Pregnancy Diary
AUGUST 2001 - ON THE HOMESTRETCH<

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August 5th (34 Weeks - 6 Days)
We had our first childbirth class today.  It was just the two of us with Robin and Karen teaching, the other couple could not make it.  It was great to just sit comfortably in our living room and not have to go anywhere.  The advantages of planning a home birth just keep on appearing,  the personal attention is so wonderful.

We went over the physical and anatomical aspects of labour and delivery, the nuts and bolts of the whole process.  A lot of the information I knew from reading,  but they had several charts and diagrams that gave us a better understanding of how things worked.  The funniest thing was the blue and red stripped knit uterus that came complete with foam baby and removable cervix, and the plaster of Paris model of the pelvis that they used to demonstrate.  Quite amusing, but it did the trick!

Our next class is one week from today, we will learn some relaxation and coping methods to use during labour and practice them to see what works best for us.  Obviously since we will be at home, pain relieving drugs will not be available to us, which makes becoming comfortable with these relaxation techniques very important.   My husband, ever the comedian, pipes in that he already knows what works best....a football game and a cold beer.  Karen explained that they are not to concerned about what helps him relax - this is all about me!

August 6th (35 Weeks)
Well, the nesting instinct I kept hearing about has kicked in full force - I have been cleaning and organizing like a mad woman.  Poor Sam, it seems almost every night he comes home to a new list or request.  I've already finished all the closets and bathroom cupboards, and on Saturday I made Sam help me take everything out of the garage and clean it top to bottom.  We actually finally took boxes of give-aways to Goodwill (we packed them before we moved into our house LAST September)! I am done everything on my list though - just have to organize and clean all the cupboards in the kitchen and I will be able to relax....for a little while.

August 7th (35 Weeks - 1 Day)
I just visited my homepage and looked at the little countdown to my due date - only 33 days to go, that is less than five weeks!  I can hardly believe that time has gone by so quickly.   I remember finding out I was pregnant and not even being five weeks along yet. Now that is all I have left.  Where did the time go?  I am so glad I kept this diary to remember all the moments, good and bad.   It has been quite a journey.

At our childbirth class Robin left several birth videos with us to watch.  It is hard to believe that in a little over a month I am going to experience this.  I am excited, anxious, and nervous all at once.  I can't wait to meet the baby (and finally learn if it is little Jackson or Isabella that I have been carrying all these months) but it is the fear of the unknown that sometimes makes me wish I could put it off just a little while longer.  Watching the videos I am amazed that my body is capable of such a feat - the female body really is an incredible design.

August 8th (35 Weeks - 2 Days)
I have been thinking today what a privilege it is to experience pregnancy.  I think about all the women who want so badly to have children and are unable to carry a child.  I think about all the women for whom, because of personal circumstance, pregnancy is not a time of joy and celebration.  I think of all the women who are pregnant and cannot afford proper food or health care.  I think of all the women who have to experience this monumental life event alone,  without the love and support of a husband, family or friends.  To not only be able to carry a child, but to look forward to being a parent with so much happiness and anticipation,  be otherwise healthy and cared for, to have such an incredible husband, family and friends.  I am amazingly blessed, as is my child.

It is truly a privilege to be able to bring a child, created from love, into this world.  I often feel badly for Sam, because no matter how involved in this pregnancy he is,  he will never be able to have the sense of sharing his body with his baby.  It is the most intimate connection imaginable, no words exist to explain it.  I am so eager to meet my baby, but at the same time I feel a little sad when I think that one day very soon we will no longer share this physical connection.  I can't imagine how I will feel when that day comes, the bond already feels so strong.  I know that  what I feel now will pale in comparison to the emotions I will experience when I get to see and hold my baby for the first time.   I can't believe that moment is so very close, just a little more than a month away - wow!

August 9th (35 Weeks - 3 Days)
I actually had to make an unexpected visit to see Pam today.  Yesterday I started having menstrual-like cramps across my lower abdomen. They continued over night and through today, nothing painful but different than anything else I had experienced.  Pam had me come in to see if anything was happening - but luckily all is well.  I am just slightly dilated, but Pam said it was just my body beginning to prepare for labour, which is perfectly normal at this stage and was nothing to worry about.  Once I hit 36 weeks - on the 13th of August - we are legally allowed to have the baby at home as it is considered full term.  So, until then Pam has me on restricted activities, no lifting, heavy housework, or exercise.  Just have to keep this baby right where he or she is for a few more days, although I think ideally I would like to wait just a little longer than that!  I really don't feel quite ready yet, there is too much left to do to have a baby yet.  However, I guess I need to realize that this may be one of those things that is just slightly beyond my control!

