Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder:

Did the Bombing Have To Happen?

This particular page deals specifically with post-traumatic stress disorder and my fervent belief that Tim suffered from this devastating illness after returning from the Gulf war and trying desperately to fit into his former life and pick up the fragmented pieces of his drive, ambition and peace of mind. None of these factors would be forthcoming for McVeigh: Rather, he wandered aimlessly from one dead-end job to another, had great difficulty developing satisfying interpersonal relationships and was plagued with severe episodes of depression and anxiety.

All of this came to a head on the day that he rushed over to his grandfather's home in the dead of winter, wearing only track pants, with no shirt, shoes or socks. Tim couldn't articulate how terrible he was feeling to his grandfather, so he just curled up and fell asleep after having powerful urges to kill himself.

Tim's grandfather never knew how emotionally fragile his grandson was, because, as was typical of Tim, he kept everything buried deep inside. Then there were those years on the gun curcuit, wandering all over the county in his old car and making superficial friends at the many gun shows he frequented. Most schizophrenics become fixated on something; with Tim it was possessing and hanging onto an arsenal of weapons. He suffered paranoid delusions that the government was trying to take his guns and his freedom away and then, with the tragic events at Waco in April of 1993, the disturbed young man was pushed right over the edge.

Tim wanted to receive treatment for his depression and war nightmares but thought that if he was hospitalized, he would be unable to land a good job. That was a very tragic mistake and I have to wonder why nobody in his family noticed how sick Tim was and forced him to get help. Slipping through the cracks of the mental health system, he totally self-destructed by bombing the Murrah building and subsequently lost his life.

Remember his only televised interview on 60 Minutes back in March of 2000? His affect was almost completely flat---he spoke in a monotonal voice and didn't seem to be fully aware of his surroundings. This is another symptom of PTSD---it's called blunted affect.

Tim's reactions to certain events and his completely inappropriate responses should have alerted professionals to the glaring fact that he just didn't and couldn't comprehend the seriousness of his situation and the enormity of his crime. While riding in a helocopter to the US Penitentiary in Florence, Colorado, Tim was laughing, joking and seemed to think he was on some exciting ride at Disney World. When he saw his cell at the prison, he remarked that he'd always wanted to live in a bunker and now he had his chance.

Tim didn't admit to his mistake, nor did he feel any remorse, because of that blunted affect and the reality that he felt he'd done nothing wrong---that it was the government's fault and not his that 168 people died that terrible morning in April of 1995.

So why was he convicted on all eleven counts of the crime and sentenced to death? Because of the incompetant actions and explanations from that one psychiatrist who saw him in 1996 and not again until days before his execution. They killed Tim because everyone wanted someone to hate, someone to blame and someone to pay the ultimate price for killing little kids. I fully and completely believe that Tim suffered from a similar illness as I do. "It takes one to know one" as the adage goes. I'm not going to rattle off my personal experiences, but suffice it to say that the major difference between my actions when psychotic and his was that I turned inward and waged war on myself, whereas Tim lashed out and hurt others.

Tim McVeigh should have been sentenced to a maximum security mental facility for an undetermined period of time, instead of being angrily tossed onto death row in 1997. He should have recieved anti-anxiety and anti-depression medication and been monitered very carefully. And most certainly, he should NOT have been put to death for being sick. I still find myself getting very, very upset when I think of the many glaring errors that put a shunt into a 33-year-old man's leg and then pumped him full of enough poisons to kill a large elephant. Tim really couldn't comprehend what was happening to him---he didn't fully realize he was going to die until he was actually in the death chamber, strapped to a gurney and surrounded by onlookers. Then it hit home.

Cate McCauley, one of the five people Tim asked to witness his execution, said she saw an actual tear forming in Tim's eye just before he died. She contests that it could have been the chemicals that caused the moisture, but I'm pretty certain that it was at that moment that it hit Tim that he was going to be put to sleep and would never wake up again.

Since I always did care about Tim and had written many times to him, I saw his impending execution as something akin to finding myself in the middle of a horror movie that turns out to be for real. I still cry for him. He was a worthwhile person who happened to be very sick and committed a terrible act, an act borne of extreme paranoia and delusional thinking. Tim told David Hammer on his last night on death row before going to the death house, "My death will be avenged. What I started won't die with me." He honestly believed that. Reality slips away from us when we least expect it. I wouldn't be surprised if Tim heard voices. But he would have thought that was a sign of weakness, so he kept it to himself.

I don't expect everyone reading this to agree with my assessment. I only came to this conclusion after much reading, many, many hours of surfing and by looking inward, to that dark section of my consciousness that often goes hopeelessly awry and has kept me from finishing a manuscript I began four years ago.

For Tim's sake, I am determined to get it done and sent off to my publisher. I owe him that much.

What Is Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder?

Some Facts About the Illness and Its Symtomology

Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is an anxiety disorder that can develop after exposure to a terrifying event or ordeal in which grave physical harm occurred or was threatened. Traumatic events that can trigger PTSD include violent personal assaults such as rape or mugging, natural or human-caused disasters, accidents, or military combat. PTSD can be extremely disabling. Military troops who served in the Vietnam and Gulf Wars; rescue workers involved in the aftermath of disasters like the terrorist attacks on New York City and Washington, D.C.; survivors of the Oklahoma City bombing; survivors of accidents, rape, physical and sexual abuse, and other crimes; immigrants fleeing violence in their countries; survivors of the 1994 California earthquake, the 1997 North and South Dakota floods, and hurricanes Hugo and Andrew; and people who witness traumatic events are among those at risk for developing PTSD. Families of victims can also develop the disorder.

Fortunately, through research supported by the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH) and the Department of Veterans Affairs (VA), effective treatments have been developed to help people with PTSD. Research is also helping scientists better understand the condition and how it affects the brain and the rest of the body.

