Casa de la Muerte

There are brilliant movies out there in the world. Thought-provoking, insightful pieces of cinematic art that everyone should be forced to see. These movies are global treasures, and should be treated as such. Those movies will not be found here. This is where the bottom of the barrel, the crappiest of the crap are reviewed and made fun of to the fullest extent of my gradually sobering brain.

In other words:THESE ARE REVIEWS OF CRAPPY MOVIES. Some people seem to think it is an episode guide. Those people are barely literate and should be set on fire.

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You didn't think it would happen. But it did. Disco's back, and he brought a friend... two friends, actually. The adorable (or should I say... "adorkable?") Kelly Clarkson and the freakish (or should I say... "gay?") Justin Gauarasfsdfasjkdhfkubini. Scroll down to check it out.

Recent Reviews (most recent at the bottom!):

11/7/02: Howling 4: The Original Nightmare
What's worse than a bad horror movie? A sequel
to a bad horror movie.
By Danny Djeljosevic

11/8/02: The Brain that Wouldn't Die
Talking heads, Dan Akroyd, and Jane Curtin!
By Danny Djeljosevic

11/11/02: The Star Wars Holiday Special
If you didn't go blind after this movie, you're Superman.
By Danny Djeljosevic

11/15/02: EVE of Destruction
You'll never look at Gregory Hines
in the same way again. In fact, you'll
never want to look at him again.
By Danny Djeljosevic

Unknown Date: The Punisher
Sorry, I screwed up when I updated the page one time.
Dolph Lundren shoots up Japanese folk in a bad Marvel
comic book movie (at the time, such a phrase was redundant).
By Danny Djeljosevic

11/30/02: Uncle Sam
Holographic video boxes does
not an even remotely watchablemovie make.
By Danny Djeljosevic

12/21/02: Satan's School for Girls
Fuck you, Aaron Spelling.
By Danny Djeljosevic

1/22/03: Ice Cream Man
Clint Howard plays a creepy
degenerate. I know, it's a stretch.
By Danny Djeljosevic

2/21/03: Phantom Soldiers
I was ripped off in two ways: getting
a completely different movie than I
expected and paying a dollar for this
train wreck.
By Danny Djeljosevic

3/22/03: Justice League of America
If there's one thing worse than "After-M*A*S*H,"
I think I've found it.
By Danny Djeljosevic

6/29/03: Bloodfight
I know what you're thinking. "Any martial arts film
you can find at a Big Lots can't possibly be any good."
And you're right.
By Danny Djeljosevic

7/30/03: Bliss
Terence Stamp plays a sex therapist cum auto mechanic
cum violin player. Yes, there's a hilarious pun in that sentence.
By Danny Djeljosevic

1/9/04: Spoooky Halloween Extravaganza
I watched a bunch of movies on Halloween. Now I'm
here to complain about them. Too bad it's incredibly late.
By Danny Djeljosevic

6/18/04: From Justin to Kelly
No, I haven't gone mainstream. It's just that this movie was so
bad it took me out of unintentional retirement. YOU SHOULD BE HAPPY!



Most reviews are written by Danny Djeljosevic.

Questions? Comments? Reccomendations? Email, dammit. Especially if you have reccomendations..





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