Football jokes.
Here's a collection of my favorite football jokes. Enjoy! And if you're sad enough to be a baseball fan, don't worry!
Just change the names / colours and you're in business.
I make no apologies for directing most of these jokes at West Bromwich Albion FC. As they say, what goes around comes around!
What have the albion and Butlins got in common?
Both their seasons end in October.
A guy finds a lamp on the beach and so he rubbed it. A genie came out and told the guy that he will grant him one wish. Well the guy was caught off guard and said, "I have always wanted to go to Hawaii, but I am afraid to fly. Can you build me a bridge to Hawaii?"
Well the genie thouhgt about it and sid, "Do you know how much is involved in building such a bridge? I would have to sink pilings down miles into the ocean. It would take millions of yards of concrete. The labor would be incredible. Can you think of something else?"
By this time the guy has had time to think, and says, "Okay, can you make Albion stay up next season?"
The genie looked at him and said, "Do you want that bridge two lanes or four?"
We all know that the albion will only be up for 3 seasons...
That's autumn, winter, and spring.....
WEST BROM CLUB SHOP END OF SEASON SALE
Starts Wednesday May 1st 2003
ALBION TABLE CLOTHS
Suitable for any occasion, but tend to slip down the table towards the end.
£10.99 Each
ALBION VIDEOS
All the highlights from the last 20 years action.
This 10 minute video including lots of re-runs is a perfect gift for any fan.
Please state whether VHS or Betamax required
£5.99 Each
ALBION BRA
One for the ladies.
This bra, in team colours, comes with little support and no cups.
£24.99 Each
KEEPERS GLOVES
A must for all fans at the back of the stand or near the corner flags to catch any shots our lads may have at goal.
£8.99 Pair
LEAGUE DIRECTORY 2003-2004
An item for the more discerning fans.
This quality publication gives directions to Reading, Gillingham, Grimsby etc.
A snip at just £25.00
ALBION LIPSTICK
Ideal for kissing goodbye to the Premiership (as worn by our players)
£00.99
BARGAIN BASEMENT
Our annual clearance sale of players (some shop soiled , ex-display etc.)
Most come free to good homes. Some make ideal garden gnomes and door stops.
ALBION JOKE BOOK
A must for all real fans. This 900 page book is full of the best jokes ever told about our club.
What is the difference between a hedgehog and The Hawthorns?
A hedgehog has all its ***s on the outside!
On my way home the other day there was a very large tailback stretching about two miles.
I asked a policeman what was going on and he said an Albion fan was contemplating suicide. His family and friends hated him and he was going to cover himself in petrol and set it alight. The policeman said he was making a collection.
"How much have you got?" I asked,
"About 300 litres!!!"
Did you hear about the Albion fan who got a job on a building site? Before he could start, he had to pass an intelligence test, so he was given 10 minutes to come up with a sentence that contained the word fascinate. At first he looks perplexed, but eventually he stands up and says 'I've got it!! This coat of mine has got 10 buttons, but I can only fasten eight!!'
This Albion fan was at Wolverhampton university, and a professor stopped him because he was, understandingly, looking lost. 'What do you teach?' asked the Baggie. 'I teach logical thinking', said the professor. Looking a bit confused, the Baggie asked him what he meant. 'I'll explain. Do you have a garden shed?' asked the professor. 'Yes', came the reply. 'So thinking logically, if you have a garden shed, you probably have a garden and a house'. 'Yes' said the Baggie. And if you've got a house, the chances are you have a mortgage, and live in your house with your wife'. 'Yes', he said again. And if you have a wife, you probably enjoy a normal sex-life, and don't masturbate anymore'. That's right', said the Albion fan. 'That is the way the logical thinking process works', says the professor, and walks off.
The Albion fan is really impressed with this, and heads straight to The Woodman to share his new found skills with his mates. He stops his mate in the pub and says, 'Dave, have you got a garden shed?' Dave replies, 'No, I haven't, why?' The Albion fan rolls his eyes and shouts 'You Wa*ker!!'
What do you call an albion fan in a 3 bedroom semi.
A burglar.....
A man goes to the doctors with an unusual complaint. "Doc, my IQ is too high I look down on people and it causes problems", The doctor looks at him and asks "Well just how high is it". The man sighs and replies "It's 225", The doctor raises his eyebrows and says "Thats impossible". The man says "Well test me then". So the doctor links him up to a machine and lo and behold the mans IQ is 225. "well" says the doctor "I can lower your IQ but if it goes wrong I can't raise it again". The man says this is okay and asks the doctor to procede. The doctor sets him up and starts the machine and watches the mans IQ go down 220.....215...210. Suddenly the phone rings and the doctor rushes to answer it "hello dear what do you want for tea", the doctor unleashes a verbal tirade on his wife for phoning him about such trivial matters at the office and goes back to the patient. To his horror his IQ is at 10 and has dropped to 1 by the time he can switch it off. "Mate wake up can you hear me speak please", Suddenly the man wakes up and throws his arms in the air and shouts "Boing Boing" ( Albion supporter's chant).
A bloke visits his mate,whose dog has just given birth to pups."Who do these support then?", he asks."The Albion", his mate replies.A few weeks later he again visits his mate."Who do they support now?", he asks."The Wolves", his mate answers,"They've opened their eyes now."
Stop Press. A robbery occured at West Bwomwich Albion FC during the early hours of the morning. When asked if any cups were stolen the Albion chairman replied,"Erm...no. The thieves didn't go in the kitchen".
Ok, ok. That's enough fun at West Brom's expense. They're in a bad way as it is!
A burglary was recently committed at West Ham's ground and the entire contents of the trophy room were stolen. The police are looking for a man with a claret & blue carpet.
The seven dwarves are down in the mines when there is a cave-in. Snow White runs to the entrance and yells down to them. In the distance a voice shouts out "Charlton are good enough to win the European Cup." Snow White says "Well at least Dopey's alive!"
Q: What's the difference between Alex Ferguson and God?
A: God doesn't think he's Alex Ferguson.
Q: What's the difference between Rangers and a three pin plug?
A: Their both absolutely useless in Europe.
Q: What do Haemhorroids and Manchester United fans have in common?
A: They're both a complete pain in the arse and never seem to go away completely.
David Beckham is celebrating;
"43 days, 43 days!" he shouts happily. Posh asks him why he's celebrating.
He answers "Well Honey, I've done this jigsaw in only 43 days."
"And that's good?" asks Posh.
"You bet Hon" says David."It says 3 to 6 years on the box."
Q: How many Liverpool fans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Yeah, as if they have electricity in Liverpool...
Q: How many Manchester City soccer fans does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None - they're quite happy living in the shadows.
Q: How many Evertonians does it take to change a light bulb?
A: As many as you like, but they'll never see the light.
Q: What's the difference between an Everton fan and a supermarket trolley?
A: The trolley has a mind of it's own.
Q: You're trapped in a room with a Lion, Cobra snake and an Arsenal Fan. You have a gun with two bullets. What should you do?
A: Shoot the Arsenal Fan. Twice.
