|Adult Friend Finder
The World's Largest Sex Personals Site
The original and arguably the most popular adult dating service on the Net,
Adult Friend Finder is a great adult service that boasts over 9 million adult
singles! If you looking for erotic encounters with other like-minded singles,
this is the site for you. Adult Friend Finder is for active singles who want
to meet others for romance, friendship and more! With thousands of registered
members and new people joining each day, your special someone may be waiting
for you now! Adult personals click here to join - it's fast and anonymous!
Perfect Pussy or Quick Dick?
by Langston Duhamel
In a recent Advice Line question, kandieapplered04 asked an intriguing question: "When a guy well-endowed and very active cums fast, is it because the pussy is good or is it because he is just sad? I mean, even with the condom on he says it was so good he came fast....is that actually a fact?
The advice she got from AFF members was varied and valuable. So we couldn't resist putting it all together.
As many male members pointed out (trying to ignore the pun), Kandie's pussy could just simply be that good. So she should be pleased.
Still, dick-in-pussy is just one part of a larger sexual cycle that may have started days before sex, like when Kandie said "let's meet." Kandie's lover may have been thinking about her wet pussy on an hourly basis from then on. Sexual clinicians Masters and Johnson would call this a case of a very long "excitement" phase in their model of the four stages of the sexual response: excitement, plateau, orgasm, and resolution. Add his anticipation to the first viewing of her choice naked body to their first touching... As Derekb1099 (35 M) put it, "You could be driving him crazy with lust for hours or days, have the perfect mood, be squeezing all his 'sweet spots' at just the right time." In addition to foreplay and the very significant contributions made by imagination and anticipation, there's another important issue several members mentioned: how long since his last cum? The longer the wait, the shorter the pussy time.
All this aside, the real answer to Kandieapplered04's question ("is it because he is just sad?") depends on what Kandie wants and needs. One person's "sad" is another person's "hot sex." Kandie's lover is only as sad (for her) as the fun she's not having. A few members pointed this out. ENvLvnCpl, (45 C) told Kandieapple, "Ask yourself this: 'Did I enjoy it?' And that's the first thing to sort out. If you like your lover's quick, in-out sex and you're getting off to his "fast" lovemaking, take his compliment (feel free to fish for more) and enjoy yourself.
But what if Kandie is not getting off? (And we all suspected from her question that she wasn't.) When this is happening to a woman, there's a tendency for her to feel like she's got a lemon on her hands, and to conclude as n4cer2 (29 F) did: "I believe that guys who come that fast are minute men."
Of course this is unfair. In the age of "abstinence only" sex ed, it's quite possible that Kandie's guy doesn't know there's something else he's supposed to do. Women are as susceptible to this ignorance as men. We've been acculturated to believe that by "doing what comes naturally" sparks fly, bells go off, birds sing, and orgasms happen by the multiples. But the idea of "coming naturally" doesn't encourage experimentation or communication -- two necessary ingredients for really sensational sex, that is, sex beyond what accidentally happens on the way to making babies. For all but the sheer luckiest couples, great sex takes communication, experimentation, and possibly some practice.
To top it off, in probably 50 - 70% of first-time encounters, if the woman doesn't "take charge" of her own orgasm, it's not going to happen. This reality injects tension into the traditional dynamic, for many women adore the feeling that their man is in charge.
Something about Kandie's question sounds as though she might be one of these women, or at least her partner might be calling all the shots. Nothing wrong with that, if it works for them both. But if Kandiered isn't satisfied with "minute man" sex, she has to bear at least half the responsibility and start taking charge of her own orgasm.
Especially, if this guy is a keeper -- she's probably going to get around to complaining to him sooner or later. Might as well be sooner, when the heat of first love makes their exploration fun and experimental rather than forced and judgmental.
And there are so many things Kandie can do -- members gave her a glimpse of the wonderful possibilities in their advice. If Kandie and her man have great communication, she can show him this list of ideas and he can use it to take charge (assuming that's the way they like it) by selecting the method and conducting the experiments. All that needs to happen after that is for him to seek out Kandie's feedback and for her to give it Kandiedly, er candidly.
