|Post-op Thoughts and Feelings part 2|
|12-29-02 Today I have been in a funk and not pleased with my progress...or myself. I have been trying very hard to do the things I should and I just can't seem to, even when I put a great amount of effort. Take for instance, the water and the vitamins....every morining I wake up thinking I will be able to do it today and every day I seem to fail. I have now bought serveral different types of vitamins and they are all to f'ing big and the chewable taste like crap and smell like skunk when I burp. I have been meaning to go to GNC and get these ones and friend recommended and do you think I have made it back there since the last fiasco there...NO!!! (I am not going to get into the other vitamins I bought there). I am just feeling like crap today (emotionally). I am not pleased with my progress and I think that has to do with my failure to comply and comparing myself to others. I don't mean to complain...but hell it's my website and I CAN!! Maybe tomorrow will be a better day. Till then.
1-3-03 Ok, I am not grumpy anymore! Happy New Year!! I have been trying my best to think positively. I have been pretty good about getting my vitamins in...it's been 4 days straight...Yeah for me! I have also been going to the gym all this week, with the exception of New Year's Day...they were closed, damn them LOL! But I did take a little walk that evening. So I am feeling pretty good all around. I have been stuck at the same weight for almost a week, but I am ok with that, I know I have not been the greatest at getting my water in and that is part of it. I am so excited that I can honestly see the difference in my body. Since I have not been Morbidly Obese (MO) my whole life, soI think it is easier for me to see it than those who have been MO all their lives. When I look in the mirror right now, I think "who the hell is that fat chick", when I think of myself I see myself the way I was in my early 20's (ok so that wasn't THAT long ago...but lots of pounds ago)...just obese (which is 20-30 lbs over your ideal weight...that's right...20-30 is OBESE). I know I will never look exactly like that again, but I want to be something close! I just wanted to update you on my emotional state. I have received a few emails with your concerns for me and I wanted to let you all know that I am doing much better and thanks for all the support...and kicks in the butt (Audra) LOL! Til next time.
1-06-03 Well as of today, I have officially lost 40 pounds...Yeah for me! I have been feeling sick to my stomach for the last couple days. I think it may be some type of tummy bug...Maddie hasn't been feeling good either. Between the 2 of us we haven't had much to eat. Hopefully this will go away soon. Even water makes me feel sick to my stomach. I was excited when I got on the scale though, and it said 249 pounds. I think I will cry when it is under 200. Anyway, I just wanted to do a quick up date and toot my horn on my success. Til next time.
1-7-03 Ok I am totally convinced that I have the stomach flu...and this sucks! I can't stand feeling like this...it is worse than morning sickness...well, maybe about the same but at least you are getting something in the end. LOL. And NO I am not PG!! I would be pretty upset if I was. Maddie is doing a little better, she is still not eating much though. I think she may not be eating because she has a cold and a cough. Who knows. I just thought I would share my misery!! Pity party for me...and my tummy!! Til next time.
1-10-03 Well I am glad to say that I am doing a bit better. I am able to eat a little bit of food without getting too nauseated. I am also doing better with my liquid intake. Madeline is doing a bit better too. We finally went to the Dr. yesterday and they made sure her lungs were clear and said to give her decongestant and gave us some 12 hour cough suppresant. And for those of you who have heard about our medicine taking fiasco, I must say this is a new and improved child...she takes it like a perfect angel...no more of the three people holding her down days...YEAH!! So, things are looking better for us. I can't wait to be able to really eat again. Til next time.
1-18-03 Whoa, it's been over a week since my last update. We are all doing fine. I am eating a little bit more, but my stomach is still smaller than it was prior to getting sick. I had some eggs this morning...and they still make me nauseated...I'll try them again in a few more months. I can't believe that I have almost lost 50 pounds!!! in 9 weeks!! I hope that I can continue to have this same type of success for at least the next 6 months...Hell, maybe I will even meet 150 pounds...yeah, we'll see LOL. By the way I bought my first pair of post-op pants last week and they were a XL and NOT a 3x...Yeah for me!!! Til next time.
1-23-03 OMG!!! I can't believe that I have lost 50 lbs in about 10 weeks!! I am feeling so much better physically, things that were once strenuous and difficult are becoming easier all the time. I have not been the model patient for post-op, but I am trying. The protein shakes are now making me sick, taking my vitamins and medication hasn't been the best. I am trying, but I guess not hard enough. I have a follow up appt with my surgeon on Feb 3rd, so well see what kind of trouble I will be in. We are off to the snow for the weekend and I will get back to you all when I get back. Til then.
1-28-03 Well, we're back from Reno and we had a blast, especially in the snow. It was the first time for Madeline and I. Eating was really hard out there, without a fridge in the room. We went to the all you can eat buffets and boy did that suck for me. Right now food is my enemy! I hate it and I don't even want to eat, but I know that I need to. It's hard to eat when you feel sick to your stomach and even looking at food makes you queasy. I am not saying that I don't ever eat, I just don't usually like to. All though guacomole goes down good!! Some days are easier than others...hopefully today will be a good eating day!! Update you soon. Til then.
2-4-03 Well, things are going good for me since the last entry, I still don't really care for eating...but that will change in time...I hope. I saw my surgeon yesterday and he was VERY proud of me, even said I was a babe!! I totally blushed, it's been awhile since a guy has said that to me (besides Micah). He was very proud of my 53 pounds... and so am I. I gave him a HUGE hug and thanked him for giving me my life back. In about a week or so I will have new after pictures up...hopefully you will be able to see the difference, if not, just know I can FEEL it!! A few weeks ago at the gym, one of the trainers and I were taking weights off a press and they were 45 lbs each...I said "WOW, I have lost this much weight!" he said"Go ahead and carry it up and down the stairs a few times" I replied "No way!! I just lost it, I am not carrying it around again!" and we both laughed. It is amazing how much better I feel. My self-esteem is actually getting better, I am even wearing make-up quite a few days a week!!! This is the best thing that I could have done! Thanks mom!!! I will update you again later...Til then.
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