Pregnancy Diary
MARCH 2001 - STARTING TO SHOW

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March 8 (13 weeks - 3 days)
Well, it seems I was just a tad premature in my hopes for a nausea free existence.  Both the morning sickness and the headaches are still around, but not as frequently.  They are just as severe when they happen, but happily that is getting less frequent.  At close to 14 weeks that is pretty normal and I am just as glad of the occasional reminder that the pregnancy hormones are still strong and steady, now if I could only keep my meals down things would be great!

We see our midwife tomorrow - I can't wait.  I am going to jump past all the normal appointment stuff and have her check for the heartbeat right away.  Once I hear that I know I will feel so much better.  We also discuss childbirth classes tomorrow - and decide which way we would like to go with that. 

It seems I might be showing just a little tiny bit - but Sam and I can't decide if it is wishful thinking or the real thing.  I have finally gained back three of the pounds I lost at the beginning, and my appetite seems a little stronger - I even let him cook meat in the house the other night - so progress is being made.

March 10 (13 weeks - 5 days)
Well, in a word, my appointment was fantastic - all those worries for nothing.  Both of Pam's students were there last night - so we got to meet the other two ladies who would be a part of our birth experience.  One of the students has seven children, the other has six and is due in May with her seventh.  Add this to Pam's four children and Sam and I will be supported through labor and birth by women who have collectively given birth to 18 children.  I think it is safe to say that our baby will come in to the world surrounded by the wisdom of first hand experience.  Now that's a nice feeling.

Both students are doulas and childbirth educators so later on in the pregnancy we can sign up for a childbirth preparation course with one of them.  How many women get to have the instructor at their birth - bonus!  

As I sat there laughing and talking with these women it struck me just how lucky I was.  I am planning to give birth in my own home, with my wonderful husband by my side, supported, guided and comforted throughout the entire experience by these three beautiful, strong, wise and wonderful women.  All of a sudden I felt so incredibly blessed - it was such an intense realization - I wouldn't want to do this any other way.

Most importantly - we found the baby's heartbeat.  Pam held the speaker near my ear and I just closed my eyes.  I could have listened forever - I just wanted to memorize that sound so that I could hear it again whenever I get worried or anxious about things.  The heart rate was 152 beats per minute both times they counted.  I guess the old wives tale says that means that Baby LeBlanc is a boy, but only time will tell!

March 11 (13 weeks - 6 days)
Alright - the rest of the world would never be able to tell - but I think I am starting to show just a little.  I had only gained a pound between 9 and 13 weeks, but the shape of my abdomen seems to be changing.  Today when I got dressed my jeans felt just a little snug, that is until I sat down.  At that point I realized that my nice slim fit Levi's would be retired for the duration of the pregnancy, I was so uncomfortable!

Sam and I went to the maternity store, where I had great fun trying on clothes.  They have a special pillow that attaches around your waist to add six months to your frame, so I got to see a rather lumpy approximation of what I should look like when I am approaching the end of my pregnancy.  Hard to believe my body is going to change that much.  We took pictures, can't wait to see how they turn out. And a milestone has been reached because I did purchase my first pair of maternity pants, it feels ridiculous that I am so excited about this, but I am.

March 14 (14 weeks - 2 days)
Today was the ultrasound!  We went in feeling very positive but slightly nervous since the purpose of this scan was to check the position of the placenta to see if we would have future problems.  Great news though - everything looks fine!

The differences in the baby in four short weeks were nothing short of astonishing.  Now he (I am using the male pronoun randomly)  is a completely formed human being.  I was, and continue to be, completely awe-struck that something so very small and not at all visible to the outside world is living inside me, and that my body is perfectly designed to support this tiny life and help it grow and thrive.  

During the ultrasound we could see the skeletal system.  Tiny little spine and ribs were perfectly visible, as were the bones in the arms and legs.  Occasionally the baby would stretch out his little hands and we were able to count; five perfect little fingers on each one.  In profile you could see the outline of the face very clearly.  His hands were almost always up by his face, the ultrasound technician says babies spend a great deal of time touching and exploring their face with their hands.  At times it even looked like he was sucking his thumb!  At one point he swallowed some amniotic fluid and we could completely see the swallowing mechanism working - amazing.

