Read about my story...

.
Smile...
.and
.enjoy
.this lila!

Welcome to

Radha's
Krishna Links

~ Spiritual Enhancement Page ~
Adoring my Beloved Krishna!
and learn how Krsna loved me!


This page.
was last.
updated.
06.15.09.


KEYWORDS: Krishna, Krsna, God, Bhakti yoga, madhurya bhava, spiritual, bliss, ecstasy, ego, kundalini, shakti



OM TAT SAT

The Omkara



You may skip to the
Table of Contents
or the Website Conventions section,
but you are strongly encouraged to first read the
Website Introduction
and the following
'My Story'



"Oh what blessed madness, friends!"
-- St. Teresa of Avila



 * [graphic] Radha Krishna *



Introduction

This website serves as a convenient set of links to information about my Lord and my Lover, Krishna. I will also give a brief a description of my personal experiences and some quotes and references that have helped me understand the wonderful things that have happened to me. This page is not for the weak of heart. Others have written to tell me that these pages are intense. There is strongly adult content here so you may wish to go elsewhere. The brave-of-heart will find that there is nothing obscene on these webpages. Those of you who have suffered in your search for God can take refuge here. Let me make this very clear: this website is not about sex or Tantra, nor is it about eroticism for the sake of titillation. What this website is about is an intense love for God and the unexpected consequences of such love. I give you a promise in the name of He whose very name brings rapture to the hungry heart:

.

A Promise from Someone Who Knows...

If you are lost in this world of dreams and want to truly know God,
let go of everything...just drop it. Then give it all to Him.
Do not be afraid of venturing beyond the familiar.

Give it to Him with all the love within you as an offering.
Give Him all of your desires, attachments, anger and lusts.
Leave only Him as the summation of all your desire.

He will honor that desire. Open yourself up to Him.
Let love take seed within you. He will water that seed.

He will raise up the fallen soul, brush off the dirt of this world,
and love you beyond your wildest dreams. Just do it.

No more preconceptions. No more dogma. Just love.
Love whatever name you know Him by...He will answer.
Then you will know the Truth.

You will find it within you, outside of your mind and your worldly references.
If you are looking for Him, there is hope. Don't give up.
He will take you by the hand. That's a promise from someone who knows.

-- Radha-in-Athens

.

There is some kiss we want
with our whole lives, the touch

of spirit on the body. Seawater
begs the pearl to break its shell.

And the lily, how passionately
it needs some wild darling!

-- Rumi

Some precautions may be in order: First of all, if you are reading this page, then you are meant to be reading this page. This does not, however, entitle you to experience or immediately understand all that this page references. It may be that you are meant to learn about something that you are being prepared for but are not to taste now. Long years of preparation may be necessary. Alternatively, you may be ready for great changes in your consciousness. Either way, let go of your own efforts and trust God. For me, this "God" is Krishna. For you, it could be Jesus, YHWH, Allah, Brahma, Kali Ma, Shiva, Gaya, the dhamma, or any of the countless faces the great One has worn throughout the space and time dimensions of the material universe. Whatever identity most fits your conception of God is the right one. Krishna says in the Bhagavad Gita: "Whosoever desires to worship whatever deity (using any name, form, and method) with faith, I make their faith steady in that very deity. Endowed with steady faith they worship that deity, and obtain their wishes through that deity. Those wishes are, indeed, granted only by Me" (BG 7.21-22).

I am not a guru or great yogini. I do not claim to be enlightened-- I have found so many differing definitions for the term that I can only suggest my belief: enlightenment is a soul's union with the greater Reality that is so thorough in union that ego can no longer affect an individual's connection with that Reality or their own karma. I cannot claim to be in that position. What I do know is that my life has been unalterably changed, set on the path to full realisation, and gratefully learning my new role as consort to my Beloved, Srila Krishna. I will always attempt to point to my Beloved as the answer in my writing.

 * [graphic] Bismallah... *

It's a habit of yours to walk slowly.
You hold a grudge for years.
With such heaviness, how can you be modest?
With such attachments, do you expect to arrive anywhere?
Be wide as the air to learn a secret....
Say Bismillah, In the name of God,
as the priest does with a knife when he offers an animal.
Bismallah your old self
to find your real name.

