The Journal


Sunderland P. Gardner, Part Nine

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Seventh month 4th. - Another year of my pilgrimage is closed; I am this day fifty-six years old. The past year has been to me one of deep probation and close trials; it has seemed to me many times during the deep conflict that I should lose my confidence and my hope, and I am convinced that without assistance from a power superior to my own I shall lose them!

O Thou who in former times condescended in Thy mercy and loving kindness to look upon me with compassion, Thou who when I was dead in sin put forth Thy healing virtue and caused it to reach and heal my wounded spirit so that I was permitted to sing praise unto Thee upon the banks of deliverance, why is Thy countenance hidden from me? Why is the stream of refreshing stayed that it no more distils as the dew? Why is it that my soul is clothed with poverty as with a garment? Why does not even the morning-star appear? Why is there no dispensation to my soul? Had I not once known Thee, I could not now mourn the loss of Thy countenance; had not Thou once loved me I should not now be so sensible that all is desolate without Thy love; had I not once known the healing virtue of thy presence, I should not now be so oppressed with the power of disease. "Why art Thou cast down, O my soul, and why disquieted within me?" Is there yet something remaining that must be tried by fire - is something still harbored within thy desire that must submit to the cross? If so, let there be no pity until judgment is proclaimed victorious over all that separates thee from my God, O my soul!/p>

Tenth month 16th. - Funeral of Harriet Morey, of Macedon Center.

17th. - Funeral of Drusilla Tabor, of Macedon Center. Both virtuous and circumspect young women, greatly beloved by their acquaintances.

Twelfth month 4th. - Having obtained a minute of concurrence from our monthly meeting to make a religious visit to Friends and others in the western part of Genesee, I left home on the 4th of Twelfth month, 1858, and arrived in the evening at Warsaw, where I met with John and Joseph Head, who were waiting for me. Attended the meeting at Orangeville next day (First-day), but on account of a heavy rain the meeting was small, though satisfactory. In the evening we had an appointed meeting at Johnsonburg, which was well attended. On Fourth-day we were at Boston, having Joseph Head for company; a good meeting. On fifth-day we were at East Hamburg, where I had close-searching labor; it appeared to me that the hidden things of Esau were sought out and exposed. Next day had an appointed meeting in the Methodist meeting-house at South Boston. The meeting was large and much to my relief, feeling that I had discharged my whole duty toward them. Joseph also had considerable service. On First-day we were at North Collins; meeting well attended - a pretty searching time.

On Second-day evening had an appointed meeting at Pontiac, which was to have been held in the Gurney Friends' meeting-house, but it was thought it would not hold the people, so another house was obtained near by; it was a large attendance, and nearly satisfactory to me.

Elisha A. Griffith and Barak Cushion thus far traveled with us, whose company was truly acceptable to us.

On Third-day we went over to Bertie and attended their meeting on Fifth-day. During the forepart of the meeting there was no spring of ministry opened to me, but Joseph had good service, after which I saw my way clear to communicate something so very different from anything that had ever been called for at my hands that it was marvelous to me, but I was well satisfied, and rejoiced in having this singular evidence or manifestation of the Father's working. This was the last meeting we attended on this journey, and throughout the whole I had alternate seasons of deep baptisms and sufferings with those of heavenly favor and rejoicing. Reached home found my family as well as when I left them, for which, together with many other favors, I am thankful to Him whom I profess to serve.

First month 1st, 1859. - Attended the funeral of Lydia Cudworth, wife of Nathaniel Cudworth, and mother of Harriet Herendeen. She was a member, I believe, among the Gurney Friends, and supposed the meeting would be considered as held according to their order, although in Friends' house in South Farmington. The meeting on the occasion was large and solemn; after sitting awhile I found that necessity was laid upon me to bear a public testimony among them, in which the power of Divine life was exalted, and truth set above all false religious systems. The Gurney Friends were silent. O my soul, be thankful for these heavenly favors!

4th. - Our Quarterly Meeting of Ministers and Elders - I trust a time of profit to us.

5th. - Quarterly meeting pretty well attended, and some Friends appeared to enter into the state of Society with considerable feeling.

6th. - Public meeting for worship. I felt the necessity was again laid upon me in a close, searching testimony; may it be profitably remembered.

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