August 10th (35 Weeks - 4 Days)
One month till my Due Date!

I was sitting around today, thinking about the baby and wondering about this little person that I have been carrying inside me for the past eight months.  What does my child look like?  What sort of personality will he or she have?  Blue eyes like me, or brown eyes like Sam?  Will our child be boisterous and outgoing, or have a peaceful and thoughtful nature?

As I was contemplating these questions, it really struck me for the first time that this baby is already completely formed inside of me, and is just waiting to enter the world when the time comes.  This perfect little person, so precious to me but still so unknown,  has been growing and becoming since last December.  So many of my questions have been answered for months, I just have to be patient and wait for those answers to be revealed when the baby is born.  

Of course, a great deal of who this baby is and will become will be the result of the environment we raise him or her in, the love and opportunities we provide - but the foundations of personality and spirit are already present - just waiting to take on their true form when our baby starts interacting with the world.  Oh my baby, I am so anxious to meet you!

August 11th (35 Weeks - 5 Days)
Since I have been in this introspective mood as of late I have been contemplating our plans for a home birth.  I know I have mentioned before what a positive, empowering decision this has been for us - but I think it bears repeating.  Obviously planning a home birth demands that we take a great deal of personal responsibility, to be educated about the process and to make informed decisions.  However, the payoffs have already been so great, I cannot imagine going through this experience any other way.  We have, of course,  encountered some resistance to our plans along the way.  There are definitely people who believe we are crazy, but for Sam and I this has been one of the wisest choices we feel we have ever made.  While thinking today I started to compare what I know to be true of  home births to what I have seen of hospital births. Perhaps the following will help somewhat to explain how we arrived at our decision.

I cannot predict or control the experience of labour and delivery, these things are in God's hands.  I cannot guess how it will feel, or tell you how I will react to the physical, mental or emotional challenges that lie ahead of me, these things will unfold in their own time.  What I can control is the environment in which I choose to labour and birth, the individuals I choose to accompany me on this great journey, and the beliefs and determination I carry within myself.

I believe that birth is a natural process and in the great majority of cases not a medical event.  However, if circumstances are not ideal, and we need to transport to the hospital I will be brave and will do whatever is necessary for the health of myself and my child.  This will not be a personal failure, it will not be a reflection of my strength, nor will it be the fault of my midwives.  If I need the assistance of medical technology I will be grateful and appreciative to live in a time and place where it is available to me. 

I will remain in my own comfortable home throughout my labour and birth, I will not have to watch a clock and time my contractions in order to make it to the hospital at the appropriate stage of labour. The only clock of significance is the internal clock that will guide my body to deliver the baby when the time is right.  I will not have to endure a car ride while having painful contractions, nor will I have to face paperwork, or fight against hospital policies that are not aligned with my beliefs about what is good and right in birth.

I will labour at my own pace, on my body's own timeline and my baby will be born when he or she is ready to come into the world.  My progress will not be compared in to a 'textbook' labour, decided upon by averaging the experiences of thousands of women.  I will not risk a cascade of medical interventions should my own experience fall outside of these guidelines.   My experience  is individual and unique and will be recognized and respected as such.   

I will be supported and cared for in labour by my husband and by three wonderful women who I have come to know and love over the last nine months.  Through their wisdom and experience these women will strengthen, empower and sustain me throughout the task of birthing my baby.  I will be accompanied through this amazing experience not by strangers in medical garb, but by the man that I love more than life and the wise women who know me so well by now.  I will not have strangers entering and leaving my room unannounced and unwelcomed.   I will not have to deal with shift changes or overcrowded wards.  I will not have to feel intimidated or invaded by strangers who feel they know what is best.  I will have personal attention throughout my labour and my baby will enter the world surrounded by love and peace.

I will be able to eat when I am hungry and drink when I feel thirst.  When my bladder is full I will be able to empty it in the privacy of my own bathroom.  I will not receive strength and nourishment for the labour through an IV line, nor will I be forced to relieve myself through a catheter.  I will continue to meet the needs of my body naturally, as I always have.