-- Rumi

For those of my readers who have their feet firmly or tentatively planted on the foundation of philosophical materialism, you may find much of what you read on this website difficult to digest. That is perfectly fine. You are more than likely justified in your interpretations from your particular perspective. I, too, have been trained in science and the systematic approaches to acquiring knowledge. My advice is simply to take what you like and leave the rest. What I write here is truth as I have experienced and interpreted it for myself-- these writings are only completely applicable for me within my current circumstances. They would certainly not have been true for me only a few years ago. I am simply advocating an openness to the wondrous complexity of nature in all of its forms; I believe that material reality is far more complex than we are capable of knowing. Spirituality is simply that part of our material realm that is beyond objective observation as we know it today. What would a medieval man know of radio waves or X-rays? Indeed, the possibilities presented by 'String Theory' may open the door to many things long thought unlikely by critical materialist thinkers.

All I can truly say is what has happened to me has profoundly affected me and forever altered my own course in life. Once the door has been opened, we are free to walk through and see for ourselves what is truth. As we are all unique individuals, we must ultimately find our own truths: each of us has our own versions of reality, even if it is only minutely different from our neighbour's. Yet, it is in this way that we can know more fully realised lives. This is my hope for all seeking to know Truth.

In His wondrous Love,
Radha Ch.



 * [graphic] OM *



"My Story"

I am learning to let go of all that binds me to this world--all for the sake of real Love. The cruel metal of desire and attachment is being pounded into one Name--the only name that can bring me into bliss when uttered. I am His and He is mine.

Forgetful one, get up!
It's dawn, time to start searching.

Open your wings and lift.
Give like the blacksmith
even breath to the bellows.

Tend the fire that changes
the shape of metal.

Alchemical work begins at dawn,
as you walk out to meet the Friend.

--Lalla

Most of my life has been a search for God. Even at the age of five, I was convinced that there is God but I didn't know how to get to this God. There was a huge hole in my life and no matter how hard I tried to be the best, most religious person, I still couldn't stop the pain or fill the hole.

Jesus said,
"Whoever knows everything
but lacks within
lacks everything."

-- Gospel of Thomas saying 67

For the longest time, I could not shake dogmatic convictions that defined for me the term 'God'. Someone else's ideas had been put into my mind and I was a slave to the material dementia, worshipping at the approved altars. I see now all of the little clues left along my path that my Beloved had long beckoned to me but I couldn't let go of my self-appointed righteousness. Instead, I suffered with the emptiness, clinging to doctrinal "righteousness", hoping all of the time that God would reward me for sticking to what I just "knew" was right.

Fearful, always moving mind,
the One who has no beginning
is thinking how hunger
may fall away from you.

No ritual,
No religion,
is needed.

Just cry out one
unobstructed cry.

-- Lalla

It wasn't until the pain became so great and my need for a God of my own understanding became so intense that I finally let go of my old concepts. I then realised that I had actually, all along, been in idolatry. I idolised my own conception of God and the material illusions upon which it was all based. There had been no room for a God of love to operate within me!

Whatever your name, Shiva, Vishnu,
the genius who inspired Scherazade,
savior of the Jains, the pure Buddha,
lotus-born God, I am sick. The world
is my disease, and You are the cure,
You, you, you, you, you, you, you.

-- Lalla

I was then free for the first time to explore all of the possibilities. I couldn't linger long for that black hole within drove me onward. I started looking at those resources that had been staring me in the face. Books, such as Be Here Now, which had long been unintelligible to me, now started to make sense. I opened myself to whatever power it was that I was calling "God". I started to offer puja to Maharaj-ji (as my guru) and, finally, to Krishna. At the moment that I was totally open, totally willing to love God on His terms, totally sick of material existence and the hole within, did God come to me. I had finally surrendered to Him.

In love, nothing exists between heart and heart.
Speech is born out of longing,
True description from the real taste.
The one who tastes, knows;
the one who explains, lies.
How can you describe the true form of Something
In whose presence you are blotted out?
And in whose being you still exist?
And who lives as a sign for your journey?

