I Have Not Told This Story

i have not told this story
i have not once upon a timed
my meeting of him in a shallow pool
i have not told this story,
but this is how it went.
he was five years older than me
and waaaay past puberty
he had a barrell chest complete with hair
and he was allll that a man should be
or so i thought
he hey baby'd his way into my consciousness
cool as an ice chip
he melted words over my ears
i hadn't even heard on HBO
he was my third real kiss
He compared my hair to angel feathers
and satin pillows
he was my starship come to take me
he told me i was beautiful
so
i didn't mind when his
hand slipped past my shoulders
and i didnt' flinch when i
felt him harden against my hip
because
he loved me
he was gonna save me
he was my knight
my black knight come to take me away
so when he guided my head down there
i didn't complain
and when he emptied himself all over my
not-quite-fully-formed breasts
i smiled, and asked for a towel
because, he was what i had prayed for
he knew what i needed
he said 'baby, we gon' spread our wings, and fly up on outta here'
i believed in him
he was my dark angel
his hair a thick halo
his voice a choir of cherubims
i told him my secrets
i told him those stories i was too afraid to tell my friends
but i have no need to tell him this story
you see
he was there
it was a bright and sunny day
funny how i remember it that way
and i swear all i wanted to do was
cook him breakfast, maybe play a lil tetris
before my momma came home
and he arrived
scrubbed, pressed, and freshly greased
and apparently, he'd washed off the mark of the beast
or at least, covered it with make-up.
i cooked him scrambled eggs and toast,
and we sat on my green love seat
and he told me he loved me
as he touched my thigh
he said i was the only girl he could ever love
as he unbuttoned his fly
he said he wanted to make me happy,
didn't i want to make him happy too?
and i was on my knees again,
and our song was playing
and he was humming along
and he took my head in his hands
and he told me to stand
as his fingers trailed my waist,
lunging for my zipper
he held my face to his chest,
and he told me that he loved me
and when he touched me down there it was like fire
and then he was on his knees in front of me
and i was weak
and then he was on top of me
murmuring my name
and then there was nothing
no songs
just pain
i told him it hurt
i begged him to stop
but my pleas got lost in his groans and his grunts
so i prayed to god
and i begged him for mercy
but my prayers became curses
as my dark angel
became a demon
spilling his semen
inside of me
and when his body stopped twitching
he smiled that angelic smile
and told me
he loved me
he didn't mean to hurt me
but the first time was always rough
and i kissed him,
and told him he should leave
so i could clean
before my momma came home
and he left
and my insides were like ice
and i ran to the bathroom
hoping i could shit him out
and flush him away
but i could still feel him
his hairy chest on my nipples
his thighs between mine
opening me
ripping me
and i could feel him inside of me
and now blood was trickling out of me
and he was trickling out of me
mixing with the blood
and i cursed him
but my curses became prayers
and i cried
but my sobs were like orgasms
sudderingly violent
and too quickly spent
so
i washed the dishes
and i threw away my underpants
and i washed my face
and i have not told this story
until now.

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