Star Wras Christmas Songs 

a neat little spoof based on "Twas the night before Chrismas", as told by Han to the children.

"Twas the night before Endor
and all 'cross the moon
everyone was quite nervous
for the fleet arrived soon

Twas the night before Endor
and all through the base
there was not a soul sleeping
twas their fears they must face

Twas the Battle of Endor
(such a beautiful place)
we were down on the planet
as the fleet hit real-space

When all through the fleet
There arose such a clatter
"The shield is still up!
Quick, everyone SCATTER!

A coward's decision
by Admiral Ackbar
they had to run FAST
and they had to run FAR

Believe it or not
It was Lando, that dip
who moved the fleet closer
to Imperial ships

Outgunned and outmanned
by a thousand to one
but they needed the shielding
from the Death Star's main gun

On the planet, we battled
quite sure we'd all win
well, except for dumb Luke
who had turned himself in

With I and your mother
all dressed up in camo
we were down with Rogue Squadron
using up all our ammo

Teddy bears to our left
and the Imps to the right
it started to seem that
we'd lost this great fight

We were pinned, we were trapped
The plan was ka-blooie
when who came to our rescue
but that old furball chewie

He'd captured a walker
and I thought up a plan
and we captured those Imps
beat them down to the man

When, unknown to us
high on up in the night
on the Death Star, Darth Vader
and his son Luke - the fight

With fierceness, and anger
and things all 'round crashing
with hatred and venom
and their lightsabers flashing

With the emperor watching,
their hatred, it burned
but Luke fought on bravely
for he would not be turned

With a sigh, Uncle Luke
turned his saber of light
to the ground, all turned off
hid his thoughts and his fright

But Vader, he probed
and he pushed, and he found
"So you have a SISTER...
maybe she will come 'round!"

With a vengeance, Luke shot out
used all of his might
drove Vader on backwards
he was winning the fight!

Backwards, and backwards
and then Vader was pinned
Luke cut off his hand
then he turned, and he grinned

"I'm sorry, your highness
you see, you've still lost
i'll never join you
as it's not worth the cost"

"For am I a Jedi
like my father before"
Palpy's fingers shot lightning
made Luke writhe on the floor

Meanwhile Vader was gasping
and fighting for breath
he still threw his vile master
down the shaft, to his death

Vader died, but his body
did not fade from sight
but not before saying
"tell your sister...she was right"

Luke burned his remains
then he found all his friends
and so our story continues
for great stories don't end...

- By Dave Phillips 


TWELVE PROTONS FIRING, (proton torpedo sound efect)
ELEVEN DROIDS A BORING, (a protocol droid introducing itself)
TEN LANCERS LASERING, (sound of a full scale battle going on)
NINE KEGS OF BLUE STUFF, (glugging sound)
EIGHT LORD VADERS A LEAPING, (deep breathing followed by a faint "I am most displeased at this)")
SEVEN ESPOS SHOOTING, (sound of small scale battle going on)
SIX CLONES A CLONING, (weird sound effect, 'cause I can't think of an appropriate one)
FIVE WOOKIE SLAVES! (bellowed at an incredible volume)
FOUR TIE DEFENDERS, (TIE howl sound effect)
THREE MOFFS A MOSHING, ("I think it's time we demonstrated the FULL power of this Sound System.")
TWO MISSILE BOATS, (sound of several missiles being launched)

(The band goes in to a crescendo, wings of starfighters scream past, a nearby planet explodes, and a Skipray Blastboat thunders overhead, leaving a cry of "HO HO HO!" in it's wake, and a faint sound of jingling bells)


1,2,10,12/Owen "Granie" Stone
3,6,9,11,/Nick "PiPer" Saveski
4/Andrew "Debris" Hynek
5/John "Ash" Bartos
7/Jim "Freebird" Fisher
8/Chris "Snyper" Lorentzen

- By Chris "Snyper" Lorentzen

Sung to the tune of "Winter Wonderland" :

Lasers scream.. are ya listenin'
Check your dots glistenin'
A beautiful sight....we're happy to fight
Flying in the Star Wars universe....

Check CMD's..A TIE fighter!
As we aim..lock and fire
A beautiful sight....we're happy to fight
Flying in the Star Wars universe....

Alliance squadrons take on the Empire
So many battles have we quickly won
We can't believe how easily they tire
'Cause they claim that we're out-numbered three to one

Later the hanger
We'll recount...all the danger
We'll sleep well tonight...we fought the good fight
Flying in the Star Wars universe

Flying in the Star Wars universe the Star Wars....universe

On twelveth day of Life Day, my Wookiee gave to me...

Twelve jawas trading!
Eleven clones a' warring!
Ten jizzers jizzing!
Nine smug'lers smug'ling!
Eight womprats hopping!
Seven TIEs a' flying!
Six mynocks chewing!
Four hairy nerfs,
Three Sith lords,
Two Bothan spies,
And an Ewok in a Soul Tree!

- By

GONK! The Power Droids Sing

GONK! the power droids sing,
"Jedi with the Force will bring
peace on Hoth and Endor wild,
GONK and impies reconciled."
Joyful all ye planets rise,
Join the fighters in the skies;
GONK's metallic voice proclaim,
"Death Star shall not rule again."
GONK! the power droids sing, -
"Glory to the golden wing!"

Merry GONKmas to all of you!

- By Fredrik Arnerup

(All of the above are credited when I know who to credit if anyone knows the author of the uncredited ones please let me know. Send mail to: Gremlin)
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