General Spadershanks will now read 'Twas the Night Before Christmas in his own inimitable style

(and with apologies to Maj. Henry Livingston Jr.)

'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the Gutter
Not a clone was a'stirring, not even a flutter;
Fishnet stockings were hung up to catch a quick breeze,
To dry out after the latest pool party at Gee's;

The Gutter Crew were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of naked clones danced in their heads;
And Nepi in her best skin, and me in my tattoos,
Had just settled down for a long winter's . . . snooze *winks*

When out in the Gutter there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the window I flew like a flash [and how!! *Nepi grins approvingly*],
Tore open the shutters and threw up the sash.

The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow
Gave the lustre of mid-day to objects below,
And something not seen in a score of Decembers,
A miniature StarGate, and some SGC members,

With a portly senior officer, I closely examined,
Who could it be but our own General Hammond!
More rapid than eagles his people they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name;

"Now, O'NEILL! now, CARTER! now, TEAL'C and JACKSON!
On, FRASIER! on SIMMONS! on, some un-named airman!
Onto the porch! And over the wall!
Now dash away! dash away! dash away all!"

With discussion of protocol and scientific review,
And translation of symbols to get around to,
So up to the Guest house, they moved out of view,
With a Fred full of toys, and General Hammond too.  

And then, in a twinkling, my hearing acute,
The prancing and pawing of each giant boot.
As I jumped from the window, and was turning around,
In through the door Hammond came with a bound.

He was dressed all in blue, from his head to his foot,
With his uniform pressed neat and tidy to boot;
A bundle of gifts he had flung on his back,
And he looked like a merchant opening his pack.

His eyes -- how they twinkled! his dimples how merry!
"Your crew's been so good - there's too much to carry!"
His droll little mouth was drawn up like a bow,
And the gleam off his head was as bright as the snow;

"I've got goodies and fun stuff and playthings galore,
Coming here to the Gutter is hardly a chore";
He had a smile on his face and a little round belly,
That shook, as he laughed, like a bowlful of jelly.

He was chubby and plump, a jolly old coot,
Even if he laughed when he saw me in my birthday suit;
A wink of his eye that was long overdue,
For sure let me know we were cool with his crew;

He gave me a nod and laid out the gifts,
The rest of SG-1 were working in shifts,
To hand over the booty the Gutter crew had earned,
For all of the fanfic they had worked on and learned;

Hammond gave me a grin and to his team gave the order,
And they returned to the Stargate with minimum disorder.
But I heard them exclaim, as they winked out of sight,
"MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL, AND TO ALL A GOOD-NIGHT!"

Let's head back to the Christmas Party!