Pregnancy Diary
APRIL 2001 - ALMOST HALFWAY

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April 2nd (17 weeks)
I started feeling movement sometime in the last few days.   At first I thought I was feeling gas bubbles, but over a few days it became apparent that my little one was dancing inside me.  It is just a little tap, tap, tap…but it is the most extraordinary feeling in the world. 

 I remember how my feeling of connection to the baby increased when I saw the fuzzy black and white image on the ultrasound screen and again when we first heard the heartbeat   That initial comprehension that yes, there is someone in there.  Those moments were magical, but nothing can compare to this first identifiable physical interaction with my child.

I find myself waiting for the sensation all day long, talking to the baby and coaxing to try and get it moving. Every time the baby kicks or reaches out with a tiny arm and I feel the little tap, I place my hand on my stomach in response.  Somehow it feels as if we are having a conversation, and I am utterly content, lying in silent communication with my child. I have always wondered why pregnant women always seem to be touching their bellies, now I know.  You may not get to see and touch your baby’s skin until after you give birth – but you get to feel your baby so much sooner. 

April 3rd (17 weeks - 1 day)

I have started doing prenatal yoga (alright I have only done it twice, but that counts, right?).  With the early complications I had not been permitted any physical activity until now – so I am happy to be doing something.  I received the video in the mail and popped it in the VCR.  I watched a group of VERY pregnant women go through the poses, mostly slow movements and stretching, with some squatting and leg exercises thrown in, all designed to prepare you for labor.   My opinion: this looks easy!

Now, I am ashamed to say have been a bit of a couch potato for some time (bought a gym membership this fall and went once – you know the drill) but I want to do the best for our baby (and the desire to end this pregnancy without an extra 30 pounds is a little bit of extra motivation) so I knew it was time to get busy.    When I did exercise regularly I was one of those people who pushed themselves as far as they could go, if I didn’t sweat or I wasn’t sore the next day then it didn’t count.  This little exercise tape looked so easy I internally questioned if it would even do any good.

So, feeling a little overly confident, I decide to do the routine.  Lets just say that it didn’t take long for me to be considerably humbled!  I exercised very safely, didn’t do too much, but still it was a great deal harder than it looked.  I was definitely sore the next day.  Revised opinion: yoga is not for wimps!

April 5th (17 weeks -   3 days)

I just have to say I love my midwife!

Yesterday shortly before our appointment time, Pam’s student Robin called to reschedule because Pam had an urgent appointment with another client.  We arranged to come later that evening.  As I walked in to Pam’s house I noticed the beautiful pink blooms on her rose bushes and mentioned that they smelled wonderful.  She smiled and told me to go look in her office, on her desk was a beautiful little bouquet of garden flowers she had picked for us as an apology for having to rearrange our appointment time.   It was such a sweet gesture and really indicative of the warm and caring person that she is.

I can’t quite imagine walking into an OB appointment and having the doctor say “So sorry for keeping you waiting for two hours, here is a little gift to let you know how much I appreciate your patience because I realize that your time is just as valuable as mine.” NOT QUITE!

I have officially gained three pounds since my first appointment and finally have a visible belly (maternity stores here I come).    We are doing much better at healthy eating than ever before; amazing how being the soul source of survival for another living being works as a great incentive.      I have been making a real effort to get enough protein, eat lots of fresh fruits and veggies and take my 6 (horse pill) prenatal vitamins each day in order to grow a healthy baby.  That is not to say that I don’t still indulge, I am not being selfish, but I figure the little one deserves a treat now and then too!  I have read that what the mother eats during her pregnancy can influence future food tastes – if so we had better prepare for a chocolate loving, sweet-toothed baby!

We brought our video camera to this appointment and recorded Pam finding and listening to the baby’s heartbeat with the Doppler.   The heartbeat was amazingly strong and distinct, sounding much like a galloping horse (on previous occasions is was a softer whoosh – whoosh sound).  Pam told us that the chambers of the heart are fully formed now, explaining the difference in the sound we heard.  For the third time in a row the rate was 152 beats per minute, our child is nothing if not consistent.    She could also detect the heartbeat with the fetoscope this time (an awkward looking stethoscope contraption designed for the purpose of hearing fetal heart tones).  By applying the fetoscope to different parts of my abdomen and listening for the difference in the sounds she could also determine that the baby was head down at that point.   Based on the locations of the kicks I have been feeling however, this little munchkin does not like to sit still for long (another similarity with mommy)!