-- Rabi'a al Basri

I had tried so many times before to surrender to God--to my previous conceptions of God. I see now that those times were always predicated on my own conceptions (and those conceptions I had been conditioned to have) of God's nature and will. I hadn't truly been ready to meet Him. I hadn't been ready to fully accept whatever He wanted of me. Those previous attempts were not as genuine as I had believed.

Completely abandoning all physical and mental religious beliefs,
fully surrender to Me alone. I shall liberate you
from all reactions to your sins. Do not grieve.

-- Krishna (BG 18.66)

By fully surrendering all of my previous concepts of God, Krishna was finally free to reveal Himself to me in the way that best united me to Him as His lover and devotee. He liberated me from myself and cleansed me from the haze of maya. Instead of suffering and grief, I now have joy and bliss. Emptied of myself, I cast myself upon His grace--and then I met my Beloved only through His grace.

.

 * [graphic] The Two are made One... *

Dark One
all I request is a portion of love.
Whatever my defects,
you are for me an ocean of raptures.
Let the world cast its judgments
nothing changes my heart--
a single word from your lips is sufficient--
birth after birth
begging a share of that love.
Mira says, Dark One--enter the penetralia,
you've taken
this girl past the limits.

-- Mirabai

Krishna loved me. Krishna drew my heart to Him and I fell completely in love with Him. He made love to me...causing shakti to awaken and rise within me for the very first time. Hot electrical energy rose up my spine, I involuntarily arched my back, threw back my head and an explosion happened in my head, followed by an incredible immersion into warmth, extreme pleasure, and total bliss. My body shook and trembled as waves of energy ran throughout. I felt as if I had been lovingly and thoroughly penetrated. I had never known such ecstasy before. I experienced spiritual "orgasm" in which all other so-called orgasms pale in comparison. It felt like a shotgun had exploded inside of my head and all of the fears, worry, and heaviness-of-mind flew away. All I knew was total, unconditional Love.

I strip off my jewelry,
throw down my bangles,
wipe off eye-black and rouge.
I shake the barretts from my hair.
Why? Mira has found
a lord who lifts mountains,
a lover who fills her
completely.

-- Mirabai

It was real. I knew something happened to me. I didn't know what. I was in bliss and I wanted some way of knowing just what my experiences were. I started the search for information, resulting in many of the links and quotes that are found in this website. I hope that this website will serve as a to help others who may be confused and trying to understand their own experiences.

I, Lalla, entered the jasmine garden,
where Shiva and Shakti were making love.

I dissolved into them,
and what is this
to me, now?

I seem to be here,
but really I'm walking
in the jasmine garden.

-- Lalla

I am no longer lost in that nebulous place I was before meeting Krishna. Because I have completely given myself to Krishna, everything that happens to me is His will. Fairness and "rights" are no longer a concern. I no longer have to compete in a society mad with material delusion. All I have to do now is to keep Him in my consciousness and do what is in front of me to be done, giving Him the fruits of all my labour. All else in my life is as it should be.

Complaint
Is only possible

While living in the suburbs
Of God

-- Hafiz

Krishna has not let me down and I know now that I will forever be in His loving embrace...no matter what may happen to me in this material existence. All else is fleeting. Krishna is my all.

Would you come if someone
Called you by the wrong name?
I wept, because for years He did not enter my arms;
Then one night I was told a secret:
Perhaps the name you call God
Is not really His, maybe it is just an alias.
I thought about this, and came up with
A pet name for my Beloved I never mention to others.
All I can say is--it works!

-- Rabi'a al Basri

Please know that God cannot be known through an intellectual knowledge. This is what I had attempted to do. The words on this page can only be of limited assistance. Our minds can only see hints of His existence but God must be experienced to be truly known. You must strip yourself and stand naked before Him. Use whatever technique is right for you: prayer, japa, longing, meditation, devotion, service, surrender, yoga--but you can only meet Him on the road, not on the page.

The way is difficult and very intricate.
Lalla discarded her books that told
about it, and through meditation
saw the truth that never comes
to anyone from reading words.

