"Meesa gonna Die!"

Updated Below 5-15-00

Spammer Threatens to Shut Down This Page! Yes ladies and gentlemen, as you will note in the guestbook some little fascist, goose-stepping worm has decided that the First Amendment of the Constitution of the United States simply does not apply to those with whom he disagrees. He, and those like him, are unable to realize that this page is a joke designed to make people laugh. I suggest that his parents take away his modem until he learns to play nice nice. As I don't have the time to come in every day and delete his spam, I am closing my guestbook for the time being.

From The Onion 80 Billion Tons of Jar Jar Merchandise Now 70% Off
A Japanese site linking this page.
ZA@Play article linking this page.
An article from The Gazette.Com in Colorado Springs mentioning this page.

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View Guestbook For hilariously nasty Pro-Jar Jar comments from 12 year olds.

I first saw Star Wars on its opening weekend in Oklahoma City at the old North Park Mall Theater in May of 1977. To my adolescent mind, it was the greatest movie ever made. I eagerly awaited and went to see the next two sequels. However, I was really annoyed at the stupid ewoks in Return of the Jedi. At first I thought about how just a few of their pelts would make a nice fur coat. Then I began to realize the market potential of such ewok-related products. Their pelts could also be used for a myriad of leather and leather related products, including shoes, belts, hats, car seats, purses, expensive furniture for the neavo riche and other such products. I then realized that the carcasses could be used for either gormet meat dishes, dog food or even Wookie Chow. Whatever would bring the highest value. Yes, there is wealth of opportunity for the entrepreneur on the planet Endor

Then, sixteen years after Jedi, finally I finally saw the sequel that was supposed to be the beginning of the Star Wars epic. The movie was merely OK. The primary reason for the mediocrity of The Phantom Menace was the idiotically juvenile character Jar Jar Binks.

The defendant has committed an extraordinarily varied collection of crimes. The minor include assault, battery, petty larceny, trespassing, and criminal mischief. More serious crimes include aiding and abetting the delinquency of minor, reckless endangerment of a minor, destruction of private and public property, cowardice in the face of the enemy, as well as treason to the Gungan. But by far the most serious crime committed is that of stinking-up a Star Wars movie. This is sacrilege. Therefore, after calm reflection and consideration utilizing my highly developed legal mind, I came to the ultimate conclusion. Jar Jar Binks must Die. Yes, ACLU left-wingers will surely cry out against the use of capital punishment against a such a retarded individual. Even my criminal law and criminal procedure professor Randall Coyne would surely rally to his defense and take his case to the highest judicial level. Small wonder considering the scum of the earth that he has associated himself with (Timothy McVeigh, Roger Dale Stafford to name but two). Now he has the opportunity to smear himself with the scum of the universe.

What method of execution would promote the cause of Justice? Perhaps a lightsaber up the wazoo? Eaten alive by the Rancine? Torn apart by a wookie? Forced to listen to Vogon poetry? Turned into Jar-Jar-B-Que? Gang banged by Banthas? Roman crucifixion? Drawing and quartering? Serve him up as a meal for Senator Palpatine? The list of extraordinarily painful deaths available is limited only to the imagination.

Anti-Jar Jar Binks Links
(from which I lifted most
of these graphics)
Official KJJB Page
I Hate Jar Jar Binks.Com
Jump Jar Jar
Delete Jar Jar Binks
Death to Jar Jar Binks Homepage
Jar Jar Binks Must Fucking Die!
Jar Jar Binks Must Die!
International Society for the Extermination of Jar Jar Binks
Jar Jar Binks must die Song
See Annikan Skywalker kill Jar Jar Binks
National Association for the Extermination of the Gungan Race
Yahoo Anti-Jar Jar Binks Page
Jar Jar Hate Page
Killing Jar Jar
Jar Jar Binks Ate My Balls One
Jar Jar Binks Ate My Balls Two

I recently got some e-mail from Hally Berry of the Oklahoma Gazette:

-----Original Message-----
            From:	Holly Bailey 
            Sent:	Wednesday, June 23, 1999 9:22 AM
            To:	ryanburg
            Subject:	jar jar
  Hi, I am a writer with the Oklahoma Gazette in Oklahoma City. We just
  did a piece analyzing why Jar Jar Binks must die and came across your
  site. We have a weekly feature called Chicken Fried News, and I
  wanted to write up something about your web page, since you obviously
  have ties to the metro area. (The name Randy Coyne caught our eye, as
  Phil Bacharach, another Gazette writer, became pretty good friends
  with him while covering the McVeigh trial.) That said, I was just
  curious if you are a still a student at OU, why you think Jar Jar
  must die, and does his character ruin the Star Wars legacy for you?
  Also, what kind of response have you had to the site? Reading some of
  the other Jar Jar sites, it's noticable that the pro-Binks crowd has
  become pretty active in trying to preserve the Gungan name. SO, in
  short, have you recieved any hate mail from Jar Jar lovers?
  holly bailey

My reponse:

To answer your questions:

1. The Jar Jar Binks character did not "ruin the Star Wars legacy" for me, I merely found the character to be entirely annoying and the film would have been better if he, and several other computer generated characters, had been left out. The original movie came out when I was 13 and I really loved it. Not, however, to the extent that I would dress up as one of the characters to attend the film as I have seen some people do in news reports. Yes, its just a movie but Lucas should have known better. Its like Kubrik or Lean deciding to put a constant stream of dick jokes in one of their films (as in the new Austin Powers movie). They are not needed and are adolescent. The pod race announcer's blather may also seriously date the film. As I explained on my webpage, he stank up the movie and therefore deserves a grisly on-screen death. Just like I thought Wesley Crusher on Star Trek: The Next Generation should have had a very nasty transporter accident.

2. I haven't checked today, but I have only received two responses on my guestbook telling me: "You die, you suck, and your the idiot, Jar Jar Binks is going to be in the second episode os [sic] Star Wars so tough luck bub" and "LISTEN DICK HEAD, IT'S A MOVIE, DON'T GET SO UP TIGHT ABOUT IT! HE'S A CHARACTER!" So you are certainly correct about the active pro-Jar Jar community.

3. I graduated from OU law years ago, but had Professor Coyne for criminal law and criminal procedure. He's a very nice, witty and intelligent guy. However, in my personal opinion, he seems to believe that criminals commit crimes only against the state, rather than against individual citizens. If you take a look at his law review articles, you can tell that he considers victim's rights to be personally abhorrent and the very idea of allowing victim impact statements to be next to a form of fascism. He is so convinced that he is right about the death penalty that he doesn't care what mass murdering vermin he has to associate with just to prove that he's right and everyone else is wrong. If Jar Jar Binks was brought to trial, he would wet himself for the chance to defend him.

The whole point of the page was not to voice some deep offended hatred for the character, but to make my friends laugh, including the ones with whom I went to law school and had Coyne's classes. And all of my friends agree that Jar Jar stank up the movie.

Holly Berry Speaks Again!

> Sorry to bother you again, but could you please
> remove the text of
> the e-mail from your page, or at least remove my
> e-mail address from
> the text? I have been getting e-mails from other Jar
> Jar-interested
> parties, expressing their views about why or why not
> the character
> should be in the movie. As our piece is only about
> your site, it
> would be really great to deter some of the other
> e-mail.
> Thanks! 
> Holly Bailey


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