if you have no life - and you can PROVE it mathematically.

if you enjoy pain.

if you know vector calculus but you can't remember how to do long division.

if you chuckle whenever anyone says "centrifugal force."

if you've actually used every single function on your graphing calculator.

if when you look in a mirror, you see a physics major.

if it is sunny and 70 degrees outside, and you are working on a computer.

if you frequently whistle the theme song to "MacGyver."

if you always do homework on Friday nights.

if you know how to integrate a chicken and can take the derivative of water.

if you think in "math."

if you've calculated that the World Series actually diverges.

if you hesitate to look at something because you don't want to break down its wave function.

if you have a pet named after a scientist.

if you laugh at jokes about mathematicians.

if the Humane society has you arrested because you actually performed the Schrodinger's Cat experiment.

if you can translate English into Binary.

if you can't remember what's behind the door in the science building which says "Exit."

if you have to bring a jacket with you, in the middle of summer, because there's a wind-chill factor in the lab.

If you are completely addicted to caffeine.

if you avoid doing anything because you don't want to contribute to the eventual heat-death of the universe.

if you consider ANY non-science course "easy."

if when your professor asks you where your homework is, you claim to have accidentally determined its momentum so precisely, that according to Heisenberg it could be anywhere in the universe.

if the "fun" center of your brain has deteriorated from lack of use.

if you'll assume that a "horse" is a "sphere" in order to make the math easier.

if you stare at an orange juice container because it says CONCENTRATE

if your wrist watch has more computing power than a 486DX-50

if you can quote scenes from any Monty Python movie

if you know the direction the water swirls when you flush

if you ever burned down the gymnasium with your Science Fair project

if you still own a slide rule and you know how to work it

if your I.Q. number is bigger than your weight

if you have memorized the program schedule for the Discovery channel and have seen most of the shows already

if your three year old son asks why the sky is blue and you try to explain atmospheric absorption theory

if you understood more than five of these indicators.

if you make a hard copy of this list, and post it on your door.

If these indicators apply to you, there is good reason to suspect that you might be classified as a physics major. I hope this clears up any confusion.

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