Our baby has little left to do for the next five months except grow big and strong.  Isn’t it incredible to think that this complete individual inside me did not even exist just four short months ago?   Of all the abilities of humankind, of all the scientific discoveries, of all the wonders our universe holds, could anything be more incredible or awe-inspiring than this?  I read this past week that pregnancy is our only chance in life to be God’s assistant in the making of a miracle; what a beautiful thought.

April 6th (17 weeks - 4 days)
Sam finally got to feel the baby move last night.  We had begun to question whether our little one had performance anxiety.  Every time I felt kicking I would call Sam over, no sooner was his hand on my belly than all movement would cease and Baby LeBlanc would go into hiding again.  

This time though the baby decided he felt comfortable enough to meet his Papa because he gave 5 or 6 strong kicks right in a row after Sam had his hand in place.  What a great moment, wish I could have recorded my husbands face when he first felt contact with his child.

April 16th (19 weeks)

This pregnancy thing keeps getting better (and more interesting) day-by-day.  

The other night I am lying in bed and I feel the baby kick.  I look down and see an unmistakable shift in my belly.  I kept watching and there was another little bulge, and then another.  I shouted for Sam to come in.  I was laughing out loud-it was such a strange experience.

Talk about an X-Files moment, or something out of the Alien Movies – it looked just like there was a little being from another planet inside trying to force his way out into the world.  Sometimes the bulges are so big I am sure baby LeBlanc is launching himself headfirst at my uterine walls.  My very own shape-shifting stomach, how lucky!

I feel and see the baby all the time now – in the beginning it was mostly at night, but now almost whenever I am lying still he or she starts getting active.  I love it so much, after wondering for so long if everything would be okay now I have a constant reminder that my baby is strong and healthy.  Strangely enough the baby is most active when I am on the computer.  Either the computer gives off something that the baby can sense or perhaps we have a junior computer geek on our hands – getting ready to follow in daddy’s footsteps.

Just to add to the strangeness the other day I was talking to my mom on the phone and, since it was long distance, ignoring the call of my bladder.  Anyone who has been around me recently can attest that I get those calls pretty persistently about every 15 minutes or so.  Anyway – we kept talking and the situation was getting rather uncomfortable.  I started to feel kicks against my full bladder, one after another until I could not take it anymore.  What an uncomfortable feeling – can’t wait to feel that one when the baby is full grown near the end of my term!  Basically I think he was trying to tell me that this full bladder was cramping his style and he needed more room because the kicks against it were coming so frequently that I swear he was gearing himself up for a little tap-dancing demonstration.  As soon as I got of the phone and answered his demands he settled down and went back to sleep – guess he just needed a little space to stretch out and make himself comfortable.

April 12th (18 weeks - 3 days)
Okay – Wardrobe crisis.

 I believe that I, with this ever-increasing waistline of mine, have almost reached the point of no return.  My normal (i.e., pre-pregnancy clothes) are just barely fitting, and even then only the skirts with elastic waists, the loose summer dresses or the pants that were too big last year still make it around.  My cute little T-shirts ride up over my little protruding belly in a most unflattering way.  Added bonus, in most of these outfits instead of looking like a glowing pregnant woman I just look like I’ve gained weight.

On the other hand maternity clothes are, for the most part, way to large.  Maternity pants come complete with a lovely (huge) panel of elastic material in the front that expands to contain the growing belly – way too big for me right now.  This also means you need to wear a shirt that reaches below your hips in order to hide the panel – not the height of fashion either way.   In my one maternity top I look rather like I have chosen to wear a tent – again not Vogue material.

People tell me I will regret this, but I can’t wait to look really pregnant and I can show off my shape to the world.  After all we have gone through to get this far I figure I have earned the right to look absolutely, irrevocably, beached whale, out-to-there pregnant!

April 20th (19 weeks - 4 days)

I have now become the ultimate ‘woman-with-child’ cliché: the irrationally emotional pregnant female.

I always laughed at the sitcom portrayal of this crazy woman demanding pickles and ice cream at 3 am and crying at the drop of a hat…. I just wrote it off as another Hollywood dramatization.  No way was that going to be me, I don’t like pickles and I cry so seldom that one might think I was slightly emotionally detached.