What Are the Symptoms of PTSD?

Many people with PTSD repeatedly re-experience the ordeal in the form of flashback episodes, memories, nightmares, or frightening thoughts, especially when they are exposed to events or objects reminiscent of the trauma. Anniversaries of the event can also trigger symptoms. People with PTSD also experience emotional numbness and sleep disturbances, depression, anxiety, and irritability or outbursts of anger. Feelings of intense guilt are also common. Most people with PTSD try to avoid any reminders or thoughts of the ordeal. PTSD is diagnosed when symptoms last more than 1 month.

How Common Is PTSD?

About 3.6 percent of U.S. adults ages 18 to 54 (5.2 million people) have PTSD during the course of a given year. About 30 percent of the men and women who have spent time in war zones experience PTSD. One million war veterans developed PTSD after serving in Vietnam. PTSD has also been detected among veterans of the Persian Gulf War, with some estimates running as high as 8 percent.

When Does PTSD First Occur?

PTSD can develop at any age, including in childhood. Symptoms typically begin within 3 months of a traumatic event, although occasionally they do not begin until years later. Once PTSD occurs, the severity and duration of the illness varies. Some people recover within 6 months, while others suffer much longer.

What Treatments Are Available for PTSD?

Research has demonstrated the effectiveness of cognitive-behavioral therapy, group therapy, and exposure therapy, in which the patient gradually and repeatedly relives the frightening experience under controlled conditions to help him or her work through the trauma. Studies have also shown that medications help ease associated symptoms of depression and anxiety and help promote sleep. Scientists are attempting to determine which treatments work best for which type of trauma.

Some studies show that giving people an opportunity to talk about their experiences very soon after a catastrophic event may reduce some of the symptoms of PTSD. A study of 12,000 schoolchildren who lived through a hurricane in Hawaii found that those who got counseling early on were doing much better 2 years later than those who did not.

Do Other Illnesses Tend to Accompany PTSD?

Co-occurring depression, alcohol or other substance abuse, or another anxiety disorder are not uncommon. The likelihood of treatment success is increased when these other conditions are appropriately identified and treated as well.

Headaches, gastrointestinal complaints, immune system problems, dizziness, chest pain, or discomfort in other parts of the body are common. Often, doctors treat the symptoms without being aware that they stem from PTSD. NIMH encourages primary care providers to ask patients about experiences with violence, recent losses, and traumatic events, especially if symptoms keep recurring. When PTSD is diagnosed, referral to a mental health professional who has had experience treating people with the disorder is recommended.

Who Is Most Likely to Develop PTSD?

People who have suffered abuse as children or who have had other previous traumatic experiences are more likely to develop the disorder. Research is continuing to pinpoint other factors that may lead to PTSD. It used to be believed that people who tend to be emotionally numb after a trauma were showing a healthy response, but now some researchers suspect that people who experience this emotional distancing may be more prone to PTSD.

What Are Scientists Learning From Research?

NIMH and the VA sponsor a wide range of basic, clinical, and genetic studies of PTSD. In addition, NIMH has a special funding mechanism, called RAPID Grants, that allows researchers to immediately visit the scenes of disasters, such as plane crashes or floods and hurricanes, to study the acute effects of the event and the effectiveness of early intervention.

Studies in animals and humans have focused on pinpointing the specific brain areas and circuits involved in anxiety and fear, which are important for understanding anxiety disorders such as PTSD. Fear, an emotion that evolved to deal with danger, causes an automatic, rapid protective response in many systems of the body. It has been found that the body's fear response is coordinated by a small structure deep inside the brain, called the amygdala. The amygdala, although relatively small, is a very complicated structure, and recent research suggests that different anxiety disorders may be associated with abnormal activation of the amygdala.

The following are also recent research findings:

In brain imaging studies, researchers have found that the hippocampus—a part of the brain critical to memory and emotion—appears to be different in cases of PTSD. Scientists are investigating whether this is related to short-term memory problems. Changes in the hippocampus are thought to be responsible for intrusive memories and flashbacks that occur in people with this disorder. People with PTSD tend to have abnormal levels of key hormones involved in response to stress. Some studies have shown that cortisol levels are lower than normal and epinephrine and norepinephrine are higher than normal.

When people are in danger, they produce high levels of natural opiates, which can temporarily mask pain. Scientists have found that people with PTSD continue to produce those higher levels even after the danger has passed; this may lead to the blunted emotions associated with the condition. Research to understand the neurotransmitter systems involved in memories of emotionally charged events may lead to discovery of medications or psychosocial interventions that, if given early, could block the development of PTSD symptoms.

Research Brings Hope To Veterans & Millions Of Others Who Suffer From PTSD:

Sadly, Tim Never Got To Benefit From It

When people are in danger, they produce high levels of natural opiates, which can temporarily mask pain. Scientists have found that people with PTSD continue to produce those higher levels even after the danger has passed; this may lead to the blunted emotions associated with the condition.

Research to understand the neurotransmitter systems involved in memories of emotionally charged events may lead to discovery of medications or psychosocial interventions that, if given early, could block the development of PTSD symptoms.

I got this article from the National Institute Of Mental Health as well. The more research I do and the more I read, the more I am convinced that Tim McVeigh suffered from a particularly severe form of this illness. Had his condition been properly diagnosed, he could have, and probably would have, escaped his lethal meeting with the executioner. It's quite sad, actually.

Take special note of the phrase, "blunted emotions." Remember that was one of the symptoms glaringly obvious with Tim. As aforementioned, he spoke in monotones during his one televised interview and seemed to be emotionall divorced from the havoc and despair he unleashed that sunny morning in April of 1995. Please give this matter some careful thought and consideration.

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