-- Lalla

The miracles in my life keep coming. I am often in bliss. My consciousness continues to evolve. Old habits of anger, egotism, and sloth are gradually slipping away. I have felt physical pain and sickness transmuted into ecstasy. Long time soul-wounds are healing. The cold wind is His embrace and the hard rain is His gentle touch on my body. My awareness of Him has awakened me to a new dimension of living within the physical body. Sometimes with just the sight of Him or the sound of His name I fumble in ecstasy. All creation vibrates with His presence... the very air I breath is as if heavy with incense offered to Him. More importantly, I now see situations and challenges that come to me in life as my Beloved's loving effort to ready me for joyous existence with Him. All I have to do is continue to surrender myself to my Beloved!

Love
Popped the cork on itself--
Splattered my brains
Across the
Sky.

Imagine now for ages
Something of Hafiz
Will appear

To fall like
Stars.

-- Hafiz

I am still very human. There are times when I am so out of touch with Him that the world becomes dark and life seems to come crashing down. Yet, I now have hope that I've never had before. I have the certain knowledge that He has made love to me and that I possess within a Love that never diminishes. I renew my practice and re-center myself on Him and my Beloved always comes back to me. My existence now has meaning and purpose: to be love-locked in eternal union with Him who is the source of all pleasure and bliss. ... Namaste.



 * [graphic] OM *



How to Surrender to God

Surrender is not for every spiritual seeker in this present lifetime. Sometimes, a soul must pass through many more experiences until she is ready for union with God. While many different practices can lead to union, surrender is the only door through which union is possible. Please beloved reader, remember that I am only relating my own experiences: you must ultimately relate to God in the way that best fits you. Surrender will always be a part of this relationship and I do not wish to ill serve the reader or my Beloved with a description and a paradigm that may not be appropriate for your own walk. Take what I write as only one of many possibilities open to you.

We should make all spiritual talk
Simple today:
God is trying to sell you something,
But you don't want to buy.
That is what your suffering is:
Your fantastic haggling,
Your manic screaming over the price!

-- Hafiz

Surrendering ego and your life to God isn't easy. It took me the longest time to figure out how--it is even hard to describe in words because the ego doesn't know true surrender. That is something far deeper within our selves, where God lives.

Many potential devotees may wonder what is actually meant by surrendering to God. In fact, this is really a grace that is granted when the devotee is truly ready for this blessing. Surrender is total yielding of ego's desire to be in charge and allowing God to be Master.

You are sitting in a wagon being
drawn by a horse whose
reins you
hold.

There are two inside of you
who can steer.

Though most never hand the reins to Me
so they go from place to place the
best they can, though
rarely happy.

And rarely does their whole body laugh
feeling God's poke
in the
ribs.

If you feel tired, dear,
my shoulder is soft,
I'd be glad to
steer a
while.

-- Kabir

The following is presented as guidance to those ready to experience this reality of spiritual being. We cannot surrender only in our minds. Ego is surrendered through our hearts. Whenever we live in ego, we've placed ourselves where God needs to be. In surrendering all aspects of your life, you are not being asked to walk out your door and become a sadhu, although some spiritual seekers do. The point of surrendering is the total acceptance of and obedience to the Lord's will for your life.

Surrender all ideas that you have about God. Allow Him or Her to reveal the reality of Being that the Divine desires you to know. Reach out with your heart, with your love, with the desire to be His obedient slave, desiring nothing for yourself. Give it all to Him. Bow before Him and be ready to meet Him. Make your heart a home ready for His entrance. Serve Him as the dearest person you will ever know. Just surrender it all. If you are true, you will meet your Beloved.

You are not your body: give up identification with your body. Give up all hope of ever running your life. Give up all ideas of ever straightening anything out in your life. Give up all hopes for comfort. Give up any ideas of being the doer or enjoyer. Give up any ideas you might have of your own intelligence or wisdom. Give up any hope for sex and give those desires to God. Give up your life. Give up your soul. Be willing to give up your family, your children, and your duties. Give up all that you are. Give up your identity. Give up EVERYTHING.

