3-7-98: Our Fourth Adventure
GM: Mark Davis
Players: Mittens (Jeff Cornish), Jason (Tom Hayes), and Kla'Rees (Keith Alan Johnson)
We had been waiting for weeks for Sky to run his adventure but things just didn't work out. This night Sky was unavailable (he was on a trip up to Canada), but we had four people together so Mark ran a quick game based on one of the suggested ideas in the TFOS gamebook (Episode 18: Godmother For A Day). And, actually, it worked unbelievably well!
We had two new characters for this game, Jason (wears a hockey mask, carries a chainsaw) and Kla'Rees (a furball alien that is very stretchy and somewhat catlike). Joining them were Mittens (Mihoshi Institute of Technology's 10-S model combat battleroid) and those TFOS standby characters, Tommy Tanaka and Suzie Saturn (we changed the name from Suzie Vega because, well, everyone knows who Susan Vega is, and it annoyed us).
It was lunch, and everyone piled into Tommy's oil-leaking Delta 88 for the trip from school to the nearest ramen shop. Even before leaving the parking lot, Kla'Rees began munching on Tommy's poor car. Along the way Tommy dodged litte old ladies, until one of them insisted on remaining in front of his vehicle, forcing him to come to a stop. Everyone piled out, and when the old woman said that she just wanted to end it all, Jason fired up the chainsaw and attempted to hack her head off.
Pandemonium! Tommy tries to grab Jason. Kla'Rees breathes fire at Jason, but hits Suzie instead. Suzy loses it and tosses Tommy's car at Jason. Jason sidesteps the vehicle, neatly slicing off the back trunk in the process, and the rest of the car lands on the poor old lady, leaving only her army boots sticking out from under it.
Kla'Rees eats the rear end of the car which Jason had sliced off. Mittens lifts Jason off of the ground. Kla'Rees lifts up the rest of the car, just in time for Jason to accidentally hit the poor old lady again with the chainsaw while swinging at Mittens. Mittens drop-kicks Jason all the way to the ramen stand, where he manages to slice up the large sign on his way down and land neatly on one of the barstools, achieving a score of 8.57 from the people on the street.
Meanwhile, the old woman recovers and, dragging Kla'Rees close to her, says, "I can't go on anymore! I need a vacation! But I still have two things to do! Swear you'll do them for me! Swear it!" Kla'Rees swears, and the next thing you know the woman is handing over her wand and a card and piling her luggage into a waiting taxi. "First you need to make sure Bubba passes the big test," she says. "Then you also need to get Miss Meray's boyfriend to come back to her. The wand will only make you invisible, I'll only be gone a week, here's my number but don't call me because I'll be on the beach!" And then she was gone.
Her card says "Pixy Misa, Fairy Godmother" (okay, I borrowed the name! I was working off the top of my head!)
Meanwhile, Jason has eaten about 20 bowls of ramen at Chow Fat's Shaolin Temple and Ramen Shop. He leaved the tab for his friends to pay. With Suzie driving (Drive Anything Like A Maniac +5) they get there and back to school in time, but it costs Tommy all of his money and involves Mittens going to the alleyway, monstering out into a 50-foot battleroid, and withdrawing her purse from a hidden compartment...
Back in school Miss Meray reminds everyone that the big Hyperdimensional Calculus Final is tomorrow, and anyone who fails to pass it won't be allowed to play in the championship football game later that night. Miss Meray is extremely beautiful and wears extremely short skirts, so all of the football players sign up for her classes even if they have no hope of passing. But Coach isn't concerned about anyone but Bubba, the quarterback. "We can put a bunch of 95-year-old grandmas out there," he says, "but if Bubba's in there we're gonna win! Bubba's gotta pass the test at all costs!"
Things don't look good. Bubba gets confused when asked what 2 plus two equals, and is in great dispair because he knows he's going to fail. Meanwhile, Miss Meray is very depressed. Mittens talks to her and learns that her boyfriend, Buddy, has run our on her. "He usually hangs out at the Lusty Babes Bar and Used Car Lot," she says, handing Mittens a picture of a greasy, balding man with a gold tooth, a green plaid polyester sportscoat and red plaid pants, and an orange striped tie. "But he's only there to hang out with his friends, honest! Oh, what will I do without him?"
The players decide to have Jason stand in for Bubba at football practice so he has more time to study. "Just pass it to Jimmy," Bubba says. "That play always works." Jason cuts a hole in the wall and walks off to practice, where his jersey number is enough to fool Coach. "Bubba, where've you been? Get out there now! And what's with the chainsaw?" Jason calls the play in huddle, "brap rowl raper grrr," guns the chainsaw a few times, and everyone nods their heads. He wields the chainsaw against a massive defensive end who comes at him, and suddenly the other defensive players are rather timid about tackling him. He runs the length of the field untouched, stops short of the goal line, and passes it to Jimmy.
The coach runs onto the field screaming. "No, no, no! Don't pass it to Jimmy when you're so close to the goal line! Just run in and score! By the way, I love the chainsaw! Great idea! Do it again!"
Jason scores a few touchdowns untouched, and Coach ends practice very pleased. "We're gonna murder 'em tomorrow!" he yells. "We're gonna dismember 'em!" In his excitement Jason brings down the goalpost and carves it into small bits.
