Pregnancy
Diary
JANUARY 2001- FINDING
OUT
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Jan 3rd (4 weeks-2 days)
Somehow I managed to make myself wait till we had returned home to take a pregnancy
test. I wanted to so badly, but was so afraid it would be negative I figured it was
best to wait until we were alone. We arrived at our house in Phoenix around 1am and
I immediately raced upstairs to do a pregnancy test. Almost afraid to look I did and
saw two lines, the second line was faint but definitely there. I got really excited
and called Sam upstairs. We hugged and then started wondering, the line was so
faint, could this really be a positive? We, of course, had thrown away the
instructions when we bought the tests before Christmas. So, after more than twelve
hours of traveling we headed out in search of an all night pharmacy to buy another
pregnancy test, 45 minutes later we found an open Walgreens and spent another half hour
trying to choose between the many brands, finally choosing one with two tests.
We hurried home and did the test - again two lines but this time we had clear written instructions that two lines are positive no matter how faint - we went to bed happy, excited, thrilled and dazed. These are emotion all new parents probably feel when they first discover they are bringing a baby into the world, but the feelings are no less earth shattering for that knowledge. The very idea that two regular people like Sam and myself had the power to create a new life was so incredible. We were in love with our child from the first realization of its existence.
This is a poem written for me by Melissa, one of the ladies on the preconception email list. As each woman on the list discovered she was pregnant Melissa composed a poem with each line beginning with the letters of the woman's name.
For Jeanette
by Melissa
Jeepers creepers, I can't
believe my
Eyes. has the trying really ended
And the waiting just begun?
Now, I know I saw two lines
Except I find it hard to believe
The possibility
That I am an
Expectant MOTHER
Jan 10th (5 weeks - 2 days)
Since we had decided to start a family we had been discussing the option of having a
home birth with a midwife. I had done a great deal of reading on the subject and had
found many studies that showed homebirth to be very safe, even safer than hospital birth
for a woman with a healthy, normal pregnancy. I had contacted several midwives with
the intention of interviewing them all, but after our first appointment we didn't feel the
need to look any further. We still were not totally sure that we would ultimately
plan a home birth - but if we did we knew Pam Qualls would be our midwife. (Click Here
to visit Pam's Website)
Our initial consultation, like all the visits throughout the pregnancy, took place at Pam's home. Her office has a comfy couch and even the exam table is covered in flowered sheets, couldn't seem less clinical or like a doctors office. Pam spent an hour with us that first night, and never made us feel rushed. She talked with us about everything from diagnostic tests to nutrition. Her philosophy is that this is our birth and that we are in charge, not her. She also believes that birth is a natural process and that a woman's body is very capable of giving birth successfully without numerous interventions. Obstetricians say that they deliver babies, Pam told us she believes that is incorrect; Mothers deliver babies, midwifes simply catch the baby following delivery. We discussed many of our concerns and felt almost immediately confident that this was a good choice for us. Her beliefs echoed many of the things Sam and I had already discussed, she was warm, welcoming and very positive about the pregnancy.
January 12th (5 weeks - 4 days)
Of course, two pregnancy tests were not enough for me - I was just addicted to
seeing those two lines pop up - darker and darker day by day. I wasn't satisfied until I
found a test that showed positive with a plus sign - with the two little lines I kept
thinking the test could be wrong - but a great big + , no way to mistake that!
The nurse at my first OB appointment laughed at me and shook her head, but I have a funny
feeling she had heard it all before. She stopped by later during our conversation
with the doctor and popped her head into the room to say " Yes, her 7th pregnancy
test was positive!".
Our visit with the OB confirmed that a midwife assisted home birth was the right choice for us. The experience was as different from our consultation with Pam as night and day. The doctor came into the examining room and proceeded through the physical exam without so much as an introduction or eye contact. Nothing was explained and when I asked questions his answers were very short, I don't think he was accustomed to being questioned at all.
It was only afterwards when we spoke with him in his office that my decision was totally confirmed. I asked him about positions for delivery and he answered that I could deliver either lying on my back or my side. When I further questioned him about vertical positions, which I had read can aid the progression of labor and delivery, his response was "Those are so....." pausing to crack his neck back and forth as if it hurt, "uncomfortable." Obviously he was referring to his discomfort and what was best for the laboring woman and her baby did not enter the picture.
Next (and this was the clincher) I asked what percentage of his patients end up with episiotomies. Instead of answering my question with a percentage and information about what he does to avoid having to do an episiotomy, he answered in a way that made it clear that he was in charge of the birth. With absolute conviction the doctor said " I don't know.... if a woman needs an episiotomy she gets and episiotomy." End of subject, discussion over. We left knowing we would not return, I could not imagine having the birth experience I desired with this physician.
Jan 15th (6 weeks)
My hopes of being one of those smug pregnant women
who breeze through nine months without any of the awful pregnancy problems were dashed
pretty quickly. I was exhausted ALL the time, could hardly make it through work and
would fall asleep almost as soon as I got home. I think I could have slept 20 hours
per day. The worst part however, was the morning sickness. I have my own
opinion now - that whoever named this experience morning sickness was playing some sick
joke - because this lasted all day long. From the moment I rolled out of bed until
the time I hit the sack all night.......I tried Ginger cookies, saltines, dry toast - at
this point nothing helped. Smells began to get to me - Sam was now forbidden to cook
any meat in the house - the smell of it would make my stomach turn. In fact, our
electric grill and crock pot are now located in the garage - and this is where Sam does
his cooking (and they will remain there for the rest of the pregnancy if I have any say in
the matter!). Add to all this the fact that I was running to the bathroom to pee
every 3 minutes (and my midwife wanted me to drink MORE water!) and you can see how being
pregnant can quickly take over someone's life. Imagine how different things will be
AFTER we have the baby!
January 17th (6 weeks - 2 days)
I dropped into the doctors office where I had been running a research study before
Christmas and my friend Dianna, a medical assistant, convinced me to have an ultrasound
(like I needed a lot of convincing). I was afraid that, despite 7 positive pregnancy
tests, she wouldn't find anything (do all newly pregnant women have these fears?) but she
did. The tiny little shape looked nothing like a baby - but the heartbeat was
visible and it was a thrilling moment - wow, I really am pregnant!
January 31st (8 weeks - 2 days)
I noticed some light spotting on the 25th - I was worried that it continued on and off
over the weekend. Today we headed to the OB's office to make sure everything is
okay. Writing this after the fact it is hard to convey the worry and fear we felt -
but the ultrasound showed a healthy heartbeat and a fetus that was normal in every
way. As our baby came on the screen for the first time, Sam held my squeezed my hand
and I felt tears fill my eyes, this was our child. The ultrasound technician pointed
out the head and the beginnings of arms and legs. We couldn't believe that this
little person was less than an inch long and had already changed us and our lives so
completely.