 * [graphic] 'Perfect Love casteth out fear...' (1 John 4.18) * Then, bowing on all fours, asking the guru principle for help, give it all to God. Drop your life out of your hands as if it was a hot potato. It really is too hot to handle. God can handle it. Love God enough to give ALL OF THESE to Him or Her. Love Bhagavan. He wants you to love Him. But you really have to want it. Bhagavan really wants you surrendered to Him. Be His slave. You are His. Offer yourself to Him as a sacrifice. Do it as many times as necessary until you can actually and completely mean it. At the point that you have emptied yourself out and totally given yourself to God, you will then know Him. You will finally meet Bhagavan face to face.

If you believe that you are to have a madhurya bhava relationship with Sri Krishna and are willing to pay any price to do so, read the Rasa Panchadhyayi (five chapters of Sri Bhagavata Purana, comprising of chapters 29-33 in Book X). If you, whether male or female, will follow the deepest teachings underlying this text, you will take Krishna as a lover for He cannot resist a heart truly devoted to Him!

If you are serious about union with Krishna, you will be stripped bare. Consider this quote from an address by Annie Besant:

Surrender is a process, not an event. Surrender occurs in successive layers: as one level is achieved, another is revealed and the Self must learn to surrender even more to the Beloved. It is an unsteady walk, sometimes forward and sometimes backward, but one that continues as each door is opened in front of the devotee. Surrender is the ultimate recognition of the failure of individual ability and trusting that the Beloved will complete the work. One's love and devotion will be a powerful motivation in continuing the process and will lift you up when it seems all has failed.

A major part of surrender is being in the moment. This means being present, aware of what is around you and experiencing everything the moment has to offer-- which is what the Beloved intends for us. We allow whatever the moment offers to flow through us in perfect acceptance. Allow the monkey chatter in the mind to pass and when you catch yourself not being present, simply bring your consciousness back to the here and now without comment. Keep love of Him always as the frame in which each moment is experienced.

What brings us here lifetime after lifetime is the unfulfillment of our sensual capacity so that we continue to crave and are attached to what we allow ourselves to experience. Total presence gives us fulfillment so that there is no longer a need to come back time after time. Instead, we are freed to go deeper into the silence of union with the Beloved. We then find the Beloved present in all things. Becoming present in any given moment of life is actually part of the deep surrender necessary for union.

Do not let your spiritual practice and devotion to the Beloved itself become a dead religious form (BG 18.66). As you mature in your relationship with Him, religious ideals become meaningless. You will find that nothing is polluted or sinful itself; the only pollution that exists is what is in our own minds. Let love of Him be your only religion--a constantly present reality, renewed by the fire of passionate love and longing for Him. Restrict yourself of those things that interfere with that love (which usually are those things we are so wisely warned from!). Eventually, form will slip even from your devotion and your own life shall become your devotion. This is all that one needs do and is taught in all the great religious traditions of the world, if one but looks for it. Let Him be your all and you shall truly be free.

The time has come to turn your heart
into a temple of fire.
Your essence is gold hidden in dust.
To reveal its splendor
you need to burn in the fire of love.

-- Rumi

Dear reader, the Lord waits you to turn to Him. Do not delay, for human birth is very rare and the siren calls of the material world may seduce us should we fail to use the opportunities given us.

I bow to the Spirit of the One
....Who lives deeply within You,
........And desires to Awaken You!
Radha-in-Athens



 * [graphic] OM *



A woman and her young daughter were destitute
and traveling to another country
where they hoped to find
a new life.

Three men stole them while they were camping.

They were brought to a city
and sold as slaves; each to a different
owner.

They were given one minute more together,
before their fates became unknown.

My soul clings to God like that,
the way they held
each other.