I will be free to labour throughout my house, in rooms where I am at my most relaxed.  If I feel the need for movement I can walk freely through my neighbourhood, but if I feel I need rest I can sleep in my own bed, or go lie in the grass in my backyard and watch the stars overhead. I can light candles, listen to my favorite music or simply experience total darkness and quiet.  I will not be confined to a narrow hospital bed, a cramped Labour and Deliver Room or the medicinal smelling hallways of the labour and delivery ward.  

I will listen to signals from my body and my baby throughout the labour.  I will experience the contractions as they come to me.  I will hear my baby's heartbeat at regular intervals through non-invasive use of a Doppler or fetoscope.  I will not be connected to high- tech devices by wires and monitors that keep me tied to one position.  I will move as I desire and as I feel the need.  I will not experience what is occurring in my body as a readout of little green numbers on a monitor screen by my bed, but will remain mindful and aware of the signals my body and baby are sending.

I will deal with the pain of labour by relying on my inner strength, the care and compassion of my husband and the wisdom and knowledge of the women who will be with me during my experience.  I will use deep breathing and relaxation techniques, I will lie in a warm pool of water, I will find positions that work for me.  I will use all of the sensations I feel to create the best experience I possibly can.  I will respond to these sensations in a natural way.  The pain of labour is purposeful and I will not remove it through the use of drugs that will enter my body and the body of my baby, putting us at risk for numerous additional interventions.  I will use all of the sensations I experience to respond as my body and baby need me to, in order to have the best possible birth.

I will trust in the wisdom of my body to fulfill this purpose as it was so miraculously designed to do.  I will trust in the collective wisdom of the millions of women who have given birth before me.  I will share my experience and be as one with the thousands of women all over the world who are giving birth at the same moment.  I will offer up what I learn from my birth to the millions of women who will experience this miracle in the future.  I will not place blind faith only in medical equipment or personnel, but in the belief that my body already knows what it has to do, and needs to be allowed to do it peacefully and without pressure. 

I will give birth to my baby, and when I do he or she will be guided into the world by the hands of his or her father, and placed immediately on my chest.  Without good reason my child will not be removed from me and taken to a bassinet to receive artificial warmth, nor will he or she be poked, prodded or tested in the first few moments of life.  My baby will lie on my body and receive warmth and nutrients from me until the umbilical cord stops pulsing and my baby is ready to be a separate individual.  My baby will not be 'delivered' by a busy Obstetrician who rushes into the room in the final moments, and leaves shortly thereafter, taking credit for what is truly my own accomplishment.

I will not only give birth to a baby, but I will be born as a mother.  This will be recognized and celebrated along with the birth of my baby.   I will receive assistance at first when the tasks of motherhood are not yet second nature.  I will be cared for and helped to feel secure and at peace with my new role in life during the first little while of uncertainty.  

After I have given birth, I will not sleep in a narrow hospital bed, and my husband will not try vainly to find a comfortable position in an arm chair.  Together with our child we will lie and sleep in our own bed, the bed in which we conceived our baby and grew to know and love him or her over the nine months of my pregnancy.  We will not be separated, the three of us will remain together to start our new life as a family, building a bond of love from the very first moment we have together.

August 12th (35 Weeks - 6 Days)
We had our second (and last) childbirth class today.  We finished going over all the physical aspects and moved on to relaxation techniques.  We learned several massage and pressure techniques as well as practiced breathing exercises and possible labour positions.  Robin brought and left her birth ball with me - I really think I am going to like using it during labour.

I received great news today!  My parents and sister are going to be coming to Phoenix for three weeks in September.  They arrive on the 11th and are here till the first of October.  I am so thrilled that they are going to make it and will get to meet the baby so soon.  It will also be wonderful having the help!  It will be especially wonderful to have my mother with me as I make my transition into motherhood - there is nothing like the wisdom that comes from experience.

August 15th (36 Weeks - 6 Days)
Today was pretty stressful for us. Yesterday the baby was hardly moving at all - and this baby is normally very active. I stayed up almost all night trying to get the baby moving more. I ate high sugar food and drank ice water and juice, but got no response.   I was feeling some movements but they were far between and quite weak, usually my whole stomach dances they are so strong. I was terrified that something was wrong.  After coming so far into the pregnancy it was awful to think that something could still happen to our baby.

