Beer, loneliness, and the realization that you've seen every episode of the Simpsons and Friends coupled with the fact that you spend entirely too much time indoors can make you do weird shit. So in the next few days, you're going to see these pages filled up with some of the most nonsensical ramblings of the NES games I like. And this page will eventually look better than black text on a white background. And look! Hooray!...evil Ad Square? is gone!
Arthur: O fairest maiden, hast thou heard of Kid-Niki's NES page?
Princess: I beseech thee to visit it at once! My dearest Arthur, why art thou naked in the graveyard?
Arthur: Thou saidst we shall fucketh until there is nary a spirit in thine pussy!
"Hotstuff" Eddie Gilbert: Not only will you be humiliated tonight at the hands of "Hotstuff", "Dr. Death", but after I pin you to the mat tonight, 1...2...3, I will also subject you to Kid-Niki's Serious Fun NES Page! So stuff that in your pipe and smoke it!
"Dr. Death" Steve Williams: Bring it on, bitch! I've wrestled in Japan, Mexico, Singapore, Iran, the Soviet Union, the European Union, Western Union, and in Best Westerns around the country and time and time again I've proven there's nobody better than "Dr. Death"!
"Hotstuff" Eddie Gilbert: Um, hey, does it seem as stupid to you that kicking each other in the shins is the focal point of all our matches here in WCW as it does to me?
12-12-02 Yep...instead of working on my Japanese Film final, which is now due in less than 24 hours, I'm writing this. Please keep randomly checking back.
I'm bored. Here's the end of Pac-Mania and my final score. Just another example of why I kick ass.
When asked about Ace Ebb, the members of Nitzer Ebb said, "Who? Never heard of him. Sounds like a real wanker though." And the blond guy ignored me entirely. Asshole. Ok, back to NES shit.
I don't know why, but I think this pic is "humorous." And it
appears in both the American and "Japanese" versions of Legend of
Zelda. So it appears that it's not just 2-bit comanies that
"employ" quirky translators. It happens to "the" Big N as
February 18, 2000 is officialy NES Porn Day. I was thinking it was finally going to be Kid-Niki gets a date day but apparently, nobody wanted to push their luck being associated with that particular day. So as a substitute, here's some other stuff I had nothing better to do than put together. We got all kindsa porn here from your straight up girlie shots...
...to your S&M pics...
It's now irrelavant, but it's still funny. I bet Double Dealing Debbie wouldn't pull half the shit that real girls do to guys who take an interest in the NES. Wait, no, not to "guys", just to me. Just a thought, but I'm sure the pixelated me would be just as much "liked as a friend" as the real me. Goddamn my hands are tired.
Oh, uh, for more serious fun NES porn, click here
I'm so "l33t" that I picked question 666 in Bible Buffet. That cursor got me high the first time I played. Do you think the people at Wisdom Tree/Color Dreams/etc. give up making shitty video games for Lent?
I like when programmers tell you that you got a nice 1-up. You just don't find this sort of courtesy outside of NES games.
Ok, so one night, I skipped class and wrote this program. It takes the work out of getting passwords in Mega Man 3 (read, if you're too lazy to play the game from start to finish, here's something you'd like. Damn slacker). I put the instructions right on the form, but if it's still too complex, just delete it and play the game because we all know that EVERYONE playing using the A6-Red password and that's the only one you REALLY need.
Click on Shadow Man to download this nifty little password generator. You'll also need some VB 5 DLL files...don't ask me where to find them. All I know is that they're on my HD somewhere.
And now...some other shit:
Wrestling. Video games. Wrestling and video games. Wrestling video games. For your viewing pleasure, and your back-button-pressing shortly thereafter pleasure, part 1 of 5 of a special look at two completely unrelated things that come together in a union so perfect.
Did you ever wonder what would happen if you mixed Pacman and Jesus? No, Bible Adventures wouldn't suddenly become playable, but, in fact, Devil World results!
"Oh no! HYD! They found out we LIDE! This game really does suck!" --a member of the FCI public relations dept. who begged me not to be identified.
Watch a live video feed of me ripping open a Clash At Demonhead cart, writing "FUCK YOU!" on the chip, closing it up, then donating it to the Salvation Army. Or, just look at the pictures and humorous remarks I made about the game.