HONORABLE MENTION (Subject: Linguistics)--The quantity of consonants in the
English language is constant.  If omitted in one place, they turn up in
another. When a Bostonian "pahks his cah," the lost R's migrate southwest,
causing a Texan to "warsh" his car and invest in "erl" wells.

4th RUNNER-UP (Subject: Probability Theory)--If an infinite number of
rednecks riding in an infinite number of pickup trucks fire an infinite
number of shotgun rounds at an infinite number of highway signs, they will
eventually produce all the world's great literary works in Braille.

3rd RUNNER-UP (Subject: Bio-Mechanics)--Why Yawning Is Contagious:  You
yawn to equalize the pressure on your eardrums.  This pressure change
outside your eardrums unbalances other people's ear pressures, so they
then yawn to even it out.

2nd RUNNER-UP (Subject: Symbolic Logic)--Communist China is technologically
underdeveloped because they have no alphabet and therefore cannot use
acronyms to communicate technical ideas at a faster rate.

1st RUNNER-UP (Subject: Newtonian Mechanics)--The earth may rotate faster
on its axis due to deforestation. Just as a figure skater's rate of spin
increases when the arms are brought in close to the body, the cutting of
tall trees may cause our planet to spin dangerously fast.

GRAND PRIZE WINNER (Subject: Perpetual Motion)--When a cat is dropped, it
always lands on its feet, and when toast is dropped, it always lands
buttered side down. It was proposed to strap giant slabs of hot buttered
toast to the back of a hundred tethered cats; the two opposing forces will
cause the cats to hover, spinning inches above the ground.  So, for
instance, using a GBCTA (giant buttered toast/cat array), a high-speed
monorail could theoretically link New York with Chicago.


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