Meanwhile the other players have determined that Bubba would lose a contest of wits to a rock, and their only hope is to alter the test so that all of the correct answers are "throw the ball to Jimmy". After some experimenting Kla'Rees scares herself by making Bubba invisible with the wand. Some experimenting and a timely call from the godmother (on a tropical beach enjoying herself) and Kla'Rees gets the hang of the thing. They gather up Jason and head for the Lusty Babes Bar and Used Car Lot.
Kla'Rees turns everyone invisible, including the car. Moments later a confused motorist plows into it, further upsetting Tommy (his car is slowly being destroyed). They sneak past the bouncer and find Buddy half-drunk with a woman on each arm. After removing the women forcibly and accidentally slicing the table in half, Jason knocks Buddy out and hauls him outside while Suzie, Mittens and Kla'Rees discuss how to get him to come back to Miss Meray. Tommy wanders over to watch the nudie show. It takes a while for the others to find Tommy (he's invisible of course) and determine that Jason and Buddy have vanished. Heading back outside, they see an apparently unconscious and levitating Buddy disappear over the hill. They can't find the invisible car, and are forced to order a taxi, for which Mittens has to pay ("I could have called in an MIT helicopter for nothing," she complains). Kla'Rees almost forgets to make them visible again for the taxi driver.
Somehow Jason has hotwired Tommy's invisible Delta 88 using nothing but his invisible fingers and his trusty (but invisible) chainsaw. Other motorists keep colliding with the invisible car, but Jason just applies his chainsaw to the side of their cars in retaliation. Arriving at school, he pauses long enough to carve a new opening in the side of the building and parks the car in the middle of the hallway. He then drags Buddy downstairs and leaves him tied up in the steampipe tunnels beneath the school.
Ahmed the cheerful taxi driver speeds down sidewalks while talking non-stop to the other players. He cuts through alleyways and across lawns and arrives at the school in no time. He speeds down the hallway, asking which room number they need, and plows straight into Tommy's invisible car. Kla'Rees promptly makes it visible again, revealing a wreck beyond all hope of salvage. Tommy is devestated.
Jason goes straight for Miss Meray's office, where she is grading papers and crying. He knocks her out and carves a new exit in the wall, dragging her off to the steampipe tunnels also. The other players arrive moments later, and while Tommy and Kla'Rees take the opportunity to switch the real test with their fake one, Suzie examines the trail of sawdust, drag marks, and holes carved in walls. Mittens wails, "Now we'll never find out where he's gone! He's still invisible!"
Jason menaces Miss Meray and Buddy with a pair of pinching shears (they seem to float in the air, slowly opening and closing). Then he ties them to a conveyor that leads to the incinerator and turns it on. They hug each other for dear life. "Oh baby," Buddy says, "you know if I have to die then I want it to be with you and no other woman!" "Oh Buddy, I fogive you!" Miss Meray replies. "I love you so! Now hurry up and save us!"
The other players get directions from maintinence man Jackie Chueng and make it to the steampipe tunnels. When they hear someone coming, Kla'Rees makes them invisible. Seven dwarves file past, pick axes over their shoulders, whistling a familiar tune. Kla'Rees lets her curiosity overcome her and follows them. Then along comes Jason. For a while there is confusion -- everyone is invisible and nobody knows where Kla'Rees disappeared to, and Jason can't communicate much unless you can see him gesturing. Jackie Chueng shows up again and Kla'Rees returns, and they follow Jason's trail of destruction back to the incinerator room, where Miss Meray and Buddy, who are making passionate love on the conveyor belt, are about to be incinerated.
Mittens monsters out and places her hand between the end of the conveyer belt and the incinerator door. Her head goes through the ceiling, destroying the basketball court in the gymnasium. At the same time, Jason turns the conveyer belt off.
"Oh my love," Miss Meray says to Buddy, "you'll never leave me again, because I'll keep you tied up in my basement forever! I love you so!" Jason becomes very teary-eyed at this healthy display of affection.
The next day Bubba surprises everyone by getting the highest score on the Hyperdimensional Calculus test. Not all of the questions had been altered, but it seems after answer the easy ones involving passing the ball to Jimmy, he became so confident that he somehow managed to get everything else right too! Meanwhile, some of the smartest students did poorly, mystified by the new questions. Even Kla'Rees and Tommy completely blanked on the answers to their own questions, and also failed. Mittens remembered the made-up questions and did really well. Miss Meray was in a very good mood.
That evening Jason led the football team to the championship while wielding his chainsaw. Bubba sat on the sidelines and never got in for a single play.
At the end of the week Pixy the Fairy Godmother returned, sporting a fantastic tan and looking much healthier. It turned out that part of the deal (which she'd been in too much of a hurry to explain) included one free wish for everyone. Tommy wished that his car was back in one piece, and it was restored to it's original before-the-week-began condition (a beast that leaked oil in other words). Suzie wished for a whole new wardrobe, which later turned out to be a seventies wadrobe (the Fairy Godmother is a bit out of step with the times). Mittens asked for a really neat rubber mouse, and got a mechanical one that would run around on the ground. Kla'Rees was about to wish that she'd passed the Hyperdimensional Calculus test, but seeing Mittens's mouse, accidentally said, "gee, I wish I had one of those!"
Jason's wish was the most substantial. He wished the school had some friends that were like him. As a consequence, in the next week the school will see four new students arrive: Pumpkinhead, Eddie Krueger, Leatherface, and Lizzie Borden.
© 1998 Akane89@yahoo.com
Akane images and character copyright © 1998 Rumiko Takahashi. Other characters also copyrighted, naturally.
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