-- Mirabai



 * [graphic] OM *



A Note for ISKCON Readers and Other Strict Religionists:

 * [graphic] All of them--as the surrender unto Me--I reward accordingly.... * I have written this section to address some of the criticisms I have received from some ISKCON readers of this website and those of other religionists. Readers may skip this section as I am addressing certain doctrinal objections to some of my writings on this website. As this section is the end of the introduction of the website, you may wish to go on to the next section or to the Table of Contents. OM TAT SAT

I do not claim to be a proper Vaishnava or of the Gaudiya lineage. I have not even been physically initiated into any dharmic line of succession. What I do claim is that I have been led by my guru, who I believe is really an incarnation of Hanuman, to the very bed of Krishna. Krishna accepted me from His side. I have finished with all of the work of my previous religious struggle and I have come home to my Beloved.

I love my Baba (my guru) and I know he watches over me and guides what is left of my material life. I have surrendered to him as my guru and I have surrendered to Krishna as my Husband and my Lover and my God. I also learn from a great number of other teachers who have known the intimacies of "God", including the Sufi and Bhakti poets, the words of Ramakrishna, and of Srila Prabhupada. I read the writings of Prabhupada with a great deal of love and respect, for I have never read a more informed and intelligent teacher. Yet, for me, he is only one more source of truth that guides me on the way: he is not my guru for Neeb Karori Baba ("Maharaj-ji" or Neem Karoli Baba) is my guru. I do what I believe my guru has told me to do. It is my guru that led me to Krishna and so it is to him I listen most.

Prabhupada wrote the following about surrender and sangha:

As I surrender to guru and the teachings He places in front of me, I am surrendering to Krishna. Once Krishna made love to me, I have dealt directly with Krishna. I am still obligated to my guru but I also have intimacy with my Beloved. The "right" and the "wrong" of formal religion becomes so less important for all that matters now is that I dwell within that which I have in Krishna. This is the path He has chosen for me and not necessarily for anyone else. What I have written on this website is the truth of what has happened to me and it may not be your path. I do not claim to be a guru or any great teacher. I am only reporting what has happened to me and the knowledge and understanding I have gained from these experiences.

If you have already taken a guru, particularly of the Gaudiya lineage, then follow him. As a beloved of Krishna, you will eventually experience your way to Him, especially if you are following the great teachings of Srila Prabhupada. Take away the message from this website of Krishna's great mercy to those outside of your tradition. Yet, do not be quick to criticize others that you may not understand. The Beloved exists within countless other souls in multiple other realities; those in His creation with consciousness of Him will come to Him in whatever way He has chosen. As my own guru has taught, just simply "love, serve and remember".

My only religion is love. I have a relationship with Krishna and love is my spiritual practice. While I have beliefs, I find that they change over time according to my knowledge, maturation, and experience. One cannot measure truth by religious dogma but through the love one experiences in life which is, overall, one's spiritual path. All else should be subservient to the love of Krishna.

In my practice, I do not adhere to any particular set of beliefs or religious institutions-- only what works in maintaining my relationship with Him. You can read of my particular spiritual practice elsewhere on this website. My practice is what my Beloved Krishna desires me to learn and what my guru orchestrates in my life. I have learned through hard experience of the problems that institutions create, usually setting up false ego in a false piety. This is folly. Krishna desires love in absolute surrender to Him. Association with Krishna and guru is maintained through keeping each within, as Prabhupada once wrote:

Our perspectives on truth change as we learn. Early in my life, when I was a Christian fundamentalist, I would have called all "Hare Krishnas" part of a demon-worshipping cult. Now, instead of belief, I know different. Maturation, my life experience, knowledge, and a greater willingness to view ideas from differing perspectives have taught me that what I once took as error was actually truth and love expressed in a form totally beyond my understanding. As I own less and less of myself, I am more free to experience truth I could never before imagine. I am now also His in a way that is totally appropriate for me.

Each of us follows a different path ultimately leading to destinations with Him. This is especially so in the Kali yuga as everything fails and changes. To accomplish our task, the road we all take will be different according to our past karma and the individual proclivities we all have. It would not be appropriate, for example, that a supreme friend and servant, such as Hanumanji, should become His wife. No, His proper place is service in the bhava of a loving servant. Likewise, how we learn to come to Him, whether through Gaudiya service, the wandering way of Mirabai, or some other undreamt of path, will differ. It is up to you to follow the light within you and choose what is right for you, which is likely to be where you are now. Your light is not necessarily applicable to someone else and their light is not necessarily right for you. Take what you like and leave the rest. This is as it should be, all in loving service of Krishna.



