The following was written by me, AlecSandra Bihlmaier, in 1999. All rights reserved.
So, you DON'T have a honey for the holidays! You DO have your kids!! I know that sometimes it seems that we aren't "complete" without a partner, but that's just self destructive behavior. Be thankful for what God has given you...your kids...your freedom...opportunity...your health...friends who care about you...the sunshine every day...the moon at night...the thunderstorms and lightening that help us to realize God's awesome power...life. I'm sure you can finish this list off with your own thoughts. When we begin to be happy with who WE are as individuals, we begin to see others as compliments to us and not the end all of all things. Take pride in the fact that you are a capable, loving, confident, supportive parent. Others will see that and then you will some day find that one person who will compliment you, that one who you want to be with for the rest of your life, someone to share all of those days with, good and bad, holidays and just Saturday afternoons. It saddens me to see people say they aren't complete without another. One must be complete in solitude in order for anyone else to walk beside them as a whole person, too. Society wants us to think we need another person to make us "whole", a "family", but aren't we families, as single parents? Aren't we whole? YES!!!! Let's live as though we are whole!
Touch me....... Touch me
and I will touch another
with a hand that's partly yours...
And if all others feel my touch
and reach to touch another...
It was Your hand in touching Me
that reached and touched Eternity.
Things Happen For a Reason Sometimes people come into your life and you know right away that they were meant to be there, to serve some sort of purpose, teach you a lesson, or to help you figure out who you are or who you want to become. You never know who these people may be (possibly your roommate, neighbor, professor, long lost friend, lover, or even a complete stranger), but when you lock eyes with them, you know at that very moment they will affect your life in some profound way. And sometimes things happen to you that may seem horrible, painful, and unfair at first, but in reflection you find that without overcoming those obstacles you would have never realized your potential, strength, willpower, or heart.
Everything happens for a reason. Nothing happens by chance or by means of good luck. Illness, injury, love, lost moments or true greatness, and sheer stupidity all occur to test the limits of your soul. Without these small tests, whatever they may be, life would be like a smoothly paved, straight, flat road to nowhere. It would be safe and comfortable, but dull and utterly pointless.
The people you meet who affect your life, and the success and downfalls you experience, help to create who you are and who you become. Even the bad experiences can be learned from. In fact, they are probably the most poignant and important ones.
If someone hurts you, betrays you, or breaks your heart, forgive them for they have helped you learn about trust and the importance of being cautious to when you open your heart. If someone loves you, love them back unconditionally, not only because they love you, but because in a way, they are teaching you to love and how to open your heart and eyes to things. Make every day count.
Appreciate every moment and take from those moments everything that you possibly can for you may never be able to experience it again. Talk to people that you have never talked to before, and actually listen. Let yourself fall in love, break free, and set your sights high. Hold your head up because you have every right to. Tell yourself you are a great individual and believe in yourself, for if you don't believe in yourself, it will be hard for others to believe in you. You can make of your life anything you wish. Create your own life and then go out and live it with absolutely no regrets. Most importantly, if you love someone tell them, for you never know what tomorrow may have in store. And learn a lesson in life each day that you live.
Here's a few of my recommended solo parenting books.
1 - Solo Parenting by Diane Chambers
2 - The Complete Single Mother by Andrea Engber
3 - Single Mothers by Choice by Jane Mattes
4 - Dating Violence, Young Women in Danger
5 - Love is a Choice, Recovery for Co-dependent Relationships
6 - Will the REAL Women Please Stand Up by Ella Patterson This is especially funny, but serious advice on sex and stuff.
More book recommendations