We had an OB appointment this morning anyway so I told the nurse as soon as I was called in. Dr. Lind gave me a lecture about not calling right away and said he would order a non-stress test. Unfortunately Aetna (our HMO)  would not authorize the test to be done at his office so we had to go to Labor and Delivery at the hospital. On the way there my midwife had me stop and buy a big bottle of juice and a sweet snack to try and get the baby hopping - but nothing happened. We arrived and got gowned up and hooked up to the fetal monitor, contraction monitor and blood pressure cuff.  To our relief the baby's heart rate seemed fine, but there was still a concern as to the reason for the lack of movement.   The nurse gave me two big glasses of ice water - still nothing happened.  She returned a short while later with a glass of apple juice - and still nothing...the heart rate was quite a bit lower than normal (120's as opposed to 150's) so I was getting worried.

The nurse came back in and checked out the readout and said that although the baby was moving they were not seeing the corresponding jump in the heart rate that they wanted to see, and that I needed to stay connected until they did.  It had already been over an hour and it is pretty uncomfortable to lay in one position on your side for that long, especially after all I had to drink.  However, mostly I was just worried about the baby.  Finally after about 2 hours of infrequent movements she brought in a lunch tray and after eating some chicken soup the baby started to move and the heart rate was responding appropriately - so they monitored for another half hour or so and said I was fine to go home, but to continue to pay close attention.  What an incredible relief!  The nurse reassured me that I had done the right thing to come in, and not to hesitate to call if I was worried again.

It was so frightening and scary, after feeling something for so long not to feel it any more, I can't even explain. They said it is possible that the baby just moved into a position where movement was not very possible and that the longer sleep cycles of an almost full term baby could account for the lower heart rates.  I guess Baby LeBlanc is just starting to rest up for the journey ahead.

Anyway, all's well that ends well, and the baby is moving great tonight - kicking like crazy and moving all around. It is almost as if the baby is trying to make up for frightening his momma and daddy so badly. I feel on top of the world, I hadn't realized how much I took the feeling of movement for granted until it was gone. This scare makes me more anxious to have the baby though - to see and hold him or her and know that my child is safe and healthy.  I just have to focus on the fact that it is not long now!

August 19th (36 Weeks - 6 Days)
Today we had pregnancy photos taken.  I mentioned before that Karen (the midwifery intern) also takes photographs.  She came over today and we took the pictures in our living room.  I cannot wait to see them.  

Somehow it just seemed appropriate to capture my shape at this time.  I want to always remember how beautiful I felt being so round and womanly, I have never before experienced this level of satisfaction with my body.  I so enjoy the curves I have gained and I believe that the pregnant body is one of the most beautiful forms in the world.  I have felt so liberated from striving for the western ideal of female beauty for these past months.  To step on the scale and not only to expect but to want the numbers to go up, the freedom from obsessive calorie counting and self-defeating attitudes, the joy that I am now able to take in my body and myself - it has been an incredible and life-altering experience.  I really felt that taking these photographs would be the perfect way to preserve these feelings.

It was a little embarrassing at times, and I had to get over my modesty issues, but it was fun.   I felt very much like a model!  The photographs are all very tastefully done, all necessary parts covered, but by their nature (being about celebration of the pregnant body) these photos do show just a tad more skin than I am used to showing!  We took some that are 'safe' and can be shared with everyone, and some beautiful shots of Sam and I together with him holding or kissing my belly.  Unfortunately the photo session had to be cut short, as another of Pam's clients went into labour - but we hope to finish them up sometime before I give birth.   I am so eager to see how the pictures turn out, hopefully Karen will have them developed soon.

August 22nd (37 Weeks - 2 Days)
Today is my 'little' brother Andrew's 24th birthday - Happy Birthday Drew!

I had my 37 week appointment today.  Unfortunately Sam could not make it,  this is the very first appointment he has missed the entire pregnancy - I bet not too many husbands can say that!  What a lucky lady I am to have a husband so actively involved in her pregnancy from start to finish.  My friend Kari, who is considering a homebirth or birthing center for her next baby, accompanied me to meet Pam and learn a little about how things work.

The appointment was pretty routine, my blood pressure was 110/62, the baby's heart rate was 152, increasing to 164 with stimulation, and my fundal height was measuring 37.2.  I had slight swelling in my lower legs, but nothing to be concerned about.  The baby's head had moved further down in my pelvis, I guess Baby LeBlanc is starting to get ready to move out into the big wide world!  It really can't happen soon enough for me!  Pam made her predictions and thinks that the baby is a girl and will be born either September 4th or September 17th, based on when the full and new moons occur next month.   I am keeping my fingers crossed that her first prediction is correct and that I won't be a week overdue!  September 10th seems far away enough.

