acceptable manner.

Indicates hot stuff (generally, Nick engaging in amorous activities or taking off his shirt).