Many members suggested that Kandie's partner could work on ejaculation control. "What it sounds like to us," said the couple ENvLvnCpl, "is someone needs to take some time reading up on and practicing ejaculation control." And verriberri (43 F) agreed. Justice30 (34M) ran with that idea. "I think that men need to learn the art of having an orgasm without actually having an orgasm," Justice writes. "Men too can have multiple orgasms, but it takes some practice and concentration...it sure makes sex more enjoyable for me and my partners. The key for men is to get rid of that initial urge to cum, and still be able to keep it hard and lasting."
Looking into Justice's words, a book by Michael Castleman, called Sexual Solutions, a Guide for Men and the Women who Love Them, might be a great place to start. At the same time, we can throw out some suggestions for Kandieapple to take to the bedroom.
1) On Castleman's list of things a man can do (with the help of his partner) to "practice" having slower orgasms are 1) Reduce stress and 2)Breathe fully till the end.
a) It's a simple thing to concentrate on taking very deep breaths. And it has great rewards. The man monitors his breathing while making love, maintaining deep full breaths, especially in the hot stages of arousal when his breathing tends to quicken. Don't let it. This is the time in which a little deep breathing can spread the good feelings all through your body.
b) Another trick: the man can pull out when he's about to come and she can squeeze off his near-cum by squeezing his cock at the frenulum -- at the "seam" on the upper part of his shaft just below the mushroom head. When the urge to come has passed, they continue with intercourse again.
c) Rather than focusing all the stimulation on his penis, the woman can try some hit and run tactics. A little penile stimulation, then a little kiss behind the ear or massage of the shoulders. A couple sucks on his cock, then off to suck his nipples. The idea is to draw the sensual focus to other parts of his body. This expands his arousal, and also extends it.
d) Get him to relax. The massage idea is great for men because quick-ejaculation sex has a lot of tension in it. Reducing that tension gives him the chance to have a longer build-up.
2) Try putting him in you soft. This method comes from Tantra, which is all about SLOW. But it may not be as easy as it sounds. Sometimes it requires a seated position, where the couple sit facing each other, she with one leg over his and the other under. Your man may not be thrilled about trying this because it separates his dick from some of his favorite hand tricks. It might also have a stress factor since it's very easy for a soft penis to simply slip out of the vagina. Guys can find this mortifying. The woman's role, if it happens, is, a) to make no big deal out of it and b) to secure his penis inside her by encircling it at her vaginal hole with her fingers.
While he's in you trying to work his way up, it's play time. Show him how to stimulate your clit with his hands (or stimulate yourself if you're shy -- he may just take over for you) until you feel really aroused and on the verge of coming. Make sure he's hard, then proceed with orgasm as usual. Add a little finger self-stimulation to taste and you should have the whole pie. You get your slow, he gets his fast, and everyone's happy.
3) But what if in the middle of trying these new techniques, the two of you just want to have simple, no holds barred sex? Or what if, as some of our members noted, just THINKING about your pussy makes him rock hard and dripping? In this case, you may not have the chance to put him in while he's soft. Unless he has just cum already. Which takes us to a simple solution: let the guy have his quickie, then immediately move on to round two -- her orgasm. Let the first come be quick and easy, but without penetration -- masturbate him, blow him, or let him masturbate himself to ejaculation (the advantage to his masturbating is that you can watch him, get aroused from it, and learn what he does and where his power points are for next time).
Then, after he's come off this way, go for round two -- get in there and enjoy the foreplay. This, according to AFF member stefan254 (25M), is what he and his girlfriend do. Hornydog1951 (53 M) put it this way in his advice: "If you had gone for round two, he would have lasted a lot longer and you would have enjoyed it more. Next time, you get on top and you control the tempo so that you make it last longer so you can get the most out of it, although this will turn him on very much as it is very sexy for the woman to take control also."
Hornydog mentions a couple of things we've been looking at, here. The timing of the sexual response during a man's second orgasm is more compatible with that of a woman's during her first orgasm. After he's come once, it is much easier for the couple to have matching orgasms simply by "doing what comes naturally." Hornydog's second great point was this: woman, take charge. And by the way, as he says, many men love this.
You can start by looking at how far along your own arousal is by the time he puts himself inside you. If you're still a little sexually "cold," then you should find ways to hold off. (If you don't feel comfortable holding things off, go directly back to step #2 above). If you feel you can hold off but your question is more like "then what?" upcoming are some great ways for partners to make their cum cycles more of a match.
[To be continued...]
|Meet hot, beautiful women-Read sex stories-Hot personals-Love dating|