Pam also told me that Dr. Lind had his nurse call to say that he was not at all happy I had waited so long to call when the baby's movements decreased.  I guess I should have made the call overnight - but I kept thinking that the movements would start again any moment and I didn't want to overreact.  I feel properly chastised (and I guess I should).   It really is true, I should have called the moment I thought something might be wrong.  I'm not sure why I was so afraid to follow my instincts, and why I can't get over being intimidated by the medical profession.  

Karen arrived shortly before the end of the appointment and I got to see my pregnancy photos.  They turned out really nicely, I couldn't believe it was me in some of them (and I don't think I will be sharing them with many people).  She was not very happy with the lighting and background and would like us to come to her house to retake them at some point over the next few weeks.  Lets hope we manage to schedule something before Baby LeBlanc decides to make an appearance!

August 23rd (37 Weeks - 3 Days)
My Group B Strep test came back negative - that means no threat of IV antibiotics during labour, what a relief.

I am beginning to believe I could be the poster child for odd pregnancy related conditions.  I have now developed a blister on my gums that extends down between my two front teeth and seems to be growing larger by the day.  Believe me, it is just as unattractive as it sounds.  Apparently caused by the overload of pregnancy hormones currently raging through my body, it is called a pregnancy tumor (how lovely) and will be with me until after I deliver the baby (no toothy grins for me till then).  Yet another reason to hope things start to happen soon.  It may go away on its own, or may require surgical removal, and (to my horror) it can grow up to 2cm in diameter.  Oh, the wonders of pregnancy never end.  I can guarantee you'll never read about this in 'What to Expect When You're Expecting'!

August 28th (38 Weeks - 1 Day)
Today is our second wedding anniversary.  It is so hard to believe that Sam and I have been married for two years already, and that soon we will be parents.  Strange to think, but when we got married we planned to wait at least five years before starting a family.  I guess you just can't plan when the baby bug is going to hit.

We've been talking a lot about how this will be our last anniversary before the baby.  Our last few weeks as a family of two.  There is certainly a bit of nervousness there about all the changes to come, but a great deal of excitement too.  I know that despite the changes and challenges ahead that our marriage will continue to grow and strengthen, and that the baby will only add to our happiness.

I've got everything done that I wanted to have done before the baby comes.  I've finally finished staining and varnishing the shelf for the nursery and put it together today.  All the baby's clothing and linens are washed and put away, just waiting to be used.  I am just a ball of nervous energy though - I am starting to invent things to do just to keep busy.  I can't seem to sit still.  We've rented a few movies lately and I can't sit through them, I got books from the library and I can't seem to find the concentration to read them.  Yesterday I took everything out of our bureau drawers and reorganized, I even arranged Sam's socks by colour!  I don't know quite what else to do with myself, but if I am not busy I am so anxiously awaiting some sign of impeding labour that I will drive myself nuts!

August 29th (38 Weeks - 2 Days)
I had another appointment with Pam today, again things were pretty routine.  My weight has stayed pretty stable all month, just going up or down by a pound or so since my 35th week.  Apparently it is quite normal for weight gain to slow down or stop in the final month, and is nothing to worry about as long as the baby keeps growing.    I'm just glad I'm not  one of those women who balloon right at the end of pregnancy.  My weight gain for the entire pregnancy is somewhere around 35 pounds, now the only question will be how long it takes to loose it.   Do I ever long for the day that I can wear clothing with a waistband again (funny, just a few short months ago I was dying to wear maternity clothes).

My blood pressure was 116/58 and the heart rate varied from 132 (the lowest ever) to 148 after stimulation.  My fundal height measured 36, more than an inch less than last week.  The baby's head had moved even further down in my pelvis, which would explain the loss of uterine height.

I can't believe only 2 weeks to go!  So short a time period, but I have a funny feeling it will drag by, my impatience is really starting to set in now.  Everyone always said the last month is the longest, and I have to agree.  It is hard to sleep, your joints ache, and you just feel so big that every movement is an effort.  It is hard not to complain, and I sure appreciate Sam taking such good care of me (does any other pregnant woman get back rubs every night).  What would I ever do without him?  One thing that I am sure of, it will all be worth it in the end when I finally get to hold my baby.  I keep hearing from other women how quickly the discomforts of pregnancy and the pain of childbirth are, if not forgotten, somehow dimmed or altered in your memory shortly after you give birth.  I think it must be nature's way of ensuring the survival of the species, women might not be willing to go through it again if the memory stayed fresh!

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