 * [graphic] OM *



Website Conventions

 * [graphic] He is Love beyond understanding... * I am increasingly bothered by the use of "I, I, I" or, as the dharma traditions aptly put it, "I Me Mine". The current emphasis on writing in the first person and avoiding the passive voice at all costs does nothing but promote individual ego in a society already obsessed with "I Me Mine." It is a necessary evil in relating my story here and on the following pages. Please be aware of this tendency if English is your preferred language. This is important to realise since even the very structure of language fashions the shape and content of our thoughts and, thus, the content of our hearts.

The pages that follow on this website share those links, readings, practices, and observations that I have found helpful or useful in my spiritual path. Since each person has their own needs, take what you like and leave the rest. You can always use the Table of Contents below to navigate to the desired section or follow the link at the bottom of each webpage to go through the pages of this website as they were originally sequenced. Links to outside websites are designed to open in new browser windows. The remaining pages on this website are moderately graphic-heavy for the convenience of dial-up internet access. These graphics have been lovingly selected and, in some cases, altered for their bhava-enhancing effect. You are encouraged to allow them to load if at all practical.

Congestion at this website is sometimes heavy. Please be aware of this when accessing this site and please return later if you cannot view all that you desire of this website. These pages have been constantly updated since they first appeared. You are encouraged to revisit to see the latest versions. All of it is dedicated to the most beautiful of all possible Lovers, Krishna Bhagavan. Haribol! Jai Sri Krishna!

You can now download a zipped copy of this website! Graphic files are not included, but all of the webpage texts and hyperlinks are included. For older Operating Systems, you will need a program such as Winzip to uncompress these files. The zipped file will be regularly updated as the website is revised.

This website used to be hosted on the now defunct Geocities webserver, which closed on 13 July 2009. The website is now hosted by Webring which, to my knowledge, has no bandwidth limitations. Please demonstrate your appreciation for this free service by visiting Webring. This particular webpage, "My Story", used to be the Geocities version's Index page. The current Index page is a higher level page that does not allow many edits, forcing changes in the former website's hierarchy.

The dates of the webpages are really only approximations, usually accurate to within a month of the actual revision. I use the dates more as version numbers, so dates are not always accurate reflections of exactly when revisions were made. The webpages on this website were designed for my preferred browser, Mozilla Firebird (an older version of Firefox) at a screen resolution of 1024 by 768 pixels. I am finding that my version of Microsoft Internet Explorer often handles my internal links in a very peculiar fashion since I do not use Microsoft's version of HTML. If you will look at the lower left window border of most browsers when your pointer hovers over a link (but before clicking the link), you will see the intended destination of the link. If necessary, you may have to type the URL into the address field of your web browser. Please be patient in accessing these webpages if you are having difficulties.

If you are on the spiritual quest, longing to know God, never give up--you will eventually find your Beloved! This is why Prabhupada referred to "Krishna Consciousness" as a science... it is a state of being that can be reproduced by anyone determined enough to do whatever is necessary to reach the goal. You may continue on through the narrative sequence of the website, with the Terms Used, or you can read more of the intense details of my experiences on my Madhurya Bhava and Spiritual Practice pages.

The intended sequence for these webpages appears in the below Table of Contents. The Radha Speaks Out and the Poems of Kaanta Bhava pages should be considered appendices to the website proper.



 * [graphic] OM *



A TABLE OF CONTENTS

THE INDEX PAGE

THE 'MY STORY' PAGE
Website Introduction
"My Story"
How to Surrender to God
Website Conventions

THE TERMS PAGE
Terms Used
Caution

THE LINKS PAGE
Links About Sri Krishna
Links to Krishna Scriptures
Links to the Ecstatic Poets
Links to Krishna Art
Links to Krishna Music
Links About Bhakti Yoga and Spiritual Longing
Links About Madhurya Bhava and the Kundalini Experience
Links to Krishna Organisations
Links to Other Spiritual Resources
Links to Vegetarian Resources
Other Quick Links