Then last night Sam and I are watching Survivor (a ritual of almost religious significance in our house) and during the reward challenge I just start to sob.  In my defense the survivors got to chat online with family from home and even the big tough men in the outback were crying….but I still felt just a little silly and I suspect Sam would agree with me.  How nice to be able to write episodes like this off to my raging pregnancy hormones.

This morning I am doing my yoga video, which ends with a really nice relaxation segment (the instructor has you close you eyes and place one hand on your belly and they other on your heart and think of your baby).  What do I do but start to feel overwhelmed with peace and happiness and wonder at the miracle of the child I am carrying inside me and before you know it (you guessed it) the tears start to flow again….during yoga!

I have not sent Sam on any midnight runs to the grocery store (never later than 10 PM) and my cravings have not gotten overly strange, other than an insatiable desire for citrus fruit.  I have tried to convince my dear husband that when I get desperate for chocolate or an ice cream sundae it is only because I am so in touch with my baby and he is communicating his needs to me.  There just has to be something in a chocolate ice cream sundae’s that is essential to fetal development, scientists just have not discovered it yet. I suspect Sam is not quite buying my explanation, but I’ll keep trying.

April 23^rd  (20 weeks)

Well, …baring future complications with the INS, our baby will be born a citizen of the great USA.  We made the trip to Nogales, Mexico yet again and after a few anxious moments Sam got his work visa, so we are here for another year at least.  After the birth we apply to the Canadian Consulate and the baby will have dual citizenship.  Sam is already excited about the fact that when our child turns 21 he or she can sponsor us for a green card – talk about thinking ahead!

We have told our friend Chrissy (a very patriotic individual) that she is in charge of American history lessons and other important things like teaching the child the words to the national anthem and the Pledge of Allegiance.  Sam and I can take care of making our baby a proud Canuck and we will rely on Chrissy and my grandmother (who was born an American) to teach our child what they need to know about being an American.  This could be fun - we will have an excuse to celebrate both Canadian AND American holidays.  Two Thanksgivings, Canada Day and 4th of July........I'll have to look into this and see how many holidays we will gain!

April 30  (21 weeks)

We had our midwife appointment last night – things are still going great.  Pam and Karen (one of her students) were looking pretty exhausted, it turns out they had been up since 3:30am attending Robin (the other student) at the birth of her seventh child.  All went well and both mother and yet to be named baby (11 lbs. +) were doing wonderfully.  Pam and Karen, on the other hand, were greatly in need of a few days sleep.  I am guessing that babies are not usually very considerate about making their appearance during daylight hours.

The appointment was fairly routine, the baby is still head down (stay right where you are, little one) and the heart rate was once again 152 beats per minute, I never tire of hearing that precious sound.  Pam measured my fundal height (distance from my pubic bone to the top of my uterus) for the first time and it was right on target - so it looks like our little peanut is growing perfectly.  It is so wonderful to have reached this point in the pregnancy and to have achieved a level of confidence in the baby and in myself.  I remember how nervous and anxious I was at all the earlier appointments worrying if the baby was alright.  Last night was the first appointment where I was completely anxiety free, feeling the baby's movements all the time has given me immeasurable peace of mind.

We bought a baby listener at Target over the weekend.  It is basically a little amplification devise connected to headphones that you can place against your belly to hear the baby move, kick, hiccup and to listen to the heartbeat.  We have located the heartbeat a few times but it is still faint (because the baby is so small) and we can’t isolate the sound for long.  Baby LeBlanc does not like this machine pressing against his little home  – after a few minutes of listening he starts kicking back against the probe and does not stop till we turn it off.  I guess the intrusion is resented!

Actually our baby is getting fairly responsive in general.  We play a little game where I tap or make circles on my abdomen and sure enough, Baby LeBlanc kicks right back.  I am also noticing increased movements when Sam talks, when there is a sudden noise, or when loud music is playing.  Strangely enough - no matter how loud our dogs bark or growl when they are playing, the baby does not react at all - obviously already accustomed to the sounds of the zoo we live in.   I am hopeful  that this is a good sign the baby will sleep through it all after birth as well, it is never quiet here for long.  It is really interesting to think that our baby, so tiny and helpless,  is already able to interact with the environment.  Oh little one, I can hardly wait to meet you!

MAY 2001 DIARY ENTRIES