The little heart was beating away so efficiently, the technician showed us a blow-up of the heart working and isolated the beats.  They were regular and even at 150 beats per minute.  At some points the umbilical cord was visible in the background and we could see this pulsing as well.  What an experience, to view the physical connection between myself and my child; to know that as we watched I was supplying him with necessary blood and nutrients from my body and removing harmful wastes from his.  Yet again my wonder at the incredible design of the human body has increased exponentially.

And boy, was this child moving.  Arms constantly bending and straightening, exploring the area around his face.  Sometimes he seemed to be waving, another times we swore it looks like he was fixing his hair (maybe this is a girl after all).  He had a lot less room than last time, and was curled up pretty good - but I guess that must get hard on the legs.  Every so often he would gear up, push out on the uterine wall with his feet and have himself a good long stretch. I can almost hear him sighing " Ahhh, that felt good".  Poor thing, wait till he gets hear the end and there is really no room left!  Can't wait till I can feel those little moves, might get a little uncomfortable when he reaches 5 or 6 pounds!

As things looked really good today we will not have another ultrasound unless we experience further problems, so this was our last view of our child until after the birth.  Sam is happy because it was still to early to determine sex, so I won't have a chance to change his mind about finding out in advance.  No more ultrasounds means no more opportunities - so I guess it will be a complete surprise.

We have the entire ultrasound on video.  I put it in the VCR and watched it as soon as I returned home (and I think it is safe to say we will view it a few more times before we meet our little one).  It is so hard to explain my feeling at seeing the child I am carrying inside me, yet cannot feel.  I am so overwhelmed with the desire to meet this little person who will share my body for the next six months.  Will it be a boy or a girl?  Will he or she have a chocolate addiction like I do? There are so many questions that sometimes six months feels like an eternity.

March 15th (14 weeks - 3 days)
When did it happen?   How did I not notice it right away?  I presume this momentous realization occurs in all pregnancies at some point – but what a surprise when it happened to me!  At some point over the past few weeks my body, previously completely my own, has been taken over by some strange and powerful force.  Yes, I know logically it is my baby, but how could something so small and powerless create such havoc inside me?

Above and below my torso things continue pretty much as normal (with the exception of my chest, but that is another story, for another place).  However, my abdomen is now the source of an unending number of strange, unusual and mostly unidentifiable pains, twinges, tightenings, aches, pulls, vibrations, rumblings, grumplings and a myriad host of other sensations.

Of course, the ever helpful Pregnancy Books will explain these away as simply the stretching of uterine ligaments, the shifting of internal organs, indigestion, heartburn, or any number of other simple, innocuous explanations designed to make the pregnant lady feel safe and calm.  I would like to write the authors of these books and explain that as nice as those explanations may sound – to the pregnant lady experiencing them for the first time there is little that could make any of this feel normal.  Exciting yes, normal......definitely not!

March 20th (15 weeks - 1 day)
I came to a most surprising and welcome realization the other day.  Almost since the beginning of this pregnancy, my days have begun and ended with an all-angles examination of my changing body in the mirror trying to see if I look more pregnant than the day before and becoming accustomed to the changing contours of what was before such a familiar site.   The other day as I was going about my little ritual I looked at myself and realized that for the first time in my memory that I have looked in a mirror without a silent running commentary cataloging the many perceived faults of my body. 

Since I reached an age of real body consciousness  - maybe at 9 or 10 years old – I have been critical of my body.  When I was young I was too skinny, my legs were like toothpicks, my knees too knobby – why couldn’t I look like the other girls.  As I grew my waist was not thin enough, my hips too wide, my thighs not as skinny as they used to be, my breasts just not perky enough – why couldn’t I look like the women in the magazines.  In today’s society I have come to believe (as sad as it makes me) that this is normal and accepted way of life for most women.  We as a gender are hypercritical of our shapes, constantly comparing ourselves to some supposed feminine ideal and berating ourselves for not measuring up.