THE READINGS PAGE
Recommended Reading
Printed Scriptures
Other Spiritual Books

THE PRACTICE PAGE
Spiritual Practice
Focus: How to Alter Your Consciousness
Some Nuts and Bolts
Additional Information
How to Take Krishna as Your Lover
Physical Manifestations
Focus: How to Turn Sickness into Ecstasy
Lifestyle Choices and the Western Devotee
The Road Ahead
Focus: Who Is the Guru?
On the Spiritual Wounding
Devotees and Abuse
On Siddhis
On Surrendering Ego
Meditation: Transforming Into Union
My First Anniversary
My Second Anniversary
My Third Anniversary
My Fourth Anniversary
Postscript
On Madhurya Bhava
Footnotes

MY BHAVA PAGE
My Madhurya Rasa Experience
Quotes on:
I. The Divine Lover

II. Divine Eroticism and Maturation
III. Whispers from the Bosom of the Beloved
IV. Divine Reality
Krishna's Advice
In Dedication
Credits

RADHA SPEAKS OUT
The Position of Women
Abuse Links
Aggressive War
The Prayer of St. Francis of Assisi
On Sacred Sexuality
On Pursuing Krsna: For Proper Devotion or for the Ultimate "Lay"?
Fundamentalism and Sri Prabhupada
The Mystic and the Greater Religious Community
How Many Krishnas Are There?
The Nature of Love
An Exegesis on the Soul
A Letter to Ego

POEMS OF KAANTA BHAVA
Introduction
The Poems
Explanatory Notes
Radha Instructs Krishna's New Bride in the Arts of Love
Other Kaanta Bhava Links

DOWNLOADS PAGE
Introduction
The Rasa Pancadhyaya
Other Downloads



 * [graphic] Radha resting in Krishna *
Adore me only
With heart undistracted;
Turn all your thought
Toward solitude, spurning
The noise of the crowd,
Its fruitless commotion....

-- Bhagavad Gita 13.10



 * [graphic] Locations of visitors to this page *



You Can't Get Away

You come and go,
look here and pass there.
You capture the hearts of beauties
and carry them away.

Don't try to run away, O heart.
You can't escape from him.

He doesn't open his door
until you become dust at his doorstep.
You can't pick up a rose
until the thorn has pricked you.

You can't get the ruby
if you don't dig in the mountain.
Unless you dive into the sea,
you can't find pearls or coral.

Your troubles will stay with you
until you become God's drunkard.
You can't capture Joseph of Canaan
unless you dress up like a wolf.

Too much comfort and good fortune
make the body soft and clumsy.
Without going through the troubles of religion,
you cannot reach the glory of truth.

Don't come confused to the earth's bazaar,
and don't leave confused either.
In this business,
you can't get this until you've given that.

What can I do?
Your face became the face of a beggar.
Nothing pleases you.
If you don't act like a heretic,
you can't reach the truth in [religion].

-- Rumi



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The earth looked at Him and began to dance.
Mira knows why, for her soul too
is in love.

If you cannot picture God
in a way that always
strengthens
you,

you need to read
more of my
poems.

-- Mirabai




Download a ZIPPED COPY of this website!
Graphic files are not included, but all of the webpage texts
and hyperlinks are included.
For older Operating Systems, you will need a program
such as Winzip to uncompress these files.



Everyone Is Welcome to This School

Since the seminary of love
was endowed by eternity,
the difference between lover and Beloved
has become the most difficult subject.

There are other ways besides causality
and deductive reasoning to solve the problem.
But they're inaccessible to jurists, doctors,
and someone who fancies himself a cosmologist.

They all had strong opinions
and kept talking about their differences,
but it led only to a dead end.
Then, they turned toward the mosque,
but here everything became even more confused.

Thoughts are limited,
but the one who
gathers them is endless.
Let what is limited disappear into the unlimited.

The fly of the soul has fallen into
this buttermilk forever.
Muslim, Christian, Jew, and Zoroastrian:
All are welcome here.

-- Rumi



 * [graphic] Reality beyond the Maya *



Continue to the Terms Used Section